What to do wit the guy that is your best friend and you are in love with?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2011 9:29 AM GMT
    So this is probably going to sound familiar so I'll try to keep it short. My best friend and me fell in love with each other about 6 months ago, well thats when we admitted the fact. Then when we were at the tip of getting into a relationship something happened in which he could not be in a relationship with me so he said it was better to part ways. We tried but it was on and off, and now that his situation was resolved he came back to the friendship. I asked him if he still loved me and he said no but that he cared immensely for me and didtnt want to lose me. He also nearly bawled when he thought i was going to end the friendship. He keeps referencing what we shared before and reads me things he wrote. I confronted him about his feelings once more and he said that he didnt love me but that since nothing was holding him back this time he wouldnt hinder the redevelopment of feelings. Im very uneasy about this because it took a long time to accept what happened before and i love him dearly but its scary to love someone who is unsure but willing. He acts like he is in love with me but he pretty much wants to take it slow. The thing is that if he doesnt redevelop his feelings where would that leave me. We have also never shared an intimate moment, not even a kiss. The reason is that he was sure of his "heterosexuality" now that hes coming around though the love is apparently not there. We see each other at night and just talk like before and its very sweet and nice. He even says its "comforting," I simply dont know how to go about this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as this is the first boy i have ever fallen for. Thanks in advance for your advice. Oh and im supposed to see him again tomorrow. So confused...
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    Apr 21, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    Look at what you wrote here:

    "I asked him if he still loved me and he said no but that he cared immensely for me and didtnt want to lose me."


    Now I think many guys get confused with language. There is love and there is being 'in love'. Both are required here. The two of you, I think, are mixed up in meanings. So I'll simplify it for you.

    He loves you. He is NOT in love with you.

    You love him, AND you are in love with him.


    Does this help?

    -Doug
  • Newbie123

    Posts: 31

    Apr 21, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    Aether1991 saidWe see each other at night and just talk like before and its very sweet and nice.



    That's enough! Sometimes a friend is just a friend, it is awkward to treat him as a partner. i suppose it is embarrassing to have a relationship with a guy whom you are TOO familiar to. right?
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    Apr 21, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    A best friend is very difficult to find. If i was in this situation i would just nurture the friendship for now and put the romantic aspects out of your mind. It seems that you are both new so, i would not want to risk losing him all together.

    I had been in a simular situation and now have the best friend in the world who is quite helpful when dating relationships have not worked out. Goodluck!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    You need to stop seeing him for a few months.
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    Apr 21, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    Take it slow. You are young and there is plenty of time. If you rush things, you will scare him off. Be satisfied for the time being with the friendship. If you are truly best of friends then you have the basis for an LTR in the future but not if you make his transition difficult. Every person has to follow their own path in this regard. You can make it easier for him by just being his friend. So now is the time to put your love to a test. Do you really care for him enough to sacrifice, temporarily, your needs for his?
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    Apr 21, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    Just dont bother.. things happen when they happen
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    Apr 21, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    You should start texting him at least 30 times a day and write him letters and always know where he is and what he is doing so that he KNOWS you care about him. You should also find a way into his private email accounts and profiles and make sure that the reason why he doesn't love you is not because there is someone else.
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    Apr 21, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    hazardous saidYou should start texting him at least 30 times a day and write him letters and always know where he is and what he is doing so that he KNOWS you care about him. You should also find a way into his private email accounts and profiles and make sure that the reason why he doesn't love you is not because there is someone else.



    And you can do this all why you are camped out inside your car parked in front of his house.
  • laguna07

    Posts: 124

    Apr 21, 2011 11:42 PM GMT
    It is obvious that the problem is not his loving you...i think he really does. He is struggling with his sexuality and coming to terms with his feelings. I think you try your best to just be friends at this point if that is possible. And this stupid advice of constantly contacting him or stalking him is ridiculous. Just be his friend and be there for him...that's what people that love each other do. But realize he may never want to make that transition and you should not just put your life on hold. You need to move on as best you can and make an effort to meet other people so you can find the happiness you want and not the frustrations you are dealing with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    actually this is happening with me now, but more complicated i love him, but i dont know if he is gay icon_sad.gif but sometimes i be sure that he is gay because of his actions, beside once he was sleeping over and we played a litle bit but never mention that after icon_sad.gif what to do ? how do i get sure

    note: askin him or just tell him that im gay isnt a solution.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 22, 2011 1:43 AM GMT
    I fell in love with at least 2 friends who turned out to be str8. Lots of repressed drama over them.
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    Apr 22, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    Best friend....and you're in love with?

    And, perhaps, it will never come to pass.......?


    Just be thankful for the kindness and the friendship.

    When you get older, you'll understand.

    icon_wink.gif