Your Boyfriend's Friends

  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 10, 2011 12:58 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I don't typically post these kinds of questions (mostly cause I don't like putting my actual thoughts/opinions out on the intertubes in general) but this is innocuous enough.

    So, I'm moving to Montreal to be with my boyfriend. He's already there, got our apartment, etc. I've got furniture though (and he has very little), living room/bedroom/study stuff, so I needed to rent a truck to get it to Montreal.

    So my boyfriend's friend (who lives in Montreal and will henceforth be called Banana) recently moved his boyfriend (who will be called Dogbone) to Montreal (from Toronto). Dogbone's ride fell through and he had to leave a bunch of stuff in Toronto, which he stashed at my BF's old apt.

    While in Montreal about 2 weekends ago Dogbone, upon hearing that I was renting an actual truck to move, immediately offered to cover half my truck. The cost for the truck is about $725 taxes in.

    I thought 50% was too high as he only has like, 4-6 things that need to be moved, mostly clothes, so I figured I'd go in at 25%.

    So my boyfriend tells Banana this, and Banana says "I think $100 is more than generous"

    *blink*blink*

    So, to pick up this guy's stuff, I have to detour 40 km INTO downtown Toronto (which, anyone from Toronto will confirm) is going to be hellish on May 20 (we have a long weekend) instead of taking the highway that goes around the core. On top of that, 1 18" cubed 30 lb box ships for $25 taxes in through Canada Post.

    So really, buddy would have to come back to Toronto, re-pack his suitcases to fit in those boxes, bring them to Canada Post, pay for the shipping, and get back to Montreal. Without a car. And there's some "fragile" long awkward stuff that would have to also be shipped and I didn't price, but all in all, the costs to get this stuff done (shipping + bus) is over $200. So I don't feel bad about what I said next:

    When my BF told me they were only offering $100 (and my BF prefaced that by saying he knew what was coming next and completely agreed with me) I flipped. I met this couple once, and while my BF has years of history with Banana...I don't. So, my response was "How about they pay 0% and move their own fucking shit"

    My Bf agrees and found it kind of offensive at first, but then a friend of his pointed out that Banana is Jewish - not an anti-Semite thing, but apparently that's just...how they operate. They haggle. So I came out with something, he came back with something, I'm supposed to come back with something in the middle. Which makes sense, and would be perfectly acceptable if...I knew this guy at all.

    Apparently his mindset is that "I'm already renting the truck so I might as well do it". My mindset is "I'm not inept and am moving 700 km properly, I don't know these guys from shit, and I don't owe these guys shit"

    Having said that, I'm moving out of my hometown to Montreal, with no one but my BF as a friend. I'm sure we'll make friends but still....I feel like I kind of made my BF burn his friend there, and while I don't feel bad for sticking to my guns, and my BF said he agreed with me completely (was actually more offended than I was, lol) I still..don't want to be the boyfriend that cuts him off from his friends.

    Soooo...how would you guys react to some virtual stranger essentially trying to screw you around and pay substantially less than (a) he should and (b) I'm asking.

    I'm a really super laid-back and easy-going, pretty happy-go-lucky kind of guy. I tend to roll over and take it (insert crass joke here) because I'm a good guy and like to help. But this pissed me off completely. My first real interaction and this guy tries to take advantage of me.

    Sooo...am I being a dick by sticking to my guns? 25% or 0%? Or do you think I'm slightly (or completely) justified?
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    May 10, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    sorry this got you so upset, but I m sure we can all relate...

    As far as I m concerned, if the other party does not make a reasonable offer, yeah they are not interested in a mutually beneficial deal. In that case, I drop it like a hot potato... because it's just not worth it and no matter what is agreed to, you d probably have to fight to get my money.

    So I hope you just get out of the situation completely.
    I wouldn t worry about your bf. I m sure he is not interested in getting involved with a wimp. I hate traffic and long weekend, and you having the stress of moving...forget it.

