How's your Bi-dar?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    So I've known many Bi-men in my time but I usually meet them in a place where I know what their looking for. I use to assume that the minute a guy mentions a girlfriend or wife he is completely straight but Yesterday I was talking to a guy at the beach while watching the surf and debating weather to give it a go. We started talking about the waves, he told me he just returned form Costa Rica etc....He is a surfer around my age. I told him about how I got into the sport via whitewater kayaking and surfyaking. Turns out his, he tells me, his daughter is dating one of the whitewater kayaking instructors who gave me a lesson when I was first learning. In the coarse of the conversation he mentions something about a girlfriend so I know he is no longer married.

    Then he asks me how old I am. I tell him and he says, "I'm 50. I can still keep up with these punks. I wake up every morning with wood." When he said that I started having a different feel from the guy. I mentioned something about how doing a lot of sports like this keeps your testosterone level high. (I just had mine tested.) When it came time to leave he asked me my name and offered his hand. He then squeezed my hand almost to the point of crushing my bones. It felt like a let's see who's dick is bigger contest.

    From there I went to another part of the beach and had a long talk with a short and very hot guy who was learning to surf. I couldn't help thinking how sweet it would be cuddle with this mini man in bed. He asked for my number.

    My bi-dar says the first guy is bi. I get that when guys get macho on me. Highly sexual guys are often bi, and this guy wanted me to know how sexual he is. The second guy never mentioned a wife or girlfriend but unfortunately he can't be gay because if he were he wouldn't ask for my number. Now I know you think that is strange but hear me out. He wanted my number because he wanted someone to surf with. He is hot and 30 years old. So first, how many seriously hot young gay men give their number out to a guy my age? (I know it happens but not that often.) Second he just moved here and feels like he's reached paradise. I live in a beautiful place but anyone gay would be wondering where all the action is. Most young gay men call a city fun when it has lots of places to go out. There is a vibrant night life here but only three of the many bars are gay. I've also found that when guys are real handsome and real friendly they are almost always straight.

    So what would you be thinking after you had met these two guys. Would you think they were both straight and just wish the second one might have a curious side?
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    Apr 15, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    I have an excellent bi-dar, but tend to shy away from them.
    The larger part of them tend to keep their girlfriends to "appear" straight, and only do dudes on the DL.
    That's pretty low down and dirty IMO.
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    Apr 15, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    Guess I'm selfish. Unless a guy being gay/bi benefits me sexually, I usually don't really care what they are. It just leads to blue balls otherwise.
  • eddieross69

    Posts: 841

    Apr 15, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    I've never met a bi-dude. No need really, Los Angeles is full of gay men.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 15, 2011 9:00 AM GMT
    actually, the first one seems like a really nice guy who was having a conversation with you. i think you probably read way too much into it. the second guy is someone you fantasized about. i do not understand your questioning on that one. anyhow, i do not even have a gaydar so i wouldn't not know.
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Apr 15, 2011 9:53 AM GMT
    Oh Gawd...haha, true Bisexuality is rare according to experts in the field of human sexuality so I would say that chances are the so called curious are probably Gay men that are in the closet or just haven't been comfortable coming out for whatever reason.
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    Apr 15, 2011 10:35 AM GMT
    I think most "straight" guys are some shade of gay. Even jerking off is kind of gay, since it's your hand and your cock - gay, gay, gay.

    You don't lose anything for trying and it sure sounds like you aren't locked away trying to figure out how to meet people, so props to you for that. I hope I surf at 50.

    Or just looking good in a bathing suit at 50 works, too.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 15, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    I prefer unicycles to bicycles...icon_wink.gif
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Apr 15, 2011 3:17 PM GMT
    There was a time when, if a guy told you he was Bi; it -really- meant: "Hey, I'm queer-as-a-duck." I can vouch for the accepted idea that Bi really means Gay, in the vast-majority of instances (perhaps 95%of the time).

    There are also those who contend that ALL persons are Bi; I, personally, do not believe it.
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    Apr 15, 2011 3:27 PM GMT
    Thanks God I don't have one, once a guy tells me that I go in the other direction, and that has happened to me. I asked...errr "I don't think so. I don't compete with men let alone women...are you SERIOUS!
  • AFGGuy

    Posts: 32

    Apr 15, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    I have no bi-dar or gay-dar. Sooo can't really give good advice. But I would pursue each as a new friend and elevate the relationship throughout a time period. Safe, easy, and a guaranteed good time.

