sleeping with coworkers

  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Apr 03, 2008 4:18 AM GMT
    so i just started work at my company's trading floor.
    im out at work and surprisingly most guys on the floor bust my chops about it in a big brother way and even tried setting me up with an hr guy, lol...there are some assholes but they seem to be the minority.

    our group goes to happy hr a lot and i ended up sleeping w/ a guy who happened to crash at my pad since he commuted from long island. this happened twice more the wk after, then he told me he had to stop b/c he had to keep our relationship professional (he's a level above me)

    i took it for what it was, drunken good sex, nothing more or less. hadn't it been for the fact that a) he felt awkward and b) im seeing someone now, i could see myself continuing the relationship while still getting my shit done.

    assuming both parties understood the relationship's premise and never made it out to be more, i don't see why a casual relationship becomes an issue simply once the correlation to work is made.
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    Apr 03, 2008 5:33 AM GMT
    as long as it isn't ever a supervisor/supervisee situation and it doesn't interfere with work, i have no problems with it.
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    Apr 03, 2008 6:08 AM GMT
    I got hired at Hewlett-Packard right out of school - and they had a motto:

    Don't fish off the company pier!
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    Apr 03, 2008 6:27 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 said
    Don't fish off the company pier!


    the less corporate friendly version


    "don't shit where you eat"

    it can just be really really risky. my friend slept with 3 women at the store he worked at... lucky he's a cocky son of a bitch and didn't give a shit.
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    Apr 03, 2008 6:41 AM GMT
    Personally, I don't agree with inter-office relationships because no matter how much "both parties understand the relationship's premise" it is never really that clear cut. In the initial stages it might be easy to abide by these set boundaries but the more involved you and person become the more difficult it is to separate work for life. Can you imagine how awkward it would be if you and this person broke up in a less than friendly manner and still have to face each other on a daily basis? It will affect office dynamics. Furthermore businesses tend to suffer from office relationships so i understand why it is sometimes necessary to highly discourage it's practice. It think your friend was right, Keep it professional.
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    Apr 03, 2008 8:03 AM GMT
    I'm in a multi-department / corporate retail setting where we all work closely together. There have been two couples that married, one set is engaged and the other are still living together. These are the rare four in my 15 years with the company. Others have come and gone...usually leaving a "path of destruction" behind them.

    The two marriages and engagement involve people that work in different departments or no longer work together. The other couple did work together when they started dating, now work separately and are still together.

    Even as a fun-loving super laid-back boss I tell the peeps that dating with close coworkers is insanity. If one is a supervisor it's a sexual harassment case waiting to happen. I can usually see this weirdness coming from a mile away.

    If you're in a different department and can envision a clean break if required have at it. If he's your boss don't do it. It may be fun...but it may end up really ugly.

    Different offices/same rank/don't work closely...see what happens but be smart.

    Different offices/not the same rank and rarely if ever work together...caution light.

    Same office/work together/boss or no boss...recipe for disaster!!!
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    Apr 03, 2008 9:19 AM GMT
    It's one of my personal rules of conduct not to date/sleep with anyone I work with, no matter how enticiing, horney, or potentially beneficial to my career it may be. Anyways, if you want to keep your edge, it's best to keep an air or mystery about yourself at work; and no little 'secrets' or possible blackmailing around the office when things go sour. But that's just my common sense.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 03, 2008 10:06 AM GMT
    It's one of those things that seem harmless but can really come back and bite you in the ass....

    and not in a good way

    later on

    it may not seem like it but sex is a powerplay
    and you mix this with work esp between people who either work together or are on different levels on the totem pole there will likely be consequences paid

    what if things end or don't go well?
    what if other guys on the job found out?
    what if you're up for a promotion or disciplinary action and this guy has to make some sort of decision?

    That's really more trouble than it's worth
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    Apr 03, 2008 10:23 AM GMT
    OK, this is important.

    These things end badly - ALWAYS. If there is an exception, then it only serves to prove the rule.

