I've been single for 7 years. Is this normal?

  • nooceansleft

    Posts: 61

    May 08, 2011 9:39 AM GMT
    I've been single for 7 years. I'm turning 22 in two weeks.

    Yeah, I had a girlfriend when I was 15. I'm out but I'm subtle. No-one guesses me as gay. I might not be the greatest looking or the smartest guy in the world, but I don't think I'm unattractive.

    I was sort of dating a guy about a year ago, but he had a boyfriend the whole time and didn't tell me. I stop seeing him when I found out.

    Apart from that, nothing really. The odd one-night stand but that's it.

    I know this isn't normal, but is it a common thing for gay guys to be late bloomers?

    I'm not particularly down on myself or anything, I just would like to know.
  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    May 08, 2011 9:44 AM GMT
    Why would you want to be in a relationship at such a young age... At 22 its the time to be going clubbing and doing things to wake up and be embarrassed about the next morning icon_razz.gif

    If my experiences show anything, people in relationship at young ages get boring real fast icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 9:45 AM GMT
    7 years, that's it? If I calculate the amount of single guys on dating sites in their 30s and 40s, looks like we've still got another 10-20 years of singledom to go!

    Congrats on being 22...

    Aus92 saidAt 22 its the time to be going clubbing and doing things to wake up and be embarrassed about the next morning


    Well not everyone wants that life...Not everyone enjoys the walk of shame, ruined friendships, fighting, and all that which comes along with excessive clubbing.

    And it's equally upsetting to see people our age who do have someone, which makes up think that way in the first place.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 9:51 AM GMT
    I'm 27 and still single icon_rolleyes.gif... You have a lot of years ahead of you... Whether you find someone sooner or later is how you travel about in life....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 9:53 AM GMT
    The best thing you can do for yourself is throw this word normal out. It doesn't exist and it never did icon_razz.gif

    You can throw out the idea that you might be unattractive too lol. You are.

    The problem most people have (without realizing it) is that they limit their selection of partners to an impossible level. If you think about all the people you could potentially date (regardless of if they would date you) then take out the straight people, then take out the ones in relationships, then take out the X color, then take out the X race, and then narrow it down by the people who live in a reasonable distance of you and then add in the variable of them being interested you (relatively unpredictable) that makes a pretty small list. So, I really wouldn't blame yourself for being single.

    Are you a social person? What kind of places do you go where there might be other gay people?

  • Aus92

    Posts: 328

    May 08, 2011 9:54 AM GMT
    Fit4FitnDenver said
    Aus92 saidAt 22 its the time to be going clubbing and doing things to wake up and be embarrassed about the next morning


    Well not everyone wants that life...Not everyone enjoys the walk of shame, ruined friendships, fighting, and all that which comes along with excessive clubbing.


    if you're losing friends and having fights it just means you're doing it wrong icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 9:56 AM GMT
    O_O

    You should be in a relationship and happy as hell. Okay... maybe just my looking at you at first glance seems very good.

    We're at the age where it's become increasingly important for some reason to find a partner of romantic interest. Take your time, there's a lot to weed out and don't fret that you didn't find at least one yet. My first was at 20 and lasted 2 years. It will happen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 11:51 AM GMT
    I think this calls for my anthem of when I was young:



    Being in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship is a fail.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    You know how you feel and no one can tell you if that's wrong or not. All I can say is that I don't think anyone's going to think you're weird, undesirable, or lacking because you're single at this point in your life.

    And I love beer. Love love love beer.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    We should set the OP up with AC. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 2:42 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidWe should set the OP up with AC. icon_twisted.gif


    LOL that's cold, hahaha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    Bah, you just haven't met the right person. Don't worry about it

    I've been single for 4 years (apart from short 3-weeks things here and there) and I feel good about myself. I'm not gonna freak out about it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 08, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    These parts of your post stuck out to me:

    nooceansleft saidI
    Yeah, I had a girlfriend when I was 15. I'm out but I'm subtle. No-one guesses me as gay. I might not be the greatest looking or the smartest guy in the world, but I don't think I'm unattractive.

    I was sort of dating a guy about a year ago, but he had a boyfriend the whole time and didn't tell me. I stop seeing him when I found out.

    ... but is it a common thing for gay guys to be late bloomers?


    Firstly a lot of gay guys suffer (for lack of a better word) from delayed adolescence or in other words we're a couple years behind in experience with the dating game.