    By the way, welcome to Montreal icon_smile.gif

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    May 10, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    Fuck the cheap moocher.
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    May 10, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    You offered 25%, they offered ~14%... Offer to do it for 30%, or no deal. Fuck them.
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    May 10, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    Well, it it were me and I was looking at it purely from a business standpoint I think I would hold out for $200. The hassle involved in making an extra stop on top of the overall misery of moving is worth that, and I would give up $200 to skip the nightmare of driving and parking a moving truck in a major city. So I dont think you should feel like you owe Banana a favor, sounds like a cheap asshole that I wouldnt want to hang with anyway.
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    May 10, 2011 1:33 AM GMT
    Your boyfriend or 'pimp' ought to break the news to them, that he miscalculated the amount and time involved...he's the one offering the services for cheap..he should make this better for you.
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    May 10, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    I totally get where you're coming from. My best friend is straight off the boat from Israel, so I can totally relate. I bought a new mattress because I had gotten a bigger bed, but my former mat. was only about 6 months old, and had been purchased brand new. My friend offered to buy a 400 pound (I live in Scotland) mat. for 75 pounds... 6 months used by ME, not some randomer.. I was slightly offended myself considering it was still my my world almost new.

    It's just her nature though, she comes out with some ridiculously low offer, I told her 200 or nothing, she offered 140. we settled. Same thing with our rooms in the flat. We both wanted the same one, I wanted it BADLY, so I said I'd pay more rent. She told me to pay 100 pounds more/month (we only pay about 300pp as it is) so I was like no I'll pay 50 extra a month, she agreed. It's just her nature, again. No insult meant etc..

    I'd just calculate the gas costs, split that in half, and charge a bit extra for the use of the space. What you're renting and paying for is effectively SPACE, so figure out how much of the space he'll be using, and charge based on that + the fuel costs + maybe some extra for going out of your way/the fact that you're driving. If you can base your price to them on something concrete and calculable they can't fight you on it and you have solid grounds for arguing your side. If you pick some arbitrary number they'll just think you're trying to stick it to them as you might when they offered you a ridiculously low price...
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    May 10, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    He originally was going to pay half. How is $100 "generous"? Half is generous. Hell, 30% is generous. I think you're right to ask for 25%.

    I'm a very cheap person, but it's not my truck we're using. It's yours. Don't feel bad you stuck to your guns. Just be happy that your boyfriend agrees with your point of view icon_smile.gif And also, I don't think you'll be the BF that cuts him from his friends. You found something offensive, and you let him know. I think you'll be a great BF if you're speaking your mind.
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    May 10, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    Stick to your guns. Good for you. I used to be swindled by these types. They're ruthless.

    If you're stuck being **frenemies** with these guys, you're going to have to be aggressive when it comes to money and negotiating. If he offers $100...ask him how he arrived at that figure. That's an honest question. Then bring up everything related to costs of the pick up..including the standard $50/hr movers charge, plus gas and mileage and truck. Pad the bill up to $400 bucks, then offer to give him a deal at $300. In the end, they need you more than you need them...and he's getting a deal even at that.

    Is it possible this is just a huge misunderstanding? Perhaps Banana is not aware of how far you have to go, the cost of the rental truck, etc. Be friendly and smile and joke around...but walk him through every line of costs...and be firm.

    I had this situation out at a restaurant once with some misers. They put cash on the table that didn't even cover their charges. I picked it up and explained to them they owed xx for the food, plus tax, plus 15% tip = $xx.xx. My bf was pissed at me...but he knows my Boston Irish comes out when somebody tries to stiff me.
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    May 10, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    You did the right thing. Welcome to Montreal!
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    May 10, 2011 2:32 AM GMT
    Getting lost at the third paragraph.. not a good sign... prolly a lot of rambling going on.. but Imma try and get through it
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    May 10, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    Ok finished.. nuthing major going on... looks like your standard Middle-Eastern/African/Indian type haggling going on.. dont take it personally... you can haggle and even decide to completely not accept their offer, and it wont affect your relationship personally.. this is just business...

