Bisexual relationships

  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    May 03, 2011 6:19 AM GMT
    So I'm a bi guy - who's 2 months into my first relationship with a guy. I used to just date girls and just bone guys, but met a nice guy and decided to give it a try.

    I'm pretty masculine and so is he. I'm the top and the more dominant one. The problem is this. I've gotten used to expect certain things from being in relationships with girls: them calling/texting, wanting to spend copius amount of time with me, sharing emotions.

    I'm simply not getting that with a guy, I'm the dominant one and feel like a chick asking his emotions,calling and whatnot. I now know what it feels to he the girl in a relationship (emotionally) and don't like it at all.

    Before I give up on dating guys, any advice/similar experiences?
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    May 03, 2011 7:35 AM GMT
    Dating girls doesn't translate to dating guys. If you try to transpose the rules from straight world to gay world, you'll end up lost, confused, frustrated, or alone.
    Top =/= masculine, and top =/= dominant.

    You're dating an equal. Don't take the bedroom roles out into the world. Being the top doesn't make you the alpha in the relationship.

    The games in guy-girl relationships just don't play in guy-guy relationships. If you wait so many days before calling a guy because that's what you'd do with a girl you like, chances are that he moved on. Guys respect you when you're straightforward in your communication with them.

    It could be because the guy knows that he's the first guy you dated is the reason why you have to be the one to initiate phone calls and talking about emotions. He may want you to take the lead so that you can go at a pace that makes you comfortable.

    Edit: It's not really a bisexual relationship unless you're relationship is with both a man and a woman, either a polygamous one or an open relationship where you can have sexual partners of the opposite sex of your significant other.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    May 03, 2011 7:38 AM GMT
    there is not a general rule here-- all men are differenticon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2011 8:47 AM GMT
    well, i had a boyfriend before. We're both bisexual. Yet, it didn't last long. He's too childish.
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    May 03, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    Thing is, guys aren't as emotional as females. They have a harder time expressing their feelings. Trust me, I'm bisexual and it was tough having a boyfriend at first because I was used to the emotional feelings of a female. IMHO, I think females are easier to date than males because all a female wants is that balance of somebody who is sensitive, but will also be her knight in shining armor.
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    May 03, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    Well now I feel exactly like you said, lost and confused. I told him I needed a break to really consider if I should stay in this relationship or not, because it's not what I expected. He thinks he's done No wrong, which is true, but he just hasn't done enough for me I guess.

    Girls show and tell how much they care for you - it's taboo for masculine guys to do such things and I find myself becoming insecure over the subject. It's like I want to tell him a lie like I cheated just to see his response! To see that he really cares!
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    May 03, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    So basically my question is should I end it, or just get used to how things are with another masc guy?
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    May 03, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Your dating a Male wha ate you to expect -_- that he just bend over and take it like a bitch?icon_razz.gif

    If you don't like the position you are in then dump him and fine a more effeminin guy. Male to male relationships are far different from hetero once...

  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    May 03, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Pepsic0la saidSo basically my question is should I end it, or just get used to how things are with another masc guy?


    There are a number of assumptions that you are making that I think should be jettisoned immediatly.

    Masculine, bisexual, male =/= cold, uncaring, affectionate etc

    I am both male, quite mascule, and become very emotionally involved and affectionate in a relationship, not cool and detached. So are many others.

    Also...

    Position in sex =/= temperament or level of assertiveness in the relationship

    If you feel this relationship is not working because you are not getting the attention, affection, and reciprocation of your feelings, then end it for that reason. But do not do so and go away with the gross generalization that every man, or even every masculine man, will be like this guy.

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    May 03, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    [quote]If you feel this relationship is not working because you are not getting the attention, affection, and reciprocation of your feelings, then end it for that reason. But do not do so and go away with the gross generalization that every man, or eve every masculine man will be like this guy.

    [/quote]

    ^^^ What he said.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    May 03, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    While women are generally more emotional, they are also generally needier. I personally find male/male relationships easier because if you're being open and direct, you can skip a lot of the drama.

    That being said, you CAN find an emotional connection with another man. There are plenty of guys out there that want and can offer it. Others can't or choose not to though.

