Advice/Venting

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 18, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    Hey guys.. I've had this account for a while, but this is my first time posting. Not sure if this is even the right place to post this.. but here it goes. I'm getting to the end of my junior year in college, and am constantly thinking about the fact that I've had no significant romantic interactions with other guys. I tried to get involved with the gay "scene" at my school, and I can honestly say that it made my junior year experience worse. I guess part of it is the fact that I don't have much in common with guys who are really involved with the community. The majority of my friends are straight, and I haven't had any luck meeting other guys that I can relate to. So.. I guess my questions is: does meeting guys get easier after college? I'm trying to stay positive, but it's really tough sometimes.. If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.
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    Apr 18, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    I take the 'R' out of Gary, but I still never have much in common with other gay guys. I don't believe in 'let's start a club because I like it in the butt', but again I am on RealJock. I believe in being with people because we share similar interests not sexuality. The rest will just fall into place.

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    Apr 18, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    deltalimen said. I don't believe in 'let's start a club because I like it in the butt',



    This is so true. it's truly the lowest common denominator.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 18, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    Seems to me that you have your priorities in order.....education first...men second...icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 18, 2011 8:19 PM GMT
    That's basically the way I feel.. I really don't share any interests with them, but people have told me over and over again that I have some sort of obligation to be involved because I'm out. The root of my problems is finding other gay guys that I have stuff in common with (sports, working out.. etc.); I'm hoping that things will fall into place before I graduate, because they definitely haven't up until now.
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    Apr 18, 2011 8:24 PM GMT

    I never knew that a college degree was a prerequisite for being seriously involved with someone. Damn, if I had known that, I would have gone on to get my doctorate so I could have a really good relationship with a guy. .icon_rolleyes.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 18, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    Friendsrbetter said
    I never knew that a college degree was a prerequisite for being seriously involved with someone. Damn, if I had known that, I would have gone on to get my doctorate so I could have a really good relationship with a guy. .icon_rolleyes.gif


    Not a prerequisite.....but it's always better to take care of business first and then enjoy the fun times later. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 18, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    Egl820 saidThat's basically the way I feel.. I really don't share any interests with them, but people have told me over and over again that I have some sort of obligation to be involved because I'm out.

    I always felt a personal obligation to be involved, but that's just me. While a darker, more selfish side of me also was calculating how I was advancing myself by doing so, at least with certain elements. Perhaps you haven't discovered the trick to exploiting such contacts.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 18, 2011 9:29 PM GMT
    You mentioned sports and working out.
    Make friends at the gym.
    Then, invite them over to your place for a party, or dinner, or a game night (cards, dice, etc.).
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    Apr 19, 2011 2:56 AM GMT
    deltalimen said... 'let's start a club because I like it in the butt'...



    Oooo! This is an idea that could catch on! icon_lol.gif

    I'd join!
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    Apr 19, 2011 5:15 AM GMT
    I'm on the same page as you dude, only I'm in my 4th year. But I am staying a 5th year so you can pretty much say I'm a junior haha.

    I have hooked up with a few guys and I honestly don't get any satisfaction out of it except WHILE it's happening. It's tough as balls to stay positive too.

    I'm a "frat boy" and so I pretty much only hang out with straight guys. I don't know where to look when trying to find a dude. I mean, I am with dudes all the time so I guess I technically don't know what to do if I am into one of them, because chances are, he's probably straight, and I don't want to humiliate myself.

    People have told me that it does get a little easier after college, just by being yourself. I hate that line. "Be yourself and everything will fall into place."

    So I guess I am just going to have to follow that saying huh?
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    Apr 19, 2011 5:20 AM GMT


    Egl820 said, "I really don't share any interests with them, but people have told me over and over again that I have some sort of obligation to be involved because I'm out."

    What? No, you don't.



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    Apr 19, 2011 5:39 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    Oooo! This is an idea that could catch on! icon_lol.gif

    I'd join!


    I'm right behind you icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 19, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    Egl820 said, "I really don't share any interests with them, but people have told me over and over again that I have some sort of obligation to be involved because I'm out."

    What? No, you don't.





