Straight men who have sex with men (study)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-07-29/columns/straight-men-who-have-sex-with-men/

    Some quotes from that article:

    "Mike, whom I found on a personals website, is 44, married, and works on Wall Street. He has been having sex with men for four years, and says he likes the closeness and the male bonding. Plus, "It's just less complicated than with women. We're both there for sex, and that's it." John, 35, also works in finance, identifies as straight, and is dating several women. But he mostly enjoys getting blowjobs from men: "There are less emotional complications for me. Many men will do things some women will not, and many men give better oral sex."

    "Unlike some psychology professionals who want to pathologize these men, treat them for sexual addiction, or "cure them" of homosexuality, Kort approaches his clients without an agenda. He also unpacks some of the cultural baggage that contributes to this phenomenon: "They are interested in the sexual contact with other men. They are working through issues of father hunger, lack of touch from other males, and the need for contact with other men on deeper levels that women enjoy with each other and men do not. Some of these men tell me they meet other men and really just want to be held and talk to the other men, but that the men they meet want it to be sexual, so they go through with it but really don't want to. Ironically, since men are not allowed to touch—except for a pat on the butt in sports—they use the sexual realm to find ways to touch each other and receive touch.""


    According to this article, some men just want the intimacy they lacked during their emotional development and they are not searching for sex specifically with other men.

    What do you think about this theory?
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    Apr 24, 2011 8:20 PM GMT
    I think it's sad because the article is basically saying gay men are easy...sites like adam4adam make it that much easier.

    If a straight guy wants to play, that's cool but you gotta pay me. Pay me for the lack of emotional commitment. You just wanna get your rocks off but I'm looking for more, which you can't give...so pay me.
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    Apr 24, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    brianindenver saidI think it's sad because the article is basically saying gay men are easy...sites like adam4adam make it that much easier.

    If a straight guy wants to play, that's cool but you gotta pay me. Pay me for the lack of emotional commitment. You just wanna get your rocks off but I'm looking for more, which you can't give...so pay me.


    I agree.

    But what do you think about the notion relating the "hunger" for male intimacy / bonding and the sexual act?
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    Apr 24, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    sounds pretty g0y to me.
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    brianindenver saidI think it's sad because the article is basically saying gay men are easy...sites like adam4adam make it that much easier.

    If a straight guy wants to play, that's cool but you gotta pay me. Pay me for the lack of emotional commitment. You just wanna get your rocks off but I'm looking for more, which you can't give...so pay me.

    Precious much?

    Gay men are easy, they are freakin easy as hell.. a hot guy walks into the room and he can take his pick of any one of them.

    Gay Men Are Fucking EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Get the hell over it geez!

    If you can't do anything sexual without your "emotional commitment" then great good for you, respect you muchly and all that bullshit. But not everyone holds the same ideals as you or goes about finding the same things in life as you.

    And no it's not saying gay men are easy, it's talking about heterosexual men wanting to find a way to be more intimate with other men..

    Besides the scary thing is you jumped on the whole gay guys being easy.. they are cheating on there freakin wifes and girlfriends!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:52 PM GMT
    For me, I can NEVER have sex with any man if I am not intimate with him.

    whether be straight, gay ,trans, you name it...

    Intimacy for ME at least, is a MUST.

    It is my bloodline I swear... lol.. .all for monogamy.

    I don`t consider myself easy at all... which is a good thing.


    anyways, my opinion on this:

    Who cares? lol. if someone is 'gay for pay' then so be it, he won't get any action anyways unless the other person is either also 'gay for pay' or as liltanker put it... does not place intimacy with sex.

    Either way, it is none of my business...
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    Apr 24, 2011 11:22 PM GMT
    samurai111 saidI agree.

    But what do you think about the notion relating the "hunger" for male intimacy / bonding and the sexual act?


    The article kind of goes both ways. As for that, I say...maybe, maybe not.

    If the straight guy is quote, "dating several women as well" then how can he possibly have any intentions on being with me?

    On the one hand the article is saying:

    We're both there for sex, and that's it." John, 35, also works in finance, identifies as straight, and is dating several women. But he mostly enjoys getting blowjobs from men: "There are less emotional complications for me. Many men will do things some women will not, and many men give better oral sex."

    And then it goes on to say:

    Some of these (straight) men tell me they meet other (gay/straight) men and really just want to be held and talk to the other men, but that the (gay) men they meet want it to be sexual, so they (straight men) go through with it but really don't want to.





