Is it admirable to say what you think all the time?

  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Apr 29, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    Lately Ive been "reading what guys post on their pages and blog in bulletins. Its kind of addictive at times, I guess. (even though you really cant tell who someone is online) One guy one here really got my attention. Hes great looking, atheltic, and has accomplished quite a bit for being so young, BUT HE KNOWS IT. He also went on to say that hes "BRUTALLY HONEST EVEN THOUGH IT CAN HURT A PERSONS FEELINGS." I think we've all been on the recieving end of this, and also been in the postion to use better judgement as well. Gay society is known for having a ack of better judgment when iit comes to "BEING HONEST." I guess my question is that I really wanna know what most guys think about someone who just "puts it all on the table all the time, without discretion." If it was someone YOU had potential interest in would it change the way you felt? Or would it make him more desirable
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 4:49 PM GMT
    You know, I was just talking to a coworker the other day about this, and apparently some people prefer you to lie to them, like, blatant lies. I dunno but if I have deficiency in something, I would rather someone point it out (in a nice way, preferably), rather to sugarcoat and feed me a bunch of BS. Now I think if you're gonna point something out, it should be constructive and improvable by the receiving party. If someone tells me I'm 6 inches way too short, there's nothing I can do about it. Therefore I will absolutely view it as an insult. Now if someone tells me I have too much bodyfat and suggest a new diet / exercise routine, I will absolutely appreciate the criticism, because I can actually do something about it and make some self-improvement. With that said, I also understand that a lot of people, not just gay guys, have fragile egos. So you need to develop a persons chart I guess, like you can be frank with A but you need to sugarcoat a little bit for B, and you just need to absolutely chocolate-coat everything you say to C, etc. It'll make your life easier. I would minimize my interactions with people who like to sugarcoat everything though (and people who like to hear sugarcoated stuff). I like speaking my mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    w0swh0.jpg
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Apr 29, 2011 4:54 PM GMT
    To the first guy...icon_confused.gif
    I see your point... I guess you do always have choice of who socilaize with,
    but the point Im driving at is... What if its going to embarrass them? what if could see it coming?
    To the second guy...icon_biggrin.gif
    Great quote! I actually laughed! but do you reall want people to see you like that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    TallguyNLA saidTo the first guy...icon_confused.gif
    I see your point... I guess you do always have choice of who socilaize with,
    but the point Im driving at is... What if its going to embarrass them? what if could see it coming?
    To the second guy...icon_biggrin.gif
    Great quote! I actually laughed! but do you reall want people to see you like that?


    I only publicly embarrass and attack people in retaliation, never first strike. And if i have constructive criticisms to make, I would do it in private. In context of RJ, I am glad because people on this forum has been super nice to me so far, and I sincerely appreciate it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    I think there's always a tactful way to tell the truth. If I have a criticism, I try to make it in a non-judgmental way while also suggesting remedies.
    However, I also think it's vital to exercise good judgment when volunteering my opinions, particularly negative or critical ones. Giving someone an honest answer to question, however difficult to hear, is very different from spewing out every unsolicited snarky criticism that crosses my mind. The first is me trying to be a true friend; the second is me being an asshole.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 6:41 PM GMT
    One thing I tell myself is, you have to almost expect people to say things or feel a certain way about you.

    Someone always being brutally honest would not make them more desirable to me. Because if you're always criticizing someone, then obviously you're expending all that energy rather than focusing on yourself. Which they can't be too comfortable with.

    What makes it even better is most people wouldn't dare say those same things face to face. So all I have to do is close my laptop and POOF, it all goes away.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 29, 2011 7:52 PM GMT
    Being honest does not mean being an asshole. Unsolicited negative opinions don't help anyone. I'm an honest person, but I also know how to tactfully express myself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    Good point Timbales. A lot of people have forgotten what tact is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:07 PM GMT
    Timbales saidBeing honest does not mean being an asshole. Unsolicited negative opinions don't help anyone. I'm an honest person, but I also know how to tactfully express myself.


    This makes me respect you even more now. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    No it is not.

    For a start, these people who "just say it as it is" are as fallible and prone to get it wrong as anyone else. They often think they have special clarity of insight. They do not.

    This means that they "lay it how how it is" and upset people when in reality they are arrogantly offering their flawed opinions as though they were divine truth.

    It´s about their ego, not about their honesty.

    Now, even if they are right, their gabbing may not actually help anyone. There are many true things I could say at any juncture, but they do not necessarily contribute anything to my relationship with the person I say them to.

    In short, these people are tedious, self involved bores who should be excoriated and made to wear polyester.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    Well, I should have noticed this thread before starting my own somewhat similar one. How rude of me! icon_wink.gif

    Reminds me of Shangela on Ru Paul's Drag Race this season - she kept saying she was just "keeping it real," but that was really just an excuse for being a cruel bitch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:18 PM GMT
    Lostboy very eloquently and succinctly observed, "No it is not.

