Invited to a BBQ as a first date.. Should I go?

  • yvrtwink

    Posts: 35

    Apr 14, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
    I saw this guy working at the Auto Show a couple weeks ago and thought he was really cute, but didn't have a chance to talk to him. A couple of days later, I happened to come across his profile on a dating site, so I messaged him.

    He replied, and we've talked quite a bit ever since, and seem to get along really well, have the same interests etc. We haven't actually met up yet or spoken on the phone, but he said he's having a bunch of friends over to his place for a BBQ on Saturday and invited me to come.

    I accepted, but I feel like I'll be really nervous and awkward going there... I have to impress him AND his friends. I asked him if we could go for coffee first and he said he works late all week so it probably wouldn't make sense. He said not to worry, he is a good judge of character and knows it'll be fine.

    What do you think? Is this a bad idea for a 'first date'?
  • swedeinusa

    Posts: 285

    Apr 14, 2011 9:34 PM GMT
    I don't see how it could be bad! It sounds like a good plan icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 14, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    BBQ = go no questions asked...

    nothing is better than free food. Free GOOD food.
  • yvrtwink

    Posts: 35

    Apr 14, 2011 10:21 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidBBQ = go no questions asked...

    nothing is better than free food. Free GOOD food.


    Lol, yes, free food is a bonus. icon_lol.gif I'm just shy so it'll be difficult to be relaxed.
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    Apr 14, 2011 11:20 PM GMT
    Don't consider it or think about it as a date. It's just a group activity with someone you don't know. That should take some of the worry away. icon_wink.gif

    Be real casual about it, go and have some fun. Like you would at a party where a cousin you just met invited you.

    -Doug


    Just the two of you going out casually for a coffee is what I'd call a date.


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    Apr 14, 2011 11:23 PM GMT

    yourname2000 said, "Knock 'em dead. (Of course if you do end up farting by the bbq, that will be a certainty.)"


    I howled reading that! Now let's get Bill to read it.

    Wait....


    Bill's ROFLing!

    -Doug
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    Apr 14, 2011 11:41 PM GMT
    It's not really a date. He'll be busy playing host or he'll be focused on getting to know you.
    BBQ isn't really good food for a first date. I imagine ribs, corn on the cob, maybe roasted chicken. You'll end up eating it with your fingers and getting messy, so bad food for a first date.

    If you like the guy, go have fun, see how he is around his friends AND make plans for a real first date. If you don't like the plans decline the invitation graciously, BUT make plans for a real date.
  • zenny

    Posts: 229

    Apr 18, 2011 6:14 AM GMT
    take a few shots before. not to get drunk, just to feel relaxed.
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    Apr 18, 2011 6:15 AM GMT
    Best advice: Bring a friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 6:19 AM GMT
    Always go, you'll regret not going. It could work out really well, and even if not, you'll have a great new friend or just a funny story to tell icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 18, 2011 6:27 AM GMT
    rockinb saidBest advice: Bring a friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 6:46 AM GMT
    Go and have a great time. This is a great opportunity for you to show him how well you can mix with his friends. Good luck!
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    Apr 18, 2011 6:47 AM GMT
    Hey...GO TO THE BBQ.. Start out on the right foot by being honest... text him your nervous about going. Maybe go 1/2 hour early and talk 1 on 1 with him. Best of luck icon_biggrin.gif
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Apr 18, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    rockinb saidBest advice: Bring a friend.



    Um Worst advice! Don't take a friend b/c then you'll be talking to your friend only and his friends will think you and your friend are stuck up little bitches. Just go you know you want to stop being scared it'll be fine he likes you so just go for it!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 7:09 AM GMT
    Dude, that is a GREAT way to hang out and get to know someone. Go for it and have fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 7:53 AM GMT
    So how did it go? icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 18, 2011 8:07 AM GMT
    cold saidI wouldn't go. I don't think that's very considerate of him to expect your first date to be at his house surrounded by his friends...
    Are you sure it's a date and he doesn't just want you as a friend?

    My thoughts exactly.
    Are you sure it's a "date" or just a social gathering?
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    Apr 18, 2011 8:18 AM GMT
    My advice is not to go, since it can be awkward, you don't know him or any of his gang. This is uncharted territory and you can't know what might happen. Anyway, best thing to do is to go 1on1 before this bbq.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Apr 18, 2011 8:33 AM GMT
    Just do what you feel would be comfortable for you.
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    Apr 18, 2011 9:33 AM GMT
    rockinb saidBest advice: Bring a friend.


    ^
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    Apr 18, 2011 10:37 AM GMT
    This is a tactic i would normally use if i liked someone. Invite them to a group setting of my friends see if you interact well with my groups of people and then you can even see how he interacts with his friends. Just because it may not officially be a date doesnt mean he isnt interested

    Be yourself, try to break out of you shell, am sure you will do fine!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 10:50 AM GMT
    Wash the sand out of your vagina and go ferchrissakes
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    Apr 18, 2011 11:13 AM GMT
    Yvrtwink saidWhat do you think? Is this a bad idea for a 'first date'?


    Don't think of it as a "first date". It's not. It's a group event, to which he's invited you to share in. It's not a date, so fret no more.

    When you two are one-on-one, then it's a date ;-)
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    Apr 18, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    Think of it this way...

    This is a chance for you to get to know him more than vice versa... reason being is the type of people he socialises with, will give you a great indicator of who he is...

    He'll be so busy playing host that he'll have limited time with you and will largely have to rely on his mates to find out about you... and like most people, he already knows that his mates will have their own biases...

    You just have to go along and chat to some strangers and be polite...

    Let's face it, if he likes you, and he apparently does enough to invite you to an event with his mates, which is pretty cool, then unless you do something pretty dreadful, it really won't matter... he'll want a one-on-one date to find out!

    The big question is... why wouldn't you go?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 12:11 PM GMT
    As a first date, it seems awkward to me, too. It's His Turf, so to speak. You'll be with His Friends. You mentioned the fact that you're a little shy, etc.

    I agree with the suggestion that you let him know you're a little uncomfortable with the idea, and ask if you can get together -- coffee, walk, whatever -- before you go to the BBQ.

    Reason: you haven't even met. You have no idea what kind of personality he really has. Emails and txt msgs are only so effective. If it goes well, great. If not, then what? Hopefully, you'll be driving yourself.

    The fact that he's seems set on doing "his" thing rather than doing something on neutral turf, to me, is a red flag.