The pathetic state of most gay men today (at least the ones I've ever met)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2011 6:31 PM GMT
    I turned 26 recently, and find that as I'm getting older I am increasingly irritated and turned off by the realities of how too many gay dudes operate nowadays. So I'll take this chance to vent a bit...that's all

    Flakes:
    Now, I'm not entirely sure when gay "culture" decided that being a total flake would become the accepted social norm, but adopting the behavior of immature 16yr old high school girls is by no means okay. How is it normal to agree to hangout and then..poof..disappear? Or to initiate an internet conversation (sometimes for hrs or days) and then..poof.. disappear. It is so ridiculous that its embarrassing to me how gay men operate...And I am by no means a scrub here people, let me just say. If a dude is not interested- say so. Why is so hard for guys to man up?!

    Communicating:
    Somewhere along the way, it seems like way too many dudes have come to believe that putting up the front of being stoic (that is, avoiding all communication and expression of emotions or thoughts) somehow makes them "cool" and sexy. Being incapable of communicating or vocalizing a thought or emotion does not make someone "the cool guy" and it certainly doesn't make you "sane"- it makes you psychologically dysfunctional and in desperate need of a therapist. Then these same dudes wonder why all of their interactions always seems to end in...drum roll....DRAMA. They themselves create it, by always operating based on assumption! Duh! But yet, a straight forward communicator like myself is then somehow called 'crazy' for expecting a dude to have a conversation about whether or not we are interested in dating each other. The emotional ineptitude is sad.... This however, is what separates the men from the boys.

    Checklist:
    Typically it goes something like this, and you guys that think this way know who you are: You are looking for a dude who is taller, hung and thick, a top, built like an abercrombie and fitch model, dominant, a jock, lives 3 blocks away (otherwise it's just much too far), and oh yea "white" (I use this term sarcastically because, at least in DC, dudes really don't seem to know that Latino is not a race and may be a variation of white or black..but I digress). If any of these boxes isn't checked then someone like me who is cute, lean and fit with a sweet piece of ass somehow ceases to exist. Give me a fucking break.

    Anyway, I can go on all day, but these three general areas seem to about cover it.

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    May 07, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    Solution: let's join a monastery. A Trappist monastery.
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    May 07, 2011 8:15 PM GMT
    Just means you're meeting the wrong types of guys. Don't write off all gay men as being the same. There are plenty of good ones out there. They're just hard to find because they're not hanging out with the ones you've been hanging out with.
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    May 07, 2011 8:22 PM GMT
    1ofAkindStud saidand oh yea "white" (I use this term sarcastically because, at least in DC, dudes really don't seem to know that Latino is not a race and may be a variation of white or black..but I digress). If any of these boxes isn't checked then someone like me who is cute, lean and fit with a sweet piece of ass somehow ceases to exist. Give me a fucking break.


    They don't know what they missing out on. Cute, lean and fit Latino with a sweet ass? Their loss...they probably just jealous.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    May 08, 2011 12:07 AM GMT
    1ofAkindStud saidI turned 26 recently, and find that as I'm getting older I am increasingly irritated and turned off by the realities of how too many gay dudes operate nowadays. So I'll take this chance to vent a bit...that's all

    Flakes:
    Now, I'm not entirely sure when gay "culture" decided that being a total flake would become the accepted social norm, but adopting the behavior of immature 16yr old high school girls is by no means okay. How is it normal to agree to hangout and then..poof..disappear? Or to initiate an internet conversation (sometimes for hrs or days) and then..poof.. disappear. It is so ridiculous that its embarrassing to me how gay men operate...And I am by no means a scrub here people, let me just say. If a dude is not interested- say so. Why is so hard for guys to man up?!

    Communicating:
    Somewhere along the way, it seems like way too many dudes have come to believe that putting up the front of being stoic (that is, avoiding all communication and expression of emotions or thoughts) somehow makes them "cool" and sexy. Being incapable of communicating or vocalizing a thought or emotion does not make someone "the cool guy" and it certainly doesn't make you "sane"- it makes you psychologically dysfunctional and in desperate need of a therapist. Then these same dudes wonder why all of their interactions always seems to end in...drum roll....DRAMA. They themselves create it, by always operating based on assumption! Duh! But yet, a straight forward communicator like myself is then somehow called 'crazy' for expecting a dude to have a conversation about whether or not we are interested in dating each other. The emotional ineptitude is sad.... This however, is what separates the men from the boys.

    Checklist:
    Typically it goes something like this, and you guys that think this way know who you are: You are looking for a dude who is taller, hung and thick, a top, built like an abercrombie and fitch model, dominant, a jock, lives 3 blocks away (otherwise it's just much too far), and oh yea "white" (I use this term sarcastically because, at least in DC, dudes really don't seem to know that Latino is not a race and may be a variation of white or black..but I digress). If any of these boxes isn't checked then someone like me who is cute, lean and fit with a sweet piece of ass somehow ceases to exist. Give me a fucking break.

    Anyway, I can go on all day, but these three general areas seem to about cover it.




