Any tips on moving things from online to meeting in real life?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    I am so frustrated right about now. In the past week I had 3 guys who all messaged me first on adam4adam. Each one turned out to be incredibly flakes. One was supposed to had met me in the afternoon and another one was supposed to had met me last night at the local popular bar. And I'm talking about guys in their 20s right around my age.

    Well I tell you neither one ended up coming thru. It's like, I don't understand what's going on but I can't seem to get guys to meet up in this town. I have to say I have never had this much issues trying to meet someone off of adam than I have been having here. I even was chatting with 1 guy off realjock and we were going to meet for the first time and he bailed.

    So I'm just trying to figure out, is it because I'm not suggesting the right places? I offer them to give a suggestion as well but most times they can't give one. So I say, meet me at a bar or let's watch a movie or something. And then it falls flat.

    One guy, he was texting me all along this week, and 2 nights ago I suggested meeting up Friday night, last night. Well, I get off work and on my way to the bar, and he just makes up some excuse not to come and then didn't even text back. Luckily I had a group of friends meeting me there, which is exactly the point so my night isn't ruined just because they decide not to show up.





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    May 01, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    Why are you trying to set up 'dates' through a4a? Isn't that place like hook-up central? So the only valid location for 'dates' are "your place or mine".
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    May 01, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidWhy are you trying to set up 'dates' through a4a? Isn't that place like hook-up central? So the only valid location for 'dates' are "your place or mine".


    I used to get dates from adam4adam all the time. When I first visited Denver nearly a year ago I met a guy off there and he picked me up in his Hummer and he showed me around town, had dinner and then went clubbing.

    I mean, the potential is most definitely there.
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    May 01, 2011 6:43 AM GMT
    Get things to the telephone and/or email quickly. If somebody doesn't want to take things that far. Dump them. They're playing games and/or wasting your time.

    Then, get things to a real life "coffee visit" or some other low risk meeting. If they don't make the appointment, or are "fishy" with even making an appointment. Dump them. They're playing games and/or wasting your time.

    If they stand you up. Dump them. They're playing games and/or wasting your time.

    If they come through and meet you. Great. If there is chemistry. Great. If not. Oh well.

    That's what I do. Not many make it to real life. But the ones who do have all been cool.
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    May 01, 2011 10:29 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    Then, get things to a real life "coffee visit" or some other low risk meeting. If they don't make the appointment, or are "fishy" with even making an appointment. Dump them. They're playing games and/or wasting your time.


    lol, good advice. But it's just I'm tired of dumping people!

    The other day, this fine ass guy emailed me online. I mean, the guy was my age and he was SO fine. He had designs in his hair like me and his pic was almost just like mine and he was mixed. It was like a match made in HEAVEN! Or so I thought...

    1st he tries to get me to come to his house and fuck. Then, he was the same one who we made plans with Friday afternoon. Twice he asked. "who's this again" when I texted him (again, he HIT ME UP first online, then gave me his number) Didn't even get back to me and then when I called him later that evening, he says, "hello? what's up." then he hung up on me!

    If this keeps up the way it's going I might have to look for a new place to live. I been here since January and realized I haven't even had a movie date yet. Seems like everyone here just wants to fuck, fuck fuck. I mean, even when I was living in Miami I was at least getting dates. Not all of them developed but at least the opportunity presented itself.
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    May 01, 2011 10:10 PM GMT
    Maybe the guys who are using A4A in Denver are not the same as Miami? A4A is not really the best site for dating I think. What site do people use for gay dating these days? Gay.com? Manhunt? Interactive male? Grindr? Encountr? Not RJ apparently. Haven't heard much stories.

    AlternativeS: Bars? Gym?
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    May 01, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    cityaznguy saidMaybe the guys who are using A4A in Denver are not the same as Miami? A4A is not really the best site for dating I think. What site do people use for gay dating these days? Gay.com? Manhunt? Interactive male? Grindr? Encountr? Not RJ apparently. Haven't heard much stories.

    AlternativeS: Bars? Gym?


    well I dont have an Iphone so grindr is out. Plus isn't that also a hookup site?

    I definitely find the bar to be a better alternative. RJ is questionable because I find some of the guys on RJ here are like barely out the closet....
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    May 01, 2011 11:28 PM GMT
    the thing is, there used to be just one or two places where people would go online. basically aol or gay.com. now there's like fourteen.

    and yeah, people are sketchier and i think less trusting. less good conversations and more that are just really, really superficial and not even the least bit rewarding.
  • Joeyphx444

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    May 01, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    What is gay dating?
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    May 01, 2011 11:47 PM GMT
    thirdcoastkid saidthe thing is, there used to be just one or two places where people would go online. basically aol or gay.com. now there's like fourteen.

    and yeah, people are sketchier and i think less trusting. less good conversations and more that are just really, really superficial and not even the least bit rewarding.


