Best Friend vs Boyfriend

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2011 10:48 PM GMT
    Ok guys here it is. What happens if your BF and your best friend just absolutely hate each other? This isn't happening to me, but is happening to someone that I know. Apparently one of my friend, his BF really doesn't get along with his best friend to the point that they cannot be in the same function together. This means on his birthday, either his BF can't be there, or the best friend can't be there. I thought this might be an interesting topic to bring up. So my question is:

    1. Love or friendship? Or this purely depends on the function?
    2. Does it gender (and sexual orientation) of the best friend matter? We've got the classic hag, the straight buddy, or the gay-sistah (who may or may not be your ex-boyfriend).

    Let's hear it! Have fun.
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    May 01, 2011 11:03 PM GMT
    I have multiple questions that I would need answers to before putting forth any sort of advice/opinion:

    1. WHY do the BF and bestie hate each other? Did one start off hating the other and now it's reciprocated? Was it based on something one of them did to the Guy In Between?

    2. Is the bestie a male or female? Straight or gay? I'm trying to eliminate the possibility that bestie wants to be the BF.

    3. Has the GIB mentioned this to either and asked about it? Has he expressed how stressful it is to him?

    For me, if I were either of the parties and the reason for my animosity was the way the other had treated the GIB, I would express that to the GIB. If he had forgiven all, I would do my best to be civil at joint gatherings. But I would also excuse myself at other opportunities that weren't particularly meaningful to the GIB, because I would have difficulty not being open in my distaste for the other party.

    If the bestie wants to be the BF, that can be difficult. Speaking for myself, to have to see the GIB and BF together like that would be painful for me and I would want to avoid as many joint gatherings as I could. icon_sad.gif

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    May 01, 2011 11:18 PM GMT
    1. This apparently has been going on for some time (> a year I think). I don't really know how it started, all I know is that they hate each other. This guy is more like a friendly acquaintance rather than a friend that I hang out on regular basis. We just share the same friends and in group outings, I would either just see his BF, or his bestie, but never together, and that piqued my interest.

    2. Well in my friend's (GIB) case, his bestie is a gay man and they used to date very briefly, until they knew that they're not compatible at all.

    3. I guess he's stressed out, but like I said in point 1, I dunno him that well so he could be living in harmony with this issue for all I know. *shrugs*

    p.s. that's like, the perfect movie to describe it!! LOL!
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    May 02, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    Given the new info, I'm wondering if bestie doesn't wish things were different enough that he could be the BF, or see things about the BF that are similar to him and wondering "why is that okay for him to do/be and not me?"

    At any rate, given the low level of connection you have to all this, I recommend shrugging your shoulders and setting phasers to "ignore." icon_neutral.gif
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    May 02, 2011 1:20 AM GMT



    Based on your last reply.. It seems as the bestfriend is just seems jealous.. If he loves his "bestfriend" he should be happy for him if his bestfriend is in love with his new boyfriend..

    To be honsest they should talk it out.. Your friend should have a talk with a both of them and find the root of the problem because now he's just stuck in the middle having to choose and that's bullshit. It's not fun to have to choose between someone who is your best friend or boyfriend. They should be accepting of one another.. Unless they are just jealous of one another.. =P
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    May 02, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    Meh, if I were forced to pick one or the other, I'd tell them both they are shitty for putting me in that position and that neither of them can come. It's a lose-lose situation either way, might as well make it an equality issue so neither can bitch, "CANT BELIEVE YU WOULD PICK DEM OVER MEEEE!"
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    May 02, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    Well since my bf and best friend would be grown ups I would expect then to act like it....think you need to tell your nephew or whoever this kid is to not worry about it since one day he will grow up and will have a new bf by then and this will not be a problem.
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    May 02, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    C_Luv said


    Based on your last reply.. It seems as the bestfriend is just seems jealous.. If he loves his "bestfriend" he should be happy for him if his bestfriend is in love with his new boyfriend..

