New to this... some advice??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2011 10:48 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    Some background:
    I have hung out with a guy three times now, and all three times have consisted of us getting to know each other and talking about random things. I have had a really great time getting to know another guy for the first time in my life. As you all know, it's hard to meet a guy, whether or not you are "discreet."

    All three times have ended with us saying our goodbyes, and saying that we’ll see each other soon. However, there was no hugging or anything more than that. I really like the guy, but it’s hard for me to tell what he’s thinking at all. He is probably one of the nicest people in general that I have met in a while, and he's hot and talented, too.

    We are both extremely busy, and he splits his time between this city and another because of work.

    I feel like there’s chemistry on both sides, but of course that’s not something I can just say for it to be true. I would like to be more than “just” friends, too, but I don’t know what he wants. We are able to make each other laugh, and he’s a very interesting guy.

    I don’t know how to show him that I’m interested in going further with this. I am a pretty shy guy (not to mention awkward… think Allathlete’s “awkward post”). So far we have only met in public places, so there hasn’t really been the opportunity for me show him other than verbally how much I enjoy being around him. That’s not to say that I would go all out on him; I’m certainly not the type. Asking him to my place isn’t an option.

    We always talk about the things that we should do or try together, but it seems right now that it's difficult to even get together to hang out for a few hours. But when we do end up hanging out, I have a lot of fun.

    This is the first guy that I’ve ever “seen” or anything. I have never done anything with a guy before, so I’m a complete and utter newb. Ha. Any thoughts on how I should proceed? Thanks guys…

    Hope this isn't too generic for ya'll to respond. ha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    Well, thanks for the shout out!

    Communication, at least for me, is the biggest part to the start of a "relationship." I'm the type of person that tells the other guy exactly what I'm feeling so that they can realize that I'm not playing around or leading them on or anything.

    If I were in your situation, I'd tell him exactly what you told us... You love spending time, you wanna be more than friends, and you want to spend more time with him. Talk to him (however you can) and tell him you want to make time to be with him. But that's just me.

    It's one of those things that you'll never know until you actually do something about it. Standing back and twiddling your thumbs almost always keeps you in the dark, and being in that situation is never a great time.

    Hope everything works out though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 12:28 AM GMT
    Do you guys text during the time you're apart? It might be easier for you guys to express your feelings in words, at least initially to get the ball rolling. Maybe arrange to meet somewhere a bit more secluded, like a park for a walk? Give yourselves the opportunity to "make a move" if it's what you both want. Expressing interest other than face to face initially is usually easier for "newbies". Take a risk, throw yourself out there and he'll bite if he feels the same.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Apr 18, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    I definitely think you should take your time with this. It can be really hard to find a good guy. I think as far as a physical relationship, when it happens, it will happen and it'll be an amazing experience because you guys will have a deeper connection. Should definitely consider staying friends for now and see where that path takes icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    Thanks for the helpful words, guys.

    i agree that communication is huge... all of my friends who are in relationships are struggling because they have poor communication.

    i suppose there have been countless threads on this, but one of the biggest things i'm worried about is that as soon as i start telling him how i feel, then it will slowly fizzle out.

    We don't really text when we are apart. He told me the first time that he met that he's horrible with texts. i've texted him a few times over the past two months and he's always replied that he was glad to hear from me and that he likes texts from me.

    My life experiences have made me a generally closed person emotionally. i am very guarded, and i know that that does not help situations like this. We all have built our own walls, just in different places.

    To be honest, this guy has everything going for him, and it's crazy to me to think that he wants to spend time with me.

    Lol. i have no game.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    There is NOTHING more delightful in life than the heart-thumping feelings that come when we are in the early stages of a new romance (or the exciting anticipation of one that might be blossoming).

    Enjoy every moment with him. What's the rush?

    If you can keep the explosion of chemicals rushing through your body that demand sex at bay, you might find that your relationship with this new friend grows into something genuinely wonderful.

