Long Distance Via RJ...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    So here goes my first forum. Is it wise to fall for someone honestly and truly that lives states away? I feel like we all have been there at least once. We've found someone that matches all the qualities that we are looking for in a guy and give it a go. I have just recently found someone yet again that blows me away in so many ways. Do I give it everything I got again??? The first time was such a natural high interacting with someone on such an emotional level but it paid its price when distance got too much and I ended up getting cheated on. That'll happen but the question I'm more concerned with is this; Is it wise/healthy having a long distance relationship? It consists of talking mostly on the phone and living off the computer via skype. There will be flight visits back and forth for sure but its costly. He is coming here this June to start it off. I find it hard to not look forward to the hours I spend talking instead of living my everyday life. Skype chats has filled the slot that tv shows used to occupy. I swore to myslef I'd never try it again but yet a year later I'm finding myself in the same situation. This time even farther away. Suggestions, Comments, Concerns? Lay it on ME!!!!
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    Apr 30, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    I don't see how this is even plausible. A relationship based purely off of skype and telephone conversations? icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 30, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    Will yall get to visit each other and see each other occasionally? It would be very hard if you never got to see one another, I couldn't do it. But if you do, then I don't see why you shouldn't try. What if you are passing up something great?
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    Apr 30, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    dont bother, one of you will loose interest & then loose touch, then you'll feel totally awkward about yourself...

    >__>

    <__<
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    Apr 30, 2011 4:17 AM GMT
    Enjoy it for what it is, but it seems silly to become emotionally involved. Have you met him in person, yet?
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    Apr 30, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    Abandon ship.
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    Apr 30, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    First meet in real life and then see how it goes icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 30, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    Im editing some more info into the intro as questions are getting asked... Trying to be specific but def. Love the feedback!!! KEEP IT COMING! Trying to figure this one out....
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    Apr 30, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidAbandon ship.



    Basically---^

    I have sort of resolved myself to not attempting long distance. I would say 95% of those relationships have failed w/ my classmates, unless they were already married...
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    Apr 30, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    that's a definite negatory... don't even start to put yourself through that, man
    sounds like you already know it's wrong. At least you're getting the reinforcement from everyone else that your instinct is right
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Apr 30, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    I had a long distance relationship that worked. It took a lot of work however. I knew the guy for 5 months in real life and we both got separated out of the military. He ended up moving to Texas and I went back to Northern California. We met in San Diego. We didn't see each other for a whole year except for the 4 times I went to go visit him. I was saving up money at the time for a place and a car.

    It was very tolling on me for him to be so far away and I was not even sure if it was going to work at all. I ended up being able to save money and get a place for us after a year. Our relationship lasted 7 years.

    I would not do it again. It just took to much work and cost quite a bit of money for me to fly down every so often to see him. Personally I don't even want to be in a relationship with a guy that is more than 2 hours away from me. Gas is so expensive nowadays!!!

    If you decide to go the route of seeing this guy I wish you the best of luck. It could work in theory but it takes A LOT of work!!!!

  • Apr 30, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    I'll tell you--I've been in the same situation a number of times (there are just no decent guys in LA, so I always gotta look elsewhere...but I digress...lol), and it's not easy, bro.

    I mean, you can talk on the phone and/or text every day, possibly communicate via skype, etc, and maybe even set up a weekend visit, but at the end of the day, if neither one of you is legitimately willing to move to be with the other, you're just going to drive each other crazy. It's really just a tease that you both really like each other, because practically-speaking, it's probably never going to work out.

    You should talk to the guy about whether or not either one of you could seriously consider moving--if the answer is no, you should save yourself some heartache and see this for what it is--an online fling.

    Either way, good luck, bro...I know exactly what you're going through--it sucks...
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    Apr 30, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    I get the attraction.. but it's very difficult to do. Make sure the expectations are realistic.
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    Apr 30, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidEnjoy it for what it is, but it seems silly to become emotionally involved. Have you met him in person, yet?


