Please help! How can I contact an old friend (that I had the hots for) from 30 years ago?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    So I had this friend I met in college 30 years ago. I had a crush on him in so many ways. We hung out a lot. We lived in the same town. We were great friends and got along very well. He was soooo handsome....the most handsome guy I ever met.

    Despite all our time together, we never talked about girls. But this was 1981, so for whatever reason, we never did anything. It was my fault for losing contact with him.

    Well, I googled his name the other day, and it turns out we both moved 1200 miles away from our hometown, and are now living 20 miles away from each other. Amazing. Apparently he is single.

    My question is, should I contact him? I have no phone or email for him, but I did find his street address. However, it would be downright creepy to show up on his doorstep. I'm thinking of a card with a note...but that may be creepy too. I don't expect romance, but it would be interesting to catch up with him.

    Then again...maybe I should just forget about it.

    Your opinions?
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    May 10, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    I would just call him up . Tell him you were reminiscing about the good old days sort of thing and you were wondering what had happened to him.. Keep it simple , gauge his reaction to your call and take if from there.
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    May 10, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    rofl sorry i'm too busy laughing at your username to answer
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    May 10, 2011 4:20 AM GMT
    So you both are now 1200 miles from where you first met and but 20 miles apart from each other after a 30 year absence? I'd say the universe is aligning itself for you and if you don't take the initiative to seal the reconnection, you'll regret it.

    Send a note. You're not the first person to google the name of a friend you've lost contact with.

    go.
    for.
    it.

    what have you got to lose?
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    May 10, 2011 4:30 AM GMT
    BRIX saidSo you both are now 1200 miles from where you first met and but 20 miles apart from each other after a 30 year absence? I'd say the universe is aligning itself for you and if you don't take the initiative to seal the reconnection, you'll regret it.

    Send a note. You're not the first person to google the name of a friend you've lost contact with.

    go.
    for.
    it.

    what have you got to lose?


    I really like your answer. Perfect. I'm going to send him a card and invite him out for coffee.
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    May 10, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    White4DarkerFL said
    BRIX saidSo you both are now 1200 miles from where you first met and but 20 miles apart from each other after a 30 year absence? I'd say the universe is aligning itself for you and if you don't take the initiative to seal the reconnection, you'll regret it.

    Send a note. You're not the first person to google the name of a friend you've lost contact with.

    go.
    for.
    it.

    what have you got to lose?


    I really like your answer. Perfect. I'm going to send him a card and invite him out for coffee.
    Just do it.. ya only live once!
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    May 10, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidI would just call him up . Tell him you were reminiscing about the good old days sort of thing and you were wondering what had happened to him.. Keep it simple , gauge his reaction to your call and take if from there.


    I would if I could. But now that I think about it, I like the card better. It doesn't put him on the spot. He has time to think about it and call me if he wants to.
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    May 10, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    I agree w/ Brix... You guys have ended up being only 20 miles apart after all of this time... I would definitely try to contact him! Since you don't have a phone number or e-mail I would send some type of card/ note to him since you have the address... I wouldn't just drop in on him! I take it he maybe doesn't have a Facebook either. I think sometimes if you have had friends that had a special meaning in your life and you lose touch w/ them you do miss them! At least if you try to reconnect and it doesn't work out you won't always sit around wondering what if.... Best of luck!
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    May 10, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    White4DarkerFL said
    BRIX saidSo you both are now 1200 miles from where you first met and but 20 miles apart from each other after a 30 year absence? I'd say the universe is aligning itself for you and if you don't take the initiative to seal the reconnection, you'll regret it.

    Send a note. You're not the first person to google the name of a friend you've lost contact with.

    go.
    for.
    it.

    what have you got to lose?


    I really like your answer. Perfect. I'm going to send him a card and invite him out for coffee.
    Just do it.. ya only live once!


    Hey Mark...thanks. I'm looking forward to his reaction.
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    May 10, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    Facebook? LinkedIn?
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    May 10, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    If you guys were good friends, I don't see why you wouldn't send him a note.
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    May 10, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    Zoom1969 saidI agree w/ Brix... You guys have ended up being only 20 miles apart after all of this time... I would definitely try to contact him! Since you don't have a phone number or e-mail I would send some type of card/ note to him since you have the address... I wouldn't just drop in on him! I take it he maybe doesn't have a Facebook either. I think sometimes if you have had friends that had a special meaning in your life and you lose touch w/ them you do miss them! At least if you try to reconnect and it doesn't work out you won't always sit around wondering what if.... Best of luck!


    I know. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw where he lives.

    We both grew up in Massachuestts and now we both live in Ft Lauderdale area. So yeah, maybe the universe is backing me up on this.
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    May 10, 2011 4:38 AM GMT
    Just beware.. had a friend do this recently and found out that friend is married with kids but really having issues with his sexuality and therefore is very apprehensive about meeting up so fast..
    Your situation could be different and hopefully so! But be prepared just in case for rejection..
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 10, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    Buy a simple blank card with a non suggestive picture on the front of it, and tell him that you noticed that you both lived in the same area, and would he like to meet for coffee so that you could catch up.
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    May 10, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    Yeah, seems like a: "What have you got to lose," type of situation.
    I however, would be freaked out if an old crush who looked like you showed up.
    Ok, not freaked out...sleeping on the couch for a few days.
  • baldone

    Posts: 826

    May 10, 2011 4:39 AM GMT
    def drop a note....like everyone else....planets have aligned and you should just go for it!!!!!
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    May 10, 2011 4:47 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidIf you guys were good friends, I don't see why you wouldn't send him a note.


