Thanks everyone for your input!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    I've said all I needed to say here and I think I've got enough replies. Thanks everyone! The gym is calling my name...
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    Apr 26, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    i get the distancing crap a lot. idk about the being black part, im white in a dominantly black town (maybe half and half, idk) so i guess it's relatable.

    people are afraid of the gay part, even gay guys, i've acted weird if a guy friend tried to hug me before and didn't really mean to. it's just something they're half admitting, so they try to keep it as concealed as possible (hence the email instead of a text).

    personally, i find myself almost exclusively attracted to white guys, sometimes light brown guys (arabic or something similar) but that's rare. so maybe they like you but just don't feel right with a black guy? there's always exceptions to the rule though, so you'll find someone who doesn't give a shit about it at some point.

    I'll go long periods of time where I don't run into anyone I find attractive at all than when i go over a couple towns and it's super white massachusetts I'm seeing guys I like left and right (which I'm sure are all straight or closeted).

    just keep an open mind and don't let the frustration get to you to much. you'll find what you're looking for eventually.
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    Apr 26, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    rosco87 saidso maybe they like you but just don't feel right with a black guy?


    Don't feel right how? What is there not to feel right about?
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    A lot of white guys just "aren't attracted" to black guys. Obviously this is a socially constructed reality as there's no biological foundation for race in the first place. Latent racism is partially to blame for this, but it's hard to fight someone's subconscious. Things are looking up though, right now we have the highest number of interracial relationships than ever before.
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    I have to say that you are not really being specific, Brian. Hanging out. What does that mean. You talk about guys that this situaton comes across as trying to make friends but then a couple of instances later, it seems the situation is about dating. Those are two different areas and it seems the post before mine assumed that was what you are talking about.

    Making friends is difficult for some and not so for others. Frankly, A4A would be the LAST place I would search for friends. You are new to the Denver area. Denver is HUGE, but I am told a bit close knit. My suggestion, since I will be in the same position in a couple of months myself when I move to Kansas City, is to check out the Gay Denver website for resources and to make it a point to go to the gay community center. See what social groups they have or activities they can point you towards so that you can create that all important circle of pals. I am not making a dig there. I know it is important to have that kind of support.

    As far as dating is concerned, a cornucopia threads have been done about race and dating in the gay community. More often then not, those conversations always wind up being flame wars. But the fact of the matter is, this country is still not a Post Racial Country yet and it won't be until folks across it examine themselves and have honest dialogue. Again, with dating, people like who they like, in general. And you may just have to kiss a bunch a frogs, so to speak, before you begin to find potential boyfriends.

    Good luck and keep talking and keep it moving. I said this to you in another of your threads. Make it a point to get out of the apartment and put yourself in a position to be seen around. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    im not saying it feels wrong, it's just hard to explain, usually my better friends are black, maybe because of the schools i went to. for a relationship though, a black guy isn't usually attractive to me, i kind of liked this friend from work who was black, he acted like a middle aged white guy though, thinking about being in bed with him though is where i'm realizing i'm just not that attracted to him, or it seems weird to me to think about being with him, he'd just be a friend. i really don't know why, maybe it's just bullshit.

    if it was love nothing would stop me. sex though, not interesting to me. and not just black guys, just any other race. i wouldn't think too much about that, it might just be me.
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    i know!!!!

    its cause they think you'll steal from them.
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:11 AM GMT
    oh, but if they're actually just nervous about hanging out, i dont get that, i've never been nervous about hanging out with a black guy unless they're all thug wanna be and shit, cause those guys are always trying to prove they're a thug.

    so in terms of literally just hanging out with a fellow gay guy as a friend, i can't see why they'd hesitate.
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    You've been posting a lot on this type of topic and mostly it's just circumlocuting on how much your social / dating life sucks. I am wondering perhaps you have the skewed perception that people party all the time? That there is a social event every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, and you're not being invited to? And if you don't get invited and bring a date to these events you're doomed? I dunno how you carry yourself in real life, perhaps you're one of those shy types in real life, but secretly wanting to be wild and popular? It's hard to comment on that so only you know the answer. Or, ask your real-life friends icon_smile.gif.

    In addition, I think most people are just flaky in general (not just gays btw). It's not necessarily a race thing. But then again I don't live where you are so what the fuck do I know. I just want to bring something to your attention though: How many flake stories on RJ have you read that happened to white guys? Like, a million? So please stop victimizing yourself; you are only doing yourself a disservice. You seem like a nice guy with a good head on his shoulders with a nice body, so perhaps it's time to change your thinking pattern a little bit?

    edit: I just want to clarify that I'm not saying racism doesn't exist within the gay community. It absolutely does. But it's far easier to change your own thinking pattern than to change other people's thinking pattern. That's all.
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    Apr 26, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    OH.

    It's you again.
  • Stormtrooper

    Posts: 84

    Apr 26, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidi know!!!!

    its cause they think you'll steal from them.


    That's racist!

