My Bestfriend

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    Apr 17, 2011 7:17 AM GMT
    So I learn tonight that one of my best girlfriends who I havent yet told I was gay, is practially in love with me. She broke up with her boyfriend because she has such strong feelings for me, and I just realize this tonight. I will tell her soon that I'm gay, but I feel horrible, finding out how much she cares about me... What to do ??
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 17, 2011 7:58 AM GMT
    As long as you didn't lead her on, you did nothing wrong.
    She's the one with the problem, falling for someone she could never have.
    It's not much different than if she fell for a straight guy who wasn't interested in her, "in that way."
    I really expect that you will remain good friends.
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    Apr 17, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidAs long as you didn't lead her on, you did nothing wrong.
    She's the one with the problem, falling for someone she could never have.
    It's not much different than if she fell for a straight guy who wasn't interested in her, "in that way."
    I really expect that you will remain good friends.


    I don't think I led her on. I tend to flirt alot but that is with everyone, but I have never touched her or physically gave her the attention to think I was interested. We will for sure remain close friends, just need to let her know soon that I'm gay. I am kinda slowing telling my close friends one by one, and not all at the same time.
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    Apr 17, 2011 2:08 PM GMT
    I believe I had a similar situation about 10 years ago too. All you can do is be honest, and she needs to deal with it. To this day we are still best friends and brutally honest with each other. There's nothing like being able to lovingly say "Fuck You" to someone.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 17, 2011 2:13 PM GMT
    You be abolutely honest. Be direct and to the point. Tell her how much she means to you as a friend... and even emphasize what "gay" means.
    She should have no fantasies about what "might" happen.
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    Apr 17, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    i had similar Situation too .. i found myself in a relationship with a girl .. i liked her but i didn't love her .. had to do any problems to break up with her ...

    anyways i think u should tell her asap before she takes the 1st step
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    Apr 17, 2011 2:25 PM GMT
    Ask her if she's lesbian. If she says "no, why?" then tell her if y'all dated, you'd be her girlfriend.
    That should get the point across. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 17, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    That's pretty much the reason why I started coming out to my friends in the first place. I was just going to wait until after high school at the time, but I noticed that she was starting to get a big crush and so... I played like I didn't know about her feelings and came out to her. It kind of sucked letting her down, but we're still best friends. Her mom still wants me to marry her though... icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 17, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    dude, saaaame thing is happening with me right now. Only difference is this chick that is "in love" with me knows im gay.

    When she first met me about 3 years ago, she didnt know i was gay- she thought i was str8, however 3 years ago i wasnt comfortable telling ppl i was gay. I never messed around with her or flirted with her on anything, but we were just really good friends, laughed a lot and did lots of stuff together. She would always make sexual remarks about stuff but i always just played it off and either laughed it off, or quickly changed subjects.

    Well, when I finally told her i was gay a year after knowing her, she took it reallllly bad. She became depressed and told me she felt like "someone died"
    She was mad she couldnt have what she wanted. She wanted me as a boyfriend and she wanted me sexually, however she knew it would never happen. She became very angry and bitter and I wished I had told her sooner.

    just becareful dude. Tell her soon, cuz women can be crazy. This chick that was "in love" with me still loves me and every now and again will ask me "when are u going to turn str8?" or "cant we just have sex jst one time?" she practically begs me for it now, its almost pathetic.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Apr 17, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    you should tell her and spare her feelings from getting even more hurt icon_sad.gif
    it sucks, but it's for the best!
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    Apr 17, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    I will guys haha, I am def not the type to hurt peoples feelings. It was hard telling my other friends but if she really does care about me, she will want me as a friend and will understand.
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    Apr 17, 2011 5:01 PM GMT
    I've definitely been in this situation too - I'd agree with most everyone else. Honesty is the first thing that's absolutely important. Make sure you're completely direct about it too...i.e. spell it out exactly. I've had it happen in the past where a girl has been interested in me, I've told her I'm gay, and then she still convinced herself that there was a chance ("maybe it's just a phase"/"I can turn him"/etc).

    Sometimes being brutally honest feels like you're hurting someone, but it's better for everyone in the long run.

    Good luck!
  • irishcream

    Posts: 42

    Apr 17, 2011 5:35 PM GMT
    icon_lol.gif

    oh the drama...

    it kills me that i cant be there to watch this unfold before my very eyes.

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    Apr 18, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    LOL, I had this happen with one of my roommates at Auburn. DON'T LET HER SPEND TOO MUCH TIME AROUND YOU CONFINED! EVEN IF YOU TELL HER YOU ARE GAY SHE WILL STILL TRY TO JUMP YOU!
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    Apr 18, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    You are a bit of a hottie, I can see why she's after you... homewrecker!
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    Apr 18, 2011 12:28 AM GMT
    msuNtx saidSo I learn tonight that one of my best girlfriends who I havent yet told I was gay, is practially in love with me. She broke up with her boyfriend because she has such strong feelings for me, and I just realize this tonight. I will tell her soon that I'm gay, but I feel horrible, finding out how much she cares about me... What to do ??

    I dunno. One of the negative consequences of our not coming out publicly.

    I know, lots of reasons we can't. But it sure does mess things up all around, doesn't it?

    I think you're gonna hafta bite this bullet, and endure her wrath. Be prepared for it. Reminding her that you didn't lead her on probably won't help, not in her own mind.

    But yah gotta do it. Otherwise it'll only get deeper & worse. My heart really does go out to you both. Be a man, see it through. Damn...