SCANDAL!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    My friend-of-3-years/recent-ex dated for a few weeks and then broke up because I live in Toronto and he doesn't.
    He is now dating someone else from Toronto.

    I know, right? That's not even the scandal.

    His current boyf is currently online on a dating/hook-up website.


    Moral dilemma:

    Do I tell him that his boyfriend is signing on to the website?
    If so, how do I tell him?

    If not, why not?
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Apr 26, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    its not ur business to be monitoring what ur ex-bf's boyfriend is doing.

    don't tell him, let the aids tell him
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    Apr 26, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    Import saidits not ur business to be monitoring what ur ex-bf's boyfriend is doing.

    don't tell him, let the aids tell him

    but he's not just my ex, we've been friends for almost 4 years! If my boyfriend were going on sites and my friend found them out I'd want to know.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Apr 26, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    well then i think u know what to do young grasshopper. . .

    go forth

    and spread the news.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 26, 2011 7:15 PM GMT
    do you know for a fact they are monogamous?

    if they don't break up, will this drive a wedge between you and him?
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    Apr 26, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    Timbales saiddo you know for a fact they are monogamous?

    if they don't break up, will this drive a wedge between you and him?

    No, but when we dated we were monogamous, so I dunno why they would be any different.

    I could ask if they are first lol, and if he says no I could be like "oh ok nvm."
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    Apr 26, 2011 7:24 PM GMT
    I dunno. I think you should keep it to yourself. If you tell your ex he may hold it against you, and it isn't really any of your business.
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    Apr 26, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    So you dated for three weeks. . . No biggie; life goes on, and you can remain friends. I would let him know.

    My ex was on ALL the hookup sites having sex left and right. My friends and I possibly suspected him of cheating, and I questioned a few times. HE was a master manipulator and always got me to believe his lies. I nor my friends had any concrete evidence of it.

    His friends on the other hand knew of his behavior. What was the most embarrassing thing in the end was that his friends were all so nice and genuine to my face.

    Bottom line is that I would've appreciated having the information sooner than later. He hasn't been seeing this guy too long, so, what does it matter. He'll get over it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    it depends on how close of a friend it is.

    in general, i'd keep my mouth shut.

    BUT

    if i was close enough with the friend to ask some really raw gory detailed questions in other areas, i might bring it up as an aside. like "it's cool if y'all like to play, but can you tell your new man not to flirt with me"....

    but i'm not THAT close with most of my friends, and i'd probably just be quiet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    I think you should announce it in a public forum instead of telling him directly.
    After all, that's what "friends" are for...to air each others' dirty laundry... right?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Apr 26, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    Mind your own bee's wax.
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    Apr 26, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    Anduru saidMy friend-of-3-years/recent-ex dated for a few weeks and then broke up...

    You dated for a FEW WEEKS and that made him a "partner" so now he is your ex? ... icon_eek.gif ... boy, it doesnt take long to be a "partner." ... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Apr 26, 2011 8:44 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think you should announce it in a public forum instead of telling him directly.
    After all, that's what "friends" are for...to air each others' dirty laundry... right?


    isn't passive-aggressive the definition of versatility? icon_twisted.gif
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    Apr 26, 2011 8:49 PM GMT
    BambinoRex said
    paulflexes saidI think you should announce it in a public forum instead of telling him directly.
    After all, that's what "friends" are for...to air each others' dirty laundry... right?


    isn't passive-aggressive the definition of versatility? icon_twisted.gif
    I thought the definition of versatility was being in the middle of a 3-way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 26, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI thought the definition of versatility was being in the middle of a 3-way.


    Lucky Pierre!!icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 26, 2011 11:30 PM GMT
    Caslon18000 said
    Anduru saidMy friend-of-3-years/recent-ex dated for a few weeks and then broke up...

    You dated for a FEW WEEKS and that made him a "partner" so now he is your ex? ... icon_eek.gif ... boy, it doesnt take long to be a "partner." ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    icon_neutral.gif I only mention it in case other people might consider it an important factor.
    e.g. it could make me look like I'm just jealous since we did date.
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    Apr 26, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI think you should announce it in a public forum instead of telling him directly.
    After all, that's what "friends" are for...to air each others' dirty laundry... right?

    Don't be a fucking cunt, Paul. Your ego is bigger than Kanye.

    I don't see the problem since I didn't mention any names and he isn't on this site.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Apr 26, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    I've never been able to successfully navigate telling someone their partner was a slut, without alienating the friend, and losing the friendship, regardless of how carefully I phrased it, or approached it.

    Good luck!
  • DenveRyk

    Posts: 167

    Apr 26, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    Usually best to keep your nose out of other people's business. You may think you are doing him a favor, but that might not be how he sees it. And since you don't really know the state of their relationship in reality, you could be waaaay off base. Just be his friend, and be there for him if he needs you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    If so, how do I tell him?


    Take screen shot(s) of his BF's profile on the hookup site, create an anonymous email account, and send all those screen shots to your ex via mail. Better yet, blackmail his BF for some cash. icon_twisted.gif

    Totally kidding! That would be a really evil and fucked up thing to do. Like others said, find out if they are monogamous, and if they are supposed to be, perhaps ask him in a "hypothetical" situation to gauge his reaction? I think you have a delicate situation at hand and you should approach it with some caution and give it some time, if you don't want to lose him as a friend.
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    Apr 27, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    Inform him. He is your friend first and foremost, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2011 1:29 AM GMT
    You could always try getting a life, then you would not have to worry about it.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Apr 27, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    Timbales saiddo you know for a fact they are monogamous?


    No, but when we dated we were monogamous, so I dunno why they would be any different.


    Because you and his new boyfriend are two different people. Because that was then and this is now.

    I don't think you know enough to get involved at this point. You don't know the current terms of their relationship, and you don't even know if that's really him using the profile with his pics. Real-life example: I don't even have an iPhone or an Android, but I hear someone billing himself as a 25-year-old pig bottom is using my pics on Grindr. That's life in the big city.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    Simon78928 saidYou could always try getting a life, then you would not have to worry about it.

    You have no soul, your advice is invalid.
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    Apr 27, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    slimnmuscly saidBecause you and his new boyfriend are two different people. Because that was then and this is now.

    I don't think you know enough to get involved at this point. You don't know the current terms of their relationship, and you don't even know if that's really him using the profile with his pics. Real-life example: I don't even have an iPhone or an Android, but I hear someone billing himself as a 25-year-old pig bottom is using my pics on Grindr. That's life in the big city.


    LOL @ then vs. now.
    Then = last month. Now = this month.

    Trust me, it's him. The guy's a fucking douchebag, part of the bear community (it's a bear website) and not even attractive enough for someone to steal his pics.