    I work as a personal advisor to some extremely particular people. It never ceases to amaze me when someone who has the world by the tail ends up hobbled because they just couldn't resist getting involved with someone at work (applicable to both sexes and all sexual combinations).

    Some examples.

    Hollywood studio mogul, gay, gets partner involved with secretary (female) for reasons that don't merit mentioning. This ends in tears and what amounts to blackmail (not really but virtually). This man, one of the most powerful people in his industry, avoided his office for YEARS waiting for this secretary to retire.

    European billionaire(s) (they all do it but I think of a couple of particular cases) think their position allows them to do whatever they want with whomever. The recipients of their affection either end up fired or in positions that are protected. These protected positions corrode organizations and bring enormous global companies to a total stop.

    Politicians - nuff said.

    Doctors and Patients - holy shit and it happens all the time.

    Money and position changes nothing (well it does make it all worse).

    Another thing, it is foolish to think that because one is out (as I am) and because it appears that everyone treats one normally (as they do me) that one's sexual orientation has no impact on the employment situation.

    People that I knew who are less talented than I am (not being immodest just honest), less disciplined, and less able to seize opportunity have gone further and faster in their careers than I have.

    I never indulge in sour grapes but I know that my devotion, dedication, and mania for my work are just sufficient to bring me to a level playing field with my straight colleagues. If I were in the closet then I would have opportunities I never hear about now.

    My partner and I have this discussion a lot. As the out Gay couple in our social circle the obligation on us is to be perfect, I mean socially perfect. There is absolutely no slack.

    Out at work is great. I would never advise anyone not to express their sexuality. However, it is worth being realistic and knowing that this has an impact on one's working life and that impact is serious business.

    You may expect ANYTHING to happen in a working environment when others know you are Gay (including pin the paper shredder on the donkey when the SEC shows up at the door).

    I am an old fart. My opinion of the human race has leveled out to the idea that all relationships are subject to the rules of momentary benefit and that people with long range vision are harder to find than one can possibly imagine.

    The last thing I will say is this.

    While being out at work carries its own risks and responsibilities I believe that one has to BEWARE of the closet cases one encounters in working life.

    It has happened to me that I have seen obviously Gay men who are married (a more common thing in Europe even than America) and who are absolutely closeted. If I am out then this is like some subconscious bug-light for these extremely sad people.

    In the beginning I had sympathy. Also, I found it amusing that supposedly straight men were explaining to me where the best cruising spots were (I have never gone cruising in my whole life - never once).

    It finally happened to me that one of these people for whom I had sympathy and whom I tried to "help" embezzled a boatload of money from me and nearly destroyed my life, my relationship, everything.

    I no longer think this is sympathetic or funny. When I see a closet case I run, and I run fast. I feel no obligation in 2008 to help a closeted gay man inch his way out of the closet. Now I say f--k that. There is no excuse.

    My trick is that whenever I see one of these characters in a business environment I try to visualize myself negotiating with Roy Cohn (for the youngsters http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_Cohn ). I find this really helps me keep my perspective.

    I wish you well.

    Ciao
    Terry
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    Apr 03, 2008 11:45 AM GMT
    Yes, amazing to think that anyone would not be aware of the sickening career of Roy Cohn, but he died 20 years ago.

    Good heavens, I AM old.

    Note to anyone who has seen Angels in America: Roy Cohn was an actual person, and just as appalling as Tony Kushner represents him to be.
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    Apr 03, 2008 1:08 PM GMT
    This is sort of on topic - if a little gossipy - but I just found out yesterday that we have 2 people where I work having an affair in real life after they met on Wold of Warcraft. She's married with kids, he's single. It's NUTS! People get too dickmitized and/or pussywhipped and lose their right mind.
  • NYCguy74

    Posts: 311

    Apr 03, 2008 1:14 PM GMT
    My favorite quote for this is
    "You can't get your meat where you get your bread."