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    Apr 24, 2011 11:54 PM GMT
    The problem is the perception that bisexuality doesn't exist. Therefore a man who has sex with men but prefers women can't be bi can he? And if he does claim to be bi, everyone will tell him that he must be gay. So he has to be straight right? I mean so many of you guys call a guy who identifies as bi, gay if he has the slightest preference for sex with guys. Most of you say bisexuality doesn't exist. So what to do with all those guys who enjoy women but like getting their rocks off on occasion with dude?

    I on the other hand am more bi friendly so I say anyone can enjoys and seeks sex with both sexes is bi even if he may have a preference for one over the other. These guys are bi to me or heteroflexible at the very least.
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    Apr 25, 2011 12:03 AM GMT
    samurai111 saidAccording to this article, some men just want the intimacy they lacked during their emotional development and they are not searching for sex specifically with other men.

    What do you think about this theory?
    I think it's absolutely correct. Every single one of my "straight" friends love hugging, the occasional arm grope, and other signs of affection. Apparently they feel comfortable around me because they know that I, as an openly gay man, will not accuse them of being gay just because they show affection.

    PS. We're all going out tonight for drinks and hugs. Again. icon_biggrin.gif
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Apr 25, 2011 12:11 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    samurai111 saidAccording to this article, some men just want the intimacy they lacked during their emotional development and they are not searching for sex specifically with other men.

    What do you think about this theory?
    I think it's absolutely correct. Every single one of my "straight" friends love hugging, the occasional arm grope, and other signs of affection. Apparently they feel comfortable around me because they know that I, as an openly gay man, will not accuse them of being gay just because they show affection.

    PS. We're all going out tonight for drinks and hugs. Again. icon_biggrin.gif


    Yeah I've noticed this too. I still struggle with a bit but I've noticed that as more of my straight friends find out I'm gay (and not after them) they're more touchy with me. It's like I'm their outlet for male contact. Made me really uncomfortable at first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    Straight men, Gay sex; Never tiring to talk about.
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    Apr 25, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    samurai111 saidhttp://www.villagevoice.com/2008-07-29/columns/straight-men-who-have-sex-with-men/

    Some quotes from that article:

    They are working through issues of father hunger, lack of touch from other males, and the need for contact with other men on deeper levels that women enjoy with each other and men do not. Some of these men tell me they meet other men and really just want to be held and talk to the other men, but that the men they meet want it to be sexual, so they go through with it but really don't want to. Ironically, since men are not allowed to touch—except for a pat on the butt in sports—they use the sexual realm to find ways to touch each other and receive touch.""

    According to this article, some men just want the intimacy they lacked during their emotional development and they are not searching for sex specifically with other men.

    What do you think about this theory?



    Much truth in this!!!!!
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    Apr 25, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    I'm calling BULLSHIT on this article.

    This is just an excuse for guys who are living in denial about their sexuality. This article basically tries to legitimatize and justify why these supposed straight guys fuck around with gay men. Basically it's a "feel good" article for closet cases that nurtures their denial of their sexuality.

    FAIL.
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    Apr 25, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    So by the same logic, straight guys who have sex with women are actually raised by father and lacked female intimacy from their mothers so they seek it out from their girlfriends??? icon_rolleyes.gificon_lol.gif
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    Apr 25, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidI'm calling BULLSHIT on this article.

    This is just an excuse guys who are living in denial about their sexuality use. This article basically tries to legitimatize and justify why these supposed straight guys fuck around with gay men. Basically it's a "feel good" article for closet cases that nurtures their denial of their sexuality.

    FAIL.
    You obviously don't hang around many straight guys.
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    Apr 25, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Guy101 saidI'm calling BULLSHIT on this article.

    This is just an excuse guys who are living in denial about their sexuality use. This article basically tries to legitimatize and justify why these supposed straight guys fuck around with gay men. Basically it's a "feel good" article for closet cases that nurtures their denial of their sexuality.

    FAIL.
    You obviously don't hang around many straight guys.


    I only really hang around straight guys. They have told me many things about their kinks, yet all of them admit that they would never have sex with a guy.

    And by many things, I mean they have told me they would get fucked in the ass by a chick with a strap on, but wouldnt take it from a guy.

    I agree, this article is fail.
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    Apr 25, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidI'm calling BULLSHIT on this article.