    That's not to say straight people don't experience delayed adolescence- they do. But being closet for so many years can make you realize you missed out on a lot of stuff and have to play catch up. There's no rule on when people should start dating or be in some sort of relationship but we all have a general idea of how things progress with dating and when people "should" meet their first real BF. I'll stop there because that's a whole 'nother thread.

    Secondly, nothing wrong with being subtle or "straight acting" but you might need to put yourself out there a bit more. Maybe even drop a hint or two in conversation. Nobody really cares if you're gay these days anyway unless you live in a small closed minded town. The one's that do are most likely closet cases IMO.

    You're good looking and have a nice personality, seem to be well rounded in interests, etc... in other words I'm sure a lot of guys would be lining up to date you.

    I believe in being proactive about dating and meeting your future BF half way. The belief that he has to do all the work and "come" to you seems more based in a chance meeting fantasy than reality. Dating is also a numbers game, the more guys you meet the more likely it is you'll find someone you just click with.

    How are you meeting guys? What places do you go on a regular basis on the weekends? Are you home alone on the weekends or making an effort to get to there? Are you a member of a club or organization? I know a lot of guys aren't into the bar and club scene but you should try to go to one that fits you where you can chat with guys in a relaxed fashion without thumping music in the background and not being able to hear a word their saying. There's all types of bars.

    Finally, I'm going to suggest checking out meetup.com. That's a great alternative to online dating because you can find other like minded guys who are interested in the same things you are in a lower pressure environment than a bar or club. You'd just be looking to meet friends at first, or even just go to get out and enjoy yourself. I'm sure you can find another like minded guy at one of those meetups.

    Finally don't put too much pressure on yourself and let yourself fall into getting desperate, just get put yourself out there more. Sooner or later someone will recognize you are a catch. Don't worry he's out there looking for you.

    Dating can be hard, for guys both gay and straight. I know how hard it is, I moved to NYC and I'm still single (like tons of other people in this city) But nothing worth doing is that easy. Hope that helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2011 4:08 PM GMT
    deltalimen said I think this calls for my anthem of when I was young:



    Being in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship is a fail.



    liz phair is fucking amazing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    It's not weird for a gay guy to be single until his mid-20s. I was 22 1/2 before I was ever in a relationship.

    Don't stress. It'll happen to you in time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2011 5:52 PM GMT
    it's not weird.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    The question is do you want to be single?

    If you aren't keen on dating, then don't sweat it. Enjoy your life.
    If you want to date, then you need to make some changes in your life. Whatever you're doing right now, it's not working. You're just not meeting other single guys that you could be dating.
  • nooceansleft

    Posts: 61

    May 10, 2011 12:16 AM GMT
    ehansonSecondly, nothing wrong with being subtle or "straight acting" but you might need to put yourself out there a bit more. Maybe even drop a hint or two in conversation. Nobody really cares if you're gay these days anyway unless you live in a small closed minded town. The one's that do are most likely closet cases IMO.


    Yeah, that's the problem I guess. Thing is I'm not comfortable going around with "HOMO" tattooed on my forehead if you know what I mean. It's just not me.

    ehanson
    How are you meeting guys? What places do you go on a regular basis on the weekends? Are you home alone on the weekends or making an effort to get to there? Are you a member of a club or organization? I know a lot of guys aren't into the bar and club scene but you should try to go to one that fits you where you can chat with guys in a relaxed fashion without thumping music in the background and not being able to hear a word their saying. There's all types of bars.


    That's the other problem...I'm extremely socially active. I hang out with friends every day, I'm always out on the weekends. I'm a member of plenty of clubs, but they're mostly martial-arts based. I don't have any gay friends though. I never go to gay clubs or bars - none of them have ever appealed to me at all. When I go out, I go out with my friends to cool bars or clubs that are full of cool people, not to some sequinned meat-market for the eyebrow-plucking set.

    I'm also just really crap at being gay. I'm not sassy, or pretty, or waxed, and I don't know how to pick up.

    I know I'm not the only person who's ever had this issue. In fact this website gives me hope. It's just really sucking seeing all of my friends in and out of relationships and sex and hooking up when I'm basically set to neutral all the time.

    Sorry to seem so self-effacing. It's been a long week.
  • DKnight

    Posts: 152

    May 10, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    You think too much. Of cause you are nomal! HAHA!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    you're just turning 22...get a grip...Im a late bloomer as well, so just be patient. you'll meet a guy

    plz let this be your only "Im single boohoo"thread...pllzz