Would you stop seeing a guy who lives out of town, but made plans to visit and didn't?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 7:09 AM GMT
    Now I'm kind of remembering why I don't have anything planned for this (Easter) weekend....

    I have been seeing a guy who lives over 400 miles from me. I go to the city often on business and we've known each other since November.

    Well, the other month he said he'd come up to visit me during his Spring Break which was this week. Well, he texted me about a week prior saying that he wouldn't be able to come up because he had a once in a lifetime opportunity to stay with a friend in New York instead. But that he'd visit me in the summer

    I was a bit upset about it, but I told him it would have been nice if he had went thru like he said he would. But then I was like well it'd be nice for him to go to NYC and asked him to send me a post card.

    But now I'm like, what am I thinking? I feel like a got stiffed for the past couple of months thinking he'd come up to visit me and he goes to New York instead. So I'm really just considering never to see him again. I'm just thinking, fuck that...you can't fucking see me during your Spring Break well then don't ask to see me while I'm down visiting for work because ya should have been here with me like you said you would.

    What do you think?
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Apr 24, 2011 7:24 AM GMT
    i think the other guy needs his head checked lol lol. makes plans with u then backs out u need to find a guy that will treat u better just my opinion.
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    Apr 24, 2011 7:28 AM GMT
    My advice: just ignore him. don't reply to his texts or calls and make him feel like irrelevant shit.
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    Apr 24, 2011 7:49 AM GMT
    You forgot the guy was coming to visit.
    He made other plans.
    It seems like a wash.

    Whatever you two have sounds fairly casual, so see him if you want or don't if it's really bothering you.

    One thing I don't understand is if his friend lives in New York, how is going to visit him (?) a once in a lifetime opportunity? Is it really not possible to visit a friend that is permanently at any other time?
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    Apr 24, 2011 7:59 AM GMT
    Ermine saidYou forgot the guy was coming to visit.
    He made other plans.
    It seems like a wash.

    Whatever you two have sounds fairly casual, so see him if you want or don't if it's really bothering you.

    One thing I don't understand is if his friend lives in New York, how is going to visit him (?) a once in a lifetime opportunity? Is it really not possible to visit a friend that is permanently at any other time?


    No, I said he made plans on my last visit to his town to come up here during his Spring Break. That's what he said to me. He then texted me last week saying, "oh, I have the opportunity to go to New York..."

    I don't know why either, but apparently he used to date the guy but he moved to New York and now is getting married or something. But he invited him to New York.

    It is a fairly casual relationship but if you're going to say you'll do something, just do it. Don't get wayward because a better offer comes up because then that makes it look like I'm not really on the list of priority.

    And if I'm not on the list, it's over. Done. Simple as that. Don't call me anymore when I'm visiting because I won't have time

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    Apr 24, 2011 12:19 PM GMT
    brianindenver said
    Ermine saidYou forgot the guy was coming to visit.
    He made other plans.
    It seems like a wash.

    Whatever you two have sounds fairly casual, so see him if you want or don't if it's really bothering you.

    One thing I don't understand is if his friend lives in New York, how is going to visit him (?) a once in a lifetime opportunity? Is it really not possible to visit a friend that is permanently at any other time?


    No, I said he made plans on my last visit to his town to come up here during his Spring Break. That's what he said to me. He then texted me last week saying, "oh, I have the opportunity to go to New York..."

    I don't know why either, but apparently he used to date the guy but he moved to New York and now is getting married or something. But he invited him to New York.

    It is a fairly casual relationship but if you're going to say you'll do something, just do it. Don't get wayward because a better offer comes up because then that makes it look like I'm not really on the list of priority.

    And if I'm not on the list, it's over. Done. Simple as that. Don't call me anymore when I'm visiting because I won't have time



    Two things going on here... either
    A) a better offer came, and he is going for it.
    or
    B) He really wants to support this man whom he dated before or w/e at the man's marriage (maybe he was invited to be that guy's best man...)...

    I think if you want him, ask him specifically about why he is going to see the marriage of this man whom he dated... is he invited to be his best man? or just as a guest?

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    Apr 24, 2011 12:36 PM GMT
    I think give him another chance
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    Apr 24, 2011 1:43 PM GMT
    Brianindenver said, "No, I said he made plans on my last visit to his town to come up here during his Spring Break. That's what he said to me. He then texted me last week saying, "oh, I have the opportunity to go to New York..."


    A couple of things here:

    In the two months or so after stating he'd come to see you, have you guys been talking about it and making plans? If not, he may have thought it wasn't that important to you.

    What did you say when he told you about NYC? Did you say you'd miss him and that you had been looking forward to his visit?

    -Doug
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    Apr 24, 2011 2:10 PM GMT
    To be fair he did tell you a week in advance that he will be going to NYC instead of the day before planned trip. Also in between first making the plan of him coming to visit you and till date did you ever mention to him how you felt about his trip. If not and you both think its a casual relationship then it should not a big deal. Think it off like you make plans with a person you have a casual relationship with and a friend of long time who is having a once in a lifetime ceremony. Who would you choose irrespective of the plans that were made a few months ago.
  • kennyj08

    Posts: 171

    Apr 24, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    Yeah I would stop seeing him. If he really wanted to see you he would have taken that chance to come see you. New York is always going to be there, bit you on the other hand won't be. His loss if you choose not to see him anymore.
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    Apr 24, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    Two things going on here... either
    A) a better offer came, and he is going for it.
    or
    B) He really wants to support this man whom he dated before or w/e at the man's marriage (maybe he was invited to be that guy's best man...)...

    I think if you want him, ask him specifically about why he is going to see the marriage of this man whom he dated... is he invited to be his best man? or just as a guest?


    OK, well first off I'm not quite sure it's because of a marriage. Actually I didn't really ask what it was for but I remember him telling me awhile ago, "I met a guy who used to live here, and we were dating but he decided to move to New York and met someone else and they are getting married. Makes me think he may have been 'the one' that got away...."

    I won't say I will not see him again, but by him doing that it's pretty much going to put us right back at square 1 like in the beginning.

    AsnextdoorThink it off like you make plans with a person you have a casual relationship with and a friend of long time who is having a once in a lifetime ceremony. Who would you choose irrespective of the plans that were made a few months ago.


    I would stick to the plans already made. Or I wouldn't have even made them in the first place. Think about. Spring Break. He knew what he was going to do. And he's a teacher so he knows damn well in advance what Spring Break was going to be about.

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    Apr 24, 2011 9:06 PM GMT


    In terms of having a long distance relationship, I know all about it... You don't make plans to see each other then stiff someone like that.. Especially if there is a high expectation of seeing that person... It was pretty messed up of him to do that too you... If i had made plans to see my guy who is actually 405 miles away from me, and I stiffed him, he would be PISSED OFF and probably take a long time in forgiving me or not even forgive me at all.

    In all essence, he wasn't really intending on seeing you.. He heightened your expectations, and you got stood up basically. Before you can right him off completely, maybe you should try to give him another chance and see if he will visit you in the summer... But it's not that difficult to visit someone who is 400 miles away... he can fly, he can drive... Whatever the case is, he has a way of seeing you.. The next time he better commit. and if he doesn't then ditch the bitch... Because at that point he wasn't all that interested to begin with. Anyways, it's up to you... I hope he rethinks his actions next time, if you allow this to continue. icon_smile.gif