Racism again - and no, not about dating/attraction/whatever

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    Just ranting and trying to get something off my chest.

    Note: This is not about "sexual preferences" or about attraction or the lack thereof

    Just based on going to gay clubs/bars for the past 2 years, I've noticed that racism or discriminatory attitudes toward minorities is a lot more prevalent in the gay venues than in bars/clubs catered toward heterosexuals. Perhaps this goes more with the superficiality of gays in general in that gay men do not like to associate with people they deem unattractive, and because minorities are almost always viewed as less desirable, they are shunned. (and before someone jumps in and says that straight people are just as superficial, they're generally not—by a longshot). When I hang out with straight people, my ethnicity rarely acts as a barrier in interactions. When one friend introduces me to another in a conversation, I'm not dismissed because of my ethnicity. It seems that overall, "straight society" (if one could even call it that) is a lot more color-blind than "gay society."

    Hanging out with gays, though, my ethnic background has become a huge liability. First, at gay bars, bartenders would frequently ignore minorities that have been waiting and go straight to the white guy that cut in line. Many times, I would have a white friend accompany me to the bar just so we could get our drinks without waiting endlessly. Secondly, when I talk to a friend and he introduces me to a group of friends, there are usually always a few that roll their eyes and give you a dismissive "hi." However, if a white friend were being introduced, these same people would receive that friend a lot more warmly. Typically, I would expect this sort of bitchy behavior if the person were actually hot, but they're fairly average (and not to sound conceited, but I'd be way way out of their league).

    However, I never really voiced these concerns because I thought maybe it was just me overthinking things and perceiving something pernicious that wasn't actually so. Whatever confusion may have existed was cleared up a few weeks ago. While at a local gay bar in Austin waiting for a drink, I overheard this voice making comments to his friend about how there were too many Asians, and how Asians needed to go. I looked around--I was the only Asian person in sight. I ignored it. Then when I met up with a friend, the same guy who was making the comments walks up to my friend, mumbles something about Asians in his ear while glaring at me, then walks away while saying loudly "you know it's the truth." The only thing going through my head was "oh shit is this seriously happening right now?"

    But then it really hit me: this is completely acceptable behavior for gays. The one thing I commend about the guy making the anti-asian comments was that he at least owned it. He probably doesn't deny being racist. I'm all for freedom of association, but I'd rather people own up to their behavior and admit it than find some pretext excuse. It irritates me when people sharing those same racist views rationalize their behaviors and remove themselves from the "racist" label. I have to admit, ever since then, my desire to go out really became nonexistent.

    Thoughts?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2011 5:59 AM GMT
    It is a problem. Most of my friends are straight. All my gay friends were from school or originally my SO's friends, or ex-dates/BFs. I find this more of a problem with American guys and not so much with European, Canadian, or Aussie guys. But it's also a regional thing though. I felt that it was pretty bad in SF (I'm not trying to offend San Franciscans but this is what I've heard from my ex who is now out there and a very brief traveling experience many years ago - and let me tell you, I don't plan on traveling to SF any time soon, perhaps ever again). I don't think it's bad here in NYC. Two of my gay friends that I met in clubs were NYC natives. I mean there are a great number of guys who would date outside of their own race in NYC. I see them all the time on streets, in restaurants, etc. A lot of my gay couple friends are interracial couples. So it is pretty common here.

    I can see how this problem must be MAGNIFIED in Texas. So move here! You'll be happier. Seriously, think about it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    i'm not talking about interracial dating. that'll open up a whole can of worms.

    i'm talking about just straight up being rude, being refused service on account of your race and how it's a lot more widely accepted by gays
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    Again not a problem here in NYC. Move here!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    atl2atx85 saidJust ranting and trying to get something off my chest.

    Note: This is not about "sexual preferences" or about attraction or the lack thereof

    Just based on going to gay clubs/bars for the past 2 years, I've noticed that racism or discriminatory attitudes toward minorities is a lot more prevalent in the gay venues than in bars/clubs catered toward heterosexuals. Perhaps this goes more with the superficiality of gays in general in that gay men do not like to associate with people they deem unattractive, and because minorities are almost always viewed as less desirable, they are shunned. (and before someone jumps in and says that straight people are just as superficial, they're generally not—by a longshot). When I hang out with straight people, my ethnicity rarely acts as a barrier in interactions. When one friend introduces me to another in a conversation, I'm not dismissed because of my ethnicity. It seems that overall, "straight society" (if one could even call it that) is a lot more color-blind than "gay society."

    Hanging out with gays, though, my ethnic background has become a huge liability. First, at gay bars, bartenders would frequently ignore minorities that have been waiting and go straight to the white guy that cut in line. Many times, I would have a white friend accompany me to the bar just so we could get our drinks without waiting endlessly. Secondly, when I talk to a friend and he introduces me to a group of friends, there are usually always a few that roll their eyes and give you a dismissive "hi." However, if a white friend were being introduced, these same people would receive that friend a lot more warmly. Typically, I would expect this sort of bitchy behavior if the person were actually hot, but they're fairly average (and not to sound conceited, but I'd be way way out of their league).

    However, I never really voiced these concerns because I thought maybe it was just me overthinking things and perceiving something pernicious that wasn't actually so. Whatever confusion may have existed was cleared up a few weeks ago. While at a local gay bar in Austin waiting for a drink, I overheard this voice making comments to his friend about how there were too many Asians, and how Asians needed to go. I looked around--I was the only Asian person in sight. I ignored it. Then when I met up with a friend, the same guy who was making the comments walks up to my friend, mumbles something about Asians in his ear while glaring at me, then walks away while saying loudly "you know it's the truth." The only thing going through my head was "oh shit is this seriously happening right now?"

    But then it really hit me: this is completely acceptable behavior for gays. The one thing I commend about the guy making the anti-asian comments was that he at least owned it. He probably doesn't deny being racist. I'm all for freedom of association, but I'd rather people own up to their behavior and admit it than find some pretext excuse. It irritates me when people sharing those same racist views rationalize their behaviors and remove themselves from the "racist" label. I have to admit, ever since then, my desire to go out really became nonexistent.

    Thoughts?




    No matter how much benignity you dish out to the world, there's gunna be more than ( what would presumably be expected ) germane to the multifaceted variants in nefariously discriminating against someone else on whatever secular-basis someone wants to dish-out with.


    I know its so incredibly fucked beyond my comprehension when I see someone either (implicitly or explicitly) "shunning" someone else 'cuzz some just simply don't measure up to others'. Its sad really to see that shit. Some people are bitterly colder than a Polar Bear's pussy!

    Food for thought, atl2atx85 :

    Imagine being gay and handicapped, or gay and 200 +plus pounds over-weight. Or maybe both ; ' gay, crippled and obese !!!!! icon_idea.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif


    You have a physical disposition most would "pine" for exceedingly man!

    Chin up, quicks' thee word sharps thee motion icon_wink.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gif Hahaha..

    You'll pull through this as many others have or have had to do .icon_idea.gificon_smile.gif

    There's a much worse 'Hand of Cards' you could of easily been handed.

    If I looked like you, I'd feel immensely blessed just to wake up each day, truly icon_idea.gificon_exclaim.gificon_exclaim.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif