Just in it for the "CHASE."

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    Apr 06, 2008 5:19 PM GMT
    I guess I'm guilty of this problem...I'll see a guy that interests me and once I've gotten him to be interested in me too (not just for sex), I'm ready to look for the next guy. I'd hate to think that I'm a tease but I was wondering if anyone else does this. I'd really like to find someone serious but as soon as I get reciprocated interest I'm ready to move on. Maybe it's immaturity, maybe it's insecurity. I'm not sure. Help me out guys!
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    Apr 06, 2008 7:58 PM GMT
    maxxtowt saidI guess I'm guilty of this problem...I'll see a guy that interests me and once I've gotten him to be interested in me too (not just for sex), I'm ready to look for the next guy. I'd hate to think that I'm a tease but I was wondering if anyone else does this. I'd really like to find someone serious but as soon as I get reciprocated interest I'm ready to move on. Maybe it's immaturaty, maybe it's insecurity. I'm not sure. Help me out guys!


    Most likely is insecurity afterall you are mature enough to realize that it is not cool to do it. Some do this due to the lack in confidence to maintain a relationship once you have obtained it. Happens all the time. Just watch out for Karma, he is a nasty lil bitch LOL.
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Apr 06, 2008 8:59 PM GMT
    Sounds like you want validation more than you want sex. Once you get the validation, why stick around for the sex when there are other men around whose validation you can chase? I have my own history with that.
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    Apr 06, 2008 9:24 PM GMT
    I am not sure I understand this thinking. But it sounds like your own validation can end up invalidating someone else. That could be seen as selfish in that it doesn't consider the other person's feelings.

    On the other hand, some behavior like this I have heard compared to a fear of commitment or attachment. That is "if I break it off while the guy still likes me, then he can't reject me." No one wants to be rejected or hurt.

    Running away from pain or fear can only make it worse so in that case you are only validating your fear. Some have even said that the very process of escape or running IS fear. Two good books that deal with the Buddhist approach of CONFRONTING pain and fear are "The Places that Scare You" and "When Things Fall Apart"

    http://www.amazon.com/Places-That-Scare-You-Fearlessness/dp/1570624097
    http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1590302265/ref=pd_sim_b_njs_title_1

    One more thing about Karma. The notion is not so much that you are being punished by external forces, but that you are punishing yourself when you do bad things to others. You are perpetuating your own suffering, like spinning a wheel until it rolls up and then back down on you.
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    Apr 06, 2008 9:24 PM GMT
    Squarejaw saidSounds like you want validation more than you want sex. Once you get the validation, why stick around for the sex when there are other men around whose validation you can chase? I have my own history with that.


    What, you've needed validation? Seriously?
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    Apr 06, 2008 9:40 PM GMT
    Doesn't everyone need validation?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 06, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    Squarejaw is absolutely right...

    You're in it to win it
    and once you do...that's it

    You're gonna have to start thinking about men other than trophies

    ...at least let them hang around long enough to be stuffed icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    It's fear.
    Fear that you might be getting into a RELATIONSHIP.
    Fear of love and being loved.
    Fear of hurt and disappointment.
    Fear of vulnerability.

    So much of what we do not do in life is driven by our fear of some thing that may or may not happen. Chance is a quicksilver little bitch, but sometimes you have to try to dance with her, else you'll always be against the wall, watching.
  • Kevin82

    Posts: 273

    Apr 06, 2008 9:53 PM GMT
    I think you are just mean.
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    Apr 06, 2008 10:00 PM GMT
    Hey I didnt say that I'm proud of myself. It's actually the opposite because it's that feeling that you'll never find someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2008 10:02 PM GMT
    Squarejaw saidSounds like you want validation more than you want sex. Once you get the validation, why stick around for the sex when there are other men around whose validation you can chase? I have my own history with that.


    I cant believe Squarejaw needed/s validation. C'mon, man. How effing perfect do you have to be? But obviously something in your past has caused this. So what you need is...

    CASLON'S SUMMER VALIDATION CAMP

    Just show up....and be VALIDATED! .... icon_biggrin.gif


    .... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2008 10:04 PM GMT
    maxxtowt saidI guess I'm guilty of this problem...I'll see a guy that interests me and once I've gotten him to be interested in me too (not just for sex), I'm ready to look for the next guy. I'd hate to think that I'm a tease but I was wondering if anyone else does this. I'd really like to find someone serious but as soon as I get reciprocated interest I'm ready to move on. Maybe it's immaturity, maybe it's insecurity. I'm not sure. Help me out guys!


    Actually, human males evolved to be promiscuous. You just need to realize that once word gets around about you...you are not going to be promiscuous...or dateable.

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    Apr 06, 2008 10:09 PM GMT
    maxxtowt saidI guess I'm guilty of this problem...I'll see a guy that interests me and once I've gotten him to be interested in me too (not just for sex), I'm ready to look for the next guy. I'd hate to think that I'm a tease but I was wondering if anyone else does this. I'd really like to find someone serious but as soon as I get reciprocated interest I'm ready to move on. Maybe it's immaturity, maybe it's insecurity. I'm not sure. Help me out guys!


    could it be you go after a certain type trying to drag them in but actually realising they are not what you want and that you are in fact scared to go after the ones you really want?
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    Apr 06, 2008 10:15 PM GMT
    Something like that...In my first and only REAL relationship I got SEVERELY screwed over! (the guy left me for a girl...wtf?) so in response to a previous post, a lot of it is fear I guess.
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    Apr 06, 2008 10:22 PM GMT
    maxxtowt saidSomething like that...In my first and only REAL relationship I got SEVERELY screwed over! (the guy left me for a girl...wtf?) so in response to a previous post, a lot of it is fear I guess.


    And the worst thing about a fear is realizing it and figuring out how to move beyond it.
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    Apr 06, 2008 10:33 PM GMT
    maxxtowt saidIn my first and only REAL relationship I got SEVERELY screwed over!
    See, you are already on the path to confronting your fear. It is really not as hard as it would seem. Sometimes it is just being brave enough to put up with discomfort. People talk about being afraid of the unknown, but really much of life is being afraid of what we DO know.
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    Apr 06, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    maxxtowt saidSomething like that...In my first and only REAL relationship I got SEVERELY screwed over! (the guy left me for a girl...wtf?) so in response to a previous post, a lot of it is fear I guess.


    OMG, dude!!!...you turn them str8????? ... icon_eek.gif ... this is worse than I thought







    ... icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 07, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    Caslon said
    maxxtowt saidSomething like that...In my first and only REAL relationship I got SEVERELY screwed over! (the guy left me for a girl...wtf?) so in response to a previous post, a lot of it is fear I guess.

    OMG, dude!!!...you turn them str8????? ... icon_eek.gif ... this is worse than I thought


    But then maxxtowt's ex boyfriend was so bad in bed, he turned his new girlfriend gay. Mmmmmmmmmmm, the circle of life.
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    Apr 07, 2008 1:18 AM GMT

    "Turn me loose, turn me loose I say, gonna rock and roll long as the band's gonna play. Gonna hollar, gonna shout, gonna knock myself right out so turn me loose."



    I'm guessing you'll think about a change after somebody completely captures your heart and then turns you loose. OOOF, honey, it hurts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 07, 2008 1:54 AM GMT
    Caslon saidCASLON'S SUMMER VALIDATION CAMP

    Just show up....and be VALIDATED!


    (Waving parking lot ticket at Caslon)

    Do you validate?
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    Apr 07, 2008 2:07 AM GMT
    Maxtout--don't think your alone, in the past i've caught myself doing this, not realizing it until later. Then seeing how I messed up something good, and wondering "why the hell did I do that" now that you recognize it you can deal with it, then "catch" and "keep" one of these guys. good luck !!!
  • SmileBeKind

    Posts: 20

    Jun 15, 2008 1:07 AM GMT
    I did the same thing for a VERY long time. Eventually you get over it and find the right guy. But you have to live a little first
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    Jun 15, 2008 1:19 AM GMT
    Sad to say... I love the chase and the catch is usually anti-climatic. OK, that is my one and only flaw.
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    Jun 15, 2008 1:21 AM GMT

    Don't chase, somebody could get hurt.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 15, 2008 1:35 AM GMT
    Caslon4000 said
    CASLON'S SUMMER VALIDATION CAMP

    Just show up....and be VALIDATED! .... icon_biggrin.gif


    .... icon_rolleyes.gif



    ::hands Cas his parking slip:: Make it snappy, eh? icon_razz.gif