    I'm actually seeing this now. We were good friends. I sort of dumped him because my other friends were starting to make comments about all the time we spent together and the sort of non straight things we did...and that hit too close to my closeted ways.

    I was 19 year old and it was another 9 years before I came out. So, I've been feeling guilty about it. I know I hurt him. But, like you said, we were good friends and I think he will understand what I was going through.
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    May 10, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    White4DarkerFL said
    unfounded7 saidIf you guys were good friends, I don't see why you wouldn't send him a note.


    I'm actually seeing this now. We were good friends. I sort of dumped him because my other friends were starting to make comments about all the time we spent together and the sort of non straight things we did...and that hit too close to my closeted ways.

    I was 19 year old and it was another 9 years before I came out. So, I've been feeling guilty about it. I know I hurt him. But, like you said, we were good friends and I think he will understand what I was going through.
    You have no idea how familiar this story is.. and its being played out here in Florida as well!
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    May 10, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    White4DarkerFL said
    unfounded7 saidIf you guys were good friends, I don't see why you wouldn't send him a note.


    I'm actually seeing this now. We were good friends. I sort of dumped him because my other friends were starting to make comments about all the time we spent together and the sort of non straight things we did...and that hit too close to my closeted ways.

    I was 19 year old and it was another 9 years before I came out. So, I've been feeling guilty about it. I know I hurt him. But, like you said, we were good friends and I think he will understand what I was going through.
    You have no idea how familiar this story is.. and its being played out here in Florida as well!
    Yep...in fact, this thread just inspired me to google the name of a hangout buddy I used to have in Chicago.
    Found him on the first search.
    Saw he's nowhere near as attractive as he used to be.
    Closed the page. icon_lol.gif
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    May 10, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    sounds like me and first love. I cant seem to find him either.
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    May 10, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    TropicalMark saidJust beware.. had a friend do this recently and found out that friend is married with kids but really having issues with his sexuality and therefore is very apprehensive about meeting up so fast..
    Your situation could be different and hopefully so! But be prepared just in case for rejection..


    Odds are probably 50/50 he's in some type of relationship...or maybe he's only into 20 something Latino drag queens.

    I would be very satisfied with a friendship at this point. I'd love to know what went through is mind. There were so many times that we were alone and drunk.
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    May 10, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    White4DarkerFL said
    unfounded7 saidIf you guys were good friends, I don't see why you wouldn't send him a note.


    I'm actually seeing this now. We were good friends. I sort of dumped him because my other friends were starting to make comments about all the time we spent together and the sort of non straight things we did...and that hit too close to my closeted ways.

    I was 19 year old and it was another 9 years before I came out. So, I've been feeling guilty about it. I know I hurt him. But, like you said, we were good friends and I think he will understand what I was going through.


    Even better reason to contact him...to make amends.
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    May 10, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    White4DarkerFL said
    TropicalMark saidJust beware.. had a friend do this recently and found out that friend is married with kids but really having issues with his sexuality and therefore is very apprehensive about meeting up so fast..
    Your situation could be different and hopefully so! But be prepared just in case for rejection..


    Odds are probably 50/50 he's in some type of relationship...or maybe he's only into 20 something Latino drag queens.

    I would be very satisfied with a friendship at this point. I'd love to know what went through is mind. There were so many times that we were alone and drunk.
    Exactly the same thing as my friend here did! Here's hoping!
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    May 10, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    TropicalMark said
    White4DarkerFL said
    unfounded7 saidIf you guys were good friends, I don't see why you wouldn't send him a note.


    I'm actually seeing this now. We were good friends. I sort of dumped him because my other friends were starting to make comments about all the time we spent together and the sort of non straight things we did...and that hit too close to my closeted ways.

    I was 19 year old and it was another 9 years before I came out. So, I've been feeling guilty about it. I know I hurt him. But, like you said, we were good friends and I think he will understand what I was going through.
    You have no idea how familiar this story is.. and its being played out here in Florida as well!
    Yep...in fact, this thread just inspired me to google the name of a hangout buddy I used to have in Chicago.
    Found him on the first search.
    Saw he's nowhere near as attractive as he used to be.
    Closed the page. icon_lol.gif


    That's too bad. I know young studs sometimes go to seed, while the ugly ducklings turn into middle aged hotties. As for me...blond hair notwithstanding, the years have been good, and I'm emotionally more mature too. As for him...his face was so handsome, I may just find him even hotter.
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    May 10, 2011 5:18 AM GMT
    White4DarkerFL said
    unfounded7 saidIf you guys were good friends, I don't see why you wouldn't send him a note.


    I'm actually seeing this now. We were good friends. I sort of dumped him because my other friends were starting to make comments about all the time we spent together and the sort of non straight things we did...and that hit too close to my closeted ways.

    I was 19 year old and it was another 9 years before I came out. So, I've been feeling guilty about it. I know I hurt him. But, like you said, we were good friends and I think he will understand what I was going through.
    I agree on contacting him but keep your expectations low. You've done well keeping yourself in great shape but he may not have and it's been many years. If he's looking good, sounding good and his reaction is favorable, then enjoy the company and the opportunity to rekindle the friendship. Don't meet with any preconceived ideas or expectations.