OK I'm confused here....help

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 7:19 AM GMT
    So there this guy i have been chatting and emailing with on RJ since Feb of this year. I guess he has taken an interest me and likewise. Then I don't hear from him for over a month. He shows up with a new RJ account and say that some guys were harassing him and sending creepy messages so he deleted the old account and created a new one. So we reconnect last month in April and all is well. We had some good chats. However the reality of being on the opposite side of the globe doesn't help. My last relationship was a LDR and I didn't want to go there. This topic did come up several times, so I told him we should see where this goes.

    Just about two weeks ago, he just dropped off again and can't be reached. Doesn't answer any emails nor did he mentioned where he went. The guy comes back online in the wee hours of the morning USA time today, and said that he just got back. He was driving down to Miami but then got stuck in the snowstorm and spent the 2 weeks or so with his sister in Kentucky instead. He then asks me how i was and I told him I was horny jacked on cam.

    He says: "I see that you're still sharing? icon_sad.gif"
    me: "Well I didn't think we are committed at least on my end. Considering we are miles apart."

    He: "thats coolz, i guess you're not ready for a committed relationship."
    He: "PEACE"
    Me: "Is this it then?"

    No response. Doesn't answer back. *sigh*

    Ok guys, he has the balls to judge me for having some fun on cam and writes me off for not being ready for a LTR. But he goes off and disappears for 2 weeks and doesn't tell me where he is going. If he really wanted to be with me, wouldn't he have at least had the courtesy to tell me where he was going? Honestly I believe we were on different pages. But now he doesn't answer ims or emails.

    I'm not like upset at all cause I thought this was just friendship. Apparently not to him. So guys, I am wrong to think the way i did? Did anyone encounter something similar?
  • HopefulMuscle

    Posts: 434

    May 02, 2011 7:47 AM GMT
    If you want my opinion, forget him and move on. No point in holding on to something that is not going to work, and especially being that far apart. its a big world with lots of potentials in it. think of this experience as weeding out the guys on bs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 8:38 AM GMT
    He's playing games and/or has emotional issues.
    Run, don't walk!
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    May 02, 2011 9:58 AM GMT
    Sounds like a basket case ready for deep therapy. Might be best to chalk him up as 'Relationship Practice' and see what else is more emotionally secure.

    Peace,
    Bardy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 10:53 AM GMT
    rjb2001 saidSo guys, I am wrong to think the way i did?

    So you're in Taiwan now, with no plans to visit the alternate US locations in your profile? If so, then I can't imagine what this guy was thinking. Was he looking to come to Taiwan and stay with you, instead of a hotel?

    I know there are guys who do that, and I sorta do it myself. I've made lots of online friends all over the country, with whom I can stay on trips. But then they can, and have, stayed with me, too. And I certainly didn't "propose" to each of them, I simply said hey, maybe we can drop in and see each other when we travel.

    So I don't know what this guy thought was possible, and likely to happen. But a relationship over that great a distance, 11,000 mi/17,700 km being nearly the most that's possible on Earth, should never have allowed this to even be a question.

    BTW, funny thing, I couldn't find a quick chart to estimate the mileage to Taiwan from what I guessed was likely someplace in the US middle West. So I used my Google map directions option, curious to see how it would handle the Pacific Ocean. Well, easy, in 2 steps using Hawaii, as many planes do. Except it didn't specify a plane. Here are direction steps 34 and 50, 2 legs across the Pacific:

    34. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean ............ 2,756 mi
    50. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean ............ 3,879 mi


    Google thinks that would only take 38 days, but even so, really a bummer for a viable LDR. You did the right thing, there was no practical basis for the "committed relationship" he wanted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 11:46 AM GMT
    Sorry buddy but I'm gonna be honest here. It might sound harsh but I am NOT being a dick at all. (besides it's not targeting at you anyway)

    rjb2001 saidHe shows up with a new RJ account and say that some guys were harassing him and sending creepy messages so he deleted the old account and created a new one.


    Red flag 1. Apparently he's not smart enough to figure out that there's such a function call "block user". Totally takes care of the problem. And unless he returns with a new face, or just purely body pictures, did he expect that the original problem will be solved just because he has a new account?

    rjb2001 saidJust about two weeks ago, he just dropped off again and can't be reached. Doesn't answer any emails nor did he mentioned where he went.


    Red flag 2. Was his profile verified btw?

    rjb2001 saidHe says: "I see that you're still sharing? icon_sad.gif"
    me: "Well I didn't think we are committed at least on my end. Considering we are miles apart."


