Knack for screwing things up. . .

  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    Apr 30, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    So throughout my dating endeavors, I've encountered many times where whether it be text/email/IM/phone/in person I just say or do the completely wrong thing. I'm fairly impulsive and wear my heart on my sleeve so when something comes to my mind in regards to how I feel about a guy I let him know, but I'm also a dumbass hopeless romantic and I feel like I need to know where I stand with a guy. I can't seem to play it cool, and simply just go with the flow when I like a guy and it always seems to lead me to saying stupid shit.

    Point in case, and the reason for this post. I have been seeing a guy for the past 2 months or so and things have been going great, and we were just enjoying each others company. I was just letting things happen and enjoying time spent with him. Recently he has had a hectic work schedule and other situations which would cause anyone a ton of stress so I haven't seen him in two weeks. While this is happening the text/calls have gone down but he still initiates conversations etc occasionally.

    Tonight we were texting back and forth, I asked if he could make time for a date this week, and he said he was going to be busy all this week, and then apologized and said "life isn't what it was two weeks ago" to which I replied, "I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, thats why I haven't been trying to not bug you as much. Like I said if you still want to hangout that'd be awesome, if not(hope thats not the case) just let me know" followed by "Sorry don't mean to cause more stress by bringing this up, just not sure what you're thinking/feeling. Sorry". To which I received no reply, and haven't heard from him since.

    So at this point, I feel like a stage-5 clinger icon_redface.gif and that I've screwed things up yet again. I'm embarrassed to post this, but I'm honestly unsure of what to do and how to proceed with things from here. I have a feeling I should just let it go for now, since whats done is done and wait for him to contact me or what. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 1:23 PM GMT
    It's out there, he knows. Do not fret.

    Life is what happens when you are busy making plans. Things are what they are.

    You said something, that made a lot of sense. Hope you saw the meaning of it.

    He initiates the texts occasionally. I read this, he is communicating how he can at the moment. These next few weeks could be tough, he has his items on his plate.

    Reverse the tables... What if you were busy? Have you treated someone like you are currently being treated?

    This is a good learning experience for you. Embrace it.

    Cheers,
    ./B
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 6:37 PM GMT

    "Tonight we were texting back and forth, I asked if he could make time for a date this week, and he said he was going to be busy all this week, and then apologized and said "life isn't what it was two weeks ago" to which I replied, "I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, thats why I haven't been trying to not bug you as much. Like I said if you still want to hangout that'd be awesome, if not(hope thats not the case) just let me know" followed by "Sorry don't mean to cause more stress by bringing this up, just not sure what you're thinking/feeling. Sorry". To which I received no reply, and haven't heard from him since."

    IMHO. You sound really needy. Im not trying to be rude or judgemental. Just trying to help you without knowing you or the entire situation.

    Here is what i would have said:

    You: "Are you interesting in meeting sometime this week?"
    Him: "Sorry, I'm busy all week. Life isn't what it was two weeks ago"
    You: "No problem man. Hit me up when you want to meet up again."

    Simple. Direct. To the point. You let him know what you want (ie. you want to hangout again). Then you put the ball in his court. If he replies, then great. If not, move on.

    In your case, you dragged the conversation beyond where it needed to go. To make matters worse, you made unneccessary apologies. It set off red flags in his mind that you are clingy, and he's probably backing off from you now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 6:43 PM GMT
    "Tonight we were texting back and forth, I asked if he could make time for a date this week, and he said he was going to be busy all this week, and then apologized and said "life isn't what it was two weeks ago" to which I replied, "I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, thats why I haven't been trying to not bug you as much. Like I said if you still want to hangout that'd be awesome, if not(hope thats not the case) just let me know" followed by "Sorry don't mean to cause more stress by bringing this up, just not sure what you're thinking/feeling. Sorry". To which I received no reply, and haven't heard from him since."



