Concerning 'Fag-hags'

  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Apr 03, 2008 8:42 PM GMT
    First a disclaimer: given how many guys on here seem to eschew other gay friends, I'm hoping the thread won't degenerate into an indictment of "stereotypical gay" socialising patterns icon_confused.gif

    That said, for those unfamiliar with the term ('fag-hag')it generally means a straight woman who mostly hangs out with gay men, prefers our company, etc. So does anyone on here have one? What's the appeal, or (as the case may be) how did you get roped into it? I've got plenty of friends who are women, I respect women, but I don't find them better to hang out with than anyone else and I wouldn't care to be singled out for friendship because I'm gay and "not threatening." Moreover, I don't really care for part of the fag/hag dynamic I've noticed between some of my guy friends and their girl posses.

    An example would be last weekend at the bar and some drama that followed it. I went to the closest thing my town has to a gay bar (the invariable course of 'gay bars' here is that they open to cater to us, then straight girls-- either fed up with the predatory drunken straight guys at their own bars, or invited by their gay guy friends-- start coming, then the drunken straight guys start showing up, and the bar gets re-branded as "alternative/gay-friendly"); now I go to the bar to see friends and to dance, either by myself, or with friends, or with guys that I find attractive. Those are really the only strangers that I care to dance with-- if they aren't friends, or I'm not attracted to them, I would sooner have my space.

    Last weekend, though, shortly after I arrived I was pulled onto the dancefloor by some fag-hags who were there with a guy I'm acquainted with. I humoured them for a few minutes but all of their grinding and touching was kinda awkward/inappropriate and I was glad when a girl I knew came along and afforded me a graceful exit from the dancefloor.

    The drama hit when a picture of me squeezed between two of the girls appeared the next day on facebook and a friend (who'd been indulging the girls' haggery and apparently enjoying the attention) and I started a chain of commentary on the picture wherein he said I looked uncomfortable, and I said how I really don't care for that kind of attention from women because as a homo I'm not into them. Then the girls in the picture saw what we'd been saying and started ragging on us, saying we were going along with it and that we were 'crazy.' The point that the whole incident kind of illustrates to me is that a lot (not all, but a lot) of straight women who hang out with gay guys and go to gay bars seem to get really pushy.

    Whether it's that they don't really believe that we aren't into them and figure we secretly want them bumping and grinding up against us because as women they're *so* 'irresistable', or whether it's that without the pervasive "guys-preying-on-girls" atmosphere of the straight bars the girls get more aggressive, I don't know. But I just find it seems like straight girls in 'our' bars are kinda domineering-- groping un-interested people on a whim-- in the same way that they find drunken apes unappealing at the straight bars, and if you don't enjoy their attention because you aren't into them then you get attitude like there's something wrong with you.

    So if any guys on here have fag-hags, do you ever find there's something kinda domineering about them? I just don't get the appeal.
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    Apr 03, 2008 8:45 PM GMT
    nope not at all I see as objects that they feel safe with. They feel they can be slutty and flirty and all the things they realy want to do to guys to us as they know or hope that this wont lead to anything.

    Its safety and security and nothing more. But be careful you assume that they are the fag hags but is it you that are the fag bangle?
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    Apr 03, 2008 9:06 PM GMT
    I don't have any, but a lot of my gay friends do. Some of them can be annoying, some can be supportive, just depends on the individual. What's weird to me is those who only have exclusively gay friends. The girl that was my bf's ex-fag-hag ONLY hung out with gay guys, and I know a few others like that. Always seemed a bit odd to me, could never figure out why. Substitute boyfriends maybe?
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    Apr 03, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    imperator saidFirst a disclaimer: given how many guys on here seem to eschew other gay friends, I'm hoping the thread won't degenerate into an indictment of "stereotypical gay" socialising patterns icon_confused.gif

    That said, for those unfamiliar with the term ('fag-hag')it generally means a straight woman who mostly hangs out with gay men, prefers our company, etc. So does anyone on here have one? What's the appeal, or (as the case may be) how did you get roped into it? I've got plenty of friends who are women, I respect women, but I don't find them better to hang out with than anyone else and I wouldn't care to be singled out for friendship because I'm gay and "not threatening." Moreover, I don't really care for part of the fag/hag dynamic I've noticed between some of my guy friends and their girl posses.