    Red flag 3. He sounds like the jealous type and possessive as hell. Your relationship hasn't even started and he's acting this way? It's ok to want a committed relationship, but you need to START a real relationship first. He's either playing with her head, or is seriously desperate. The latter totally explains why he is experiencing problems with other RJ members LOL! And how he just dismissed you? Rudeness!!

    rjb2001 saidI'm not like upset at all cause I thought this was just friendship. Apparently not to him. So guys, I am wrong to think the way i did? Did anyone encounter something similar?


    Ya know, I think some guys take this online dating way too seriously. You should absolutely just see these connections as friendship at best. After all, you haven't met them in person and all. How do you know they act exactly the same way they do in real life. He was just totally in love with his fantasy about you, it seems. So, if he's delusional enough to think that just because you guys exchanged some dirty messages and e-hugs, that makes this a relationship...he needs a MAJOR reality check.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    May 02, 2011 12:16 PM GMT
    RUN
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 02, 2011 12:43 PM GMT
    Long distance relationships can be challenging, even within the same state in the United States (as I have).... but another country....

    I think every LDR has to have a future.. at least the dream that someday you will be together and live life as a couple. Perhaps the realities were
    more than the attractions. Sorry you had the experience, but learn from it.
    Good luck, sorry you had it happen.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    May 02, 2011 12:48 PM GMT
    This guy sounds like he is just playing games and is not really interested. Just move on and forget about him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    that's just messed up- you gotta do you, who cares what he's doing. The less you let it bother you, the more it will bother him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 1:22 PM GMT
    Don't get too caught up in it man!

    Let it Go!!

    ....Some ppl are computer illiterate, some are freak shows, some don't pay their internet bills, some have low IQ's, some ppl don't care much for other ppl's feelings and don't know what 'empathy' means.

    On the other hand don't forget the amazing ppl out there too!! That special person maybe right under your nose and you don't see it !

    Some ppl just aint suited for meeting others via the net for a variety of endless issues and ppl will ALWAYS have excuses.

    I'll admit the net is only still in it's infancy and hasn't been around that long really (late 80's early 90's) and then it wasn't viable to use properly. However I like to move with the times and tried the net and I like to use the net to meet ppl these days coz it is convenient in today's busy day and age, however that's all I use it for.... to meet ppl (in regards to RJ) ... I like to keep it real and be face to face whenever possible and just use the convenience of the internet to meet initially or just maintain an easy method of contact....

    As for long distance relationships with ppl you hardly know, it can actually work over time if they're genuine about it, I won't deny that, I myself have succeeded at it! ...but unless you know them properly in person, I wouldn't continue with a LDR soley just over the net!!!

    ...We all gotta be realistic about life man... how well do you even know your neighbour next door to where you live?? ...I know I don't icon_sad.gif ......so keep keep looking locally and you'll better ur chances of finding an amazing person really close by
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 2:48 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    rjb2001 saidSo guys, I am wrong to think the way i did?

    So you're in Taiwan now, with no plans to visit the alternate US locations in your profile? If so, then I can't imagine what this guy was thinking. Was he looking to come to Taiwan and stay with you, instead of a hotel?

    I know there are guys who do that, and I sorta do it myself. I've made lots of online friends all over the country, with whom I can stay on trips. But then they can, and have, stayed with me, too. And I certainly didn't "propose" to each of them, I simply said hey, maybe we can drop in and see each other when we travel.

    So I don't know what this guy thought was possible, and likely to happen. But a relationship over that great a distance, 11,000 mi/17,700 km being nearly the most that's possible on Earth, should never have allowed this to even be a question.

    BTW, funny thing, I couldn't find a quick chart to estimate the mileage to Taiwan from what I guessed was likely someplace in the US middle West. So I used my Google map directions option, curious to see how it would handle the Pacific Ocean. Well, easy, in 2 steps using Hawaii, as many planes do. Except it didn't specify a plane. Here are direction steps 34 and 50, 2 legs across the Pacific:

    34. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean ............ 2,756 mi
    50. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean ............ 3,879 mi


    Google thinks that would only take 38 days, but even so, really a bummer for a viable LDR. You did the right thing, there was no practical basis for the "committed relationship" he wanted.


    Yes I really don't know what he was thinking cause the reality is I was 13 timezones ahead which is more than half way around the world. lol!

    I was back in LA for 2 weeks in Feb, is when i met him on RJ Adult Chat Room hehe..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    So have you ever seen him on cam? Chatted with him on the phone?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    cityaznguy saidSorry buddy but I'm gonna be honest here. It might sound harsh but I am NOT being a dick at all. (besides it's not targeting at you anyway)

    rjb2001 saidHe shows up with a new RJ account and say that some guys were harassing him and sending creepy messages so he deleted the old account and created a new one.