    To be honsest they should talk it out.. Your friend should have a talk with a both of them and find the root of the problem because now he's just stuck in the middle having to choose and that's bullshit. It's not fun to have to choose between someone who is your best friend or boyfriend. They should be accepting of one another.. Unless they are just jealous of one another.. =P


    I know! If they really love the guy in middle, they should find a way to co-exist, rather than making him choose sides.

    KardioKing saidMeh, if I were forced to pick one or the other, I'd tell them both they are shitty for putting me in that position and that neither of them can come. It's a lose-lose situation either way, might as well make it an equality issue so neither can bitch, "CANT BELIEVE YU WOULD PICK DEM OVER MEEEE!"

    lol that answer rocked! Very fitting for a King! icon_lol.gif

    Simon78928 saidWell since my bf and best friend would be grown ups I would expect then to act like it....think you need to tell your nephew or whoever this kid is to not worry about it since one day he will grow up and will have a new bf by then and this will not be a problem.


    I'm sorry but where did you get nephew from?icon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gif *scratches head*
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    May 02, 2011 4:13 AM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    C_Luv said


    Based on your last reply.. It seems as the bestfriend is just seems jealous.. If he loves his "bestfriend" he should be happy for him if his bestfriend is in love with his new boyfriend..

    To be honsest they should talk it out.. Your friend should have a talk with a both of them and find the root of the problem because now he's just stuck in the middle having to choose and that's bullshit. It's not fun to have to choose between someone who is your best friend or boyfriend. They should be accepting of one another.. Unless they are just jealous of one another.. =P


    I know! If they really love the guy in middle, they should find a way to co-exist, rather than making him choose sides.

    KardioKing saidMeh, if I were forced to pick one or the other, I'd tell them both they are shitty for putting me in that position and that neither of them can come. It's a lose-lose situation either way, might as well make it an equality issue so neither can bitch, "CANT BELIEVE YU WOULD PICK DEM OVER MEEEE!"

    lol that answer rocked! Very fitting for a King! icon_lol.gif

    Simon78928 saidWell since my bf and best friend would be grown ups I would expect then to act like it....think you need to tell your nephew or whoever this kid is to not worry about it since one day he will grow up and will have a new bf by then and this will not be a problem.


    I'm sorry but where did you get nephew from?icon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gif *scratches head*



    Maybe from the thread about the guy that wabts to blow his nephew?! Lol.
    *Scratches head x's 2*
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    May 02, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    Bros before hoes.
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    May 02, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    Vaughn saidBros before hoes.


    so true, but apparently it isn't en vogue nowadays. i've had more than enough experience with this issue, from both gay and straight friends.

    i suppose i'm just an anachronism.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 4:37 AM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    C_Luv said


    Based on your last reply.. It seems as the bestfriend is just seems jealous.. If he loves his "bestfriend" he should be happy for him if his bestfriend is in love with his new boyfriend..

    To be honsest they should talk it out.. Your friend should have a talk with a both of them and find the root of the problem because now he's just stuck in the middle having to choose and that's bullshit. It's not fun to have to choose between someone who is your best friend or boyfriend. They should be accepting of one another.. Unless they are just jealous of one another.. =P


    I know! If they really love the guy in middle, they should find a way to co-exist, rather than making him choose sides.

    KardioKing saidMeh, if I were forced to pick one or the other, I'd tell them both they are shitty for putting me in that position and that neither of them can come. It's a lose-lose situation either way, might as well make it an equality issue so neither can bitch, "CANT BELIEVE YU WOULD PICK DEM OVER MEEEE!"

    lol that answer rocked! Very fitting for a King! icon_lol.gif

    Simon78928 saidWell since my bf and best friend would be grown ups I would expect then to act like it....think you need to tell your nephew or whoever this kid is to not worry about it since one day he will grow up and will have a new bf by then and this will not be a problem.


