Would you date someone who doesn't have an athletic body?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    OK I think someone set a trend here but...

    One thing I am finding I am not liking about a LARGE amount of the guys I meet, I'm talking about like 99% of them; they never have an inshape body! Like they'll be like average but no baseball muscles, flat tummy with the little pudge below the navel, AA cup chests. I'm not talking about guys like on RJ who are actually working towards it, but these guys I'm referring to just aren't interested in going to the gym.

    And an interesting phenomenon now is that now that I workout more, I am finding that even if the guy is cute...I just am not as turned on by them. Couple weeks ago I met up with a guy in his 40s and his body was AH-mazing. And I thought to myself, that's the type of guy I need to focus on.

    And I've met guys in the past who were sort of average and I've suggested the gym to them but we all know that unless the person has the motivation (and in some cases the genetics) then no amount of offering and suggesting they work out is going to do it.

    So I'm starting to feel that perhaps I should narrow my options out even more by specifically dealing with only those type of guys. But for Fucks sake, it seems so hard to meet a guy who is in that league...the most recent one that I did meet was a huge tweaker icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 04, 2011 6:51 AM GMT
    Wow dude, you created multiple threads about how hard it is to date other people because of your race and how guys keep flaking out on you, and here you are dismissing 99% of your dating pool because of their "average" body. Expecting perfection is the reason why a lot of gay men are lonely and frustrated.

    I also find it horrifying you tried to change other guys because you're not happy w/ their bodies. Whatever happened to accepting and liking someone for who they are?

    Your thread reduces a person's worth down to their physical appearance. I suggest you watch "The Adonis Factor".
  • shiningstar

    Posts: 71

    May 04, 2011 7:31 AM GMT
    Muscled guys usually turn me on but it doesn,t mean i m not attracted towards average guys if they r cute then i m attracted,
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    May 04, 2011 7:36 AM GMT
    GACK!

    You're a total turn-off.
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    May 04, 2011 8:07 AM GMT
    Okay, yes sure if you are attracted to muscular men then you are going to prefer them over people who are not muscular.

    At the end of the day that is just one attribute and if you are going to place priority over all others.. like the other posters said you are going to end up sad and alone.

    Life is about compromise and love is about more than muscle.
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    May 04, 2011 9:13 AM GMT
    I understand that, and I'm not trying to come off as superficial but don't some of you agree that if you spend a lot of time at the gym and looking at gym bodies that you at least want to have someone who has the same interest?

    I'm not saying I'm dismissing guys, because truth be told I have yet to date ANYONE who's in the shape that I am in (not to sound coincident) or even the shape that I see the guys on realjock are. So I have certainly made compromises. But I have made those compromises only for them to write me off as being 'just for fun' because they think with my body, I'm at risk for being a player or a cheat. So they say, "I dont wanna be serious." I don't want to be the only 1 in the relationship with a banging body because then they have this impression that "I can get anybody" and truth is I can't get everyone just because of my body. But because of that thinking I feel they can't take me seriously.

    In addition, I'm about 2.5 years new to the gym world so I wasn't always this shape either. But it's like over time I feel like I'm settling for less by always ending up with someone who only goes to the gym once a month. I'm not trying to change them, I just offer them to come along.

    bigeasydude saidGACK!

    You're a total turn-off.


    Put a cock in it...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    I don't think anyone can stand here and tell you that how their partner looks isn't important to them.

    If you want to look like less of a douche you can explain it more than superficial terms you know. I think I understand where you are going with this..

    Being in shape is more than about just looking good. There is A LOT that goes into it and not being able to share that world with someone can separate you from the person and also give them the idea that you just look good because you're a man whore. You might be, but without them having the same level of understanding they won't be able to connect with you.

    Date a psychologist, we make a profession out of turning superficial statements into life statements lol.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    i see body shape as a choice, and if someone's not in shape, it's a character flaw indicating laziness/lack of motivation
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    May 04, 2011 2:47 PM GMT
    atl2atx85 saidi see body shape as a choice, and if someone's not in shape, it's a character flaw indicating laziness/lack of motivation


    Not trying to start a fight, but what about those folks who are not in shape because of anorexia or bulimia? Trust me, those folks are not lazy... it takes a lot of effort to keep starving yourself or making yourself vomit. Nor do I think that's a choice or a character flaw for them; it's a disease.

    And truthfully, I'm more turned off at the idea of dating someone who's out of shape in that way. It's a real sad kind of egomania to think that everyone is focusing on your body and how fat they think you are.
  • aaronkei

    Posts: 211

    May 04, 2011 2:49 PM GMT
    I am one of these "average" guys and not all of us are able to get out and go to the gym. Don't get me wrong I love muscled guys but I don't think that your body should matter as much as where you are going in life and what personality type they have...
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    May 04, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    Yes, as long as they're reasonably in shape. Gay dating is tough enough without excluding 95% of the population.
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    May 04, 2011 2:54 PM GMT
    I happen to agree with the poster of this topic....it's not that he's conceited, he just wants to find that someone he can spend the rest of his life with and be happy!

    1. If you're not physically attracted to them, I think it's just not going to work for me. It's what keeps the physical spark in a relationship.

