Need some advice friends...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 23, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    Hi guys, long time reader, first time poster...

    I understand that these type of questions have been asked a million times and i've been reading through trying to form a decision myself but i'm still confused as ever. I apologise if this is a long read but i would appreciate some advice..

    So I've had an acquaintance at the gym now for quite a few months, up until about 3-4 weeks ago we've befriended each other and become 'facebook' friends.. he's asked to train with me and i've agreed... we used to train only on week days but as of late it turns out he's moved out towards my area so now we're also training on the weekends..

    Anyway within the past week we spoken and hung out quite a bit.. some things that have been said has been making me think..:

    - the other night i was talking to him online, the first thing i said was 'i have a dilema' - which i did because i had to make a decision about my career but before i even got my second line in.. he immediately responded 'i'm not gay'.. i said What?? I'm a bit confused how he thru that in out of no where..
    - He spoke of a gym that he used to go to that was renowned for gay activities in the change room. He told me about some of the stuff he's seen. I've heard of this gym before so was stunned that he knew about it.
    - I told him that the weekend before I trained with some other guy and he said jokingly "Are you cheating on me?" - shocked that i thought i heard wrong i asked him what he said, and he repeated himself and laughed
    - He asked me to come out for a drink one night.. and i jokingly said oh is this our first date.. he said yes.. and we laughed.. as i was driving i asked him if he's ever been to the new cinema complex, he laughed and replied.. 'hey hey easy now, i dont go that way'... a bit naive i wasn't even thinking that, i was just asking him if he had been..
    - he invited me out for a dinner the next day and as we walked down the street we passed a gay sauna.. not that it was marked but i've been told that place had that type of activity.. he went to say 'hey there's your sauna' but at the same time i was talking about something else.. so i ignored his comment... i was shocked he knew it was a gay sauna..

    he's very masculine in his traits but at the same time very well groomed. The night we went out for a drink he was wearing pretty short shorts, and he's legs were all hairy, the next day to dinner he'd waxed them all..???

    i must say there's a lot of joking between us which i think most ppl would also consider flirting... eg. He bought us both a drink at the gym.. as we were training he took my drink and started drinking.. i noticed but didn't mention anything until a little later and said hey u took my drink.. and he said 'oh yeah.. i just wanted some of your germs..' later he said something like i've spent the night slobering all over your saliva..

    So you can kinda see.. i'm having very mixed signals here.. and hope someone can shed some light.. i haven't probably been detailed enough above just because there's a few too many occasions...

    hope u guys can help.

    thanks

    Beau.

  • Newbie123

    Posts: 31

    Apr 24, 2011 7:41 AM GMT
    So what do you wanna get from him? A date? A relationship?
    you like him and sometimes, that's what take you in and make you confused. Sometimes, one of his actions may mislead you(not on purpose) and make you regard it as an signal of love. So i suppose it is 'what he has clearfied' that you should pay more attention to.
    Maybe there is already an answer in your mind which you just refuse to admit.
    More often than not, a friendship is satisfactory enough. Just enjoy it and never make it a burden to yourself. When a love is in the air, you could feel it without any confusion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 8:12 AM GMT
    Very true and I understand that sometimes ur judgement tends to be clouded at the same time you wonder if he is closeted just like myself... I can't help but feel he's a bit too friendly picks up my stuff at the gym, brings me shakes... U know.. I've trained with others before and no one has been this friendly..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 8:20 AM GMT
    Invite him over for dinner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 8:29 AM GMT
    Since he says he's straight there's nothing you can really do about it. He could just be a total closet case, in which case I would say you should probably steer clear of trying anything anyhow. It isn't worth it. Not unless you want to jeopardize your friendship. I'd say just stick with being friends and see how things go. Things will become more apparent as you get to know him better. Sorry I'm not much help icon_redface.gif.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 24, 2011 8:40 AM GMT
    if he said he is straight then just flirt back with him and take it as that. oh and i have had buddies of mine who shaved there legs too and they are straight so that does not mean anything. i say if he doesn't make a pass at you then he is probably straight and just messing with you
  • Newbie123

    Posts: 31

    Apr 24, 2011 8:46 AM GMT
    bi_justlooking saidVery true and I understand that sometimes ur judgement tends to be clouded at the same time you wonder if he is closeted just like myself... I can't help but feel he's a bit too friendly picks up my stuff at the gym, brings me shakes... U know.. I've trained with others before and no one has been this friendly..