    Otherwise, for my part, I prefer doing a detachment on someone I am not interested in after a meeting. Because, frankly its not because I am meeting someone for the first time that I want to hang with him forever; I need a real connection for that. And since I hate hurting others feeling, I would never say something like, «you don't interest me at all, don't call me back», only because I didnt feel that connection with the person; I would rather just stop talking to him.

    It's always a touchy subject to talk about physical appreciation of someone, especially when it comes to ethnicity... There is no mean reason behind it, its just subconscious.
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    Apr 26, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    Cityaznguy saidYou've been posting a lot on this type of topic and mostly it's just circumlocuting on how much your social / dating life sucks. I am wondering perhaps you have the skewed perception that people party all the time? That there is a social event every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, and you're not being invited to? And if you don't get invited and bring a date to these events you're doomed? I dunno how you carry yourself in real life, perhaps you're one of those shy types in real life, but secretly wanting to be wild and popular? It's hard to comment on that so only you know the answer. Or, ask your real-life friends icon_smile.gif.

    In addition, I think most people are just flaky in general (not just gays btw). It's not necessarily a race thing. But then again I don't live where you are so what the fuck do I know. I just want to bring something to your attention though: How many flake stories on RJ have you read that happened to white guys? Like, a million? So please stop victimizing yourself; you are only doing yourself a disservice. You seem like a nice guy with a good head on his shoulders with a nice body, so perhaps it's time to change your thinking pattern a little bit?

    edit: I just want to clarify that I'm not saying racism doesn't exist within the gay community. It absolutely does. But it's far easier to change your own thinking pattern than to change other people's thinking pattern. That's all.



    I was thinking much the same thing
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    Apr 26, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    Stormtrooper said
    AvadaKedavra saidi know!!!!

    its cause they think you'll steal from them.


    That's racist!

    Otherwise, for my part, I prefer doing a detachment on someone I am not interested in after a meeting. Because, frankly its not because I am meeting someone for the first time that I want to hang with him forever; I need a real connection for that. And since I hate hurting others feeling, I would never say something like, «you don't interest me at all, don't call me back», only because I didnt feel that connection with the person; I would rather just stop talking to him.

    It's always a touchy subject to talk about physical appreciation of someone, especially when it comes to ethnicity... There is no mean reason behind it, its just subconscious.


    awwww, you are adorable
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    Dude, you just aren't their type for whatever reason. Deal with it and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    Dont worry, it's really just an American thing. In germany they would LOVE you all the hot white guys who message me are from Germany. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    Retarded forum
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    Apr 26, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    are you complaining that they don't want to hang out (as in on a date) or refuse to associate with you in any social setting?

    one isn't racist, the other probably is. sadly, though, the latter is probably just as common as the former.
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    Apr 26, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    It's because your body is so smoking hot, the white dudes get intimidated because they know they'll never be able to match up to your extreme level of hotness.
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    Apr 26, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    Ugh! There you go again with this bullshit... It's only a matter of time before a forum race war ensues.

    This complaining only serves to divide us even more.
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    Apr 26, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    AaliyahFan2011 saidRetarded forum


    Agreed
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    Apr 26, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    My wing man is a cute chocolate man. I actually relate to him a lot because he doesn't slut around and I can actually have intelligent conversations with him while we get drunk ( he is only 20 so he is more like a little brother to me).

    I know that this stuff like this happens but I don't think its on purpose. I just see it as people are drawn to people they can directly relate to. A lot of guys might not be able to do that based on ethnicity but then again it could have to do with prior life experiences.

    I think it is kinda silly to get hung up on this.



  • wunderguy55

    Posts: 46

    Apr 26, 2011 4:24 AM GMT
    Refreshing to see people be mostly very frank about this topic.

    There are probably a number of conflated reasons, but the way I look at it is this:
    I would not have wanted to hang out with someone who isn't interested in someone because of his/her race, anyway, both in a friend/romantic context.

    Look at it as kind of a natural screening tool
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    Apr 26, 2011 4:33 AM GMT
    wunderguy55 saidRefreshing to see people be mostly very frank about this topic.

    There are probably a number of conflated reasons, but the way I look at it is this:
    I would not have wanted to hang out with someone who isn't interested in someone because of his/her race, anyway, both in a friend/romantic context.

    Look at it as kind of a natural screening tool


    than i guess you'd be missing out on some good friends than, some people are attracted to specific races, especially in areas where that's the main race you see on the street. i'm lookin on adam4adam and white guys in my area are asking for "black only! fuck everyone else" i'm just like "awwww...." hahaha it's not racist by any means of the derogatory sense. it's kind of more like how i only want to date guys taller than me. that's all melanin levels are to me.
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    Apr 26, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidi know!!!!

    its cause they think you'll steal from them.


    This is the same IDIOT who was going ape shit over another Rjer's comment about Asian guys, what a HYPOCRITE. I mean really???!!!!
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    Apr 26, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    UberBane said
    AvadaKedavra saidi know!!!!

    its cause they think you'll steal from them.


    This is the same IDIOT who was going ape shit over another Rjer's comment about Asian guys, what a HYPOCRITE. I mean really???!!!!


    asians are always hypocritical