Responding to rudeness with rudeness is still rude

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    When someone is rude to you, it is ok to respond to the rudeness rather than just ignore it, but you should still say calm, cool and collected. Return rudeness is not going to convince the other person that they were wrong, it's just going to both make you look bad, provoke them further and give them a justification to retaliate. Before you know it, you have a full out flame war, er, confrontation.

    Please discuss. icon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    Personally, I think responding with rudeness to an act of rudeness simply puts the respondent on the same level as the offender. Often times people are rude because they're miserable, and we all know that misery loves company. Why join the offender in his misery? The best approach would be to ignore the offender. Instead of treating him with rudeness, treat him with utmost civility and pretend that he's worthy of it--that, or simply ignore him.

    What I have observed occurring with exceeding frequency is that many people on the internet have become increasingly uncivilized. Many substitute personal attacks for reasoned argument. Instead of engaging in civilized, vigorous debate in order to prove their point, some resort to name calling and personal attacks. Instead of sharpening their advocacy, people focus on attacking the perceived physical flaws of their opponent.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    I never really care when people are rude or overreact. I usually just laugh to myself and move on. I agree that if people respond to rudeness by getting pissed off then they usually just look stupid
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:29 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidPersonally, I think responding with rudeness to an act of rudeness simply puts the respondent on the same level as the offender. Often times people are rude because they're miserable, and we all know that misery loves company. Why join the offender in his misery? The best approach would be to ignore the offender. Instead of treating him with rudeness, treat him with utmost civility and pretend that he's worthy of it--that, or simply ignore him.

    What I have observed occurring with exceeding frequency is that many people on the internet have become increasingly uncivilized. Many substitute personal attacks for reasoned argument. Instead of engaging in civilized, vigorous debate in order to prove their point, some resort to name calling and personal attacks. Instead of sharpening their advocacy, people focus on attacking the perceived physical flaws of their opponent.


    Why Dominus, you are such a kind gentleman. Thank you so much for participating in my first thread on RJ.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidPersonally, I think responding with rudeness to an act of rudeness simply puts the respondent on the same level as the offender.
    Sometimes that's the only way to get through to their little bitty stupid fucking brains.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    Oh hush.

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    Apr 29, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    Anduru saidOh hush.


    My, Anduru, whatever do you mean?

    And thank you for the lovely gift of art. You shouldn't have! I am going to go right home and hang it on my dining room wall in a place of honor.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    showme said
    Anduru saidOh hush.

    My, Anduru, whatever do you mean?

    And thank you for the lovely gift of art. You shouldn't have! I am going to go right home and hang it on my dining room wall in a place of honor.
    Shhhh... just stick this in your mouth and suck on it for a while.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Apr 29, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    showme saidWhen someone is rude to you, it is ok to respond to the rudeness rather than just ignore it, but you should still say calm, cool and collected. Return rudeness is not going to convince the other person that they were wrong, it's just going to both make you look bad, provoke them further and give them a justification to retaliate. Before you know it, you have a full out flame war, er, confrontation.

    Please discuss.


    I vary between ignoring a lack of manners and mindless irrelevance. Neither one truly addresses the matter, but I think at heart it's an issue of upbringing that most of us are beyond changing at this time in life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    showme said
    Anduru saidOh hush.

    My, Anduru, whatever do you mean?

    And thank you for the lovely gift of art. You shouldn't have! I am going to go right home and hang it on my dining room wall in a place of honor.
    Shhhh... just stick this in your mouth and suck on it for a while.


    Candy? What a lovely host gift!!! Thank you ever so. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    DOMINUS saidPersonally, I think responding with rudeness to an act of rudeness simply puts the respondent on the same level as the offender.
    Sometimes that's the only way to get through to their little bitty stupid fucking brains.


    Does it truly do so. paulflexes? Or does it simply enrage them all the more? When one is faced with a little bitty stupid fucking brain it is sometimes so difficult to know how it will react.

    But I shall err on the side of caution, today, and support politeness, or as our good friend Mr. DOMINUS suggested, civility, at all costs!

    Regards, showme
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:48 PM GMT
    Several ways to reflect on your comment. Here's my take:

    If someone cuts you off on the road, for example. . . I ignore it. For obvious reasons.

    On-line attacks, I generally ignore. With rare exceptions.

    If a friend is rude to me (this is rare), I don't return it with rudeness. At least not at the beginning. Instead, I try to find out what's wrong.

    If I disagree with a co-worker or client or boss, I'm totally civil and go out of my way to resolve the issue in a friendly way. But if they become abusive idiots. . . which happens once in a great while. . .

    I submerge my nice guy self and let them have it. You have to.

    That's not being rude. That's standing up for yourself. I used to try to be nice with screaming idiots. That doesn't work. It never works. Scream back. Don't edit yourself. You'll win the argument. And you won't be angry with yourself for not sticking up for yourself.

    Oh, sure, you'll piss them off. But they won't abuse you again. This has worked for me EVERY SINGLE TIME I've done it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    Indifference, people. If someone approaches you in an inappropriate or rude manner you return it by not acknowledging them. It eats away at them.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    Well I can certainly be accused of this, on more than one occasion.

