Fickle guys who date you and make out they really like one week, and then drop you a couple of weeks later with no specific reason - sounds familiar anyone?

  • astrostarico

    Posts: 3

    Apr 20, 2011 11:14 PM GMT
    A guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    As he lived a three hour train journey away from me, we agreed to Skype at week-ends to keep up the interest in the pursuit of a potential relationship.

    However, I noticed him being online on Realjock more often than usual, and straight after a third Skype session I discovered he was in the Real Jock Adult Chat Room. I think he was shocked and embarrassed when he realised that I found him out as I have never used the Chat rooms.

    I get a message from him via email soon after and he says that he feels that we don't have that much in common and that we were not compatible and that he rather not see me again - of course I was confused and in our final telephone conversation he still could not give me a proper reason. I was silly not to have mentioned the Adult Chat Room discovery as this may have blown it for him, but hey.

    Glad to let you know that I have moved on and away from the negativity of this incident and hope that I do not encounter the same fickle types again.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?
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    Apr 20, 2011 11:35 PM GMT
    astrostarico saidDoes this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?
    Welcome to the dating life.
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    Apr 21, 2011 12:59 AM GMT
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop. It was just too much, too soon and he got to know you so much that he finally lost interest. Sounds weird, but unfortunately that's just how it is.

    Trust me, I know how it feels. 3 years ago I met this fine Puerto Rican guy and we made plans to meet at the beach in the afternoon. Well, then after that we decided to get lunch. Well I was so swept away by his body and his silver Corvette than I just couldn't resist going to play tennis with him later that night, and then going to the club with as well and then...having dinner and then I had sex with him that night too! (too much, too soon). Fortunately I was able to fight the urge to spend the night because I knew what I was doing was wrong.

    Even though we met about 2-3 times after that, he didn't seem interested in me that much anymore, and the relationship never took off. Til this day, I still regret it and learned my lesson but it was just so hard. He was everything I could have wanted in a man.

    In the future, meet guys from online for something short and simple. By spending too much time with a guy, you're allowing all your good and bad be revealed and it's too early for your flaws to show (which we all have).

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    Apr 21, 2011 2:20 AM GMT
    Guys are weird, and stupid.

    Here is a good example. I met a guy online, and we hit it off. Spend 3 hours the first date. Then 6 hours the second date. Then the third date, I cooked for him, fooled around a bit. Afterwords he texted to say he had a great time and thanks for the evening.

    He had some shit go on and we couldn't get together for a while. After some of the shit, I called and asked him out for date number 4. He told me that he really enjoys hanging out with me, but didn't think that we were gonna be a match because I wasn't giving him enough, yet then offered to go out on Sunday morning.

    Sunday came, I went to the meeting spot, he never showed. I txted him asking for some common courtesy, and he replied saying "I'm sorry I forgot about our date, I have been sitting at home all day doing nothing."

    I mean, how do you forget plans with someone you enjoy hanging out with 4 days after making them?

    I even told him I was pissed because I wanted to see him, and he obviously didn't give a shit. All he had to say was "again, I'm sorry."

    Remember OP, as gay men we like men, not 13 year old girls. Your guy lacked balls like mine did, and don't put up with that shit.

    As a 24 year old who prefers men in their late 30s and early 40s, there is a great 4 letter word that I live by.

    NEXT!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 21, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidWelcome to the dating life.


    Surely you jest.....78.gif
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    Apr 21, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    brianindenver said
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop.


    This^^
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Apr 21, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    To a certain extent, it is true that a little mystery increases one's stock value where dating is concerned. Maybe the guy felt that it was all a bit much too soon, and maybe you were putting more emphasis on things than he did. It seems crappy, but in the dating game, it's a "no harm, no foul" situation, unless you had both communicated openly about how deeply this relationship had impacted you. If that were the case and he squirreled out on you, I would be able to understand your frustration.

    I meet guys that seem interesting, and invite them to have a glass of wine or coffee or maybe dinner. If that goes well, maybe there's a second date, but sometimes the interest just wanes. Maybe there's no chemistry, maybe I just get a vibe that tells me we're not looking for the same things in life, but if I'm not feeling it by the third date, I try to level with the guy to tell him honestly that it's nothing personal. It's awkward, but better to be honest at the get-go than to drag things out.

    I think we've all been there. Not everybody handles it with equal grace.
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    Apr 21, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    You were already checking up on him and you hadn't reached the point of being an exclusive couple. I would have probably done the same thing. Until you had that conversation about commitment, why would you expect anything more? Seems like there was a specific reason on why he thought things wouldn't work out. At least he had enough class to let you know it wasn't going to work, that's something you wouldn't get from a lot of guys.
  • ac416

    Posts: 273

    Apr 21, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    what? real jock has an adult chat room? icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 21, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    brianindenver said
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop.


    This^^


    I went out with my ex everyday the first week we met. We went on to have a 3 year relationship. We enjoyed each other's time so we spent a lot of it together. I am sure there are other guys who did the same and there were no problems.

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    Apr 21, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    Iceblink saidAt least he had enough class to let you know it wasn't going to work, that's something you wouldn't get from a lot of guys.


    +10
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    Apr 21, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    Vancouverite2004 said
    Iceblink saidAt least he had enough class to let you know it wasn't going to work, that's something you wouldn't get from a lot of guys.