    Also "it works out well, till it doesn't"
    not being pessimistic, but statistically speaking most relationships don't work out. some end nicely some don't. Are you willing to see your "ex" every day at work. I would definitely take it slow if at all to avoid hard feelings in the end.
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    Apr 03, 2008 1:16 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidThis is sort of on topic - if a little gossipy - but I just found out yesterday that we have 2 people where I work having an affair in real life after they met on Wold of Warcraft. She's married with kids, he's single. It's NUTS! People get too dickmitized and/or pussywhipped and lose their right mind.


    Wow that is tragic. Meeting on WoW seems a new low to me.

    Ciao
    Terry
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    Apr 03, 2008 1:38 PM GMT
    jprichva saidYes, amazing to think that anyone would not be aware of the sickening career of Roy Cohn, but he died 20 years ago.


    I was reading a gay history book a few years ago that had some snippets from people who had boinked Cohn. It was hard not to throw up.
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    Apr 03, 2008 1:42 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said[quote][cite]jprichva said[/cite]Yes, amazing to think that anyone would not be aware of the sickening career of Roy Cohn, but he died 20 years ago.


    I was reading a gay history book a few years ago that had some snippets from people who had boinked Cohn. It was hard not to throw up.[/quote]

    No doubt Roy was into vomit.
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    Apr 03, 2008 1:53 PM GMT
    ursamajor saidNo doubt Roy was into vomit.


    I said it was hard not to vomit. Not, it was hard, covered in vomit.

    2Guys1Cohn

    eww... I am really going to throw up now.
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    Apr 03, 2008 2:43 PM GMT
    I work for a major health insurance co in the systems/IT area and I hear everything that is going on in the Operations area. Currently some people in that area have been sleeping with each other (some gay, some straight and married)! It has gotten around and the gay and married couples partners that were cheated on plastered flyers on every car with so called info about the people that everyone is sleeping with..small dicks, herpes, you name it, its on the flyer. I dont know...fortunately for me, there is no one here that i would think about sleeping with in my area! EEWW.

    NEVER DIP YOUR PEN IN COMPANY INK!!
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    Apr 03, 2008 2:55 PM GMT
    Sleeping with co-workers...

    Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! The temptation is great but avoid it! In College I had a lot of odd jobs and one of them was working as a Ward Clerk in a hospital. I was very Naive and finally accepting I dig guys. In my stupidity I hooked up with a Married Doctor. HUGE mistake!! Biggest mistake of my life. I was 19 he was 32. A real hot man. That hook up taught me all I needed to know about screwing around with co-workers. What I thought was a safe one nighter turned into some closet case stalking me at work. I felt guilty as hell every time his wife would come to visit with the baby and he goes from hanging all over me down some hallway to watching him hang all over her. It was just fucked. Very confusing to me. I actually feared losing the job if I turned him down, but wanted it to end. I finally decided to make up a lie and tell him I'd met someone so no more messing around. He became enraged with jealousy. If he saw me talking to any guy at work he'd freak. I eventually had to quit because of it. It's just an uncomfortable situation so don't go there. There's a lot to be said about spending time apart. Having separate jobs fulfills a lot of that.
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    Apr 03, 2008 4:59 PM GMT
    Simply...

    It's bad and NOT a good idea, EVER!! I've learned the difficult way!!
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    Apr 03, 2008 5:11 PM GMT
    Our saying is "never shit on your own doorstep"

    l never have in my lifetime?
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    Apr 03, 2008 5:51 PM GMT
    I've had sex AT WORK, but never with a COWORKER.
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    Apr 03, 2008 6:26 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidI've had sex AT WORK, but never with a COWORKER.


    That's the only way to do it... and maybe a former coworker?
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    Apr 03, 2008 7:28 PM GMT
    Yeah it is a touchy subject and almost always ends terribly. I would not sleep with someone that could fire me lol. The higher level should know better anyway.
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    Apr 03, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    I think i would risk it with chizzad! haha icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 03, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    Chizzad is a fire fighter...

    Takes sleeping with a co-worker into a totally different mental image for me.

    226singles_firefighter_18.jpg