    I agree. Meet the guy in person and then decide. But the reality is long distance relationship that progress, migrate towards living together or breaking up. Since you are getting to know him, just take it slow, don't make any promises or expect any from him either.
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    Apr 30, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
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    Apr 30, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    unfounded7 said


    Wow.. that was my era.. I forgot how freakin' androgenous hair bands were
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    Apr 30, 2011 5:28 AM GMT
    Dude I say give it a whirl.....I mean what is the worst that can happen. It is tough to find a decent gay guy anywhere so even if distance is an issue for a while you can def make it work....

    I saw you in the chat on cam and is your potential boy the dude who you were kinda cam snuggling with you both kinda looked cute and he was hiding behind a blanket it was kinda adorable......I sound like a creeper haaaa
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 30, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    I am down for it icon_biggrin.gif I mean, it's not like we are stuck in our current cities/towns icon_razz.gif Especially at my age, where I am just starting in the world and moving around and such, maybe icon_razz.gif

    I talk to a lot of guys here who are not local but in a way, I think the idea of talking to someone thousands of miles away gets to them and they think, "why waste my time?" Or it's just me icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 30, 2011 5:40 AM GMT
    Stay as good friends/talking buddy but I wouldn't go much further than that. It's setting yourself up for a -very- high chance of heartbreak if you go for a more romantic relationship. It is an unfortunate situation indeed, but unless that "long distance" gap ends, meaning you guys live closer together, I wouldn't bother pursuing it.

    A healthy and happy relationship requires physical and emotional contact. And to get that means you need to see each other in person more often than just a couple visits every few months.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Apr 30, 2011 5:43 AM GMT
    KardioKing saidI don't see how this is even plausible. A relationship based purely off of skype and telephone conversations? icon_confused.gif


    +1icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 30, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    When you take a chance, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. If you never take a chance, then nothing will happen.

    If you're both willing, I say give it a shot. Stay smart about it, but ultimately what have you got to lose?
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    Apr 30, 2011 6:05 AM GMT
    If you found someone that you connect with, that's great! I wouldn't want to say that the world needs less love.

    For me, I'd prefer to have the physical contact with a guy I love.


    Do you two plan on being separated? You say he's coming in June, but coming to visit or to move? Typically, long-distance relationships work better when there is an ending to the distance in sight.

    The second issue is about lust. Since the two of you are far apart, how do you handle the need for sexual release? It's important to talk to each other about what you need sexually and what you both are comfortable with.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Apr 30, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    BostonVball saidWhen you take a chance, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. If you never take a chance, then nothing will happen.

    If you're both willing, I say give it a shot. Stay smart about it, but ultimately what have you got to lose?

    adorable. amen, vball.
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    Apr 30, 2011 7:10 AM GMT
    Hi...you ask "Is it wise to fall for someone honestly and truly that lives states away?" Im thinking NO. You can be text buds, phone buds, skype or cam2cam friends but not "in love" till you can touch him. I dont believe you'll truly know each other till you live together. I would find a great guy in your town. Good luck icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 30, 2011 7:14 AM GMT
    I couldn't do it initially meeting on line. However, if I met the person first face to face while I was traveling or they were traveling and we both wanted to get to know each other better I might give it a try but it would be very complicated. A true healthy relationship needs to be dealt with at a close distance. Distant internet connections are a great source of entertainment and fantasy. They are always the perfect guy and say the perfect things on the phone, in text, and on cam but you've got to bridge the fantasy with reality to know for sure. If there really is a mutual feeling that this connection is special I wouldn't wait til June. You are feeding on the fantasy still and the higher up that goes the harder things could fall in a very awkward face to face meeting. Then there are those stolen moments where once again you give yourself a face to face meeting every other month or once a month. Thats just not enough. The rest of the time you will realize you are dating your phone or comp.