    I hope things develop well for you!
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1978

    Apr 18, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    I have a somewhat different opinion from some of the other posters.
    I think if a guy likes you, you can tell -- even at the very beginning of a relationship. He wants to get together with you -- often. When you are together, he wants to be physically close to you. He comments (positively) on your appearance. He makes excuses to touch you.
    Finding a time to get together is not a problem because seeing you is a big priority with him. One of the reasons he wants to see you is he wants to be physically intimate with you, which he can't do over texts.
    If none of the above is happening, he probably thinks of you as a nice guy who he's not that into.
    If you've already been on three dates, there's certainly nothing wrong with initiating some physical contact on the next one. If you're in a car together, try to hold his hand and see what he does. If he's not even wanting to hold your hand after four dates, it's time to move on.
    The OP is a very handsome, thoughtful guy... he shouldn't spend a bunch of time pining over some dude who's not interested in him, when I'm sure there are TONS of guys in Gainesville who would be!

    Good luck.... icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 1:35 AM GMT

    Thanks for your honesty. You definitely helped me get a better idea of what i should be looking for. One thing that i want to add to this whole picture is that i really value friendship first, and i think that me and Him have started to develop a nice one. i'm not opposed to getting to know him even better in the time to come before anything physical happens.

    i would really like to have a friend, above all else. someone that i can talk to about anything, and be completely true with, you know? of course, we all yearn for something more, and i believe that one day i will find that.

    And what you said about holding his hand... things like that i would not have even thought of. Thanks for mentioning it now... it seems so obvious. i've got a pretty big personality, but a little introspection reveals that i am compensating for my low self-esteem. we'll see how this goes.

    i'm glad that i posted here after weeks of lurking. you all are really great. thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 6:10 AM GMT
    jrod saidMy life experiences have made me a generally closed person emotionally. i am very guarded, and i know that that does not help situations like this. We all have built our own walls, just in different places.

    I can relate to this. For us guarded guys the beginnings of any relationship (platonic or romantic) are always difficult. Any relationship is about trust but its hard to establish trust with walls up. But sometimes you just need to take a chance and go for it, you might be anxious but for better or worse it will be worth it; over time it will get easier to let the walls down and open up.

  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Apr 18, 2011 7:26 AM GMT
    It might not seem like it now, but life is short. And this period in your life is unique. You'll never find a place where it's so easy to get around and meet people. I lived in Gainesville for 8 years. It's small, so it's not really possible to be that discreet. Don't waste it wondering what might happen. Both of you could be skirting around each other, unsure of what to do. Take the initiative and tell him you like him and that you're new to dating guys. See what comes from that. If he's not ready to date you seriously instead of this 'see you when I see you' thing, then move on.

    I'm not saying to whore yourself out, but there's no need to get fixated on one guy. Contrary to KissTheSky's remark, there aren't TONS of guys in Gainesville to date, but there are more than you think. I realize it's a hard hurdle to jump, but if you put yourself out there a bit you'll see them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 7:31 AM GMT
    Dude, you're a hottie, don't sell yourself short. He's probably thinking the same thing about you.

    Go for it! Invite him over for dinner and a movie! Put yourself in a situation when you will both be comfortable and you will be able to act on your feelings if it seems mutual!

    My first time I was invited to a guy's house to watch a movie... thing was, his TV was in the bedroom lol.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 9:01 AM GMT
    i didn't come here expecting such positive, supportive responses from anyone, but that is what i have gotten so far from pretty much everyone. Thanks to those who have posted on here or e-mailed me.

    That brings me to another point:

    Unlike a lot of guys on this site, i don't have the perspective that i "deserve" the attention of another guy. No matter what happens, no matter the outcome... if this doesn't work out between us, or if we can't even be friends, then i don't think that there's any harm in that. As much as it would suck, and as much as i'm looking for that deeper connection with someone, i can't say that i deserve to have it more than anyone else. More than anyone of you, for example.

    i asked him if he wanted to go hang out another time, and he said he'd like to.

    To speak to a comment made earlier: i don't mind just being the "nice" guy. heck, that's the only guy i know how to be.

    (btw, my "i" key is broken, so i can't capitalize it for some reason...pardon the many "i"s throughout...ha)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    An update:

    After meeting up with him again and having a nice afternoon together, he texted me yesterday saying that his current lease is up and that he'll be moving to his hometown (about 2 hours away) in the near future. Can't help but wonder how long he knew about that. Obviously that puts a huge damper on any potential relationship. Not looking to be "e-mail buddies" here, either. icon_confused.gif

    Bummer. And that's an understatement.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    May 14, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    I dated a guy for a few months then he up and moved 5 hours away with very short notice. He had been planning it for a while without telling me. It sucked for a while, but you get over it. There are other guys out there icon_smile.gif