    At least, thats how I am used to business operating in these cultures, and I've known alot of Jews, Arabs and Indians.. its basically the same all around... dont take anything personally... but haggle to the point where it seems everyone is screwing everyone, so everyone gets screwed evenly, and we've all had a good time at the end

    I agree it aint fun, and can even be quite exasparating if you're not used to doing business this way, but dont let it get to you, its a culture thing
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    May 10, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    I believe you have negotiated appropriately given the fact you have never met these individuals. In my opinion, if you are going out of your way a bit and you are put at a hardship financially, they should have been considerate and offer the best for the situation. It is very inconsiderate for them not to pick up on cues and make a meaningful offer. But, there are those who just try to get the best deal out of any situation , and I am certain it really has nothing to do with ones nationality, that to me is a cop out excuse. Just my 2 cents worth. I do hope all is better once you and your BF get settled in your new place.
    Good Luck to you both. icon_smile.gif
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    May 10, 2011 2:49 AM GMT
    Soundwave saidSooo...am I being a dick by sticking to my guns? 25% or 0%? Or do you think I'm slightly (or completely) justified?

    You're OK. My partner has lived down here since 1969, as an Interior Designer until he retired. And he's told me that Canadians are incredibly cut-throat, especially the French from the Quebec area. They try to rob you blind.

    I guess it's a cultural thing, I dunno. So guard your own interests, and realize that in anything that's shared the other guys are gonna try to fleece you.

    Frankly, I'd never try to share expenses with Canadians from the area where you are, you're bound to get skinned. But if you're already committed, just keep your eyes open, and realize that your pockets are gonna get picked, one way or the other. Just try not to make it too bad.
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    May 10, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    Totally fair since this sounds like a bit of an inconvenience for you. They need to remember that YOU are the one doing the work that your BF pretty volunteered you for. You don't own them anything so in a case like this it's pretty much "My way or the highway" and they should be more then willing to pay what you are asking anyway since in the long run it's still cheaper for them.

    I highly dislike it when people try to take advantage of an already good deal. You should also be a little pissed at your BF for just making a offer like that without first consulting you. Next time he does something like that tell him he can do it since they're his friends.

    You're BF friends don't know a good thing when they see it. They need learn how to "grease the wheels" properly when given a free ride and I'm glad you stood up for yourself. That's awesome.
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    May 10, 2011 2:57 AM GMT
    It's what known in legal terms as "Jewing you Down"... it is a legally recognized way to bargain.

    I would have told the dude $150 just on principal and likely done it.. but not if he didn't come up from $100. Screw that.
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    May 10, 2011 3:09 AM GMT
    i mean...he's jewish. they're sly and conniving like that.
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    May 10, 2011 3:10 AM GMT
    i'm being facetious by the way. kinda.
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    May 10, 2011 3:12 AM GMT
    You only have one life to live, and especially since you're out, you can spend your lifetime how you want to!

    If that means confronting assholes and removing them, go in for the kll
  • andrewVonPelt

    Posts: 53

    May 10, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    sounds like a cheap moocher to me!
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    May 10, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    sdgman saidIt's what known in legal terms as "Jewing you Down"... it is a legally recognized way to bargain.


    WTF?????

    [url]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jewing%20them%20down[/url]

    If someone can fix the link I would be eternally greatful
  • DCguy2001

    Posts: 314

    May 10, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    Seriously, what's up with all of the casually anti-Semitic stuff in this thread?
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    May 10, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    DCguy1999 saidSeriously, what's up with all of the casually anti-Semitic stuff in this thread?


    Joking
  • iErik

    Posts: 54

    May 10, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    Completely justified. Even on a normal day, sometimes the 401 is bad, and on top of that, going on the Gardiner or Don Valley Parkway can be hell.

    He probably figures the $100 is better than nothing, but I would gladly just pay full cost to avoid having to go into the core of Toronto.
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    May 10, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    Nope. You're completely okay! icon_biggrin.gif

    Put "this or nothing. It's a hassle for me to go out of the way".