    My question to you, are you sharing your emotions and communicating openly with him about what you want in a relationship? Does he want the same thing? Don't expect him to open up emotionally unless you are prepared to do the same...this is not a male/female relationship...it's much more even/mutual so both guys have to want and be willing to give the same thing.
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    May 03, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    All I wanna say is I just wanna stay away from Bisexual ppl .. since they wanna go for both gender ,It doesn't work out for me
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    May 03, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    Ermine saidDating girls doesn't translate to dating guys. If you try to transpose the rules from straight world to gay world, you'll end up lost, confused, frustrated, or alone.
    Top =/= masculine, and top =/= dominant.

    You're dating an equal. Don't take the bedroom roles out into the world. Being the top doesn't make you the alpha in the relationship.


    Agree. I been top in my past to relationships, yet I'm not the so called "alpha" male. I like to be spoiled icon_wink.gif
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    May 03, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    guys are less emotional, if they were emotional like girls, they wouldnt be guys, and you prolly wouldnt be attracted to him in the same way
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    May 03, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    The complexaties of bisexual love. i thank God I'm a pure homosexual, one of the real gays, it's less complicated in the bedroom. My husband and I don't have a he and she in the bedroom, as we are both men.
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    May 03, 2011 6:18 PM GMT

    [/quote]My question to you, are you sharing your emotions and communicating openly with him about what you want in a relationship? Does he want the same thing? Don't expect him to open up emotionally unless you are prepared to do the same...this is not a male/female relationship...it's much more even/mutual so both guys have to want and be willing to give the same thing. [/quote]


    I have been sharing my emotions and asking him to share his. I'm not the one to normally do so (the female is) so it's left me feeling less masculine which I don't like at all. I love the guy and want things to work, but it's emotionally taxing. He said he's not good with his emotions because in the end he feels "used". What the hell does that even mean?
  • Pepsic0la

    Posts: 145

    May 03, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    True_blue_aussie saidThe complexaties of bisexual love. i thank God I'm a pure homosexual, one of the real gays, it's less complicated in the bedroom. My husband and I don't have a he and she in the bedroom, as we are both men.


    How is my situation any different - we are both men, in a relationship, just like you and your husband. Only way yours could be different is if one of you are more effeminate than the other.
  • KansasColt09

    Posts: 179

    May 03, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    There have been many responses thus far making it clear that generalizations are not the way to go- they are correct. It seems like you're caught up in stereotypes, of labels, and of certain roles that you feel you need to fill because you've been in relationships with women and filled the cliche' role of 'man'.

    The rules are different with men. In fact...there aren't any! That's what's great about being with another man- you make up your own rules! As long as you both discuss what you're wanting from the relationship, how you feel about things, and what qualities you like/look for in a partner, then that's all that needs to be done.

    Masculine/top/bottom/alpha/sub- all fun labels and roles to mess around with but in the end it's all bullshit and the only thing that matters is whether or not the two people involved in the relationship are emotionally, spiritually, and physically satisfied.

    Don't make up a lie to end the relationship or see if he really cares- my ex had a very hard time expressing his emotions, but I still knew that he loved me from how he expressed himself in different ways. Give it a chance, and stay engaged with him because if you drift apart, he'll see it as disinterest...not hard to get.

    Best of luck...and give bottoming a shot with him and see how it goesicon_twisted.gif
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    May 03, 2011 6:26 PM GMT
    Pepsic0la said
    True_blue_aussie saidThe complexaties of bisexual love. i thank God I'm a pure homosexual, one of the real gays, it's less complicated in the bedroom. My husband and I don't have a he and she in the bedroom, as we are both men.


    How is my situation any different - we are both men, in a relationship, just like you and your husband. Only way yours could be different is if one of you are more effeminate than the other.


    No we are both me, neither fem, neither top or bottom. We are both pure homosexual, real gays and have never done the nasty with a women. I think that along makes a big diffrence to your relationship as women are not in the equation, I have never looked as mine playing the female roll, as there is no female roll.
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    May 03, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    Pepsic0la saidSo I'm a bi guy - who's 2 months into my first relationship with a guy. I used to just date girls and just bone guys, but met a nice guy and decided to give it a try.

    I'm pretty masculine and so is he. I'm the top and the more dominant one. The problem is this. I've gotten used to expect certain things from being in relationships with girls: them calling/texting, wanting to spend copius amount of time with me, sharing emotions.