    Story of my life! People tell me this all the time, too. Absolutely drives me up the wall icon_evil.gif.
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    Apr 19, 2011 6:10 AM GMT
    A lot of guys on here complain about the gay community, but I've found it a great supportive and loving place to meet decent people. Gay communities are big with lots of subsections (gay games, gay parties, gay art groups, gay charities, gay anything really) so you can find different sorts of people. It isn't, as some people on here bitch about, just a bunch of queeny Glee fans trading make up in a room.

    It just takes some getting out there to find the people you do have something in common with. Don't give up on the gay community because it can be a great facilitator (esp when you first come out) to meeting good people.

    And all you haters on here obsessed with the size of your own testicles and how being apart from the gay community makes you oh, so, sexy and masculine - think about how much more the gay community benefits when people like you are out there involved in a bit of it too, and more than that, how much we lose when you aren't.

    Like it or not, we're all in the same boat.
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    Apr 19, 2011 6:24 AM GMT
    I've found that the guys I tend to hang with, tend to hang with more guys that I want to hang with. Similiar interests will probably lead to more similar friends but then again, you did mention that your circle is all straight guys. College will definitely help you with that. I wasn't out per se at college. I mean, I didn't actively look for anything cause I was at school to finish school, not to meet guys really. But, your chances there are definitely increased. I was homeschooled so I don't know what public high school is like but college, people are there to get an education, high school is like lord of the flies from what I was told. So hopefully you are a lord and not a fly, unless you want to be one. Hehehe. When you find one guy, you'll probably find another, and then you'll find out just how many of guys share your interests are really out there. Don't give up.
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    Apr 19, 2011 6:30 AM GMT
    Ok, this is going to be a bit long, but here goes:

    Many people who are gay and in a relationship have straight male friends so that should not be an issue at all for dating (as long as your straight male friends are ok with the idea of you being gay of course - which I will assume they are).

    You should not compare yourself with other men. Just because they have had relationships at an early age does not mean they are "better" than or "ahead" of you. Everyone has a time set for them because everyone has different goals in life. I was in a relationship during high school, but I am not entering one in university (so we can both relate in that sense).

    There is something called priorities. If your priority is to find men, then you would be doing everthing you can to find men and date them.
    But your priority is in education and therefore finding men you relate to is secondary to getting those grades up.

    What I am essentially trying to tell you is that it is perfectly fine that you feel this way. Now, if you do want to look, then the gay scene is not the "only" place you can meet other gay men.
    Going to the gym and the internet (hello realjock!) are two places where you can find people interested in the same activities you are interested in.

    ---------------------------------------

    Now to answer your question:
    Does meeting other guys get easier after college?

    Yes, it does. Reason being is because you will be around more people who share the same goals as you do (which is not necessarily trying to get grades up, but trying to get a job and a partner for life).

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    Apr 19, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidOk, this is going to be a bit long, but here goes:

    Many people who are gay and in a relationship have straight male friends so that should not be an issue at all for dating (as long as your straight male friends are ok with the idea of you being gay of course - which I will assume they are).

    You should not compare yourself with other men. Just because they have had relationships at an early age does not mean they are "better" than or "ahead" of you. Everyone has a time set for them because everyone has different goals in life. I was in a relationship during high school, but I am not entering one in university (so we can both relate in that sense).

    There is something called priorities. If your priority is to find men, then you would be doing everthing you can to find men and date them.
    But your priority is in education and therefore finding men you relate to is secondary to getting those grades up.

    What I am essentially trying to tell you is that it is perfectly fine that you feel this way. Now, if you do want to look, then the gay scene is not the "only" place you can meet other gay men.
    Going to the gym and the internet (hello realjock!) are two places where you can find people interested in the same activities you are interested in.

    ---------------------------------------

    Now to answer your question:
    Does meeting other guys get easier after college?

    Yes, it does. Reason being is because you will be around more people who share the same goals as you do (which is not necessarily trying to get grades up, but trying to get a job and a partner for life).




    I think i just shitted Brickz.........icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif ...well said ! icon_biggrin.gificon_razz.gif. I hope my years in college wont suck ass......icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    Thanks for all of the replies everyone. I'm really glad to see I'm not the only guy out there in this same situation. I guess I had the preconceived notion that being out in college would mean everything was going to get better right away; I'm starting to accept the fact that maybe it's just going to take me getting out into the real-world to meet more guys like myself. I definitely feel a little bit better about my situation; it's nice to get to talk to other guys (even if it's online) that are this supportive.