Anyone else scared that you might not find someone?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 12:01 AM GMT
    I know i'm young and all, but I can't help think about not being able to find my partner. It's scary. I feel like a ton of guys whom I'm around are mostly superficial and are very picky daters. I don't know...I guess I'm just scared that I wont be able to find my type because I feel so inferior with my physical traits. You know what I mean? There's so much pressure in looking good and staying fit...it's just so exhausting. Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?
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    Apr 20, 2011 12:05 AM GMT
    I think everyone does man. You will find someone who adores you, and you will adore him - Promise bro! ;D
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 12:08 AM GMT
    *raises hand*, but i think sometimes my general 'charlie brown inspired mope' default attitude gets me thinking that way.

    there's someone out there for everyone--just got to change your preception--
    also little things like going to the gym, doing enjoyable activities etc can help boost esteem
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Apr 20, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    Don't think this way; it is self-defeating. It also has a slippery slope leading to obsession over the topic and self-esteem issues. Plus, people like confidence, do not ever underestimate it. Dwelling on it too much is very detrimental.

    But you are young, so I know you may be just starting to wrangle with these questions. I've seen first hand friends around me thinking they will be single for the rest of their lives and go into pits of despair. That is counterproductive and will affect other areas of your life negatively. Focus on the positive, love yourself, think about "what is really important in life?" questions. Learn also to be happy being single. I am not talking about going out and having sex rampantly kind of single, (which by the way is overly propagated as what all young guys do at this age. News flash, plenty of us never went through nor see the allure of being sexually promiscuous). But I am talking about learn to enjoy and feel fulfilled being around friends, family, and by yourself.

    There is this pressure from society and your peers that you have to date date date! Heterosexuals constantly talking about boyfriend this or girlfriend that. (ok I can't finish this, need to go to an appointment.) But you get the idea?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 20, 2011 12:47 AM GMT
    You are both young and cute....so you have nothing to worry about...icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 20, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    dj0393 saidI know i'm young and all, but I can't help think about not being able to find my partner. It's scary. I feel like a ton of guys whom I'm around are mostly superficial and are very picky daters. I don't know...I guess I'm just scared that I wont be able to find my type because I feel so inferior with my physical traits. You know what I mean? There's so much pressure in looking good and staying fit...it's just so exhausting. Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?

    I have, but at 18 you can't. And certainly not where you live, next door to Seattle (I lived in that area 5 years, hence I know whereof I speak).

    At 18 one typically also begins to become seriously concerned about future career choices, and opportunities, and a dozen other grown-up things. Don't add finding a partner to that list as well, and make your job harder and more complicated than it needs to be right now.

    Have you also worried about where you'll eventually be buried? No? Good, then don't worry about a partner yet, either. All things in their proper time & order. You've got a while to go yet before the issue of a partner will become a priority. Right now you're starting college, which should be your primary focus, and when that's done, and you see what kinda life lays before you, then you can concern yourself with a partner, in whatever place you find yourself living then. Sound reasonable & logical?
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Apr 20, 2011 1:07 AM GMT
    You just have to roll with the punches, be a good person, and enjoy life. Whatever happens after that is up to fate. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you. Whatever is supposed to happen will.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Apr 20, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    I don't worry about it. Enjoy being single while you still are!
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    Apr 20, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    My Worst Nightmares ..... I hate to think about that !
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 20, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    Cairo_M saidMy Worst Nightmares ..... I hate to think about that !


    You are young and very handsome...you have nothing to worry about. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    malefeet said
    Cairo_M saidMy Worst Nightmares ..... I hate to think about that !


    You are young and very handsome...you have nothing to worry about. icon_wink.gif


    Aww thanks <3 , but still In the this place everything about being gay is impossible :/
  • fitnesshound

    Posts: 36

    Apr 20, 2011 1:11 AM GMT
    Yes...I think about it every day. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    Yep all the time
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 20, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    jaybird680 saidYep all the time



    You are a dream come to life....you have nothing to worry about. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    I am going to hit you over the head with a trumpet so you will wake up. You're young and vibrant--stop worrying about shit like this and just enjoy life. You're not physically inferior--look in the mirror.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 20, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    i agree with every else. its normal to think that way. however, you are a little too young to be thinking that way. dude, you are supposed to be out enjoying yourself and having fun. that does not mean you should not turn it down if it comes up it just mean you should not be out looking for at this stage in your life
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    I am terrified that I will not find someone....I am 29, a virgin, live in New Hampshire where good men are impossible to find...but I know it is because I have no confidence in myself and that I am fat and not happy with that. Plus I have no life...only I can change those things to find someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    I'm more scared about my future..finishing school, finding a job..you know...what's my life going to be like in 3 years lol. So I'm not really worried about if I'm going to find someone to live the rest of my life with at the moment icon_biggrin.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 20, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    Christian16 saidI'm more scared about my future..finishing school, finding a job..you know...what's my life going to be like in 3 years lol. So I'm not really worried about if I'm going to find someone to live the rest of my life with at the moment icon_biggrin.gif



    Yeah, I was more concerned with getting a job, a place of my own and all that goes with it before I concentrated on finding someone to share it with. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    Isn't the actual success of any kind of happiness being to enjoy the life you have, as you have it, instead of lamenting what you do not or may not have?

    After all, as RuPaul likes to say, if you can't love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

    Amen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    dj0393 saidI know i'm young and all, but I can't help think about not being able to find my partner. It's scary. I feel like a ton of guys whom I'm around are mostly superficial and are very picky daters. I don't know...I guess I'm just scared that I wont be able to find my type because I feel so inferior with my physical traits. You know what I mean? There's so much pressure in looking good and staying fit...it's just so exhausting. Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?




    It seems to me the issue is you're impatient and not willing to work for it. It's not like getting a pop from a vending machine.

    Next ...looking good and staying fit should be fun and something you do for yourself.
    "There's so much pressure in looking good and staying fit...it's just so exhausting."



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 2:51 AM GMT
    I came out at 18 years old and have actively searched for a life long relationship since then. I always thought I'd be partnered by the time I was 30.

    Well, 30 is three months away...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    If you're afraid to find someone, then you need to be doing everything possible to make yourself visible to men.

    Sign up for multiple dating sites, go out once a week for a few hours, join a club...anything.

    onexepshyn saidI came out at 18 years old and have actively searched for a life long relationship since then. I always thought I'd be partnered by the time I was 30.

    Well, 30 is three months away...


    Well, I think you are making as mistake. A life-long partner is scary to most of us. I think it's better to just chill, relax and let things develop from a dating to boyfriend to a relationship stage, rather than demanding a life-long partner. I mean, people change and desires change...you at 18 are different than 30. Life-long partnership has to be built, not required.

    Looking back, nearly all the guys I became boyfriends with with the exception of maybe 1 or 2 of them, would not have been suitable for life long partners much less living together! Even though we did not realize at the time.

    And FYI, if I were in San Diego you would not be single honey!
  • Thegenuineart...

    Posts: 127

    Apr 20, 2011 3:00 AM GMT
    I shit my self thinking about it every other day... If I don't find someone by 30 I'll be a nutbar hahaha
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    Apr 20, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    LondonCanuck saidI shit my self thinking about it every other day... If I don't find someone by 30 I'll be a nutbar hahaha


    I understand where you coming from, but I don't understand why there needs to be a time frame to finding one? Are you going to die at 30?