I am sufficiently confused.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 9:21 AM GMT
    Alright, this is gonna be tl;dr but there's not really any way to shorten it.


    In December I was dating a guy who I like a LOT. Spending time with him is amazing, he gives me butterflies, etc.
    He broke up with me for what I consider a minor act of misconduct (I judged his outfit - in my defense, fashion is my career path and I wasn't being brutal or harsh). He also later said that I wasn't ~there for him~ when he had [insert issues] going on in his life - in my defense, he never mentioned the issues when we were dating.
    Long story short we ended on a fairly positive note - no hard feelings etc.

    Anyways, fast forward to earlier tonight. I randomly ended up going to a club that he usually goes to with his friends (my boss recommended it for a Sunday night and my ex wasn't on my mind so it didn't occur to me that I might see him there).

    First thing I did when I got there was go to the washroom - TMI but very relevant. When I stepped out of the stall and stood at the sink, lo and behold my ex is standing at the sink next to me. I saw him in the mirror, turned and looked at him and said "hey." He turned and looked at me and said "oh, hey! look at your hair!" and then moved in and kissed the side of my head. ( http://i52.tinypic.com/s2bg9g.jpg - i assure you it looks less retarded in person)
    Asked each other how we were doing, I told him a friend told me to come, etc., then said "Good seeing you! have a good night." after washing our hands.

    I went out to the dance floor area and stood on the sidelines watching... kinda being a creeper because I kept looking back at my ex and thinking how cute he looks when he dances. Oh, he also cut his hair into a short mohawk style and it looked cute&sexy on him. I decided what the hell, I'm here alone and he seemed glad to see me, so I went over to dance with him and his friends.
    We chatted a bit - as much as we could over the music, including complimenting each others hair (so gay lol~) - and I just enjoyed being out doing something other than sitting in my room on the internet.

    Every time I go out, I have to leave at midnight, since I turn into a pumpkin - aka I will miss the last bus home if I'm late. Midnight was approaching, and a couple of minutes before I had to leave my ex said "be right back" and headed toward the washroom. A minute later, I said to his friends "I gotta go, it was nice meeting you.", which probably seemed totally set up but idc LOL.

    I headed to the washroom - it's across from the coat check where I left my stuff earlier anyways - and he was just finishing washing his hands.
    I said "Hey, I gotta go, but it was really nice to see you." He kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug - like, a proper hug, that lasted at least 15 full seconds. When he backed up he said "I promise I'll keep in touch more; I've just been busy with moving and stuff but things should settle down soon." He hugged me again, and I said in his ear "Can we go for dinner as friends?" - I now regret saying "as friends" because that's what's confusing me the most. He said yeah, for sure, and backed up from the hug, and then kissed me - just a peck on the lips. He mentioned how cute he thought my hair was (again) and I said "yours too!" We then said our "good to see you" and "have a good night" and he went back to his friends while I got my stuff from coat check and left.


    Now that you've made it this far and read all of my wonderful story, hopefully you can advise me on what the fuck just happened.

    Does it seem like he likes me? Did seeing me possibly rekindle his interest in me?

    It's not normal to be that friendly with an ex, is it??



    Some facts that may be relevant:

    I don't know if he had been drinking and if so how much. Probably not since I'm sure he has work in the morning.

    I'm 21, he's 37. I don't know if there's a generation thing with being overly friendly?

    When we talked about reasons why he broke up with me, it was all via texting. This was the first time he'd seen me in person since December.
    My best friend suggested that I'm just ~so hot~ that he couldn't help but swoon over me. I have to admit that I was wearing a really cute outfit that's a pretty different look from what I wore in December and my haircut (which he complimented 2/3 times) is very different too.
    She also mentioned that it's probably really attractive to see me out and about, going out on my own thus showing independence etc.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 9:25 AM GMT
    twat you should have kissed him back
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    May 02, 2011 9:32 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidtwat you should have kissed him back
    Uh, it was a mutual kiss?
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 9:36 AM GMT
    like real kiss, like ... like this
    tumblr_lifajmbOqq1qbj9ne.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 9:37 AM GMT
    I didn't know what to do I was overwhelmed and confused. icon_cry.gif
    He does keep his promises though, and he promised to keep in touch and agreed to dinner.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 9:39 AM GMT
    So after dinner do that
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    May 02, 2011 9:43 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidSo after dinner do that
    If all goes according to my fantasy, I will.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    May 02, 2011 9:44 AM GMT
    aw you're a cutie icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 02, 2011 9:50 AM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidaw you're a cutie icon_biggrin.gif
    thankyou.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 12:55 PM GMT
    So it's VERY apparent that you're not over this guy, and still have feelings for him.

