Does anybody have any respect these days?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2011 2:04 AM GMT
    theres so many guys both on here and in person that I will either message them and they won't have the courtesy of messaging me back. In my opinion even if they don't like my pics when I unlock them, they should still reply with a "not interested" or something. Or I will talk to certain guys and they'll show a lot of interest in me and will hangout and talk for quite some time then all of a sudden it's like they fell off the earth and I don't hear from them anymore?

    How many of you experience this too?
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    May 08, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    Any number of things could be going through the guy's head. For instance, I try to reply to messages fairly promptly (even just very briefly), but I notice that my moods change and it doesn't always happen.

    Sometimes my inbox excites me and I look forward to chatting with guys; for others, the conversation needs a 'breather' (i.e. I've reached a point where I can't think of anything to say for the time being - but how do you explain that?!); there are times when I would rather not receive messages - e.g. I'm looking at the forums - and where my inbox is a chore rather than a pleasure and so messages either get very brief responses, or left until another day when I'm in a better mood. Other times I'm either tired or pushed for time and can't reply to all messages immediately.

    Perhaps we should all be fairly explicit about how we deal with our inboxes on our profile, so that people know what to expect. But one of the downsides to online dating sites, is that some messages you send will just disappear into cyberspace, never to be seen again. It's a common occurrence, and it sucks, I know, but that's how it is for many sites.

    A big issue is that there is no proper conveyance of emotion. Without the body clues of talking to someone in person, it's easy to be bored by lots of emails, and difficult, as a sender, to convey what you're like as a person. Words are just a small part of communication, after all.
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    May 08, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    Unfortunately there isn't much respect in 'real life' let Alone the virtual world such as RJ. People are more easily able to hide behind their computer screens so feel less need to justify their actions ( or respond to yours by the sounds).
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    May 08, 2011 2:25 AM GMT
    What Tritimium said is right on the nail head. Well put.icon_cool.gif

    PS: Especially the part about body-clues.
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    May 08, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    Who cares.... Seriously I don't understand how people let these things bother them.
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    May 08, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    FunCollegeDude saidtheres so many guys both on here and in person that I will either message them and they won't have the courtesy of messaging me back. In my opinion even if they don't like my pics when I unlock them, they should still reply with a "not interested" or something. Or I will talk to certain guys and they'll show a lot of interest in me and will hangout and talk for quite some time then all of a sudden it's like they fell off the earth and I don't hear from them anymore?

    How many of you experience this too?

    You had me 100% until I read this part: "even if they don't like my pics when I unlock them, they should still reply", so I'm going to break your topic in two and answer that part first:

    I think you might be setting yourself up for rejection by just "out of the blue" sending guys links to your private pics....not because there's anything wrong "with you" (there isn't --your torso looks just fine to me) but just because it's a very awkward thing to do to a stranger.

    Think about a real world example: you're doing your thing, talking to friends, when a stranger walks up with a folder which you open to find nude pics of him. And (as is the nature of the 'unlock feature') there is no conversation at all from him, just the imposition to check out his pics. However, you can see that he's expecting a verbal response from you (so he's essentially forcing you to start the conversation he's imposing on you, forcing the topic (his pics), and yet you have no knowledge of the guy (though he seems to know you), and to boot, you *were* actually doing something else at the time.

    So I would suggest a courteous 'hello' email first --short and sweet...see where that goes. If it's well received, then consider offering your pics...but know that you are still going to be putting someone in a potentially awkward position, but at least this time they'll have some idea who the hell you are and how to respond to you.

    ------------

    As for the cold shoulders when you're having a perfectly good (you think) conversation with someone? --Man, this has frustrated me at times, lol! It happens A LOT on RJ and I've just taken it as part and parcel now.

    I've had guys start the convo, continue the convo, ask detailed questions that take time to answer, and then nothing....the big one for me personally is that I have a wine related business, as per my profile. SEVERAL times, guys have asked questions that require answers with some degree of detail, and then crickets...sweet nothing. (Really? All you wanted to know what was "what's a winemaking shop??") Other times guys have shared really personal troubles, get you emotionally involved in your replies....and then nothing. And I gave a guy a pleasent photo compliment a little while ago and got my head bitten off over several emails as I tried to apologize for whatever offence I caused. W/e, lol.