    Conversely, Bill said something similar to me once, after only 2 days apart and I thoroughly melted. That would have been....almost 22 years ago.
  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    Apr 30, 2011 7:45 PM GMT
    catfish5 said
    "Tonight we were texting back and forth, I asked if he could make time for a date this week, and he said he was going to be busy all this week, and then apologized and said "life isn't what it was two weeks ago" to which I replied, "I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, thats why I haven't been trying to not bug you as much. Like I said if you still want to hangout that'd be awesome, if not(hope thats not the case) just let me know" followed by "Sorry don't mean to cause more stress by bringing this up, just not sure what you're thinking/feeling. Sorry". To which I received no reply, and haven't heard from him since."

    IMHO. You sound really needy. Im not trying to be rude or judgemental. Just trying to help you without knowing you or the entire situation.

    Here is what i would have said:

    You: "Are you interesting in meeting sometime this week?"
    Him: "Sorry, I'm busy all week. Life isn't what it was two weeks ago"
    You: "No problem man. Hit me up when you want to meet up again."

    Simple. Direct. To the point. You let him know what you want (ie. you want to hangout again). Then you put the ball in his court. If he replies, then great. If not, move on.

    In your case, you dragged the conversation beyond where it needed to go.
    To make matters worse, you made unneccessary apologies. It set off red flags in his mind that you are clingy, and he's probably backing off from you now.


    Yeh I pretty much realized that as soon as I sent it, hindsight 20/20 sorta thing. Im just gonna let it be and see what happens from here, hoping for the best but would completely understand if that's not that case, just another learning experience I guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    You sound like a great guy and fun to hang out with. If it doesn't work with this dude, another guy will come right along behind him. Trust me.
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    Apr 30, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    Don't fret. We live and learn... if we don't make mistakes, we aren't learning... I think? lol

    As it has been said, he knows where you stand. He will contact you if he wants to continue. If not, there are other guys out there and you are young. Being needy isn't always bad. It's how you exhibit the neediness that can push guys away. Some guys like it when you cling and are needy.

    Personally, if a guy was a bit clingy and expressed himself, I would have no problem with it.... so long as he didn't get to the point of stalking. lol

    Just live and let live. He'll contact you when things slow down.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 8:24 PM GMT
    Maybe what you put out there wasn't perfect for him, but it is about both of you - your concerns are half the equation.

    If what you said causes him to back off, then the connection was weak or he's just not someone who can see beyond his own needs.

    You probably shouldnt apologize to people for asking them a question which will help you understand what to expect from them. You have the right to ask and they have the right to answer or not answer in response. You make of the response what you can.

    Save your apologies for when you don't deliver on something you promised or if you cause some real harm through neglect.



  • muscle4same

    Posts: 21

    May 01, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    I'm exactly the same way as you. Personally, I have gotten to the point if I write what you last wrote and don't hear from them, I just figure I'll never hear from him again and go on and try to find other things to occupy my time with. One thing that I have learned is that at that 2 month period, when they start doing the "dropping off" thing and claim "work is crazy and life is hectic," it's usually them being a pussy and trying to cop out of the "relationship" without telling you that's what they want to do....that they are trying to just avoid you for as long as possible and hope you'll just stop contacting them. I've learnd this the hard way.

    I finally have gotten to the point where I leave everything short and to the point. I just write, "when you're free, let me know if you want to hang." Even at that, and being my now less clingy self, I still don't hear anything from them.

    At this point of my life though, I've given up on dating. The last guy was the last time that I feel like trying. Tired of liking a guy just to have him ignore me in the same way you described. I'm teaching myself how to enjoy my own time to myself.

    I do wish you great luck though...from one guy to another that is very good at doing and saying the wrong thing/too much....I understand and hope you find someone that can appreciate you for who you are, emotions and all!!!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11838

    May 01, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    Ya man...you need to wait him out...The best way to lose a guy is to appear too clingy...if you chase.... they run....I'd go one step further...If he texts...don't answer for a day or two...When you do answer..say something like...Sorry man been busy with an "old friend"...be very vague...Then say damn I miss ya let's do something "real soon"...He'll come around...if not...Move on...Lastly, you wearing your heart on your sleeve...that's just a part of ya..if this scares this guy....he's not worth changing a true part of yourself....BUD