    Maybe he just wanna show his friendliness. you know, not everyone do this with a 'sex' in his mind. He knows whom you are,why would he disguise himself in front of you? So you can just take him as your best friend or just enjoy it and dont be pushy. Now that you like to be together with him, why not let it be? you've gain an amazing friendship and dont want to make a mess of it, do you?


    let what between you two unfolds in a natural way, never take it as love until you can see what it is going to be.

    Be sensible and have fun!
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Apr 24, 2011 8:55 AM GMT
    Get him drunkicon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 9:51 AM GMT
    You know what, it would be best not to make too much out of this. If you think its leading you on then by all means tell him that his flirting is giving the wrong signals. I flirt with my close guy friends but they know that when I do it, its for good humor and not because I want to sleep with them or date them.

    I had a crush on this one guy and when I finally opened up to him that I was bi, he was accepting, but he didn't feel that way about me.

    Which is fine because I'm over the crush, however now his flirting with me in front of public is getting to be uncomfortable because if there is a girl I may like, he kinda sabotages it by disclosing my orientation which leaves me infuriated. I keep my orientation and guarded as possible because where I live people, use rumors and gossips as leverage. :S

    I have to speak to him about this as civil as possible because he part my friends circle now but he doesn't know how we operate yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 1:25 PM GMT
    i very much appreciate all your comments.

    i do have to admit that i'm a closet case.. no one knows i have an interest in guys (he definitely doesn't... only the guys i've been with know) and i do kinda come across as very macho.. so with this, when he flirts with me i just flirt back.. just that i've never really had this time of relationship with my straight male friends.. just seems a little odd...

    even more so when he seems to know about so much of the gay places & events.. which i've never heard about until my ex partner has told me so its only through that, that i'm aware.. or maybe i'm just naive.

    maybe it is me looking into it too much because i have certain expectations, or maybe there are signs.. i'm not sure.. the dude's dress code is quite metro as well, big sunnies, short shorts, singlet, etc.... but again yes i understand you cant use this as a deciding factor... i've even tried talking about ex girlfriends, well mine anyway.. he's only ever mentioned one very so briefly.. !

    got a few messages from him again today again with subtle flirts.. i msg'd back and said, "man if anyone saw our messages they'd think we were a couple".. he said "haha i know.. delete delete!!"

    anyway.. another day with him tom.. lets see where it goes..
  • jimbrody

    Posts: 7

    Apr 24, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    Is this the same bloke (= English English for 'guy') as the one you posted about back in March?
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    Apr 24, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    Hi jimbrody, fortunately no.. that guy in particular is now a very good friend of mine, and the one i refer to in the above example when i say i have trained with others before and they weren't as friendly as this new one... in that previous example we became very good training mates..and i slowly learnt that he wasn't that way but more so there was a sense of appreciation in terms of our training technique, etc..

    in this case.. it's definitely different.. i can assure you i've never flirted like this to any dude..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    You know he's just being an 'over grown puppy' and simply being affectionate.His flirting with you is mostly likely to help blow off steam and hone in on the skills of charming...If his skills wor

    The thing is that men can be affectionate with one another and its been aptly called bromance.

    If I were you, I would start to introduce some the single female friends that you have. In fact he might need your help in getting female attention because women tend to feel safe around gay/bi men....

    So try this out and see if it works.

    Warning. If he hits it off with one of the ladies, DO NOT become jealous icon_razz.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 24, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    Hard to say... he is certainly has, "gay intrigue" and may just find it kind of exciting or he might be on his way out of the closet, so to speak, and just really hasn't acknowledged it to himself as yet.

    I would be suspicious as well... he seemed to know way to much and the "germ" comment was pretty odd.

