Dating the perfect guy... who also happens to be a cheater

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2011 5:01 PM GMT
    There's always some sort of what if forum on here, so here's mine.

    What if you were dating the guy of your dreams, amazing sex, good career, amazing sex, intelligent and well rounded, amazing sex, good friends, easy to converse with, great body, amazing sex, super sweet, and surprised you with gifts every so often. If this isn't your perfect guy, just imagine your perfect guy. Now, the kicker is he's a cheater. You know he's a cheater, but he never relaxes in the attention he gives you, you're always number one. But, lets say if you go out of town with some friends, it's pretty known, between you two, that he's probably gonna hook up with someone. Would you say cheating is just one of his personal flaws, or would that be the destruction of what could be a great relationship?


    Just curious... And in hindsight, what if he wasn't the perfect guy... but he didn't cheat. Does this make him suddenly better than the other one?
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    May 05, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    interesting....

    knowing it on the front end would effectively make it a form of open relationship, which is something you can say yes or no, as long as you're getting full disclosure

    for me, he would just be a fuck buddy. i'd not invest in him emotionally. guys like that tend to be about the hunt. eventually, all of the new will wear off of you and you'll have wasted your emotions on him. if you just took it for what it was hotness and amazing sex, it would be more clean cut.

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    May 05, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    Is this a hypothetical question for everyone, or you're actually asking for advise / comments?

    If it's a hypothetical question, I think everyone else can chime in. My personal opinion is I don't like it. But if he comes clean and promises better behavior, I will forgive him. I will also explore an open relationship if it makes him happier and less guilty. I'm open to these things.

    Well if it's an advise-seeking question, then I guess ask yourself, "how does it make you feel?" From what I read, I think you didn't like his cheating on you at all. I'm sorry if his cheating broke your heart icon_sad.gif
  • DoeDeer

    Posts: 20

    May 05, 2011 5:33 PM GMT
    All I can say is if he was the perfect guy, then he wouldn't cheat. Therefore, he is not the perfect guy.

    ESPECIALLY if you knew he was cheating, how can you call someone like that perfect?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 05, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    sounds like the perfect FB/"friend with benefits" to me.


    icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2011 6:49 PM GMT
    DoeDeer saidAll I can say is if he was the perfect guy, then he wouldn't cheat. Therefore, he is not the perfect guy.

    ^^This
    Yes, cheating is one of his flaws, and one that, with what you said, he doesn't seem that interested in changing.
    He could lack control, he might be trying to sabotage your relationship, or he doesn't care about you as much as he says he does.

    If you have an open relationship, and the guy goes out of town and hooks up, he wouldn't be cheating, unless he violates the rules the two of you have regarding your relationship. You could have an open relationship AND he could cheat.

    Yes, I think the guy who doesn't cheat is better than the one who does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    DoeDeer saidAll I can say is if he was the perfect guy, then he wouldn't cheat. Therefore, he is not the perfect guy.


    This... so much this....
    This needs to be plastered on the CN TOWER.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 05, 2011 7:03 PM GMT
    BambinoRex saidinteresting....

    knowing it on the front end would effectively make it a form of open relationship, which is something you can say yes or no, as long as you're getting full disclosure




    my thoughts exactly

    at this point in my life, I don't know if I'd say no to relationship like that, though I probably wouldn't want to co-habitate
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    May 06, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    DoeDeer saidAll I can say is if he was the perfect guy, then he wouldn't cheat. Therefore, he is not the perfect guy.


    This... so much this....
    This needs to be plastered on the CN TOWER.



    I suppose this would be a new thread, but if you could assure that everything was done safely. Can you say why exactly you're against a partner having sex outside of a relationship. Yes, sex is supposed to be something sacred and the ultimate bond between two people, but just because it's supposed to be doesn't mean it is. I mean, what's more important, sex or taking care of someone when they're sick. Or since most of us have finished college. What's more important, the sex or having a partner that's willing to quiz and test you for your big exam and help you study notecards. I guess what i'm trying to get at is they're so many things that signify bonding yet sex is the one that we get angry about when it's shared with another person. You wouldn't get angry if your partner met someone elses family nor would you get angry if they took someone elses kids to the zoo. I feel like these things show just as much bonding and dedication. So why is it sex that boils your skin?
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    May 07, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    I feel anyone who truly values themselves, would not put up with a cheater
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    May 07, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    There is no perfect person. Wake up!
  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    May 07, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    TMNT said
    _Mohammed_ said
    DoeDeer saidAll I can say is if he was the perfect guy, then he wouldn't cheat. Therefore, he is not the perfect guy.


    This... so much this....
    This needs to be plastered on the CN TOWER.



    I suppose this would be a new thread, but if you could assure that everything was done safely. Can you say why exactly you're against a partner having sex outside of a relationship. Yes, sex is supposed to be something sacred and the ultimate bond between two people, but just because it's supposed to be doesn't mean it is. I mean, what's more important, sex or taking care of someone when they're sick. Or since most of us have finished college. What's more important, the sex or having a partner that's willing to quiz and test you for your big exam and help you study notecards. I guess what i'm trying to get at is they're so many things that signify bonding yet sex is the one that we get angry about when it's shared with another person. You wouldn't get angry if your partner met someone elses family nor would you get angry if they took someone elses kids to the zoo. I feel like these things show just as much bonding and dedication. So why is it sex that boils your skin?


    it's not that someone is having sex outside of the relationship. that happens all the time. it's called an open relationship, however.. not "cheating." Cheating means that you are going back on your word, that you are betraying the trust someone has in you, that you are disrespecting a person you supposedly care about, that you lack integrity, that you're a liar. Does that sound like a perfect guy to you?
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    May 07, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    TMNT said
    _Mohammed_ said
    DoeDeer saidAll I can say is if he was the perfect guy, then he wouldn't cheat. Therefore, he is not the perfect guy.


