Need advice on dating a guy. Please Help!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2011 8:22 AM GMT
    Ok so many of you might think I am a troll or creep with no pic but please bare with me because I really need som help and this is the only place I can ask..

    Ok basically I am in the midst of dating this dude. He is pretty cool and is quite cute. We started off as friend and one thing led to another. So anyways he seems genuine and we have things in common but there is a small problem..

    I feel very insecure about our height differences.. I am around 5 10" and he is 6 1" -ish. I know this sounds really silly but I just feel like a dwarf when around him and its a feeling I hate. I talked to my friends about this and they said I am overreacting but I just can't help it.

    What do you guys think? should I continue the relationship or find someone more compatible?

    Please help me guys!
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    Apr 19, 2011 9:12 AM GMT
    Can someone lend me a hand lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2011 9:22 AM GMT
    I have a question for you:
    Why does him being taller upset you?

    In the meantime...Here goes:

    You said that you were in the midst of dating this man right? So, clearly you were able to put up with it so far. If it was really bothering you (the height difference), then it would be extremely difficult for you to have engaged in a date with him to begin with.

    Why do I say that?
    Simple. Height is an obvious and identifiable trait that you can notice without even having to go up to the man.

    Clearly, if his height was a big problem to you for dating, you would theoretically avoid him and all other men his height.
    Since you two were friends and then dated, it seems as though it is because you value each other and because you enjoy being around each other that you dated him.

    So, forget about the height difference and enjoy the time and date with him... let the "I love being friends" be the reminder to you about why you date him and let it override the "I hate being shorter than him" mindset.
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    Apr 19, 2011 9:45 AM GMT
    Yea I hate being shorter then him because I feel awkward. There are other instances that occured which I think is the result of him being bigger then me. I do not understand why he treats me differently because of my height but it is frustration icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 19, 2011 9:54 AM GMT
    wowgamer92 saidYea I hate being shorter then him because I feel awkward. There are other instances that occured which I think is the result of him being bigger then me. I do not understand why he treats me differently because of my height but it is frustration icon_sad.gif


    Awkward? How? Kissing/fucking/holding hands?

    Instances - what instances? Cracking jokes at you when you are around buddies? Be specific please.

    How does he treat you differently? As if you are the woman in the relationship? the bitch? babies you? Please elaborate.

    If you want me to help you with this you need to be as specific as you can so I can give you specific answers.

    cheers,
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    Apr 19, 2011 9:57 AM GMT
    Yea for example, this one time we were walking back to this pub and it was windy. Whatever I can take the cold, though was shivering a little. Nevertheless he gave me his sweater and I didn't want to say no cuz that would be rude. However it made me feel like I as weak and shit you know. Like I am not a little girl from some chick flick who needs her bf's sweater in the cold. I dunno things like that make me feel insecure.
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    Apr 19, 2011 10:21 AM GMT
    wowgamer92 saidYea for example, this one time we were walking back to this pub and it was windy. Whatever I can take the cold, though was shivering a little. Nevertheless he gave me his sweater and I didn't want to say no cuz that would be rude. However it made me feel like I as weak and shit you know. Like I am not a little girl from some chick flick who needs her bf's sweater in the cold. I dunno things like that make me feel insecure.


    Ok,

    I know what you mean about feeling ''weak'' and ''like shit''...
    An over-analyzer has a mind that loves to relate actions with questions classified as ''ultimate'' questions - they are not comfortable enough with the simple answer...In your case, your bf gave you the sweater because he saw you shivering and wanted to sacrifice his health for yours (out of love and care for you). However, for you, it is not that simple... you think that he gave you the sweater because he wants to feel like he is the man which therefore, in contrast, would make it seem as though he sees you as the ''woman''...
    (learned this from psych class btw).

    So, what you need to do is have a chat with him (because if you do not, your feelings towards him about who is the man vs. who is the woman will eventually destroy the relationship).

    You need to sit with him and talk about how you felt when he gave you the sweater and how he should have ''ASKED'' you if you wanted a sweater before putting it on, making it seem as though you cannot handle the cold (Which you clearly can according to you).

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    Apr 19, 2011 10:46 AM GMT
    Hmm this is a lot to take in... maybe I need to call of the relationship for a while and just figure out what I what.


    Sucks cuz I really liked him but cannot let myself be in that kind of situation icon_redface.gif
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    Apr 19, 2011 11:08 AM GMT
    is it really worth losing him over that?
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    Apr 19, 2011 11:09 AM GMT
    wowgamer92 saidHmm this is a lot to take in... maybe I need to call of the relationship for a while and just figure out what I what.


    Sucks cuz I really liked him but cannot let myself be in that kind of situation icon_redface.gif


    Did you read my last post? It pretty much sums up what you should be doing.

    For most people, they would love it if their bf (tall or small) would do this to them.

    However, since it is clearly a problem for you, you need to have a talk with him to make sure he understands your point of view on who is the man in the relationship (both of you are men so both of you need to treat each other like men).

    It all depends on how you define masculinity.

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    Apr 19, 2011 11:13 AM GMT
    Seriously dude. That's not a huge height difference at all.

    I'd understand if you were like 5'7"ft and he was 6'4"ft. That would make sense.

