I just lost my mind

  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 8:24 AM GMT
    A friend of mine is now talking to my ex. Not happy but don't know how to react. Part of me wants to say w/e and not let it bother me the other half wants to blow up LA
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    May 02, 2011 8:41 AM GMT
    Think of it this way: we all bitch about being single. Nothing is good enough to meet guys. yet when someone meets someone thru a friend it's all hell breaks loose.

    Be happy for him. I can't stand it when guys feel that their X is off limits to their friends. It's hard enough trying to meet dudes as it is. I know it's hard, no doubt...but once he's your X neither of you belong to each other any more. So pretty much free to date whom ever.

    However, I always found it helpful to hangout with friends who weren't my own race. Yes, I know it sounds harsh but gay guys are such sluts sometimes and fuck in circles. And since most gay guys are narrow when it comes to dating their race of preference, I never had to worry about someone liking me AND my friend. They either liked Hispanic guys or they like Black guys. So I never had to worry about my friends trying to steal my man or my man going after my friends because we looked so different!

    I used to be friends with this dude who was half Black/half White and we kind of resembled each other...we were always fighting over guys and he was always jealous cause I was thinner. Eventually we fell apart.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 8:55 AM GMT
    I undersand what you mean, but my friend know the heart break this kid put me through. My ex hit him up on A4A and my friend asks me if its okay to skype with him to see his penis. I told him I did mind but hes a grown ass man and he's gonna do what he wants. He then went on to say that he was kidding. He tells me that he thinks he's kind of a douche and now their friends on FB I mean I won't care that they're talking but I won't be talking to him while he is.
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    May 02, 2011 9:23 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidI undersand what you mean, but my friend know the heart break this kid put me through. My ex hit him up on A4A and my friend asks me if its okay to skype with him to see his penis. I told him I did mind but hes a grown ass man and he's gonna do what he wants. He then went on to say that he was kidding. He tells me that he thinks he's kind of a douche and now their friends on FB I mean I won't care that they're talking but I won't be talking to him while he is.
    Is it weird that in the middle of reading this I suddenly craved chocolate? ...and it was when I read the word "douche".
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 9:40 AM GMT
    lol chocolate might help calm me down and not wipe LA from the face of the earth
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    May 02, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    it does seem to be an unspoken rule about not going after people's exs' but whether or not you like/accept it, the gay community is in fact rather small and it's bound to happen. You can't get all butthurt about something that you have no control over. Let them do their thing- and then go out and find someone who's a 10x 2 and show them both up haha
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    May 02, 2011 12:54 PM GMT
    Hey, my ex got married to a friend of our six months after we broke up! How's that for a mind-loser!
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    May 02, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    Friends and exes are complex thing. One entire group of friends preferred to be his friend over mine (and it was after we broke up because he was cheating on me). Two of my previous exes are also now married, ceremony and all. They met through the same group of friends. I was the only one I know not invited to the wedding. All in all there just this weird paradigm with gays and friends and dating. Nobody wants to hurt anyone but in doing so, hurts you in some way or another.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 02, 2011 2:05 PM GMT
    Yea I've never fallen into that whole, He's my ex, therefore I have dibs and no one else I know can date him.

    It's petty and insecure and sad.


    If you want him, date him. If you don't, then let him go.

    This belief is probably largely created by living in small town gay USA for most of my adult life.
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    May 02, 2011 2:18 PM GMT
    If he's your 'ex' then he's free to date whomever. If you can't deal with your friend dating him, then you need to reevaluate your relationships with your friends and your ex. At 21 did you feel that you should have control over who he was to date or not date? I mean really, at 21, how long was your relationship with this person. Move on.

    I don't get this high school girl attitude of 'he was mine so you can't have him'. Get over it! Did you ever think that perhaps your friend and he would make a better couple than you did? Try being happy for them instead. Geeezzzzz.
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    May 02, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    I would feel the same. Best thing is not to show any reaction except to wish them the best and be supercool about it. He'll realize what a great guy you are.
    Then go home and make voodoo dolls of both of them and stick nails in it.
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    May 02, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    This just came to mind. Wish them well and be there for your friend when your ex puts him through the same things he did you.

    [url][/url]
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    running11 saidit does seem to be an unspoken rule about not going after people's exs' but whether or not you like/accept it, the gay community is in fact rather small and it's bound to happen. You can't get all butthurt about something that you have no control over. Let them do their thing- and then go out and find someone who's a 10x 2 and show them both up haha


    Unspoken? I fucking spoke it in bold ass letters. I mean I'm just a hurt my friend just doesn't even care.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    sahem62896 saidHey, my ex got married to a friend of our six months after we broke up! How's that for a mind-loser!





    I would have... I don't even know but I will say it would have made international news
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    JeffreyVM saidFriends and exes are complex thing. One entire group of friends preferred to be his friend over mine (and it was after we broke up because he was cheating on me). Two of my previous exes are also now married, ceremony and all. They met through the same group of friends. I was the only one I know not invited to the wedding. All in all there just this weird paradigm with gays and friends and dating. Nobody wants to hurt anyone but in doing so, hurts you in some way or another.