    2. If a guy has something about them that's strange or a turn-off, and it's a make-or-break thing, then they're just not the right person for me.

    3. Going to the gym is a commitment. Any kind of staying in shape is. I happen to agree that I like a guy who can get to the gym and stay motivated, so I totally understand why someone would want to find the same.

    KEEP LOOKING DUDE. Your perfect guy is out there, just be patient and humble.
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    May 04, 2011 2:56 PM GMT
    Some call it superficial. I call it natural. People like eye candy, and what's eye candy for one person may not be eye candy for another. However, nobody wants to date anyone they find unattractive...that's just nature at work.

    In my case, with a deep fetish for muscle definition (not necessarily size), it's 100% impossible for me to achieve an erection while touching a soft/un-toned body, no matter how hard I try...even if I think the guy has the most wonderful personality in the world. So to answer the OP, no, I would not be able to date someone who has no athletic body, unless he is seriously working toward that goal as part of his current lifestyle (this excludes fad diets and 'get-ripped-quick' scams).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    Average is fine to me, Im not 18 anymore mate
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    May 04, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    Grow up.
  • Goofeyman

    Posts: 199

    May 04, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    Yes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?

    I feel that I am called "vain" or "superficial" out of spite or jealousy to be honest. However, I also see it as I am attracted to muscles, and if you don't have that criterion, then it's not going to work out.

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    May 04, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    Good Lord!
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 04, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    Well, I'm not buying this hypocrisy. No, I'm very unlikely to date someone who isn't athletic in some way. Do they have to be a fucking Adonis? No. Do I have a type and a preference? Yes. Can I see past the desire for perfection to the true perfect uniqueness of a man? Yes. Do I want his body to reflect some level of good shape, good health and attractiveness that says he's active and in good shape? Yes.

    And when I was out of shape, and truly miserable because of it, there wasn't a good reason in the world to look past my fat, lazy, depressed, unmotivated, self-loathing ass to my ambition, my skill, my brain, my heart or any other spiritual attribute because my body reflected a lack of respect for the vessel that contained all of that, and so I was unlikely to be able to excite or interest anyone with an ounce of self-respect in turn.

    Attraction is BOTH physical and spiritual. Emotional, and carnal, and psychological. And a healthy relationship is one where both people are attracted to all of those things in each other. A healthy man is one seeking balance in mind and body, and working to the best of his own ability to shape a spirit and a body that reflect the same thing.

    There are compromises, of course. But let's not make sweeping statements about those compromises when we're talking about dating someone. That's ridiculously romantic and entirely dishonest. It's a total sham to pretend or posture on being able to love someone as a mate to whom you are not physically attracted in some way. So, I call bullshit on the people crying foul when it comes to judging the cover of the book. Even the "average" guys who come here, come here because they are attracted to something specific. So get a mirror and get a grip.

    Dating is an investment in hope, and opening up to a level of trust over a time that can grow into something very deep. If among those growing feelings is a 'hope' that the other guy might get into better shape, or that he might look past the fact that you're not in better shape (which defacto acknowledges the need for the shape to be 'better') then you better be up front and say so, because that is not something that is going away in spite of all the other ways you are close. At the very best it leads to guys with profiles that read "Have a BF whom I love very much, just prefer sex with...(fill in the blank)" Really, you want that?

    And before somebody pulls out the "if your lover was in a disfiguring auto accident" card, that's not what's in question here. Moralizing platitudes do not put the pin in every debate.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    Just bear in mind, looks and a rock-hard six pack fade. You might only be interested in hooking up with guys with AH-mazing bodies, but what if the right guy for you long-term is just average? You could dismiss the love of your life on that basis.

    Not really surprising that a lot of gay men seem to end up sad and lonely. They go through their life only interested in guys with 'the body' and one day they wake up and realise that the guys with 'the body' are no longer interested in them, and the 'average' guys have all settled down...
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    May 04, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    I would date anything that cast a shadow. That means it's erect right? Right?
  • eddieross69

    Posts: 841

    May 04, 2011 3:26 PM GMT
    The biggest turn on for me is when a guy has really worked out the most important muscle in the human body - THEIR BRAIN.

    If that muscle is incased in an "average" body, who really cares? Oh yeah, the really shallow and insecure people care.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    eddieross69 saidThe biggest turn on for me is when a guy has really worked out the most important muscle in the human body - THEIR BRAIN.

    If that muscle is incased in an "average" body, who really cares? Oh yeah, the really shallow and insecure people care.


    I like ..... true icon_biggrin.gif
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 04, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    I dare every man posting here to put their motives where their mouth is and add some "brainy" "average" guys to their Hot List and to post in their "what I'm looking for" the following statement:

    Looks fade. I don't care what you look like. I care about your mind. That's all that matters.

    Go for it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    if u fall for an average guy...then changing his body image would be the first step towards complete disaster...then you would try to change how he dresses and then how he talks...in your odyssey of perfectionism...so i say if u fall for a a guy who isn't a gym rat...let it be i mean im pretty sure u guys are gonna have something more in common otherwise it's just not gonna work...