    Your friends are absolutely right. You are overreacting and it is silly. If you like this dude then go for it and don't let a little height difference (3") stop you from having a great opportunity with someone you are digging on. You're making up excuses and that shows some major insecurity on your part.

    You'll be fine but if you are get let something like a minor height difference stop you from dating this guy then don't date him and find someone your height or shorter. Problem solved.
  • stee99

    Posts: 317

    Apr 19, 2011 11:17 AM GMT
    dude, theres 3'' difference. its all in your head...
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    Apr 19, 2011 11:19 AM GMT
    Ultimately, I think that the problem is not because of height but because of his actions towards you (see the jacket scenario you described).

    If a man that was shorter than you by the same difference lent you his sweater when you are shivering, would you feel insecure?

    If you would, then it is not about height difference... if you would not feel insecure then it is about height difference.

    We'll keep it simple for now.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Apr 19, 2011 12:19 PM GMT
    Chief - some people LOVE the height differences. Your boyfriend really is taking you for who you are. I'm a fairly tall lad and I love having boyfriends either smaller than me (its great, you get to pick them up and carry them around the place) or taller than me (so I feel lost under them...er...too much info). Enjoy the difference between you both!!
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    Apr 19, 2011 12:44 PM GMT
    Mate you are over reacting. So chill out and let him be affectionate. Screw the barely there height difference.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 19, 2011 12:45 PM GMT
    I hardly think if a difference between 6'1" and 5'10".. and I certainly wouldn't consider ending a relationship based on physical size, unless it was extreme.. like you were a FOOT shorter than he.

    If it really bothers you, wear a pair of shoes with a heel and focus on things that are really important.
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    Apr 19, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    sounds more like a top/bottom issue and height really has nothing to do with it.
    Some guys can still make it work, but if both guys are holding the door open; no one gets in the car.
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    Apr 19, 2011 1:16 PM GMT
    If you're worried about 3 inches you have more issues than you think.
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    Apr 19, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    wowgamer92 saidYea for example, this one time we were walking back to this pub and it was windy. Whatever I can take the cold, though was shivering a little. Nevertheless he gave me his sweater and I didn't want to say no cuz that would be rude. However it made me feel like I as weak and shit you know. Like I am not a little girl from some chick flick who needs her bf's sweater in the cold. I dunno things like that make me feel insecure.


    What an ass hole, what was he thinking??? To give you his sweater so that you could be warm and he could be cold. What a douche bag for being thoughtful, you should throw him out, and he us 3" taller than you.

    Sounds like you are the one who needs a little help, consider some therapy or you will never be happy.
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    Apr 19, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    I feel sorry for both of you, for very different reasons.

    If you're going to be in a relationship, you need to learn how to appreciate the things people do for you...especially since he is just being considerate. A difference in height isnt him issuing a challenge to you in any way. I think you need to work on yourself a little before you spend anyone's time dating. You need to find some confidence and appreciation for yourself. Thats the first rule of relationships. Maybe that would solve your problem.

    In the meantime, can I date him? I'd kill to date a nice caring guy.
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    Apr 19, 2011 4:43 PM GMT
    I don't understand how this is all my fault. Sure the jacket thing was a nice gesture but he could have asked me before. I am not his trophy wife or something that he can slap whatever he wants on. That is the part that bugs me.

    So yea I met him in class since we are taking summer classes together and I kinda mentioned the height thing. I just said dude you make me feel like a midget and his response was that " oh well I will just slouch when I walk near you"... very funny icon_evil.gif

    He is just too goofy and not really that serious and I tried to talk about the other stuff but we just ended up doodling on each other's papers; communication fail.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    He sounds like a fun guy to date/hang out-goofy and funny. icon_lol.gif

    RELAX! Okay? Take a deep breath! icon_biggrin.gif

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    Apr 19, 2011 5:03 PM GMT
    well i dont think you should worry about it. in my case i'm 6'2'' and dating someone who is 5'10''. its the oppisite for me. ihave to bend down to kiss, hug, and everything else. it bothers me a little, but its not something i would ever let someone go by. if your really deeply in love with the guy, it shouldnt matter. if a small height difference makes a difference, what will happen if you ever move in with him???
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Apr 19, 2011 5:10 PM GMT
    It sounds like your concerns are an excuse to back out of a great thing that's scaring you for deeper reasons.
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    Apr 19, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    wowgamer92 saidI don't understand how this is all my fault. Sure the jacket thing was a nice gesture but he could have asked me before. I am not his trophy wife or something that he can slap whatever he wants on. That is the part that bugs me.

    So yea I met him in class since we are taking summer classes together and I kinda mentioned the height thing. I just said dude you make me feel like a midget and his response was that " oh well I will just slouch when I walk near you"... very funny icon_evil.gif

    He is just too goofy and not really that serious and I tried to talk about the other stuff but we just ended up doodling on each other's papers; communication fail.


    ok if he is making you feel that way then you need to tell him to stop.

    Refer to my post (I tried to make the font bigger).
    I also disagree with many on here who are saying it is your fault.
    I know how you feel... and the only solution to it is to talk to him straight up about him just treating you like you are his precious lady. IT is not because of your height difference that you feel this way, but rather, because he is giving you the special treatment. There is a difference.

    As I said earlier, you need to tell him to ASK you before he just slaps on that sweater.