    An example would be last weekend at the bar and some drama that followed it. I went to the closest thing my town has to a gay bar (the invariable course of 'gay bars' here is that they open to cater to us, then straight girls-- either fed up with the predatory drunken straight guys at their own bars, or invited by their gay guy friends-- start coming, then the drunken straight guys start showing up, and the bar gets re-branded as "alternative/gay-friendly"); now I go to the bar to see friends and to dance, either by myself, or with friends, or with guys that I find attractive. Those are really the only strangers that I care to dance with-- if they aren't friends, or I'm not attracted to them, I would sooner have my space.

    Last weekend, though, shortly after I arrived I was pulled onto the dancefloor by some fag-hags who were there with a guy I'm acquainted with. I humoured them for a few minutes but all of their grinding and touching was kinda awkward/inappropriate and I was glad when a girl I knew came along and afforded me a graceful exit from the dancefloor.

    The drama hit when a picture of me squeezed between two of the girls appeared the next day on facebook and a friend (who'd been indulging the girls' haggery and apparently enjoying the attention) and I started a chain of commentary on the picture wherein he said I looked uncomfortable, and I said how I really don't care for that kind of attention from women because as a homo I'm not into them. Then the girls in the picture saw what we'd been saying and started ragging on us, saying we were going along with it and that we were 'crazy.' The point that the whole incident kind of illustrates to me is that a lot (not all, but a lot) of straight women who hang out with gay guys and go to gay bars seem to get really pushy.

    Whether it's that they don't really believe that we aren't into them and figure we secretly want them bumping and grinding up against us because as women they're *so* 'irresistable', or whether it's that without the pervasive "guys-preying-on-girls" atmosphere of the straight bars the girls get more aggressive, I don't know. But I just find it seems like straight girls in 'our' bars are kinda domineering-- groping un-interested people on a whim-- in the same way that they find drunken apes unappealing at the straight bars, and if you don't enjoy their attention because you aren't into them then you get attitude like there's something wrong with you.

    So if any guys on here have fag-hags, do you ever find there's something kinda domineering about them? I just don't get the appeal.
    Ok...with you. I live in the metro. own houses...and yet have a fag hag...but it is more of a friendship then anything else. I have helped her move, build, money, childern (taking care of them), paid her taxes, etc...
    so what else do you have?
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    Apr 04, 2008 3:15 AM GMT
    I think they're nice, and so much fun to watch when they're drunk. I don't mind holding their hair back while they puke.


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    Apr 04, 2008 3:49 AM GMT
    My experience has been that a lot of straight women want nothing more in life than to dominate males - but they typically can't dominate straight males. Hanging out with gays, especially more effeminate gay guys, allows them to act out their fantasies safely.

    Have you ever seen the way straight chicks act at a male strip club? They are WAY more aggressive than straight guys are at a titty bar. And while straight guys typically look at a female stripper as an object to be admired, straight women look at a male stripper as someone to be demeaned. Somehow in their minds this constitutes "payback".

    Also, it seems to be every straight chick's fantasy to dress her straight boyfriend up as a woman for Halloween. It's the whole emasculation fantasy.

    I honestly don't know why any guy, gay or straight, would put up with it.
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    Apr 04, 2008 3:52 AM GMT
    ah with the naming again..some women just get along better with gays, and it just so happens that they seem to stumble upon them...its enough we have enough discrimination within the gay culture..now we're attacking fag hags? jesus!
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    Apr 04, 2008 3:53 AM GMT
    I've got a few of the stereotypical fat chick fag hags. This, I think, is their only male companionship...I often hear the complaints, the moody "gosh, if only you were straight."

    To which I counter, "Too bad you're not swinging pipe."