    Bi's are the same as anyone else. So much generalizing. icon_confused.gif

    @Malefeet - Hhahahaah, I'll have to use that quote, but in reverse. Thanks bro.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Apr 15, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    coastguy90814 saidOh Gawd...haha, true Bisexuality is rare according to experts in the field of human sexuality so I would say that chances are the so called curious are probably Gay men that are in the closet or just haven't been comfortable coming out for whatever reason.


    Really? I've read that bisexuality is a lot more common than people realize
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    Apr 15, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    coastguy90814 saidOh Gawd...haha, true Bisexuality is rare according to experts in the field of human sexuality so I would say that chances are the so called curious are probably Gay men that are in the closet or just haven't been comfortable coming out for whatever reason.



    According to "experts," homosexuality is a disease that can be cured. Others say it's just that these men were brought up playing with Barbie dolls. These are just as ridiculous as the "experts" you're citing.

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    Apr 15, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    I'm bi i''ve gone out with girls and guys .... and I love them both as much icon_biggrin.gif been in a relationship with a guy now for a year and half and I like him a lot. Also been in relationships with women who I did like a lot at the time. I still do find women attractive. So it does exist !!! the "he's bi now gay later speech" pisses me off...
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    Apr 15, 2011 5:58 PM GMT

    Its about liking both sexes and being able to have sexual fun with both , not being in the closet ,but who you love is a different matter .
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    Apr 15, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    Every time someone mentions bi someone has to pipe out that they don't exist. Try opening your mind just a little bit and hear me out. A bi man is not a closeted married gay man or a gay man that says he is bi because he can't face up to being gay. I've known plenty of examples of bi-men that are neither of the aforementioned. There is a category of men who may even prefer sex with women but since it is easier to get it from men will swing that way on occasion. Some call themselves heteroflexible. You find this behavior a lot in swinger communities. Likewise there are men who are very open minded sexually and while they may spend most of their life only having sex with women, one day they become curious about guys. The fact that they discover they can enjoy sex with guys doesn't make them suddenly lose desire for women. If these types of men are rare then I must know them all.

    I've known men who are openly gay who out of the blue have relationship with a woman. One of them lived with a woman for 2 years after living with a guy for 3. I had sex with him after he ended it with the woman. Another had a purely sexual three week affair. He was living in a gay condo in Wilton Manor. I've asked some of these guys if they are really gay and they admit that they are bi but since everyone tells them they can't be they just tell other gay men they are gay. There are several other varieties of bi men but even if I listed them all the biphobic here would not believe they exist. I suppose since I am bi-friendly bi men open up to me more easily and tell it like it is. I've also dated two bi-men, neither of which was in the closet or in a relationship with a woman. They were still bi however.

    All this expert crap comes down to one shady study done out of Northwestern and the NY times ran with it "Gay Straight or Lying" was the title. I read that article and found it very suspect. It was merely measuring erotic reaction to watching porn. I immediately thought about my own attraction to different races. When it comes to porn the type of men I like to see is far more limited. Race, body type and several other characteristics play a role when I chose porno but do not when I chose a mate. Moreover most of the time I get no reaction from watching porn. But with porn I don't have any feel for the essence of a person. It is a certain essence I look for that turns me on the most and overpowers any other preference I may have. I have found that essence in variety of men of different races and body types.

    It amazes me however so many people feel they know what other people feel sexually.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 15, 2011 10:43 PM GMT
    friendormate saidEvery time someone mentions bi someone has to pipe out that they don't exist. Try opening your mind just a little bit and hear me out. A bi man is not a closeted married gay man or a gay man that says he is bi because he can't face up to being gay. I've known plenty of examples of bi-men that are neither of the aforementioned. There is a category of men who may even prefer sex with women but since it is easier to get it from men will swing that way on occasion. Some call themselves heteroflexible. You find this behavior a lot in swinger communities. Likewise there are men who are very open minded sexually and while they may spend most of their life only having sex with women, one day they become curious about guys. The fact that they discover they can enjoy sex with guys doesn't make them suddenly lose desire for women. If these types of men are rare then I must know them all.

    I've known men who are openly gay who out of the blue have relationship with a woman. One of them lived with a woman for 2 years after living with a guy for 3. I had sex with him after he ended it with the woman. Another had a purely sexual three week affair. He was living in a gay condo in Wilton Manor. I've asked some of these guys if they are really gay and they admit that they are bi but since everyone tells them they can't be they just tell other gay men they are gay. There are several other varieties of bi men but even if I listed them all the biphobic here would not believe they exist. I suppose since I am bi-friendly bi men open up to me more easily and tell it like it is. I've also dated two bi-men, neither of which was in the closet or in a relationship with a woman. They were still bi however.

    i really feel sorry for people who have narrow minds.
    did you know there was once a study that said that black people brain's were too small to fly planes. did you also know that there was a study that said blacks were not as smart as whites.
    hell there was a study that said men were smart enough to be scientist or doctors.

