General dating advice

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    Apr 16, 2011 10:16 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    a lot of people on here seem to be looking for love advice/dating advice, so I figured we should start a thread to post general dating advice to share for others.

    Here is mine:

    If your looking for a relationship, stop. Right there, you have failed. Relationships arent found, they are made through common experiences.

    Whenever I feel lonely or wanting a relationship, I tend to take a month break or so from dating. The reason being is that I need to be happy with myself. During this month break, I get reminded of friends that I enjoy being with, things that I am good at doing, as well as interest of my own. Another man isnt going to make me happy, and I need to find happiness within. After that, I find if appropriate to start meeting other people.

    Which brings me to my second piece of advice, just meet people. When I log onto online dating sites, or Grindr, or meet people at the gym, I do just that. If I talk to someone on one of these sites or in public, I offer to meet for a drink, and just a drink. It doesnt mean Im gonna fuck the man, it doesnt mean Im taking him home for my mother to see, it means Im grabbing a drink with an acquaintance. This can lead to one of 4 things: 1) absolutely nothing, 2) a new friend, 3) a hot fuck, 4) a future date. Dont get your hopes up, and dont have an agenda.

    Now as to the site that you use, it really doesnt matter. I have met the most dates on Adam4Adam, and have had poor luck with OkCupid. The two people I met off of OkCupid were both partners. It made me realize that men are pigs, and the site doesnt matter. As for pictures, get over it and be prepared to show off your body. Sexual attraction is important, and no one wants to date someone, or meet someone, and find out that they are 300lbs overweight at that point.

    Anyone else want to throw out random advice out there?
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    Apr 16, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Now as to the site that you use, it really doesnt matter. I have met the most dates on Adam4Adam, and have had poor luck with OkCupid. The two people I met off of OkCupid were both partners. It made me realize that men are pigs, and the site doesnt matter. As for pictures, get over it and be prepared to show off your body. Sexual attraction is important, and no one wants to date someone, or meet someone, and find out that they are 300lbs overweight at that point.

    Anyone else want to throw out random advice out there?


    I was okay with your advice until you threw this paragraph out there...

    As you say the site doesn't matter...well I can no longer vouche for adam4adam anymore as sure you'll get dates but I find that 90% of those dates never materialize into anything. Those adam4adam guys are addicted to 'new date' syndrom (I should have used firefox to check my spelling LOL). In my experience they are always looking for the next best guy, and the next one, and the next one.

    Men are pigs? Thanks for the encouragement to go out there and date them!

    Show off your body? Well how do we know if people want the person and not just the body? I've had to slim down body pics over the months because the more I showed, the more guys I'd meet.................who were just interested in sex!

    I was appalled when a friend complained, "everybody I meet here just wants sex. They don't want me for me, boohoo." And I said, "well look at your photos! You're showing your dick and your ass and you expect a relationship? He then says, "well someone told me that if I show more, I'll get more responses." Well then don't fucking complain to me about everyone using you for sex when you're showing the world your bits.

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    Apr 16, 2011 11:02 PM GMT
    brianindenver said
    Chainers said
    Now as to the site that you use, it really doesnt matter. I have met the most dates on Adam4Adam, and have had poor luck with OkCupid. The two people I met off of OkCupid were both partners. It made me realize that men are pigs, and the site doesnt matter. As for pictures, get over it and be prepared to show off your body. Sexual attraction is important, and no one wants to date someone, or meet someone, and find out that they are 300lbs overweight at that point.

    Anyone else want to throw out random advice out there?


    I was okay with your advice until you threw this paragraph out there...

    As you say the site doesn't matter...well I can no longer vouche for adam4adam anymore as sure you'll get dates but I find that 90% of those dates never materialize into anything. Those adam4adam guys are addicted to 'new date' syndrom (I should have used firefox to check my spelling LOL). In my experience they are always looking for the next best guy, and the next one, and the next one.

    Men are pigs? Thanks for the encouragement to go out there and date them!

    Show off your body? Well how do we know if people want the person and not just the body? I've had to slim down body pics over the months because the more I showed, the more guys I'd meet.................who were just interested in sex!

    I was appalled when a friend complained, "everybody I meet here just wants sex. They don't want me for me, boohoo." And I said, "well look at your photos! You're showing your dick and your ass and you expect a relationship? He then says, "well someone told me that if I show more, I'll get more responses." Well then don't fucking complain to me about everyone using you for sex when you're showing the world your bits.



    Yea, dont show off your dick and ass man, thats a good way to get just sex. But showing off your body is a little different. Im sorry but sexual attraction is important to any relationship, if you deny this then your focked and not in a good way.

    As for adam4adam being a bad site, I got news for you, everyone is on it. If someone is just looking for sex your not going to be able to stop that, whether you meet in person, on OkCupid, or at the gym, its gonna happen.

    At the end of the day you they are just mediums to meeting new people, nothing more. If you think the site is the issue, then thats your problem, not dating in general.

    As a side note, I know people who have been together for a long time and met off of a craigslist misc encounters posting, so its out there guys.