    Ah, unrequited love.
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    Apr 04, 2008 3:56 AM GMT
    Good Grief... Now certain media outlets are promoting the term "fag stag" for any straight guy who happens to have gay friends.
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    Apr 04, 2008 4:08 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidGood Grief... Now certain media outlets are promoting the term "fag stag" for any straight guy who happens to have gay friends.


    what next....a special term for mothers who's all friends are gay? i cant think of name, help me out here
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Apr 04, 2008 4:40 AM GMT
    The girls you talk about are not full-fledged hags. A true fag hag knows that you're not into them (even though she may have been into you at one time) and will introduce you to the guy or guys that you're drooling over and are too much of a pussy to go say hi to. First, they'll make sure he's not boring or psycho. Then they'll casually bring him over to say hello if he makes the cut. If you're in a relationship, your fag hag will help you talk about your boyfriend when he's being a dick, and walk you down the aisle to marry him whether you should or not.

    In return, all she asks for is that you treat her with respect, tell her when her dress makes her look fat, give her tips on giving head,keep the assholes away from her and, as John43620 mentioned, hold her hair when she's puking. In short, they want to feel like they're human.

    Margaret Cho is a Queen amongst Fag Hags. Celebrate the Fag Hag! Without them we go crazy.

  • vince_the_cyc...

    Posts: 126

    Apr 04, 2008 4:43 AM GMT
    Working in a gay bar feel compelled to mention a good number of 20-something straight women behave with a bizarre sense of entitlement which they'd never be able to pull off in other social situations. What is it about a gay bar that brings out this terrible side in some women?

    If a patron is oogling over my body, attempting to pinch my butt, complaing that all the hot guys are gay (and they're usually quite serious about this) or tipping me $0.50 on a $14 martini (which I get to carry through a busy crowd on a cocktail tray), she is almost guaranteed to fall within the demographic of straight, young and female.
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    Apr 04, 2008 4:47 AM GMT
    vince_in_chicago saidWorking in a gay bar feel compelled to mention a good number of 20-something straight women behave with a bizarre sense of entitlement which they'd never be able to pull off in other social situations. What is it about a gay bar that brings out this terrible side in some women?

    If a patron is oogling over my body, attempting to pinch my butt, complaing that all the hot guys are gay (and they're usually quite serious about this) or tipping me $0.50 on a martini, she is almost guaranteed to fall within the demographic of straight, young and female.


    if i dress like a young 20-something single female, do i get to oggle over ur body and pinch ur butt?
  • collegeguy06

    Posts: 7

    Apr 04, 2008 4:48 AM GMT
    I understand what you are talking about. Whenever I go out to the clubs to dance and just hang out with my friends I'm usually approached by some drunk woman wanting to dance. I don't care to dance most of the time, but I do notice that they can get "handsy". One time in particular I was dancing with a guy I was dating and this chick started dancing with us. I had no problem dancing with her, until she started to put her hands down my pants. I had to physically remove her hands from my crotch and back away. Looking back on it now, it's kind of funny. lol
  • vince_the_cyc...

    Posts: 126

    Apr 04, 2008 4:50 AM GMT
    Moudi saidif i dress like a young 20-something single female, do i get to oggle over ur body and pinch ur butt?


    For you I'd make an exception icon_wink.gif

    It's never the cute gay guys that express any interest!
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    Apr 04, 2008 4:52 AM GMT
    vince_in_chicago said[quote][cite]Moudi said[/cite]if i dress like a young 20-something single female, do i get to oggle over ur body and pinch ur butt?


    For you I'd make an exception icon_wink.gif

    It's never the cute gay guys that express any interest![/quote]


    icon_rolleyes.gif i dunno about cute..but im certainly expressing alot of interest!
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Apr 04, 2008 4:56 AM GMT
    Moudi saidah with the naming again..some women just get along better with gays, and it just so happens that they seem to stumble upon them...its enough we have enough discrimination within the gay culture..now we're attacking fag hags? jesus!