    All this expert crap comes down to one shady study done out of Northwestern and the NY times ran with it "Gay Straight or Lying" was the title. I read that article and found it very suspect. It was merely measuring erotic reaction to watching porn. I immediately thought about my own attraction to different races. When it comes to porn the type of men I like to see is far more limited. Race, body type and several other characteristics play a role when I chose porno but do not when I chose a mate. Moreover most of the time I get no reaction from watching porn. But with porn I don't have any feel for the essence of a person. It is a certain essence I look for that turns me on the most and overpowers any other preference I may have. I have found that essence in variety of men of different races and body types.

    It amazes me however so many people feel they know what other people feel sexually.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2011 10:45 PM GMT
    Worse then my horrible gay-dar
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    Apr 15, 2011 10:56 PM GMT
    When I first moved to the DC area I was at a restaurant/bar in Arlington. Good food and walking distance to my temp quarters. I was having a couple of drinks and waiting to order some food and a man/wife sat at the bar next too me. They were pretty buzzed and animated and it didn't take long to join their conversation.

    At one point I made a "pro-gay" comment, minor remark. A few minutes later the wife asked me if I was gay and I told her yes. The husband seemed to get uncomfortable and then asked me himself and I said yes, he joined other friends and left me with his wife.

    About 15 minutes later he reengaged me in conversation and started asking me how much I can lift, how much I benched yada yada. Then, out of the blue, he told me he once was in love with a guy. He was in love with "the person".. not a "guy".. it wasn't because it was a man, but the "person" was so awesome he fell in love... then he told me he thought I was really good looking. He was pretty lit by then.

    I looked at his wife, told him "thanks, I'm flattered" and I got the fuck out of there. Didn't expect the conversation to go that way.

    You never can tell.
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    Apr 15, 2011 11:07 PM GMT
    friendormate saidEvery time someone mentions bi someone has to pipe out that they don't exist. Try opening your mind just a little bit and hear me out. A bi man is not a closeted married gay man or a gay man that says he is bi because he can't face up to being gay. I've known plenty of examples of bi-men that are neither of the aforementioned. There is a category of men who may even prefer sex with women but since it is easier to get it from men will swing that way on occasion. Some call themselves heteroflexible. You find this behavior a lot in swinger communities. Likewise there are men who are very open minded sexually and while they may spend most of their life only having sex with women, one day they become curious about guys. The fact that they discover they can enjoy sex with guys doesn't make them suddenly lose desire for women. If these types of men are rare then I must know them all.

    I've known men who are openly gay who out of the blue have relationship with a woman. One of them lived with a woman for 2 years after living with a guy for 3. I had sex with him after he ended it with the woman. Another had a purely sexual three week affair. He was living in a gay condo in Wilton Manor. I've asked some of these guys if they are really gay and they admit that they are bi but since everyone tells them they can't be they just tell other gay men they are gay. There are several other varieties of bi men but even if I listed them all the biphobic here would not believe they exist. I suppose since I am bi-friendly bi men open up to me more easily and tell it like it is. I've also dated two bi-men, neither of which was in the closet or in a relationship with a woman. They were still bi however.

    All this expert crap comes down to one shady study done out of Northwestern and the NY times ran with it "Gay Straight or Lying" was the title. I read that article and found it very suspect. It was merely measuring erotic reaction to watching porn. I immediately thought about my own attraction to different races. When it comes to porn the type of men I like to see is far more limited. Race, body type and several other characteristics play a role when I chose porno but do not when I chose a mate. Moreover most of the time I get no reaction from watching porn. But with porn I don't have any feel for the essence of a person. It is a certain essence I look for that turns me on the most and overpowers any other preference I may have. I have found that essence in variety of men of different races and body types.

    It amazes me however so many people feel they know what other people feel sexually.



    *APPLAUSE*

    You need to start copying and pasting this into all those topics where guys say there are no Bis. Say, do you mind if I borrow this from time to time?

    -Doug
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    Apr 15, 2011 11:09 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 said
    coastguy90814 saidOh Gawd...haha, true Bisexuality is rare according to experts in the field of human sexuality so I would say that chances are the so called curious are probably Gay men that are in the closet or just haven't been comfortable coming out for whatever reason.


    Really? I've read that bisexuality is a lot more common than people realize
    I haven't read that, and I don't believe it.
    I do believe, however, that a lot of semi-closeted "masculine" gay men use it to avoid the feminine stereotype they place on being gay. In other words, saying "I'm bisexual" is like saying "I'm somewhat out of the closet, but not completely because I don't act like a girl." Lots of self-hate going on there.

