Don't you kinda envy the lucky ones?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 23, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    I know I am not the most attractive person on earth, and know my place in the dating totem; and usually I am a self-assured person, but a recent conversation with others still bugged me.

    A couple of friends (and one stranger) came all the way from Europe on a trip. I knew my friends from college (in Holland) and we met and chatted regularly for about 5 years, before I relocated back home. We were overjoyed to meet again and they asked me to show them around and introduced me to their other companion.

    And the topic soon turned to relationships: both my friends have been busy -- they told me they had plans almost every Friday/Saturday; and it was not exactly surprising, because it is easy for them to meet potential dates, even at work.

    I counted my "performance" in this area, and the result was pathetic. One relationship at college, and one since I returned home. Neither went anywhere.

    I tried to find some reason: I am not some dowdy misfit who stays home all day. I do go out, and meet new people. I use online dating too. The thing is, there is in general a lack of interest among the men I meet: yes, they do have standards with regard to looks, and I almost inevitably fall short.

    I was the ugly kid at school since the hormones started enhancing the aesthetic judgment of my coevals; and no unrealistic expectations were entertained. I do not intend to be promiscuous, but I do want someone more stable with whom I could be in a loving relationship.

    I used to do some stupid things, like trying to be funnier, just so more people could notice me. (I even craved attention from women.) And I have stopped, because in my case, it is safe to assume that they just don't look at you "that way." Somehow, I believe there is a portion of one's personal worth that will never be realized because of my calamitous looks. Somehow, the genetic accountants have shortchanged some of us and favored others. I would walk on the street and see some guy -- tall, good-looking, elegant -- and wonder whether he knows how lucky he is. The thought soon turns from "I want to be with someone like that" to "I am not like him".

    Thanks to anyone who has had the patience to go through all my ramblings. Any advice or sarcastic barbs would be appreciated.
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    Apr 23, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    Self-confidence is key. Hit the gym, it'll make you feel more confident. Hell, I've dated guys who weren't the cutest by any means and either had a rockin bod or had confidence out of this world.
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    Apr 24, 2011 12:02 AM GMT
    Pepsic0la saidSelf-confidence is key. Hit the gym, it'll make you feel more confident. Hell, I've dated guys who weren't the cutest by any means and either had a rockin bod or had confidence out of this world.

    So, true!!! Superficial "looks" are very easy to attain. Most “good-looking” people have to work at looking good. Fashionable clothes, nice hair-cut, working out can really improve the esthetic facade. Don't undervalue such things. But, believing in oneself is key to attracting others.
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    Apr 24, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    PleinSud saidThanks to anyone who has had the patience to go through all my ramblings. Any advice or sarcastic barbs would be appreciated.

    You joined RJ just so you could post that? I think I know what your problem is, and it's not your looks. It's inside, not on the outside.
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    Apr 25, 2011 9:07 AM GMT
    To quote from one of my favorite movies, The Broken Hearts Club,

    "We can't all be hot, Patrick. Some of us have to be average and I think we are the lucky ones."
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    Apr 25, 2011 9:09 AM GMT
    Whose the "Lucky ones" ?
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    May 03, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    Must make me one of the Lucy ones. I Never had trouble getting date, sex, boyfriends before settling into a LTR, and maintaining a 20 + year relationship
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    May 03, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    True_blue_aussie saidMust make me one of the Lucy ones. I Never had trouble getting date, sex, boyfriends before selling into a LTR, and maintaining a 20 + year relationship


    OMG, your english is so unbearable its hilarious. Yes, you are the "lucy" ones. Also, I like the idea that you never had trouble of selling into a LTR.

    Man you crack me up man, where are all the pictures of the animals on your page?
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    May 03, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    What's a Lucy one? Is that like a Nervous Nellie or a Muscle Mary?
    Sad when a person is envious of another person in any capacity. Make the most of your individuality. Celebrate it. Make love to it, but keep a tissue handy.