    Knowing me, if I were single, I'd challenge him eventually and see if there was anything else he wanted to share, beyond "germs" (if I was so attracted).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    I'd steer clear - sounds like a recipe for disaster. I think he'd let you diddle him then break your heart.icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidHard to say... he is certainly has, "gay intrigue" and may just find it kind of exciting or he might be on his way out of the closet, so to speak, and just really hasn't acknowledged it to himself as yet.

    I would be suspicious as well... he seemed to know way to much and the "germ" comment was pretty odd.

    Knowing me, if I were single, I'd challenge him eventually and see if there was anything else he wanted to share, beyond "germs" (if I was so attracted).


    I have to concur here.. i mean i'm quite inexperienced in the male/male relationship and action thing.. i've only ever been with 2 guys.. so with my straight head on (if there's such a thing) i know nothing about gay gyms and the action that goes on in there, i was kinda shocked when i heard about it.. never expected such things.. and i never even heard of sauna's.. let alone that specific one he mentioned.. i'd be more than 100% confident that none of my straight mates would know anything remotely like that..

    the drink example.. i remember when he said, i packed you a shake today... (i was thinking, damn how nice of him).. and during the session i made a conscious effort to make sure i'd pick the right drink.. as i thought he would have.. ?? hygiene, politeness, etc?? but yeah.. germ comment aside.. there's things like sharing towels as well.. well not 'sharing' literally but my towel was on the bench and i forgot to move it before he jumped on.. then when he got off he said 'oh sorry bro.. we're already exchanging sweat'.. he usually switches the towel's for both of us.. another occasion he jumped off, didnt remove his towel and i jumped on.. and he said something like 'oh.. your using my towel already'

    i do have to point out that i've only been on 'friend' / 'talking' terms with this guy for about a month.. before that is was just the look and nod when we saw each other at the gym..

    would life be so easy if everyone was just tagged.. haha ;)

    and i've heard that if you constantly tease someone you probably like them.. every 2nd comment out of his mouth is somehow teasing me..
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Apr 24, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    jimbrody saidIs this the same bloke (= English English for 'guy') as the one you posted about back in March?


    He does write a British sounding English.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 3:20 PM GMT
    starboard5 said
    jimbrody saidIs this the same bloke (= English English for 'guy') as the one you posted about back in March?


    He does write a British sounding English.


    ok i'm lost.. are you guys mocking my english?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 9:21 PM GMT
    He's waiting for you to tell him you're not gay, so the two of you can go off into the sunset and be not gay together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 9:28 PM GMT
    He shaves his legs? Is he a tranny?

    Sounds like he shops at Gayland to me.
  • jimbrody

    Posts: 7

    Apr 24, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    bi_justlooking said
    starboard5 said
    jimbrody saidIs this the same bloke (= English English for 'guy') as the one you posted about back in March?


    He does write a British sounding English.


    ok i'm lost.. are you guys mocking my english?


    No,I think it's my English they're mocking, but again wasn't it Oscar Wilde who spoke of Britain and America as two countries forever divided by a common language?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:22 PM GMT
    Some guys are big flirts who enjoy attention regardless of who it comes from. He could be one of those guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    My boyfriend shaves his legs and he's in the military. Oh wait, but he also takes my fat cock up his ass....but I digress. The truth comes out with alcohol. Time for a COCKtail!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:53 PM GMT
    To the OP: You say he doesn't know you're gay. Maybe he is but, is closeted and picked up on you with his gaydar and is just feeling you out so that he doesn't make a mess of things.

    Or.... he may or may not have picked up on you being gay, but is just comfortable enough with you to be affectionate. Maybe he feels a connection with you that he doesn't feel with most guys and he is extremely comfortable, enough to tease and joke with you almost to a point of intimacy, and may or may not mean anything more.

    If you like the guy well enough to become close friends, continue to joke with him. If it is making you uncomfortable, let him know and ask him to cut back a bit on the gay jokes and teasing.

    He sounds like someone that would be a joy to be around whether he is gay or straight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    I think he's playing a game..."edging" around the issue to see what kind of "rise" he can get out of you.

    Seriously, I wouldn't buy in too much just yet. You don't know if he's playing this game because he's interested or because he wants to get his posse together to jump you in the parking lot.