    True there are some people who are really bisexual, but I believe they are rare.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 15, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    ohioguy12 said
    coastguy90814 saidOh Gawd...haha, true Bisexuality is rare according to experts in the field of human sexuality so I would say that chances are the so called curious are probably Gay men that are in the closet or just haven't been comfortable coming out for whatever reason.


    Really? I've read that bisexuality is a lot more common than people realize
    I haven't read that, and I don't believe it.
    I do believe, however, that a lot of semi-closeted "masculine" gay men use it to avoid the feminine stereotype they place on being gay. In other words, saying "I'm bisexual" is like saying "I'm somewhat out of the closet, but not completely because I don't act like a girl." Lots of self-hate going on there.

    True there are some people who are really bisexual, but I believe they are rare.
    paul, i normally agree with you on certain things. i even agree with you partially on this one. however, i do not agree that all or some use it as a cover up because they are gay and in the closet. bisexuality has been around for thousand of years. the greeks, were notorious for it. there were a lot of famous philosophers who had bfs and wifes so i do not know how people can discount that it is not true. hell women do it all the time and they never get crap about it but if a man says it then must be a gay closet guy or he is in denial. i take offense to that type of narrow minded thinking
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    Apr 16, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    sdgman saidWhen I first moved to the DC area I was at a restaurant/bar in Arlington. Good food and walking distance to my temp quarters. I was having a couple of drinks and waiting to order some food and a man/wife sat at the bar next too me. They were pretty buzzed and animated and it didn't take long to join their conversation.

    At one point I made a "pro-gay" comment, minor remark. A few minutes later the wife asked me if I was gay and I told her yes. The husband seemed to get uncomfortable and then asked me himself and I said yes, he joined other friends and left me with his wife.

    About 15 minutes later he reengaged me in conversation and started asking me how much I can lift, how much I benched yada yada. Then, out of the blue, he told me he once was in love with a guy. He was in love with "the person".. not a "guy".. it wasn't because it was a man, but the "person" was so awesome he fell in love... then he told me he thought I was really good looking. He was pretty lit by then.

    I looked at his wife, told him "thanks, I'm flattered" and I got the fuck out of there. Didn't expect the conversation to go that way.

    You never can tell.


    Was his wife listening to everything he was saying? Or was he talking to you quietly on the side?
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    Apr 16, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    sdgman saidWhen I first moved to the DC area I was at a restaurant/bar in Arlington. Good food and walking distance to my temp quarters. I was having a couple of drinks and waiting to order some food and a man/wife sat at the bar next too me. They were pretty buzzed and animated and it didn't take long to join their conversation.

    At one point I made a "pro-gay" comment, minor remark. A few minutes later the wife asked me if I was gay and I told her yes. The husband seemed to get uncomfortable and then asked me himself and I said yes, he joined other friends and left me with his wife.

    About 15 minutes later he reengaged me in conversation and started asking me how much I can lift, how much I benched yada yada. Then, out of the blue, he told me he once was in love with a guy. He was in love with "the person".. not a "guy".. it wasn't because it was a man, but the "person" was so awesome he fell in love... then he told me he thought I was really good looking. He was pretty lit by then.

    I looked at his wife, told him "thanks, I'm flattered" and I got the fuck out of there. Didn't expect the conversation to go that way.

    You never can tell.

    Straight guys can be gay, if you feed them enough alcohol. icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 16, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    friendormate said
    sdgman saidWhen I first moved to the DC area I was at a restaurant/bar in Arlington. Good food and walking distance to my temp quarters. I was having a couple of drinks and waiting to order some food and a man/wife sat at the bar next too me. They were pretty buzzed and animated and it didn't take long to join their conversation.

    At one point I made a "pro-gay" comment, minor remark. A few minutes later the wife asked me if I was gay and I told her yes. The husband seemed to get uncomfortable and then asked me himself and I said yes, he joined other friends and left me with his wife.

    About 15 minutes later he reengaged me in conversation and started asking me how much I can lift, how much I benched yada yada. Then, out of the blue, he told me he once was in love with a guy. He was in love with "the person".. not a "guy".. it wasn't because it was a man, but the "person" was so awesome he fell in love... then he told me he thought I was really good looking. He was pretty lit by then.

    I looked at his wife, told him "thanks, I'm flattered" and I got the fuck out of there. Didn't expect the conversation to go that way.

    You never can tell.


    Was his wife listening to everything he was saying? Or was he talking to you quietly on the side?


    she was otherwise engaged... nope.. this was a quiet aside to me.