WOULD YOU TRUST HIM?

  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    May 04, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    So, I have this friend who caught his boyfriend Rick webcamming with other guys after they had agreed to be completely monogomous. He gave him a second chance but is starting to suspect foul play again.

    Recently Rick told him that he needed more gay friends and that he was going to download grindr to find them. While his boyfriend was away for the weekend, Rick met up with one of these grindr "friends" and didn't disclose who the guy was or the fact that they even met up with his boyfriend when he got back.

    My friend found an IM conversation between Rick and his Grindr guy that said:

    "We are going to have to think of something fun to do this weekend while we're "not hiking". I can't wait to spend more time with you, I can't stop thinking about you"

    Rick told my buddy that he was going on a hike with one of his friends. This statement directly contradicts that. When his boyfriend confronted him about the conversation and the fact that he hid this meeting from him, Rick got defensive and said "I don't have to tell you everything, and that conversation is completely harmless, I say that to all my friends."

    Rick also speaks Spanish and said that the way he translated it out in his head sounds completely normal for spanish and that they say that stuff to their friends all the time.

    What do you think???? Is my friend overreacting and being suspicious, or is there good reason to be???





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 6:45 AM GMT
    Nope. I would not trust him. In fact, I would dump him as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 7:01 AM GMT
    No, sounds shady as fuck. I'd plan a little weekend too while he'd be on his hiking trip; one involving him finding me in his bed with someone else upon his return.

    Then I'd say, "It was completely harmless! I don't have to tell you everything..."

    SUCKAAAAAAA!
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    May 04, 2011 7:40 AM GMT
    Anyone else???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 7:45 AM GMT
    I don't miss this kind of thing. A lot of guys commit to something they have no intention of holding to and you wonder why they bother to commit to it at all.

    If you are in a monogamous relationship, the only gay friends you need are the balls between your b/f's legs. It's not like his heart is bursting to where he needs to volunteer his time to help the less fortunate. He's downloading social apps meant for single guys. He clearly wants to be single.

    And anyone who is still with him is in denial. You feel sorry for people who stay in these relationships for a minute and after that you lose sympathy cuz they stay.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 7:50 AM GMT
    Yeah, I'd be concerned. Moreso that there were things that the person doesn't want to share. That's enough for me, the actual content of his conversations with other guys doesn't really matter.

    also, who the fuck can't be capable of having gay friends without fucking them lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 7:59 AM GMT
    Umm the fact that the guy hides shit from his boyfriend is reason enough to dump his ass. LIARS are the worst!!!!

    Any people in a healthy relationship would tell each other things of this nature. They wouldn't go slinking around on GRINDR of all apps, having rendezvous, friendly or not with other gay dudes. It is a fishy situation, and the guy deserves to be dumped!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 12:00 PM GMT
    he should have dumped him the first time.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 04, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    Sounds pretty suspicious... I think the relationship is of limited tenure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 12:15 PM GMT
    I think it’s unwise for your friend to continue in this relationship but from personal experience it’s best to let people work out their issue. If needed be a kind ear and have a shoulder for him to cry on but don’t get to involved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    Oh please, not even a close call. " I can't wait to spend more time with you, I can't stop thinking about you?" That's horny sex crush talk.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 04, 2011 12:18 PM GMT
    Based on what you've written the real concern at the moment is the transparency that your friend is asking for. But he's not getting it. In turn, he didn't 'find' anything....he went looking. He's searching for clues. The searching implies a complete lack of trust. The lack of trust is making the BF more secretive and defensive The secrecy is indication of feeling smothered and judged and watched. The defensiveness is indication of a similar lack of trust, and surely a lack of desire to be transparent. Trust is getting trampled on here by both guys.

    So your friend isn't getting what he's asking for, his BF is appearing unhappy and secretive, and the logic follows that if they want to be happy with each other there has to be transparency and trust. Neither is present at the moment. This is a big zero plus zero equals zero.

    Authentic trust does not get called into question.

    That your friend has any questions at all about his BF means trust is absent.

    When trust is gone, it's gone.

    The BF is already on "2nd Chance" status...never a good sign.

    Finally, stay out of the way. Ask yourself if you're begging the question with this post, and looking to give counsel to your friend that essentially boils down to wanting support for your perspective on this. If so, stop it. Stop doing anything other than asking your friend two simple questions that HE needs to answer for himself, and to act on for himself:
    1. Are you still in love with your BF?
    2. Do you trust him?
    and if the answer to 2 is No, and only if it's no, then help him find a way through this by supporting a healthy choice to move on so that he CAN be happy with the right guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 1:16 PM GMT
    His boyfriend is still looking for something or someone that your friend is obliviously not. It will be best if your friend moves on and let his boyfriend go, after all he deserves someone who cares and loves him as much as he does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 1:20 PM GMT
    errr ... ofc i wouldn't trust him ...
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    May 04, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    Dump his lying ass NOW.
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    May 04, 2011 1:32 PM GMT
    Maxiboi saidUmm the fact that the guy hides shit from his boyfriend is reason enough to dump his ass. LIARS are the worst!!!!

    Any people in a healthy relationship would tell each other things of this nature. They wouldn't go slinking around on GRINDR of all apps, having rendezvous, friendly or not with other gay dudes. It is a fishy situation, and the guy deserves to be dumped!


    ^^This.

    _Mohammed_ saidNope. I would not trust him. In fact, I would dump him as well.


    ^^ This.

    dekiruman saidhe should have dumped him the first time.


    ^^ This.

    KardioKing saidNo, sounds shady as fuck. I'd plan a little weekend too while he'd be on his hiking trip; one involving him finding me in his bed with someone else upon his return.

    Then I'd say, "It was completely harmless! I don't have to tell you everything..."

    SUCKAAAAAAA!


    ^^ And THIS! As a way to dump his sorry ass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    Dump him. He is being played.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    May 04, 2011 2:05 PM GMT
    Yeah I would have been gone when I learned he was out meeting other guys and hadn't mentioned it.
    That's not honest, open living, like monogamy requires.
    Make the commitment, or don't...its your choice, but don't pretend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    grindr = hook up app. you can find friends on facebook.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 04, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    no, I wouldn't trust him and at this point i'd break it off
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 6:17 PM GMT
    No.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    Rick is clearly not trustworthy. Your friend can do better and should.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    maxjf saidgrindr = hook up app. you can find friends on facebook.


    Hey hey hey, Ive made Grindr friends.

    Just because some hook up doesnt mean we all do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 6:34 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    maxjf saidgrindr = hook up app. you can find friends on facebook.


    Hey hey hey, Ive made Grindr friends.

    Just because some hook up doesnt mean we all do.


    True, but . . . there are a lot of "just friends" guys there for whom that is a cover. Sex will come up, not really avoidable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2011 6:36 PM GMT
    showme said
    Chainers said
    maxjf saidgrindr = hook up app. you can find friends on facebook.


    Hey hey hey, Ive made Grindr friends.

    Just because some hook up doesnt mean we all do.


    True, but . . . there are a lot of "just friends" guys there for whom that is a cover. Sex will come up, not really avoidable.


    Yea I can see that. I do remember one guy whom I was talking about being just friends who asked me to go over and jerk him off.

    What kind of Just friends was he referring too?