    You have to go through a lot of dirt to meet someone nice, its just how it is.
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    Apr 16, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Yea, dont show off your dick and ass man, thats a good way to get just sex. But showing off your body is a little different. Im sorry but sexual attraction is important to any relationship, if you deny this then your focked and not in a good way.

    As for adam4adam being a bad site, I got news for you, everyone is on it. If someone is just looking for sex your not going to be able to stop that, whether you meet in person, on OkCupid, or at the gym, its gonna happen.

    At the end of the day you they are just mediums to meeting new people, nothing more. If you think the site is the issue, then thats your problem, not dating in general.

    As a side note, I know people who have been together for a long time and met off of a craigslist misc encounters posting, so its out there guys.

    You have to go through a lot of dirt to meet someone nice, its just how it is.


    I do agree showing some body, a shirt off is important. I like a medium-muscler guy with definition. If he takes off his shirt and I don't see that, there may be some conflict of interest.

    What you're saying to me is news, but it's old news. Granted, you're in San Fran and hell if I lived there I'd prob be using it too, ditto with NYC. It's more popular in those cities. Since moving to Denver my motivation for it has fallen steeply. I've had some great experiences from adam4adam and relationships. But, I'm just letting you know I choose other venues because some people are addicted to it and are too caught up to settle down with anyone.

    Yes, it is a venue for meeting people you are right. But I'm sure there are plenty of people here who agree that expecting something meaningful to come from a site that displays not only member's dicks and ass everywhere, but porn IN YOUR FACE, imposed upon you everytime you check your mail, sucking and fucking...is not recipe for relationship material. It's a hookup site and even people who aren't there to hookup are lured into the convenience and easiness of having the OPTION to hookup.

    I'm not even conservative and I deal with sex and sexual topics everyday. But to go onto that website and have the stuff forced into my face comes off as 'weird' and I can't imagine it attracts relationship types. The ones who are relationship types are there because they recently broke up with someone and are using that to get their rocks off or an emotional bandage. And then 3 weeks later they disappear on you...
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    Apr 16, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    If your looking for a relationship, stop. Right there, you have failed. Relationships arent found, they are made through common experiences.

    I disagree with this in spirit. You need to be actively open to the idea of a relationship. Meeting new people and trying new things will expand you network of contacts. Perhaps the new person you meet at the bank or on the public transportation or in that class you're taking could become a new relationship or will introduce you to someone who will be.
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    Apr 16, 2011 11:21 PM GMT
    Ermine said
    Chainers said
    If your looking for a relationship, stop. Right there, you have failed. Relationships arent found, they are made through common experiences.

    I disagree with this in spirit. You need to be actively open to the idea of a relationship. Meeting new people and trying new things will expand you network of contacts. Perhaps the new person you meet at the bank or on the public transportation or in that class you're taking could become a new relationship or will introduce you to someone who will be.


    Yes, I agree with you there, that you need to be open to a relationship.

    I want a relationship, I do, but I dont go around saying "Man, why wont anyone settle down with me! HALP!"

    The idea is be open for a relationship, but dont go online, to a coffee shop, the gym, a bar, looking for people to settle down with. Just go out, meet people, and let it happen. You will have some fun times, make a few friends along the way as well.
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    Apr 16, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    Ermine said
    I disagree with this in spirit. You need to be actively open to the idea of a relationship.


    Same here. I just don't believe in all this, "don't want a relationship, just let it fall into your lap when you least expect it. If you do want it, you'll never find it."

    There's a difference between wanting a relationship and being needy. If you're not open to the idea of a relationship, that puts the other person's chance in jeopardy because what if he wants the relationship and you don't?

    It needs to be 50/50. Every relationship I been in is because we both wanted one. You can't get a guy from 'not wanting a relationship happily single' to 'in a relationship' if he doesn't want it.
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    Apr 16, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    brianindenver said
    Ermine said
    I disagree with this in spirit. You need to be actively open to the idea of a relationship.


    Same here. I just don't believe in all this, "don't want a relationship, just let it fall into your lap when you least expect it. If you do want it, you'll never find it."

    There's a difference between wanting a relationship and being needy. If you're not open to the idea of a relationship, that puts the other person's chance in jeopardy because what if he wants the relationship and you don't?

    It needs to be 50/50. Every relationship I been in is because we both wanted one. You can't get a guy from 'not wanting a relationship happily single' to 'in a relationship' if he doesn't want it.


    Like I said before, relationships are built on common experiences and interests. You dont go online and "shop" for a boyfriend, which is what a lot of people do. It seems like everyone I meet either wants to shag after day one, or wants to settle down and have kids after the first date as well.

    It doesnt work like that. You meet with someone, test them out, and hey, if its a fit you settle down.

    No one is going to want to be with someone who is unhappy, thats just the way people work. If your feeling lonely, then your not ready for a relationship.

    It will happen, have faith on that, but everyone that I have dated from the internet, I never went in thinking "gee, Im going to go on tons of dates with this guy" it just happened.