Front him out , gently inquire, or just screw it

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    Sooooo I meet this guy online ( Manhunt; mistake #1 ) we meet for lunch, he is visting from Columbus and leaving for med school in Chicago in a few weeks.

    I ask him back to my place. We end up performing in most rooms of the house. icon_eek.gif He was kind, gentle, and EAGER to please asking for little in return. WOW. ( not bragging )

    He tells me he is selling his condo, moving to Chicago for med school, just ended a relationship 2 months ago with a guy named Mark ( my name also ) who was 20 yrs his younger.

    He invites me up to spend the day and night with him a week later. I am all about it. A friend beat me to researching him and found out 1. he just got divorced from a female 20 yrs his younger 2. the house is in foreclosure 3. he filed bankruptcy. Needless to say, I cancelled the trip. I said I had personal matters to tend to.

    Do I still gently approach him about things ? Maybe he is just coming out, is embarassed by his misfortune, and really is not going to med school. With this theory, I would still be willing to TRY a relationship if he is staying in the area.

    Do I let it go and write it off as a fun time ? ( safely performed however, thank you icon_biggrin.gif )

    your gentle thoughts may now follow...icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 19, 2011 2:37 PM GMT
    yeah..."fun time".
    live, learn, move on...way to many red flags.
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    Apr 19, 2011 3:26 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like he's fed you nothing but lies.....RUN and don't look back.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Apr 19, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    sounds like he would make for an occassional, fun-filled Fuck Buddy, but definately NOT long term relationship material.


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    Apr 19, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    it's your call. if it won't turn into anything more for you emotionally and you're not giving up other opportunities, you could have fun, just don't get attached
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    Apr 19, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    Thanks for the advice so far regarding my vice ! All well intended icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 19, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    I've seen a couple of divorces and I'll just say maybe his financial issues are surrounding the divorce. You don't know that. At least give him a chance to say his piece.

    I'm not saying you shouldn't avoid red flags or anything, but you kind of have to hear the whole story. (And then verify it)

    It's a bat shit crazy world and things happen to people.
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    Apr 22, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    shortguybeau saidI've seen a couple of divorces and I'll just say maybe his financial issues are surrounding the divorce. You don't know that. At least give him a chance to say his piece.

    I'm not saying you shouldn't avoid red flags or anything, but you kind of have to hear the whole story. (And then verify it)

    It's a bat shit crazy world and things happen to people.


    I totally think that he just came out, his wife drowned financially during the divorce, and he is searching for the 'inner gay him ' right now. I was looking for a delicate way to approach him about what I know without offending him. Secondly, I wish to lend an ear to help him get through the struggle I feel he is enduring. I just went through it in the last 1-2 years myself.

    You are right, it truly is a bad shit crazy world ( excellent quote btw icon_wink.gif )
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    Apr 22, 2011 1:32 AM GMT
    this dude is just NOW going to med school?! failure!! how old is someone that's 20 years another's senior? delete that out of your life.
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    Apr 22, 2011 1:33 AM GMT
    Whether his relationship was witha man or woman, it's probably just a rebound for him anyhow, they usually are.

    You should give him the chance to speak for himself rather than creeping his info out first though. It's probably much less than you're worried about.
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    Apr 22, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    Frankly, you won't have a successful relationship with him if you DON'T address the issues. And since you say you would be willing to try tells me this is pretty heavy weighing on your mind. So first off, fess up that you found out some info that you want to talk about. He might ask how and for the how doesn't matter. He has to get past your snooping (even though a friend did it) and you have to get past his insecurities and lies. Good luck with which path you choose.
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    Apr 22, 2011 7:00 AM GMT
    I'd run from YOU...just kidding.....
    Anyway, I think you should also ask how much do YOU have to offer? I mean, are you better than this guy or are you actually kind of...hmm what's the word?..Oh...I don't know.. are you calling the kettle black? Maybe if we had your personal information we could do a background check on you and see exactly what skeletons are hiding in your closet. I think that's really terrible that your friend went and did that. I think if he was serious about a relationship with you he'd eventually have to tell the truth (which it's a possibility that he was to begin with.) How do you know that the searched information is even true? There's always room for falsity.
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    Apr 22, 2011 7:29 AM GMT
    What is your interest in him apart from the sex? This is the question that stuck out in my mind on reading your story. Even his invitation to spend time with him carried with it the expectation of sex in your staying the night. It's just not clear from the facts you've given so far why you would consider trying for a relationship with him.

    If the guy is going through divorce, foreclosure of his home, coming out etc. etc. etc. any relationship with him will be very focused on his needs, his wants, his problems. I can see that when it comes time to voice your needs, your wants and your problems, he'll be likely to say 'I'm going through a lot right now' or 'this is too much, I've got enough on my plate'. This is unfair to you.

    Ultimately, you're your own person. Knowing what you do from your friend's research means that if you decide to continue seeing him, you go into the situation with your eyes wide open.
  • stee99

    Posts: 317

    Apr 22, 2011 7:30 AM GMT
    Clearly your unsure about him/his ability to tell the truth/the whole situation or you wouldnt be asking about it..
    if you have any doubts you shouldnt go near him in more than a shagging or friendship context because that doubt is your intuiton telling you something isnt right.
    You might wanna lock the family silver away if you fuck at your house again too.
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    Closure... ( and answering a few folks questions )

    First off I KNEW there was no LTR chance with this guy since he was moving. That said, I guess I was intrigued that such a hottie was actually pursuing me. My interest here was purely physical. ( safely, and yes, I had my few valuables stowed away safely at the house )

    I decided to meet him in Columbus for his last night in Ohio. He could not have been any nicer He took me to his favorite Indian restaurant. We went back to the hotel and had a rockin night. I took him to the bus station in the morning and he was gone. icon_sad.gif

    I wanted to ask him some about the past but, firmly realzing I would never see him again, opted not to. My intent there would be not to front him out, but to offer an open ear. He needs help right now, seems lost in life, and I truly wished I could be of some guidance. I sent him a text after we parted basically offering the same. I can read people well, know a shit hole when I see them, and he is not that. He is simply a man lost in his own new skin.

    Thanks one and all for listening. This adventure is over. I learned, I lived, and I loved.

    ps. as one person asked, my skeletal closet door opened and displayed a few years ago. My book really is wide open. I am not perfect, but I am more open than I probably should be. icon_wink.gif


  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Apr 26, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    Whoa, People do background checks after one date? I better make sure my record is clear!
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    You did a background check on the guy didn't like what you saw...leave him alone, neither of you are being honest. You told him that a personal matter came up...errr now who's liar. Why not tell him i found out something that gave me pause...the he can either say he does not want to deal with you.

    How is it that you were able to do such an intensive back ground check with out any of his personal information? If you google a name that only gets you so far...did you go through this guys wallet?
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:14 PM GMT
    @Mix- I thought the same thing...wow!
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:30 PM GMT

    this would make a good plot for a gay-themed movie icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 27, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    Mixleanmachine saidWhoa, People do background checks after one date? I better make sure my record is clear!


    I just wanted to be sure the dude was not a convicted ( insert major offense here ) Sorry if you find that offensive ( no pun intended, lol ) icon_wink.gif

    There is more to this than what has been said. Hell, it would take too long to type.

    In fact, I am googling YOU now and am conducting a reverse internet search on all of your postings. It seems odd your IP address keeps changing...... icon_lol.gif