    In saying that, go after it. What do you have to lose? Nothing because he's already your ex and your "friend" and going for it isn't going to make you lose anything else.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    May 02, 2011 1:10 PM GMT
    Hey Anduru,
    I think you will be less confused when you eventually go out on the date. When you go on the date you will be able to pick up better signals from there. It does sound like there is still chemistry between the two of you from reading your post.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 1:13 PM GMT
    I agree with above, the date will help...but spending time with him after may also bring up those feelings of how yall felt before you broke up. I'm not trying to be the devil's advocate, but thats happened between me and a few of my exs.
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    May 02, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    My question is how sober you were and how sober he was.
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    May 02, 2011 1:51 PM GMT
    I think it went perfectly, Anduru. You were warm, he was warm. There was kindness in your approach, and his.
    He after all broke up with you, and you offering a new start as friends is a mark of great respect for that. The undeniable connection between you could lead to more. Maturity is VERY attractive, and you displayed that very, very well. Now go look in a mirror and pat yourself on the back.

    -Doug

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    Wow that was really long, but I would never tl;dr you! icon_biggrin.gif. Onto your questions:

    Anduru saidDoes it seem like he likes me? Did seeing me possibly rekindle his interest in me?

    Yes. Maybe; did you pay attention to how he was looking at you? It's all in the stares.

    Anduru saidIt's not normal to be that friendly with an ex, is it??

    *sigh* That depends on his personality. If he's never friendly to begin with, then not normal obviously. But some people are just friendly though and often it gets misinterpreted as flirty. In your case it doesn't sound like he was just being friendly.

    Anduru saidI'm 21, he's 37. I don't know if there's a generation thing with being overly friendly?

    I find that guys in their 30s are usually friendlier than guys in their 20s. Usually because they are more mature and less insecure at that stage of their life....unless they just came out.

    Anduru saidThis was the first time he'd seen me in person since December. My best friend suggested that I'm just ~so hot~ that he couldn't help but swoon over me. I have to admit that I was wearing a really cute outfit that's a pretty different look from what I wore in December and my haircut (which he complimented 2/3 times) is very different too.
    She also mentioned that it's probably really attractive to see me out and about, going out on my own thus showing independence etc.

    I agree with your bestie. Showing independence and the fact that you were over the hump, is sexy and very attractive...that and the hair / outfit. But I'm sure those are not the only reason why he was being "friendly" though. icon_biggrin.gif. From what I read, the impression I got is that he has a soft spot in his heart for you icon_smile.gif. I just wish you didn't say "as friends though". But ya know what? If things go well, you can always add a "boy" in front of it later. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 2:20 PM GMT
    you said washroom icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    It's not normal to be that friendly with an ex, is it??


    Sure, why not? There is no reason for a relationship with an ex to be difficult. If it doesn't work out, the reasons you were originally attracted to each other are still there. You may need to separate for a while for one person (or both) to get over the other - continued contact not always being conducive to the healing process - but you're both still the same people who liked each other.

    All the flirty stuff, however, sounds like it might point to continued interest on his part. ;-)

    Anduru said
    She also mentioned that it's probably really attractive to see me out and about, going out on my own thus showing independence etc.


    This. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

    Listen to your friend, she's smart. icon_wink.gif If it turns out that your ex wants to explore renewing your relationship, great - then you have the chance to decide if that's what you want to do! If not, then you're getting out into the world and putting yourself into the position of being confident and in control, and that will be attractive to many more guys.

    If you take it slow and stay confident, you'll be good no matter what happens.

    Hugs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    Anduru said fashion is my career path and I wasn't being brutal or harsh.


    Really?

    and you look like that..... icon_twisted.gif
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    May 02, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    MsclDrew said
    Anduru said fashion is my career path and I wasn't being brutal or harsh.


    Really?

    and you look like that..... icon_twisted.gif



    *drags Drew outside for a good paddling, then belatedly realizes he may enjoy it*

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    May 02, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    MsclDrew said
    Anduru said fashion is my career path and I wasn't being brutal or harsh.


    Really?

    and you look like that..... icon_twisted.gif



    *drags Drew outside for a good paddling, then belatedly realizes he may enjoy it*



    You call that a paddle? icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2011 4:07 PM GMT
    MsclDrew said
    meninlove said
    MsclDrew said
    Anduru said fashion is my career path and I wasn't being brutal or harsh.


    Really?

    and you look like that..... icon_twisted.gif



    *drags Drew outside for a good paddling, then belatedly realizes he may enjoy it*



    You call that a paddle? icon_twisted.gif



    Well FINE THEN!
    I'm gonna call up your American teddy bear and let HIM do it. With any luck you won't be able to sit for a week, young man.

    icon_lol.gificon_wink.gif
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    May 02, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    One thing that stood out to me is that 37 years old with a short mohawk/fohawk is not cute at all. Is he trying to be a 15 years old?
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    May 02, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    PGHiccups saidMy question is how sober you were and how sober he was.
    I don't drink and he wasn't holding a drink - he's the responsible type that wouldn't be pre-drinking at home like a retarded college student either.
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    May 02, 2011 7:48 PM GMT
    hangulmal saidOne thing that stood out to me is that 37 years old with a short mohawk/fohawk is not cute at all. Is he trying to be a 15 years old?
    Trust me, he looked hot.
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    May 02, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    dekiruman saidyou said washroom icon_lol.gif
    canadian-flag.jpg