    This... so much this....
    This needs to be plastered on the CN TOWER.



    I suppose this would be a new thread, but if you could assure that everything was done safely. Can you say why exactly you're against a partner having sex outside of a relationship. Yes, sex is supposed to be something sacred and the ultimate bond between two people, but just because it's supposed to be doesn't mean it is. I mean, what's more important, sex or taking care of someone when they're sick. Or since most of us have finished college. What's more important, the sex or having a partner that's willing to quiz and test you for your big exam and help you study notecards. I guess what i'm trying to get at is they're so many things that signify bonding yet sex is the one that we get angry about when it's shared with another person. You wouldn't get angry if your partner met someone elses family nor would you get angry if they took someone elses kids to the zoo. I feel like these things show just as much bonding and dedication. So why is it sex that boils your skin?


    Simple...because sex with another person outside of the relationship doesn't feel right.
    It may to you... but not for me.

    Since you asked for detail, I will try to get as detailed as possible.
    For me, sex needs to have intimacy. The partner that I look for would most likely share that same perspective.
    Therefore, having said that both my partner and I would equate sex with intimacy (or we wouldn't be together in the first place),, I can say that if I found out my partner had sex with someone else, then that would mean they became intimate (whether that is what actually happened or not).

    If for example, both myself and my partner had stated that the sex we have together will nto be intimate then I can understand your point of view.
    However, because I view sex as an intimate act between myself and my partner, having sex outside fo the relationship is forbidden... well in my book.

    I am not for an open relationship so you probably won't understand what I mean as clearly as I would hope you do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2011 1:42 AM GMT
    if he could not take the relationship seriously then I couldn't either - I mean I would not be taking it seriously if I knew he was cheating, right?
    I am an idealist when it comes to relationships with some realism mixed in - I won't waste my time looking for someone perfect because I would hope that being in a relationship with the right guy for me would lead to my own kind of perfection...if that makes any sense...
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    May 07, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    Sounds like a "Friends with Benefits" set up. Just because someone treats you great doesn't mean you need to be in a relationship with them. You can be great friends. Sounds like he could be a best friend even. Maybe its a timing thing. He may be unable to be faithful today but in a few years or so, he could change. Until then, use protection protection no matter what.

    But being unfaithful isn't just one of those quirky flaws like peeing on the toilet seat. He could jack off. He could just wait until you see each other again. I just don't get the fucking around thing. Why be in a "relationship" if you can't be faithful? Not to mention the STDs. Condoms may help prevent HIV, but not herpes, HPV etc. It's not safe and why bring that into your world. Just be good friends and use protection no matter what.

    I'm guessing it hurts you a little (maybe more than a little) that he's unfaithful, and I get the feeling that you are faithful to him which gives him the power in the relationship. If you believe you can find a guy who could be 100% faithful, I think you should just be really good friends with really good benefits with your current bf. And use protection no matter what. Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2011 2:21 AM GMT
    Thread title is an oxymoron.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    I'd rather date an honest cheater than a dishonest asshole.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2011 2:48 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI'd rather date an honest cheater than a dishonest asshole.


    ^^ this.
  • MichaelG

    Posts: 48

    May 07, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    Run!!!! Don't let yourself fall in love with him. I will not end well.
  • SactownItalia...

    Posts: 306

    May 07, 2011 3:19 AM GMT
    gonna have to go with a few of the posters here,


    if he is cheating, then he is not my perfect man. Perfect means there is nothing wrong with him, and being a cheater is wrong.
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    May 07, 2011 4:24 AM GMT



    TMNT said, "But, lets say if you go out of town with some friends, it's pretty known, between you two, that he's probably gonna hook up with someone."


    Then I'll ask how this is cheating if it's well known and apparently accepted by the two people involved, from what I gather of your post.

    That said, it doesn't matter how wonderful the behaviour of another, because cheating is also a behaviour.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    I don't understand. How can a guy be perfect if he cheats on regular basis?! Am I the only person who thinks that the OP's screw in head is loose?
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    May 07, 2011 5:09 AM GMT
    The only time I say it's okay for a man to be cheating is if he is PAYING for it. That way he won't be tempted to cheat too often because finances will limit that and the guy who is getting paid is probably not willing to meet for free.

    Otherwise you have 3 idiots: You for accepting that, him for doing it, and the boyfriend, the cheater, and the guy who he is cheating with to let himself settle for someone else's boyfriend, which is pretty much accepting table scraps. Crumbs. Dribbles.

    The thing is, in most gay relationships I can almost imagine the numbers are extremely higher and probably close to normal. It's been documented.

    But I agree with the others. This sounds like an open relationship. That's why when guys email me on adam4adam and their involved, they always say, "oh we're in an open relationship." Well fuck me...if it's so open, let me fuck your boyfriend too. NO? Why not? Jealous?

    Oh wait, he doesn't know you're hanging out with me tonight!? Pig icon_evil.gif



  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    May 07, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    Still not sure if using the word "cheat" is the correct term. It sounds like that he is in an open relationship with you but it is one-sided. If I know someone from the get-go can't commit or cannot be monogamous, and he explained this, he is not really a cheater and honestly I wouldn't put up too much hope that it would be the type of relationship I would continue long term. Would I go out on a few dates with him? Sure. But in my mind I would not get too serious about him.
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    May 07, 2011 6:52 PM GMT
    Some of the hypotheticals you guys have time to come up with icon_rolleyes.gif wish I had that kind of time *back to writing about Photovoltaic physical modes of failure*