    I just looked at my re-created adam4adam profile. I put it up again on 4/21. 80 replies in my inbox. Not a single one of the bastards have I actually met yet.

    It's like, I get a response...I like their look and/or profile, but then that's it. They don't try to put any effort into trying to meet just want to exchange messages back and forth. And then some are even worse because they hit me up, give me their number after their 1st email and then they got a boyfriend, or they can't meet up, or this, or that...

    I'm seriously thinking of just going on a big internet fast. I don't even think these people online are real humans anymore. Seem more like pictures on a profile and no brain attached to it icon_rolleyes.gif

    And I'm so fucking tired of the same guys hitting me up here, like dammit if I wasn't interested last month what makes you think I will this month?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    i think its worse in less-populated places. say you have 50 guys who are dateable and in your age range... instead of all 50 being on one site, they're spread out between 10 different sites... 5 per site.

    makes you feel like you're the only one out here sometimes. i realized this year that about half of the people moved to grindr and almost all the newbies are. since i didn't have an iphone or droid until last month, i was like, what happened to everyone?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidWhat is gay dating?


    hehe nice
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2011 11:59 PM GMT
    cityaznguy saidMaybe the guys who are using A4A in Denver are not the same as Miami? A4A is not really the best site for dating I think. What site do people use for gay dating these days? Gay.com? Manhunt? Interactive male? Grindr? Encountr? Not RJ apparently. Haven't heard much stories.

    AlternativeS: Bars? Gym?


    you forgot DList. the young/cool types that used to make their myspace pages glittery are now there instead. icon_smile.gif

    and there's Connexion and Downelink.
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    May 02, 2011 12:08 AM GMT
    I asked a gay couple recently what they would recommend as a means of meeting guys. They said to avoid the internet. They proceeded to laugh because the internet was how THEY met.

    I would say there is no cure all for meeting guys. Try a little bit of everything. Don't give up totally on the net. It's like investing; don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spead yourself evenly across several mediums of searching for men. ( Jesus, does THAT sound deep or WHAT ! )

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 12:17 AM GMT
    thirdcoastkid said
    and there's Connexion and Downelink.


    Connexion sucks here. I don't get that many responses. The one guy I did get that was responding was in an open relationship and trying to meet me on his lunch break icon_rolleyes.gif

    But like someone said, it is harder in smaller towns and to me Denver is pretty small in comparison to the places I've lived. Adam4adam has the same old mother fuckers day in, day out.
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    May 02, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    AMEN ...icon_evil.gif
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    May 02, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    mark92028 saidI asked a gay couple recently what they would recommend as a means of meeting guys. They said to avoid the internet. They proceeded to laugh because the internet was how THEY met.

    I would say there is no cure all for meeting guys. Try a little bit of everything. Don't give up totally on the net. It's like investing; don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spead yourself evenly across several mediums of searching for men. ( Jesus, does THAT sound deep or WHAT ! )



    Yeah... I'm with you on that.

    Its kind of crazy, its like things reversed themselves. For a while I avoided the bars, because guys there were always drunken buffoons and you would see the same people every time. The gay bars 10 years ago were really kind of creepy. I found people online were more self-confident and intelligent.

    But now, its like the bars are where self-confident people go (or the coffee shops and places on the gay strip.) The bars are remodeled and modern and cool again. And online is where you find the basket cases and closet cases.

    And in places where there are GLBT community centers or sports leagues, that might be a perfect place to find a guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    Worth quoting again:

    GAMRican saidGet things to the telephone and/or email quickly. If somebody doesn't want to take things that far. Dump them. They're playing games and/or wasting your time.

    Then, get things to a real life "coffee visit" or some other low risk meeting. If they don't make the appointment, or are "fishy" with even making an appointment. Dump them. They're playing games and/or wasting your time.

    If they stand you up. Dump them. They're playing games and/or wasting your time.

    If they come through and meet you. Great. If there is chemistry. Great. If not. Oh well.

    That's what I do. Not many make it to real life. But the ones who do have all been cool.


    Don't feel bad, I've been in NYC for 6 months now and I'm still single. it's not like it's some small town- it's New York. icon_redface.gif

    I'm probably not the best person but first stop looking at hookup sites; ada and grindr namely. You'll find guys who are mostly interested in hooking up there. I was going to say Connexion but you haven't been having that much success so I'll mention meetup.com

    Look up groups that interest you and go to them and chat with some of the guys there. The people who are single and available on meetup most likely aren't the hookup crowd and are probably more relationship minded.

    Other than online go to a gay bar (one where you can actually hear the other guy talking to you), get a regular place you get lunch or a gym- single people are everywhere in major cities and judging by the number of threads of people complaining about being single- they're always on the lookout. You'll even get puppy eyes on the subway.

    Hang in there, you'll find someone like everyone else did/ will eventually.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 10, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    Atleast you can find people in your area to talk to. I'd fine with that for awhile.. lol