    For a start, these people who "just say it as it is" are as fallible and prone to get it wrong as anyone else. They often think they have special clarity of insight. They do not.

    This means that they "lay it how how it is" and upset people when in reality they are arrogantly offering their flawed opinions as though they were divine truth.

    It´s about their ego, not about their honesty."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:22 PM GMT
    The use of honesty is a weapon is a sign that someone still has a LOT of growing up to do. I don't think the guy you described is honest...more like arrogant, ruthless, or tactless, but not honest.

    Honesty to me ties closer to personal integrity and I think true honesty is something that's more in your actions than it is in your verbage.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Apr 29, 2011 8:22 PM GMT
    Its surprising the number of people who use this reason as an excuse to be a bitch...
    Needless, unwarranted, unconstructive criticism, calling it honestly.

    I think as I age I appreciate tact more and more. I'm not saying you need to sugarcoat or lie, but you also dont need a hatchet to remove a splinter...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:25 PM GMT
    It depends how you do it. Some people are just down right bitchy. But the fact is, a lot of people really love being a bitch and think its the cool thing to do or something. I can definitely be brutally honest, but there are times when I just won't say anything rather than saying the honest truth. There is no need sometimes to tell my opinion because it wasn't asked and it isn't needed. If someone asks me an opinion I will be as honest as I can, but I will still be sensitive to any possible feelings involved that could get really hurt. There are different ways to approach being honest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    I´ve noticed a couple of new signs of immaturity recently (in the same person)

    (1) "just keeping it real" honesty. I no longer see this as a "personality trait". I see it as a lack of empathy and adult sensitivity to others.

    (2) Accusing others of being childish. This is something that only children do (think about it... it is the over-serious, pretentious13 year old who accuses others of being "such a child").

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:30 PM GMT
    In my experience people use the "brutally honest" schtick as an excuse to be arseholes. You can be honest without being brutal. And unless someone specifically asks for your opinion you have no business laying it all on the table in the first place.

    I like honesty and if I ask I want an honest answer, but I also like courtesy and I really dislike people who hurts the feelings of others just so they themselves can feel superior about always being "brutally honest".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    I think people who speak their mind should be stoned!
    No wait...I think everyone should be stoned!
    The world would be much more fun that way. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 9:03 PM GMT
    I have a feeling i know who you're talking about, TallGuy icon_wink.gif
    It depends on the situation though. I think brutal honesty is only ever appropriate when the benefits to the person hearing the truth outweigh any potential hurt feelings. Of course, some people (jerks) just like to be heard and say what they think without any consideration for others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    hd2001 said I think brutal honesty is only ever appropriate when the benefits to the person hearing the truth outweigh any potential hurt feelings.


    In many circumstances, one might wonder whether the speaker feeling the need for brutal honesty is the party better suited to make the determination that the truth will outweigh any potential hurt feelings on the part of the recipient.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 9:28 PM GMT
    showmeReminds me of Shangela on Ru Paul's Drag Race this season - she kept saying she was just "keeping it real," but that was really just an excuse for being a cruel bitch.


    Omg yes! That was my first thought too!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 29, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    My honesty is free.

    If you want tactful, pandering and coddling as I tickle your chin, I charge $200 an hour. Some of you will want to dress up in diapers: I don't care but if it turns into a scat session the price doubles.

    Friends and family get loving care. A stranger asking for an opinion on something is lucky to have anyone talk to him...he certainly doesn't get to dictate the style of the response (unless he's paying money.)

    It's the internet. It's not your mom's boobie. Grow up.
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Apr 30, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver saidOne thing I tell myself is, you have to almost expect people to say things or feel a certain way about you.

    Someone always being brutally honest would not make them more desirable to me. Because if you're always criticizing someone, then obviously you're expending all that energy rather than focusing on yourself. Which they can't be too comfortable with.

    What makes it even better is most people wouldn't dare say those same things face to face. So all I have to do is close my laptop and POOF, it all goes away.

    Thats AWESOME! I never reallt thought aboput it that way. its a good way to looka at things... and a very mature way to "deal" with it also...
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Apr 30, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    Timbales saidBeing honest does not mean being an asshole. Unsolicited negative opinions don't help anyone. I'm an honest person, but I also know how to tactfully express myself.

    well I think you have apoint!
    It takes so much more "thought" before responding and reacting, you know?
    So many people in the workforce are in the customer service industry and I do believe that the way a person behaves on the job reflects on how they are when the arent working......What if EVRYONE just spoke what they felt? I think the owrld would be a very different place, but that doesn't necessarily mean its a good thing....