    I can't figure these guys out and I don't bother trying anymore. Last time I checked, there were 279,000 RJ members and most of them are awesome (or at least interesting.) Let the disturbed ones live their little disturbed lives.



    Thank you your post really helped and I'm glad you understand where I;m coming from. As far as the pics. I keep my face pics locked cuz I'm discrete, and I unlock them because I know so many people don't respond to anyone unless they see pics
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    A few thoughts..
    - The internet is turning people into assholes.
    - Most gay men lack communication skills, both in person and online.
    - Once you realize the above points, shit like this won't bother you anymore. Just brush it off and move on.
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    May 08, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    meemo21 saidWho cares.... Seriously I don't understand how people let these things bother them.
    No shit! It's pretty common for me to message someone before work.
    By the time I get home, I've forgotten all about it.
    Most of the time people respond, but I almost always have to check the profile because I forgot the screenname. icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 08, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    I usually get responses back, but honestly it wouldn't bother me if I didn't.
    I have a partner and it's more about getting to know another as a potential friend. If he doesn't message back, I assume he isn't interested or is just too busy to answer.
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    May 08, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    xrichx saidA few thoughts..
    - The internet is turning people into assholes.
    No, more assholes are getting online.

    xrichx said- Most gay men lack communication skills, both in person and online.
    No, you're just noticing more of them because there is more of everyone (population is rising).

    xrichx said- Once you realize the above points, shit like this won't bother you anymore. Just brush it off and move on.
    Exactly. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 08, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    meemo21 saidWho cares.... Seriously I don't understand how people let these things bother them.
    No shit! It's pretty common for me to message someone before work.
    By the time I get home, I've forgotten all about it.
    Most of the time people respond, but I almost always have to check the profile because I forgot the screenname. icon_lol.gif


    No but the the thing is I know they viewed and saw the message b/c two seconds after I message them, I see in my "just viewed" section that they looked at my profile after I messaged them. So I don't need anybody's attitude. Im not looking for this to turn into some stupid argument like every other post on this site
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    May 08, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    FunCollegeDude said So I don't need anybody's attitude. Im not looking for this to turn into some stupid argument like every other post on this site


    LOL why should your thread be any different from the tens of thousands that do. Y'aint special =D
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    May 08, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    FunCollegeDude said So I don't need anybody's attitude. Im not looking for this to turn into some stupid argument like every other post on this site


    LOL why should your thread be any different from the tens of thousands that do. Y'aint special =D


    I'm not just speaking for myself but for the hundreds of other people that create posts as well... Why is it that nobody can post a harmless thread without it having to turn into this big argument with comments and degrading remarks being said. I understand everyone has their differences but jeez us gays out of anyone should understand what its like to be bashed the most... why do it to our own group of people?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    People are on here for certain things and want what they want.

    I have made great friends on here but have been rejected in contact by over 1000 people.

    (And I am not exaggerating--it must be my profile pic icon_razz.gif)

    But while that can be momentarily depressing this site (and any other) shouldn't be a defining moment.

    In fact, I contact many people about things that has nothing to do with hookups or attraction and they dont' read the email or IM--they just check my profile and ignore. Their loss.

    But sometimes I do it, too. It happens.

    Anyway, I will gladly talk to you FCD, lol.

    And to any other handsome young college boys icon_razz.gif
    (Sorry, couldn't resist, LOL.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 08, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    I dont think anyones trying to derail your post or turn it into a bashing its more of a situation where most people have come to expect this response from others. I am reffering to your question about lack of response. People are busy and it is often intense trying to keep up with everything and face it the computer is a buffer. They may seem interested they maybe but not being face to face with you and not having somekind of personal bond allows them to do it. I am not justifying it and would agree it sucks but look at it this way if someone you work with or go to school with flaked like that what would you do...move on?