I think I have reached it years ago, when I was fresh out of high school. I was 19 at the time.
I got aquainted with a guy who was older than me (I believe he was in his mid 20's) and I fell head over heels for him. He captured what I wanted in a guy: Athletic background and took great care of his body, attractive, seemingly good ethics, great confidence and just plain friendly.
As we got to know each other, it became apparent to me that he was in trouble with harder drugs such as meth. Obviously he slept around a bit, and probably with better quality men (I was a shy, quiet, computer/video game geek with a taller lanky frame and barely any muscle tone complete with acne). Then he started to flake; suddenly he never called me and I couldn't contact him because he refused to give out his number. He never show up to his work for days. I managed to spend a bit of time with him again and he left. Vanished off the city grid.
A year passed and though his face was somewhat fresh on my mind, I wanted to move on. I lived on my own for a bit, and slowly living and forming my life, or thinking back as I was supposed to.
Then he came back, with intent in looking for me. I gave him a chance when he admitted his drug problem and he wanted to change over a new leaf. He again began to flake out on everything he said he would do. I stopped showing up, and he did not like that. How dare I to reflect the level of interest that he has shown to me.
What we were doing would change my life into a long, tiresome, uphill battle with not only him, but myself.
There was no yelling or arguments, I don't even think we spoke for two months. Yet he was there, working nearby my work, haunting me with the fact that I knew he was fucking some other guy. I knew he was lying to me about everything.
I wanted him to go, I couldn't take anymore of this. His very presence annoyed me tremendously.
I endured enough bullies growing up in school, I endured every shortcoming in my life, and still I show patience, try to understand everything and everyone on this planet. And it life wanted to hammer me as weak.
I was breaking up inside, a deep rage stirred in deep within and swelled with every thought of being humiliated, pushed, shoved, and anything that reminded me that I was inherently inferior.
That when I felt it snapped, uncontrollable rage consumed me, emotionally and mentally filled with a great distrust, anger, sadness. I wanted to burn down everything in my sight, everything remined me that I exist, and only existed as some kind of practical joke to this man and everyone like him. Lonliness is the price I pay now for bottling up everything wrong in my life. I ended up wandering in life years after that. I never wanted to see him again for what he did, and looking at him would keep reminding me when I snapped.
Some time later a miracle occured in my city: that our hockey team became so close in winning the cup that it was surreal. Especially that our team never got close to winning a Stanley after two decades. Everyone on the street were celebrating as our team won a spot closer to the finals.
Everyone were friends with anyone.
Though it was warm time in my city, I could not find solace, even to this day I have trouble. Even after reading these kids killing themselves because they cannot take the same bullshit treatment I gone through,and the follwing movements to prevent that. I still remain with that rage burning slow deep within me, I struggle to find a place without running away after because I don't want to be hurt or harming anyone in any way.
It was tragic that what happened blinded me for a long time from what he was struggling and trying to be: a friend. He wanted me to shape up and greet me a proper welcome in my initial exposure to my local community. It became too late for me.
Don't every let yourself get to that point, it might change your life for the worst.