    Were you upset you weren't invited to the wedding?
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    iHavok saidYea I've never fallen into that whole, He's my ex, therefore I have dibs and no one else I know can date him.

    It's petty and insecure and sad.


    If you want him, date him. If you don't, then let him go.

    This belief is probably largely created by living in small town gay USA for most of my adult life.



    LA have more than enough gays and the fucker lives in Glendora and my friend in Upland like hello 3 cities of gay and you pick my ex ?
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    May 02, 2011 7:05 PM GMT
    I dated this huge loser for 5 months, really ocnfused in the closet guy... wanted to be a whore so bad and I would catch him on A4A several times, each profile more risque than the last. He did have a sweet ass though... but when his morals shined through I cut ties completely.

    As my knowing this ex was wrapping up, I talked to this guy from WA for a few days. Reallllly hot, moving to austin soon... but totally bitch crazy. I said too much too fast, and he was showing me affection, trying to have phone sex and freaking out about little things i said. I didnt want to walk away before meeting him, but I was overwhelmed. He said it wouldn't work out when he found out i smoked, because he used to be addicted to cocaine or something.. I was super thankful, and took full advantage of the separation... but apparently he hadn't expected me to do that.

    Anyways, my ex here was super jealous of him.. and even though we had agreed to see other people he freaked out and got really jealous. And then got mad at me for hooking up with him while I was interested in someone new. Even though he had already fucked some guy he met on A4A like 3 weeks earlier and had been talking to more than a few ( we were trying to maintain a friendship).. anyways he takes off, and the next time we hang out he makes a totally whore fool of himself with my 37yr old friend infront of like 15 other people.

    Anyways, we didnt talk much after that. A couple weeks later, they both message me to tell me they have started dating long distance... don't care. That was the last communication i had with either of them, I hope they make each other happy.
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    May 02, 2011 7:15 PM GMT
    That's a tough one, man...
    on one hand your friends are expected to be loyal and have your back
    on the other they are adults and free to make their own choices - choices that you, as a friend, should support
    What it comes down to is whether this friend of yours is worth the temporary frustration you're feeling just now. Just remember that you will get over how you currently feel - will you miss your friend when you do?
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    May 02, 2011 7:50 PM GMT
    You have some growing up to do.

    You could do this to your next boyfriend
    sh_cowboy_branding_2_e.jpg
    but once you break up, it doesn't mean anything.

    If your ex cheated on you or was abusive or hostile, then your friend is an idiot for wanting to date him. Any thing else, and you're being immature.
    Are you still in love with your ex?
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    May 02, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    soulman1969 saidThis just came to mind. Wish them well and be there for your friend when your ex puts him through the same things he did you [/quote]

    "So many reasons, why our love is through. What makes you think, he'll be good to you? It makes no sense, cause he will never change. Girl you better recognize the game OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH YEEEAAHHH."

    Ermine saidYou have some growing up to do.
    Any thing else, and you're being immature.
    Are you still in love with your ex?


    Give him a break. Although I stated the fact that I personally don't like how people feel their X is off limits, there is a certain amount of natural jealously involved when your friend is fucking the same guy that you fucked and cared about. So try to have some sympathy.

    gymcharity saidI've always gone by the theory that theres millions of men out there so why would you want your friends sloppy seconds?


    Because 99.9% of gay men out there are someone's sloppy seconds. So there's no way to avoid it.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    May 02, 2011 9:29 PM GMT
    The one point I think hasn't really been mentioned is that I'm not about to sympathize with my friend if he starts bitching about dating a guy who broke my heart.

    I like to be there for my friends and lend an ear and I can be endlessly patient while they vocalize the ups and downs of dating and pairing. But if I was truly into my ex and things ended badly (for me, anyway), my friend will have to moan to someone else. I'm not sure I'd even be all that eager to hear that things were going great between the two of them.

    Na, in fact, I don't want to know that my ex looks fabulous, is doing wonderfully, the world is his oyster. I don't wish him ill, but I'd just rather not think of him at all. And that's not easy to do when he's dating a friend of mine.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 11:51 PM GMT
    Ermine saidYou have some growing up to do.

    You could do this to your next boyfriend
    sh_cowboy_branding_2_e.jpg
    but once you break up, it doesn't mean anything.

    If your ex cheated on you or was abusive or hostile, then your friend is an idiot for wanting to date him. Any thing else, and you're being immature.
    Are you still in love with your ex?


    I could but I don't need to. My ex and I were doing great, but then he just stopped talking to me out of the blue and I don't even know why. And it really messed with my head and it broke my heart. and yeah I would say yes I have feeling for him still .. and no shit I'm 21 I'm sure there are lessons to still be learned.
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    May 03, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    Exes are off limits. Everyone should know that! It's out of respect for the friend.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 03, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    onexepshyn saidExes are off limits. Everyone should know that! It's out of respect for the friend.



    That's what I thought
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 03, 2011 12:29 AM GMT
    I think I'm not going to talk to him for a while