    Red flag 1. Apparently he's not smart enough to figure out that there's such a function call "block user". Totally takes care of the problem. And unless he returns with a new face, or just purely body pictures, did he expect that the original problem will be solved just because he has a new account?

    rjb2001 saidJust about two weeks ago, he just dropped off again and can't be reached. Doesn't answer any emails nor did he mentioned where he went.


    Red flag 2. Was his profile verified btw?

    rjb2001 saidHe says: "I see that you're still sharing? icon_sad.gif"
    me: "Well I didn't think we are committed at least on my end. Considering we are miles apart."


    Red flag 3. He sounds like the jealous type and possessive as hell. Your relationship hasn't even started and he's acting this way? It's ok to want a committed relationship, but you need to START a real relationship first. He's either playing with her head, or is seriously desperate. The latter totally explains why he is experiencing problems with other RJ members LOL! And how he just dismissed you? Rudeness!!

    rjb2001 saidI'm not like upset at all cause I thought this was just friendship. Apparently not to him. So guys, I am wrong to think the way i did? Did anyone encounter something similar?


    Ya know, I think some guys take this online dating way too seriously. You should absolutely just see these connections as friendship at best. After all, you haven't met them in person and all. How do you know they act exactly the same way they do in real life. He was just totally in love with his fantasy about you, it seems. So, if he's delusional enough to think that just because you guys exchanged some dirty messages and e-hugs, that makes this a relationship...he needs a MAJOR reality check.


    1) He did block out those guys, but they created new accounts and continued harassing him. Karma is a bitch, maybe he deserved it!

    2) Nope his profile was not verified. Even the new one wasn't either.

    3) Yeah this dude was just way over his head on what he thought we had. Who commits to anyone prior to seeing them in person? Yeah he needs to see a therapist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    BrainyBrainy saidSo have you ever seen him on cam? Chatted with him on the phone?



    Never seen him on cam. Did talk on the phone a few times when i was back in the states.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    AntoNomad saidRUN


    Lol, more like BLOCK hehe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 3:07 PM GMT
    Thank you guys for the very insightful comments. Sure enough the poor guy finally responds back of course but has now been removed and blocked. Like you guys said, hes not worth my time! icon_biggrin.gif Another experienced gained!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    hey but if you still have interest in him, you should try to understand him... and huh, i can't understand what's wrong with LDR
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 3:41 PM GMT
    AntoNomad saidRUN


    this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    stranger87 saidhey but if you still have interest in him, you should try to understand him... and huh, i can't understand what's wrong with LDR



    I agree with you..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 4:26 PM GMT
    Mung_korn said
    stranger87 saidhey but if you still have interest in him, you should try to understand him... and huh, i can't understand what's wrong with LDR



    I agree with you..


    Umm, see Cityaznguy's post above.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    rjb2001 saidSo there this guy i have been chatting and emailing with on RJ since Feb of this year. I guess he has taken an interest me and likewise. Then I don't hear from him for over a month. He shows up with a new RJ account and say that some guys were harassing him and sending creepy messages so he deleted the old account and created a new one. So we reconnect last month in April and all is well. We had some good chats. However the reality of being on the opposite side of the globe doesn't help. My last relationship was a LDR and I didn't want to go there. This topic did come up several times, so I told him we should see where this goes.

    Just about two weeks ago, he just dropped off again and can't be reached. Doesn't answer any emails nor did he mentioned where he went. The guy comes back online in the wee hours of the morning USA time today, and said that he just got back. He was driving down to Miami but then got stuck in the snowstorm and spent the 2 weeks or so with his sister in Kentucky instead. He then asks me how i was and I told him I was horny jacked on cam.

    He says: "I see that you're still sharing? icon_sad.gif"
    me: "Well I didn't think we are committed at least on my end. Considering we are miles apart."

    He: "thats coolz, i guess you're not ready for a committed relationship."
    He: "PEACE"
    Me: "Is this it then?"

    No response. Doesn't answer back. *sigh*

    Ok guys, he has the balls to judge me for having some fun on cam and writes me off for not being ready for a LTR. But he goes off and disappears for 2 weeks and doesn't tell me where he is going. If he really wanted to be with me, wouldn't he have at least had the courtesy to tell me where he was going? Honestly I believe we were on different pages. But now he doesn't answer ims or emails.

    I'm not like upset at all cause I thought this was just friendship. Apparently not to him. So guys, I am wrong to think the way i did? Did anyone encounter something similar?



    You don't REALLY need advice on this do you? Really? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 02, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    I thought BELLO and I had something special going... Then the bastard took off without even saying goodbye. My heart arrived 3-5 business days later by FedEx, all broken appart icon_sad.gif

    Nah, that sexy little Guido would have never been able to commit to a serious relationship.