    That's why you have to be an innovator and set the standard, and let those flaky queens know you won't stand for that type of foolishness, believe you me you are not alone, I know plenty of gay men who won't stand for that b.s
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    May 08, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    Well, this happens when you meet guys on the internet. It's sad that even when you do have their number, email address, and have been to their houses, they still pretend not to know you.
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    May 08, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    I am 34 and largely agree with the original poster, though I would say it seems to be more with the internet and gay bar types. Gays off the beaten path seem a bit better (a bit). I'm too jaded to make much of an effort any more myself but you're too young to throw in the towel. Try, try and try again. And keep being authentic.
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    May 08, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    P.S. Guys in America always think I'm 'latin' (whatever that means anyway) just because I have brown hair and brown eyes and obsess about it until they 'figure me out' (insert another yawn here).
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    May 08, 2011 12:58 AM GMT
    Sounds like you need to find a new approach, and not be so thin skinned.
  • TennisJock10

    Posts: 208

    May 08, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    Oh my god, are we living the same existence????
    But yea, I encounter THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM. SOME, and I do stress SOME, guys are so narrow-minded and immature that they look for qualities that not every guy has (i.e. white, hung, jock, 3 blocks away) and guys like us who are attractive and in shape and various other positive qualities, dont get a second look. It's all very high school, and at 19, I'm over the teen dating drama. I'm too young to be so jaded when it comes to dating. I just started!!! icon_confused.gif
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    May 08, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    1ofAkindStud saidat least in DC, dudes really don't seem to know that Latino is not a race and may be a variation of white or black..but I digress).


    ... the hell? I must be misinterpreting this.
  • conquer

    Posts: 305

    May 08, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    sort of the same topic, but i had a guy initiate contact a while back, chatted a bit then demanded i turn on my cam. i said not tonight and he clicked off in a huff.

    the other night he contacts me again, apologizes says he's not an a-hole then asks me if english is my 2nd language. i went on about something else for a minute and forgot the question, then accuses me of lying about where i'm from and asks if i think he's stupid. he said that the way i formed my sentences that he knows i'm not from "here". i calmly explained that i grew up in b.c. then wanted me to prove that i spoke english and to call him, i was like , i have nothing to prove and i'm not calling you. he freaks out, tears into me and closes the IM box. i got to thinking why i didn't defend myself more? then i thought "why bother?" this 34 yr old douche bag doesn't even have a face pic, got super aggressive and mean and i want to keep talking to him?

    my moral of the story, sort of, is that i know there are good people out there and that the douche bags seem to vastly outnumber them sometimes. you just need to keep your head up and stay positive. and he can go fuck himself lol
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    May 08, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    I think I am in LOVE with you...okay maybe not really you since we haven't even met, but I love what you are saying and find it 100% true in the majority of my experiences as well!
  • Goofeyman

    Posts: 199

    May 08, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    You hit the nail on the head.

    Many, but not all, of the younger ones...35 down to 26, to me, have had the Adonis factor, the atlas man syndrome.

    Their muscles and youth somehow make them believe they're almighty. Their verbiage and attitude reflect that. In many of the young one's profiles, they actually have a muscle checklist with measurements they expect their "potential" lucky one to have.

    I even got "screamed at" by one 35 yr old because I didn't fit his demands. Of course, he had the "grocery list" on his site. I chose to use his terms of extreme fitness, tongue and cheek, and responded politely, flirting a hair.

    That's when the verbal abuse and descriptions were fired upon me.
    Im sure some of these extreme ones are using drugs.
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    May 08, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    From reading the OP, things haven't changed a bit in the 36 years I've been out.

    -Doug
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    May 08, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    Momma always told me, "you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince."

    Keep kissing. You'll have hilarious stories to relate to your friends, and kissing is fun!
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    May 08, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    This sounds a lot like the past school year for me. I've talked to guys for a week or more (some even longer,) only to have them completely ignore me at a certain point. Some guys have told me they think I'm attractive and and want to hang out, etc.. and then they decide to disappear. I don't really get it, but it really does a number on my self confidence.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 08, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    There are many kinds of gay men out there... On this site you get an interesting mix... and many ARE NOT of the kind you describe. I do know the type of gay man you describe... but believe me, there are many who
    are grounded and reasonable.
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    May 08, 2011 2:20 AM GMT
    Flakes do suck, but in all honesty, I don't know that my experiences have been awful enough to feel that way about "most guys." However, I do see your point and it all makes sense. I guess I haven't ever put myself out there enough to feel that kind of rejection, which is ultimately my problem. I'm sure I'll have enough time to be jaded, but I'm also not looking for anything right now, so I guess I don't have anything to lose.

    But generally, at least on this board, the people that I've messaged and those who have messaged me have been decent and incredibly nice people...maybe only two or three I haven't answered and vice versa?

    Anyway - I hope you find the right group of guys for you...and that you happily date, etc. You're only 26 - those are peak years (or so I've heard/hope)
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    May 08, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    But men are men straight or gay!
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    May 08, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    Hey guys..thanks for the feedback..I honestly didn't expect to hear much back, just had the urge to get some stuff off my chest today, lol.

    Guess we've all had our share of douche interactions
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    May 08, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    @1ofakindstud...you are not alone.

    When you free yourself from being, acting, sounding or thinking the way most everyone else does, .......... THAT'S when you start noticing the good ones who share your feelings. It's reality, not wishful thinking.. Lot's of gay men themselves don't believe it though. Don't fall into that trap.

    You have to sharpen your antenna so that you are able to spot the smart ones.......the gentlemen..........the ones with a real sense of humor, a good heart and confidence that can only happen when you know you have integrity.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2011 6:15 AM GMT
    It's not gays, it's guys.

    Straight guys do this to girls all the time, apparently.

    I'm bi, and being on the receving end has helped me immensely with my treatment of girls.
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    May 08, 2011 6:28 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Fishfriend said[/cite]I think I am in LOVE with you...okay maybe not really you since we haven't even met, but I love what you are saying and find it 100% true in the majority of my experiences as well![/quot

    It is comforting to know that this type of behavior is experienced by a guy in his prime. Lol
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    May 08, 2011 6:35 AM GMT
    You've delineated many of the reasons why I'll never start using the -G- word to describe myself.