    +10


    x10
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    Apr 21, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Vancouverite2004 said
    Iceblink saidAt least he had enough class to let you know it wasn't going to work, that's something you wouldn't get from a lot of guys.


    +10


    x10


    ^10

    I'll have the dignity to admit that I've done this first-hand, since I was too chickenhearted to say "hey- I lead you on. My bad."
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Apr 21, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    Yes - Just went through it... again... No wonder I drink.
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    Apr 21, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    LakeviewBrian saidYes - Just went through it... again... No wonder I drink.


    I need to start drinking...to keep my sanity!
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 21, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    Wow..Who would have thought of all these guys with this same problem..? icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 21, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    Bullwinklemoos said
    Ariodante said
    Vancouverite2004 said
    Iceblink saidAt least he had enough class to let you know it wasn't going to work, that's something you wouldn't get from a lot of guys.


    +10


    x10


    ^10

    I'll have the dignity to admit that I've done this first-hand, since I was too chickenhearted to say "hey- I lead you on. My bad."


    I had a guy really honestly and fearlessly tell me it wouldn't work out. I was like damn I want you more now.
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    Apr 21, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    Wow. I think first I would have to have a guy actually show up for a date, so that he can then blow me off later.
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    Apr 21, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    I went out with my ex everyday the first week we met. We went on to have a 3 year relationship. We enjoyed each other's time so we spent a lot of it together. I am sure there are other guys who did the same and there were no problems.



    well that's great, and I wish I could be that way. Of course there's always going to be someone with a story, but fact of the matter is that is not something I would suggest to someone and most times it does not work.

    I can also name several stories about guys I hung out with everyday and the relationship fizzled

    I met this one guy who liked me alot, and me too. I met him for the 1st time on a Saturday. Then he took me to lunch and the park on Sunday, then the club. Then we hung out Monday and finally on Tuesday. Well after that he never wanted to see me again. He didn't say that, but every time I asked to see him again when I came back from Florida, he kept making excuse after excuse.


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    Apr 21, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    k3l3k0 said
    brianindenver said
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop.


    This^^


    I went out with my ex everyday the first week we met. We went on to have a 3 year relationship. We enjoyed each other's time so we spent a lot of it together. I am sure there are other guys who did the same and there were no problems.



    ditto. going on 6 months strong
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    Apr 21, 2011 4:24 AM GMT
    brianindenver said
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop. It was just too much, too soon and he got to know you so much that he finally lost interest. Sounds weird, but unfortunately that's just how it is.

    Trust me, I know how it feels. 3 years ago I met this fine Puerto Rican guy and we made plans to meet at the beach in the afternoon. Well, then after that we decided to get lunch. Well I was so swept away by his body and his silver Corvette than I just couldn't resist going to play tennis with him later that night, and then going to the club with as well and then...having dinner and then I had sex with him that night too! (too much, too soon). Fortunately I was able to fight the urge to spend the night because I knew what I was doing was wrong.

    Even though we met about 2-3 times after that, he didn't seem interested in me that much anymore, and the relationship never took off. Til this day, I still regret it and learned my lesson but it was just so hard. He was everything I could have wanted in a man.

    In the future, meet guys from online for something short and simple. By spending too much time with a guy, you're allowing all your good and bad be revealed and it's too early for your flaws to show (which we all have).

    hmmm, I never felt like this at all.. strange
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    Apr 21, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra said
    k3l3k0 said
    brianindenver said
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop.


    This^^


    I went out with my ex everyday the first week we met. We went on to have a 3 year relationship. We enjoyed each other's time so we spent a lot of it together. I am sure there are other guys who did the same and there were no problems.




    You're right, Avad. icon_wink.gif

    For us, 22 years this year.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Apr 21, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    That is exactly why I don't date guys anymore. Just sex, thank you very much. I'd rather date a girl.
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    Apr 21, 2011 5:42 AM GMT
    MYJ21 said
    AvadaKedavra said
    k3l3k0 said
    brianindenver said
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop.


    This^^


    I went out with my ex everyday the first week we met. We went on to have a 3 year relationship. We enjoyed each other's time so we spent a lot of it together. I am sure there are other guys who did the same and there were no problems.



    ditto. going on 6 months strong


    that's nice for you guys. But nobody is talking about your relationships.
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    Apr 21, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    MYJ21 said
    AvadaKedavra said
    k3l3k0 said
    brianindenver said
    astrostarico saidA guy on here, a recent Realjock member looking for a monogamous relationship messaged me with interest early this year. After several telephone conversations with each other, he kindly invited me to stay with him at his place for a long week-end - we had an intense and passionate time together and some romantic times too.

    Does this above story sound familiar or ring true with anyone else?


    First mistake right here. You met him for the first time and spent a long weekend with him. By not keeping the first date to no more than 3-5 hours, you ruined your chances of allowing any mystery and longing to develop.


    This^^


    I went out with my ex everyday the first week we met. We went on to have a 3 year relationship. We enjoyed each other's time so we spent a lot of it together. I am sure there are other guys who did the same and there were no problems.



    ditto. going on 6 months strong


    that's nice for you guys. But nobody is talking about your relationships.


    They’re saying that relationships can work even if you spend a lot of time with each other in the beginning. I also spent around the first 5 days/nights with my first bf and the relationship lasted over 6 months.

    If a guy needs mystery and passion 24/7 he’ll end up leaving you eventually anyway; nobody is that freaking mysterious or gorgeous sorry “perfect” just doesn’t exist.