    This is just an excuse guys who are living in denial about their sexuality use. This article basically tries to legitimatize and justify why these supposed straight guys fuck around with gay men. Basically it's a "feel good" article for closet cases that nurtures their denial of their sexuality.

    FAIL.


    I agree.
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    Apr 25, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Guy101 saidI'm calling BULLSHIT on this article.

    This is just an excuse guys who are living in denial about their sexuality use. This article basically tries to legitimatize and justify why these supposed straight guys fuck around with gay men. Basically it's a "feel good" article for closet cases that nurtures their denial of their sexuality.

    FAIL.
    You obviously don't hang around many straight guys.


    Straight men can hug, put there arm around each other, and even kiss in a joking way without it being sexual. However, if you have any desire to get a blowjob from another man you are at least bi, period. These men are bi, and I can guarantee you that working in finance does not help them accept this fact.
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    Apr 25, 2011 3:12 AM GMT
    awm55 said
    paulflexes said
    Guy101 saidI'm calling BULLSHIT on this article.

    This is just an excuse guys who are living in denial about their sexuality use. This article basically tries to legitimatize and justify why these supposed straight guys fuck around with gay men. Basically it's a "feel good" article for closet cases that nurtures their denial of their sexuality.

    FAIL.
    You obviously don't hang around many straight guys.


    Straight men can hug, put there arm around each other, and even kiss in a joking way without it being sexual. However, if you have any desire to get a blowjob from another man you are at least bi, period. These men are bi, and I can guarantee you that working in finance does not help them accept this fact.


    Not to mention the fact that straight men grab each other all the damn time. Or at least mine do...

    Anyone else call shinanegans that the "straight" men want Intimacy with another man, yet the "gay" men just want sex, so the "straight" men just settle?

    The only way I can see a "straight" man have sex with a "gay" man is if he is a crack addict and needs the cash.
  • allatonce

    Posts: 904

    Apr 25, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    awm55 said
    Guy101 saidI'm calling BULLSHIT on this article.

    This is just an excuse guys who are living in denial about their sexuality use. This article basically tries to legitimatize and justify why these supposed straight guys fuck around with gay men. Basically it's a "feel good" article for closet cases that nurtures their denial of their sexuality.

    FAIL.


    I agree.


    +1
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Apr 25, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    I will suck a "straight cock" anytime, don't need emotional attachment to enjoy a good blow job, come on guys grow up and get over it.
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    Apr 25, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    Koaa2 saidI will suck a "straight cock" anytime, don't need emotional attachment to enjoy a good blow job, come on guys grow up and get over it.



    Others need emotions involved... you clearly don`t. Go and suck all the ''straight'' cock you can until your tongue falls out. Don't however, tell us to grow up because we choose to live a different lifestyle and follow a different agenda than you.


    Clearly, you are ignorant about the words: diversity, values, beliefs, opinions and perspectives.

    I kind of expected an older man (since you clearly are older than me) to already know that different people have the potential to value different actions... but I guess I was wrong.









  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Apr 25, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    Why are straight guys craving the contact? i think it is because some of them what the sex in an uncomplicated way and women these days are complicted.
    There are many men who are borderline on the sexuality question and all it takes is the right opportunity.
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    Apr 25, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    Koaa2 saidI will suck a "straight cock" anytime, don't need emotional attachment to enjoy a good blow job, come on guys grow up and get over it.



    Others need emotions involved... you clearly don`t. Go and suck all the ''straight'' cock you can until your tongue falls out. Don't however, tell us to grow up because we choose to live a different lifestyle and follow a different agenda than you.


    Clearly, you are ignorant about the words: diversity, values, beliefs, opinions and perspectives.

    I kind of expected an older man (since you clearly are older than me) to already know that different people have the potential to value different actions... but I guess I was wrong.



    why do you always have to stir up shit mohammed...you attack people(calling them ignorant) when they state their personal opinions. it's getting really old.
  • awm55

    Posts: 619

    Apr 25, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    hawkeye7 saidWhy are straight guys craving the contact? i think it is because some of them what the sex in an uncomplicated way and women these days are complicted.
    There are many men who are borderline on the sexuality question and all it takes is the right opportunity.


    No matter how desperate I was for sex I would never go seeking out a woman. I am not sexually turned on by woman. If you seek out sexual contact with a man you are at least bisexual, period.