    Uh, I'm not making up some derogatory label, I am-- for the sake of convenience-- referring to a long-used term that plenty of straight women themselves use to refer to themselves in relation to their predominantly gay friends. And my post wasn't about "discriminating," it was about questioning attitudes and behaviour.

    Solidarity is nice, sure, but I don't feel obligated to unquestioningly accept all manner of behaviour for the sake of not stirring the pot and disrupting some illusory 'alliance.' icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 04, 2008 5:47 AM GMT
    I have no problem with having female friends, nor do I have any problem with them hanging with me because I'm gay. This is because, while some initially hang with me just because I'm gay and they feel safe, many of them become genuine friends over time. Those that aren't genuine friends get left behind. Those are not the women I regard as fag-hags, however... even if they use the term themselves.

    To me, a true fag-hag is a straight woman who hangs (often exclusively) with gay men because 1) they have no luck with straight men and have deluded themselves into thinking they can "change" the gay guy (on whom they have a crush), or 2) they have a crush on the gay guy, but they know they have no chance with him, so they position themselves to influence his choice in partners either verbally or by sabotage, or a combination of both, because they know who's "good enough" for the gay guy better than he does, or 3) they see the gay guy as someone they can control, and being a control freak, they use the "friendship" to that end, hoping to appear greater and grander. These are the women I regard as fag-hags... I've had encounters with such women a few times and I find that sort of behavior disgusting. I have no time for it, and no desire for the drama, and I have learned to steer clear.
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    Apr 04, 2008 5:51 AM GMT
    Or maybe they hang out at the gay clubs in order to hook up with the faux-mosexuals who hang out at gay clubs in order to hook up with fag-hags.
  • vince_the_cyc...

    Posts: 126

    Apr 04, 2008 5:53 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidOr maybe they hang out at the gay clubs in order to hook up with the faux-mosexuals who hang out at gay clubs in order to hook up with fag-hags.


    I work with 2 straight bartenders who do just that.
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    Apr 04, 2008 6:09 AM GMT
    LOL. This is a funny thread.

    I treat woman the same as I treat men. if I'mnot interested in doign anything then It's not gonna happen. Ihang out with my buds, which consists of both men and women, whenever I go out.

    So these ladies had a good time time with you. Big deal. If you didn't want the attention you should've said something and to stop. As for the pictures being taken and ending up on Facebaook that too could've stopped had yopu said something. In cases like this when ladies frequent the bar and want a have a good time humoring then is sometimes not the best thing to do. A graceful "Thanks but no thanks" works just as well on the ladies as it does the guys.

    I have a few lady friends who I guess could be called fag-hags but they tone it down and don't get off creating attention for any of us. They act like normal people with normal lifes and interests having fun.
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    Apr 04, 2008 6:34 AM GMT
    I don't believe in Fag Hags! I have GREAT female friends however I don't believe in having them go out with me to Gay "places". If I wanna do Gay stuff, I'll go with my Gay male friends, if the female wants to come that's cool! I see way too many times a female out with her Gay friend and gets ditched for the "hook up", SO rude and abusive! Again, I don't believe in having a Fag Hag PLUS the phrase itself seems so demeaning!
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    Apr 04, 2008 6:40 AM GMT
    a1972guy saidThe phrase itself seems so demeaning!


    And they SOOO hate the term, too. Always protesting, "I am NOT a fag hag...ugh!"

    Surest sign she's a fag hag, as she doth protest too much.
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    Apr 04, 2008 6:44 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said[quote][cite]a1972guy said[/cite]The phrase itself seems so demeaning!


    And they SOOO hate the term, too. Always protesting, "I am NOT a fag hag...ugh!"

    Surest sign she's a fag hag, as she doth protest too much.[/quote]

    And they ALWAYS protest, each week at the bars!
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    Apr 04, 2008 7:01 AM GMT
    LOL. The only gay thing I do is with another man.
    Other then that my friends are more then welcomed to hang out with me no matter when I am.

    (unless of course I'm doing that gay thing. LOL.)