Should I be openly Gay in college???

  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Apr 24, 2011 9:34 PM GMT
    Well i was wanting to get some advice on being openly gay in college. Did you do it? How was it?

    If not then do you regret it?

    Few notes, I'm going to school in California, Laguna Beach area. I am going to be on the swim team there.

    I am really friendly and out going, and just want to know if i would be making the wrong decision doing so.

    Help? icon_eek.gif
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    Apr 24, 2011 9:38 PM GMT
    who cares, be what makes you happy. and if the guys in your swim team dont feel comfortable, then i would question their sexuality...i mean a group of guys in speedos...not gay at all :i
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    Apr 24, 2011 9:42 PM GMT
    all's I'll say is: it will free you up to worry about other more important things and bring on all the "questioning" hot jocks.
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    Apr 24, 2011 9:49 PM GMT
    It doesntm atter where you going to school or anything like that ... as ong as your happy with what your doing then go for it ... just od what will keep you happy and doing ur best ... the right ppl will support you and the bad one wont (but u dont want them in your life anyways) ... I wish you the best no matter what you decide ... icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    I was in the closet all through college. Now that I am coming out, I kinda wish I did it in college. You miss out on some great dating experience and pretty much just opt for the one night stands when you are in the closet. Would have been nice to have it the other way around.

    But do what makes you happy. If you are comfortable with coming out, do it! A life in the closet is no way to live, but sometimes you have to make sure you are ready before you come out
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    If you are comfortable receiving the attention (both good and bad) it will inevitably bring to you then I think you should be open and honest. The earlier in life you are willing to accept it and let other people know means you can form more solid, trust-based, and longer-lasting friendships and relationships with people. With that being said if you want to fly under the radar until you are ready: that works better for a lot of people.

    I was on a school team as an undergrad. It has been years so things have likely become more progressive. But my experience was being around a bunch of intolerant neanderthal closet-cases. If nothing else you will learn to stand up for yourself (which is why I say 'do it!' since I think it was a good learning experience to develop a "You can't intimidate me" attitude in life.)
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    Apr 24, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    I'm in the exact same boat as you... Except I chose to remain in the closet because I was afraid of how my college swim team would react. I'm shy enough as it is, being openly gay would just make things that much harder.

    Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on things, but not really. Swimming's more important to me right now than finding a relationship, and besides, it's only four years.

    That being said if you're comfortable enough go for it. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 24, 2011 11:04 PM GMT
    I made sure that I was out in college because I spent high school hiding myself too much and I was rarely happy.

    Whenever we had the opportunity to do a report in front of class, I always made sure it was about some type of gay issue. People loved me for it, although I'm not sure everyone really understood.

    It was funny, there was a guy I had a crush on in class...never knew he was gay, until he seen me at the club one day and was like, "OMG, you are so cool you did a topic on gay misconceptions!"

    I was like damn! I should have got his number back when we were in the same class!
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    Apr 24, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    I was "out" during college, but nobody ever asked so nobody ever knew.
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    Apr 24, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    Depends, no one ever asks me so I don't tell anyone. However if someone did I probably would not as I'm on campus. Just weigh it out, if you come out be prepared to lose friends and more willing to surround yourself with gay friends. I found that out the hard way, when you live the out lifestyle in college a lot of your friends become the one's who are gay which there is nothing wrong with, however that is a strange and different way to live for me. So when I transferred to ASU I took the opportunity to keep it in a lil more, not completely but no need for my straight friends to know when just starting at this school.
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    Apr 24, 2011 11:40 PM GMT
    You have nothing to gain by simply outing yourself without people asking you about it. Common sense will let you know when it's okay to be out and who specifically to be out to.

    All in all, it's college...in California. I don't think you actually have anything to worry about. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 24, 2011 11:41 PM GMT
    I'd say just be yourself.. if it comes up then you can be honest. But I wouldn't worry about it otherwise.
  • rex099

    Posts: 45

    Apr 24, 2011 11:52 PM GMT
    Once people ask and youre honest about it the news will get around and soon everyone will know so just ride the waves man lol
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    Apr 24, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    Just focus on all the fun your going to have.. College is a carefree environment of young people experimenting and meeting new friends don't worry about the whole gay thing be yourself don't limit yourself. Have fun!!! icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 25, 2011 12:01 AM GMT
    If you feel comfortable, then go for it.