    I'm simply not getting that with a guy, I'm the dominant one and feel like a chick asking his emotions,calling and whatnot. I now know what it feels to he the girl in a relationship (emotionally) and don't like it at all.

    Before I give up on dating guys, any advice/similar experiences?


    Masculinity is more than the dreaded body gestures and mannerism that closet/newcomers guys fear so much.

    All those things you “expect” only make you appear as high maintenance. That's so not masculine.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    May 03, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    No two relationships are the same, gay, bi, or straight.

    If you're expecting the same type of relationship with a guy as you've experienced with a girl, then you may want to just stick with dating girls and boning guys.
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    May 03, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    Pepsic0la saidSo I'm a bi guy - who's 2 months into my first relationship with a guy. I used to just date girls and just bone guys, but met a nice guy and decided to give it a try.

    I'm pretty masculine and so is he. I'm the top and the more dominant one. The problem is this. I've gotten used to expect certain things from being in relationships with girls: them calling/texting, wanting to spend copius amount of time with me, sharing emotions.

    I'm simply not getting that with a guy, I'm the dominant one and feel like a chick asking his emotions,calling and whatnot. I now know what it feels to he the girl in a relationship (emotionally) and don't like it at all.

    Before I give up on dating guys, any advice/similar experiences?


    *facepalm*
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    May 03, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    True_blue_aussie said
    Pepsic0la said
    True_blue_aussie saidThe complexaties of bisexual love. i thank God I'm a pure homosexual, one of the real gays, it's less complicated in the bedroom. My husband and I don't have a he and she in the bedroom, as we are both men.


    How is my situation any different - we are both men, in a relationship, just like you and your husband. Only way yours could be different is if one of you are more effeminate than the other.


    No we are both me, neither fem, neither top or bottom. We are both pure homosexual, real gays and have never done the nasty with a women. I think that along makes a big diffrence to your relationship as women are not in the equation, I have never looked as mine playing the female roll, as there is no female roll.


    So you guys sit around and do nothing? Sounds like tons of fun.
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    May 03, 2011 7:31 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    True_blue_aussie said
    Pepsic0la said
    True_blue_aussie saidThe complexaties of bisexual love. i thank God I'm a pure homosexual, one of the real gays, it's less complicated in the bedroom. My husband and I don't have a he and she in the bedroom, as we are both men.


    How is my situation any different - we are both men, in a relationship, just like you and your husband. Only way yours could be different is if one of you are more effeminate than the other.


    No we are both me, neither fem, neither top or bottom. We are both pure homosexual, real gays and have never done the nasty with a women. I think that along makes a big diffrence to your relationship as women are not in the equation, I have never looked as mine playing the female roll, as there is no female roll.


    So you guys sit around and do nothing? Sounds like tons of fun.


    Forgive one, where did I say we sit around all day doing nothing? There are just no gender rolls. we are not man and women, one does not play the girl in bed. We are two poofters together. OMG we both work, have four dogs, a bloody big home and garden, and a social life.icon_wink.gif
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    May 03, 2011 7:33 PM GMT
    True_blue_aussie said
    Chainers said
    True_blue_aussie said
    Pepsic0la said
    True_blue_aussie saidThe complexaties of bisexual love. i thank God I'm a pure homosexual, one of the real gays, it's less complicated in the bedroom. My husband and I don't have a he and she in the bedroom, as we are both men.


    How is my situation any different - we are both men, in a relationship, just like you and your husband. Only way yours could be different is if one of you are more effeminate than the other.


    No we are both me, neither fem, neither top or bottom. We are both pure homosexual, real gays and have never done the nasty with a women. I think that along makes a big diffrence to your relationship as women are not in the equation, I have never looked as mine playing the female roll, as there is no female roll.


    So you guys sit around and do nothing? Sounds like tons of fun.


    Forgive one, where did I say we sit around all day doing nothing? There are just no gender rolls. we are not man and women, one does not play the girl in bed. We are two poofters together. OMG we both work, have four days, a bloody big home and garden, and a social life.icon_wink.gif


    There are also no tops or bottoms, as said here:
    No we are both me, neither fem, neither top or bottom.

    No sex role = no sex = no fun.

    this is a FAIL TROLL