    I'm sorry but where did you get nephew from?icon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gif *scratches head*



    Usually when you talk about "your friend" in a vague way turns out to be a family member or someone close like that....since I was referring to the immaturity of the person as a kid that would led to him being out nephew due to the family/young thing. My mind works in odd ways.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    The boyfriend should trump the best friend. The best friend needs to be told to back off. Thats my story....
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    May 02, 2011 5:27 AM GMT
    Best friend. I know my best friend (who is str8, if that matters at all) whole my life, and would never, ever chose my (non-existing) bf over him. For me, my best friend is like a brother I never have.
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    May 02, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    I, too, would want to know if there was a cause for the hatred.

    If it is because the friend and the GIB used to date, then the friend has to get over it. It seems that the friend is attracted to the GIB and the BF is worried that the friend will try to steal the GIB. I hope it's not a stupid love triangle.
    If the best friend really is a friend he needs to support the GIB in finding happiness. Unless the friend has some evidence that the BF is going to hurt the GIB and then needs to let the GIB know.

    What I would do is invite the BF and the friend to events AND let them know that you are also inviting the other guy. Tell each of them that I value him in my life and that I know that he can be mature and civil. I'd put it on the guys to either be mature or to decline going out and having fun.
    And also plan separate BF only time and friend only time, but this shouldn't be a priority.
    If they can't behave and are acting childish then dump them both. Who needs this stupid drama in his life?
  • ashleymneil

    Posts: 9

    May 02, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    cityaznguy saidOk guys here it is. What happens if your BF and your best friend just absolutely hate each other? This isn't happening to me, but is happening to someone that I know. Apparently one of my friend, his BF really doesn't get along with his best friend to the point that they cannot be in the same function together. This means on his birthday, either his BF can't be there, or the best friend can't be there. I thought this might be an interesting topic to bring up. So my question is:

    1. Love or friendship? Or this purely depends on the function?
    2. Does it gender (and sexual orientation) of the best friend matter? We've got the classic hag, the straight buddy, or the gay-sistah (who may or may not be your ex-boyfriend).

    Let's hear it! Have fun.



    Oh! It is indeed a tough situation. But if you have to choose between the two, it would be your love. It is tough but then if I were in such a position then I would always choose my love.
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    May 02, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    Simon78928 said
    Usually when you talk about "your friend" in a vague way turns out to be a family member or someone close like that....since I was referring to the immaturity of the person as a kid that would led to him being out nephew due to the family/young thing. My mind works in odd ways.


    lol you have a wonderful imagination. But I see your point.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 4:32 PM GMT
    ashleymneil said
    cityaznguy saidOk guys here it is. What happens if your BF and your best friend just absolutely hate each other? This isn't happening to me, but is happening to someone that I know. Apparently one of my friend, his BF really doesn't get along with his best friend to the point that they cannot be in the same function together. This means on his birthday, either his BF can't be there, or the best friend can't be there. I thought this might be an interesting topic to bring up. So my question is:

    1. Love or friendship? Or this purely depends on the function?
    2. Does it gender (and sexual orientation) of the best friend matter? We've got the classic hag, the straight buddy, or the gay-sistah (who may or may not be your ex-boyfriend).

    Let's hear it! Have fun.



    Oh! It is indeed a tough situation. But if you have to choose between the two, it would be your love. It is tough but then if I were in such a position then I would always choose my love.


    I guess it'd be worth it if the love is the love of your life. What if it isn't? Then you lost a friend icon_sad.gif. I dunno I just wish I never have to go through this kind of crap in my life. But then my bf is also my best friend so that takes care of the problem icon_smile.gif
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    May 02, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    I would like to hear more opinions.

    Thanks to guys who answered so far! You all made fantastic points. This is more like asking for your opinions rather than solving my friend's problem, really. It's his issue that he needs to deal with, and unless he asks for my help I am staying out of this one. Like Ermine said, who needs all that drama?! lol!
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    May 02, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    If you have to choose (a big if), choose the BF, if he's the love of your life - i.e., living together, longer term, committed, etc. Even then, really drill down as to what is going on - if my partner wanted me to dump a good friend, he'd better have a really good reason, not just preference.

    Otherwise, bitch slap the two of them and tell them to get over it. Invite them both to functions and if either or both is so juvenile as to not show up, it's their probleml.