    Laguna is pretty gay-friendly. Other parts of OC not so much.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Apr 25, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    I'd only do it if people asked me. I'm about to go to college too. I'm out in high school which is great though I kinda wished I only told certain ppl that could handle it I would've lost less friends that way and it's not something everyone needs to know. It's just you get treated differently when you're out and even if they still care about you, it's just weird. In college I think I'm going to be closed about it unless someone wants to know if I am then I will proudly tell them. Otherwise, it's kind of risky forming new friendships and connections with people around you especially roommates! Focus on school, activities, and friends first.
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    Apr 25, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    I think you should - as I'm sure you will - conduct yourself as a dedicated member of the team so that if and when your teammates find out, they probably won't even care.

    Being out in college doesn't mean that being gay should consume your life. You clearly have an established life in swimming, so the gay part of you -- which is just a facet of yourself -- isn't going to be on display.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Apr 25, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    chogenki said so the gay part of you -- which is just a facet of yourself -- isn't going to be on display.


    I rather think that in a pair of speedos....it will be on display...icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 25, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    Well that is something I have been thinking about. Honestly i have never allowed anybody to know what my personal buisness is and Im not the type to let it be known. So in the matter or people knowing Im gay by me sleeping around wont be from that but if i get involved with a guy Im sure to be showing him affection so if people from my school see it i wont really care about it they arent the ones getting the grades. this thing about being open is stupid in my opinion just do what makes you happy
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Apr 25, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    chogenki saidI think you should - as I'm sure you will - conduct yourself as a dedicated member of the team so that if and when your teammates find out, they probably won't even care.

    Being out in college doesn't mean that being gay should consume your life. You clearly have an established life in swimming, so the gay part of you -- which is just a facet of yourself -- isn't going to be on display.


    I really like this advice thanks man icon_smile.gif

    Yeah to everyone i'm not thinking oh well i'm out i need to announce it while i walk down the side walk on campus or anything, just the whole if someone is like are you gay? if i would say yes or not you know.
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    Apr 25, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    Not to shadow the other responses... but if you don't announce it, people will only assume straightness, ask otherwise or not care. Be open and out about who you are, but you don't have to be revealing for to EVERYONE you see.
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    Apr 25, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    swimmer8671 saidWell i was wanting to get some advice on being openly gay in college. Did you do it? How was it?

    If not then do you regret it?

    Few notes, I'm going to school in California, Laguna Beach area. I am going to be on the swim team there.

    I am really friendly and out going, and just want to know if i would be making the wrong decision doing so.

    Help? icon_eek.gif


    I'm out, in college in a rural area (even if the campus has 25k students). Now I "ain't" on an official team, but I'm on a club sport. Still a bunch of guys on testosterone playing.

    I wouldn't be in the closet if someone forced me, it sucks and isn't worth it.
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    Apr 25, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    How's the school environment? Are there many openly gay students or gay student organizations?

    How's the team environment? Do you have any friends / teammates that know yet? Does your coach seem like a possible ally?

    You should check out www.outsports.com. They have a lot of great stories about college athletes who came out to their teams, and you could probably get in touch with some of them to hear about their experiences.

    I don't know what college is in Laguna, but I do know that Orange County can seem pretty conservative. On the other hand, Laguna Beach itself is pretty artsy and very gay friendly - at least for the post-college crowd.
  • swedeinusa

    Posts: 285

    Apr 25, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    I am and I'm fine. Most college campuses are really liberal and for the most part, most students don't care. Just be yourself. icon_smile.gif
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Apr 25, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    citpolo saidHow's the school environment? Are there many openly gay students or gay student organizations?

    How's the team environment? Do you have any friends / teammates that know yet? Does your coach seem like a possible ally?

    You should check out www.outsports.com. They have a lot of great stories about college athletes who came out to their teams, and you could probably get in touch with some of them to hear about their experiences.

    I don't know what college is in Laguna, but I do know that Orange County can seem pretty conservative. On the other hand, Laguna Beach itself is pretty artsy and very gay friendly - at least for the post-college crowd.


    The college does have some gay clubs on campus, and i am friends with a guy on the swim team who is openly gay, but one of my problems is i don't want to just be labeled as the gay guy before i even show up you know. I mean i know its only a part of who i am, but other people won't see it that way if they know before i'm even there.