Am I a douchebag?

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    May 09, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    Two weeks ago I met this fun french guy at a BIG gay event here in Houston--you know that kind where you pay 30 bucks to get in and you get unlimited drinks. We met up and have a great time with each other and our friends. At this event though I had been drinking and told him that I realy liked him and wanted to see more of him (Which I don't recall saying).

    Since that day us two and our friends have been hanging out quite often. We went out last night and as we were leaving our hangout spot he texts me and says that i am being unfair for telling him wonderful things two weeks ago and getting his hopes up. He really felt like that first time we met that I really liked him. I told him that I am still trying to get over my ex and need to move very slowly. I offered to continue to be friends ,just have fun with our friends and see where the future goes. He said that it will be extremely hard for him because he said all he wants to do when he is around me is hug or kiss me. He said though that he does want to continue to hang out with me and my friends. At the end he texts me a sad emoticon.

    Am I a douchebag? I get really furious when I hear about my friends getting led on by other guys. I told myself a long time ago that I would never do this to another person, but I don't know If I doing it unawaringly to this guy. The thought that I may be a douchebag really bothers me as I strive to treat everyone fairly and justly.... Thoughts?
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    May 09, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    He might think you are a db, but you can't control that. From what I read, that would be his problem and not yours. I can't see where you've led him on, you've been open and honest with him and if he takes stuff the wrong way, again his problem. Cute,icon_rolleyes.gif that he brings this up after 2 weeks of hanging out with you and you friends.
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    May 09, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    no, because you are communicating.

    nothing durable is instant.

    you'd both burn on on infatuation really fast

    in fact, if you were not the one that was putting on the brakes, he might be

    sometimes it's about control.

    it's not like he's ignoring you.
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    May 09, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    You're being completely honest. I feel that anyone should respect that. Good job.
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    May 09, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    I don't think douchebags ever contemplate whether they're being douchebags, so based on that alone: I think you're safe.


    This!
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    May 10, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    Thanks guys. I feel better icon_smile.gif
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    May 10, 2011 7:45 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidhe texts me and says that i am being unfair for telling him wonderful things two weeks ago and getting his hopes up. He really felt like that first time we met that I really liked him. I told him that I am still trying to get over my ex and need to move very slowly.


    I call douche bag on this one.

    Reason being is I recently met someone like this. And I tend to meet lots of guys like this. They come on all hot and heavy at first and then 2 weeks later it's, "oh my X, oh I'm talking to someone, oh can't be serious, oh not ready, oh not looking, oh this oh that blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

    Seems like you did get his hopes up. Perhaps if you weren't ready at the beginning and moving slowly you should have moved slow before you got into his pants. Obviously you were over your X enough to do that, right?

    From what it seems you are pulling back suddenly and now he's feeling lead on. It's great that you voiced it now, but had you said that from the get-go he wouldn't of gotten so into it.

    Aggieboy saidAt this event though I had been drinking and told him that I realy liked him and wanted to see more of him (Which I don't recall saying).


    So basically you were drunk and blacked out? Obviously this 'relationship' is built on chemical induced feelings, which is never really promising.
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    May 11, 2011 7:04 AM GMT
    You not only offered to be friends; you left the door open for something in the future. I think that's very standup and that's above and beyond anything you could ask for when rejected. Not douchebaggey at all.

    The French are very direct. They mean what they say and don't get it when guys say things they don't really mean. They get in trouble dealing with Americans. My French friend always does this with guys. I wish I got money for every time I've had to say to him "Yeah, I KNOW that's what he said, but he was just being nice, it didn't MEAN anything in context!" He doesn't get it.

    You've been as nice and mature (and honest) as you could be though, and I commend you. Most guys are not like that in my life.
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    May 11, 2011 12:00 PM GMT
    I'm not getting complete information. I would like to know what kind of conversation took place at the hangout spot, before you received the text. Relationships take so much work.
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    May 11, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    You're a nice guy. Most people won't even think twice if they might be leading other people on. Just the fact that you cared enough about it to take your time to post this, proves that you are a nice person and very far from a DB.

    Now his feelings...that's exactly it. They are HIS feelings. As long as you are not sending mixed signals like "I think I want to kiss you; I can see myself with you forever" and later in the day "I don't think I am ready for BF yet". You're okay. You can tell him that he's a wonderful person and stuff. What's wrong with that? Friends do that. I tell my friends how wonderful they are; I have no intention to be in relationship with them.