    I do try to incorporate actual facts in my argument, with sprinkles of personal insults because its fun.

    I guess I should help make RJ a better place and keep those sprinkles to myself.
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    Apr 29, 2011 8:58 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidBut if they become abusive idiots. . . which happens once in a great while. . .

    I submerge my nice guy self and let them have it. You have to.

    That's not being rude. That's standing up for yourself. I used to try to be nice with screaming idiots. That doesn't work. It never works. Scream back. Don't edit yourself. You'll win the argument. And you won't be angry with yourself for not sticking up for yourself.


    Mr. LittleDudeWithMuscles, I certainly am in accord that one should not acquiesce in abuse. But I am also quite certain that you would never view someone as an abusive idiot, and take such extreme measures, unless the offense were quite grave and oft repeated, in a circumstance where it could cause you actual harm - otherwise, said behavior could not possibly constitute abuse.

    It is quite difficult for me to imagine that, just to posit one completely random example, a posting on an anonymous internet message board, could constitute abuse deserving of retaliation in such magnitude. Would you agree?
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    Apr 29, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    Chainers saidWell I can certainly be accused of this, on more than one occasion.

    I do try to incorporate actual facts in my argument, with sprinkles of personal insults because its fun.

    I guess I should help make RJ a better place and keep those sprinkles to myself.


    Well, Mr. Chainers, while I do not believe that etiquette generally makes exceptions for the size of the breach, in your case I would support allowing a sprinkling, or soupcon as it were, of good natured jousting, as in your capable hands it can be ever so amusing. It is confounding to me, however, how easily well-intentioned jousting can metamorphose into direct confrontation. It is a conundrum which I have as yet been unable to resolve to my own satisfaction.
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    Apr 29, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    showme said
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidBut if they become abusive idiots. . . which happens once in a great while. . .

    I submerge my nice guy self and let them have it. You have to.

    That's not being rude. That's standing up for yourself. I used to try to be nice with screaming idiots. That doesn't work. It never works. Scream back. Don't edit yourself. You'll win the argument. And you won't be angry with yourself for not sticking up for yourself.


    Mr. LittleDudeWithMuscles, I certainly am in accord that one should not acquiesce in abuse. But I am also quite certain that you would never view someone as an abusive idiot, and take such extreme measures, unless the offense were quite grave and oft repeated, in a circumstance where it could cause you actual harm - otherwise, said behavior could not possibly constitute abuse.

    It is quite difficult for me to imagine that, just to posit one completely random example, a posting on an anonymous internet message board, could constitute abuse deserving of retaliation in such magnitude. Would you agree?


    Yes. . . although I haven't read the post in question. . . sure, I think it's usually best to let those things go, and if one responds, I try to keep it as civil as possible. . . in my earlier post I was referring to abuse of an extreme nature. . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2011 10:09 PM GMT
    showme said
    Chainers saidWell I can certainly be accused of this, on more than one occasion.

    I do try to incorporate actual facts in my argument, with sprinkles of personal insults because its fun.

    I guess I should help make RJ a better place and keep those sprinkles to myself.


    Well, Mr. Chainers, while I do not believe that etiquette generally makes exceptions for the size of the breach, in your case I would support allowing a sprinkling, or soupcon as it were, of good natured jousting, as in your capable hands it can be ever so amusing. It is confounding to me, however, how easily well-intentioned jousting can metamorphose into direct confrontation. It is a conundrum which I have as yet been unable to resolve to my own satisfaction.


    Lol thanks man, but dont use so many big words, I cant follow ;-(.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2011 10:43 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Lol thanks man, but dont use so many big words, I cant follow ;-(.


    You're really funny when you throw shade, but it's always hard to tell when good natured ribbing turns into mean-spirited.insults.
    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 29, 2011 11:19 PM GMT
    Chainers saidWell I can certainly be accused of this, on more than one occasion.

    I do try to incorporate actual facts in my argument, with sprinkles of personal insults because its fun.

    I guess I should help make RJ a better place and keep those sprinkles to myself.


    Nooooo that's why I like you so much buddy. Sprinkles are like hot sauce, if you put too much, you get burned, and if you don't put it at all, it's too bland. When you put it just right amount....food is SUBLIME. icon_smile.gif

    Without your sprinkles you'll just be another GL guy on RJ. Sorry if that sounded a bit straightforward. icon_razz.gif
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Apr 29, 2011 11:21 PM GMT
    Showme: You are an awesome person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 12:23 AM GMT
    If it's trifling.. who cares. If someone is persistently rude, then by all means, let 'em have it!
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Apr 30, 2011 12:28 AM GMT
    They are called "interpersonal skills." Otherwise known as the ability to get along with people to provide a service and advance your own career. There is no excuse for rude service to a client or customer, or for rude behaviour in an internet chat room!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 12:30 AM GMT
    I don't act rude to somebody for no reason, but I'm not above getting a little pleasure out of setting somebody straight who is making some less than polite interactions with me.
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Apr 30, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind