why does it seem so hard to make gay friends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    It seems to me that friendship with gay guys is very hard.. and very much like a "When Harry met sally" type of dynamic.

    And I am learning that meeting guys on "the scene" is not a sure way of making mates.

    Discuss.
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    May 06, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    There are guys you'll want to fuck, guys you'll want to date, and guys you'll just want to be friends with. I don't understand why people find that complicated.
  • rock_e_horror

    Posts: 52

    May 06, 2011 6:12 PM GMT
    What, specifically, are you finding to be difficult? And what is "the scene" you are are trying to meet people through?
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    May 06, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    Try doing it with a boyfriend, oh lordy! Then things get messy in the whole "You're gonna cheat on me!" Perspective!
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    May 06, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    Its hard when the guys want to be more then friends, when your only just looking for friendship. I can relate.
  • DoeDeer

    Posts: 20

    May 06, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    I completely agree with you, I also find it difficult at times to just be friends with some guys.

    Like Anduru stated, some guys you meet will either want to hookup with you, date you, or just be friends (or not depending how it go), but what are the chances that the both of you will want the same thing from those 3 choices?

    I'm one of those people who can completely be just friends with a guy even if he's hot, but some of them seem to write you off if you aren't on their same level of attractiveness. Of course that doesn't go for every guy.
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    May 06, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    Anduru saidThere are guys you'll want to fuck, guys you'll want to date, and guys you'll just want to be friends with. I don't understand why people find that complicated.

    Because...
    Guys you want to fuck won't always be interested in you.
    Guys you want to date want to be your friends or aren't interested.
    And some of the guys you'll want to stay just friends want to do both of the above.

    I run into the problem of wanting people to be in the friend-zone and then they're attempting to hit outside of it.
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    May 06, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    TrevorMark said
    Anduru saidThere are guys you'll want to fuck, guys you'll want to date, and guys you'll just want to be friends with. I don't understand why people find that complicated.

    Because...
    Guys you want to fuck won't always be interested in you.
    Guys you want to date want to be your friends or aren't interested.
    And some of the guys you'll want to stay just friends want to do both of the above.

    I run into the problem of wanting people to be in the friend-zone and then they're attempting to hit outside of it.


    Friendship *can* involve benefits sometimes too, and not move into the dating category. Just saying.

    And guys who are already good friends can make great dates - if there's some attraction there and you're willing to risk it. Frankly, I think that an attraction with a friend is a better way of starting a relationship than from scratch with a stranger - if the sex stuff fades quickly, and you haven't had time to get emotionally close yet, it's much more likely to crater.

    That said, I have lots of friends where there is a firm line drawn with no crossing - and occasionally I've had to reinforce that. Kindly and gently, of course.