FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Important? What about Here on RJ?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 07, 2008 5:23 PM GMT
    I wondered if I could talk about both of these topics together since they are linked without it becoming
    a hassle.

    First.. Have you met anyone in your life that upon the first meeting, you know they are bad news? I mean the "alarm bell" goes off and you know you want nothing to do with them.... and conversely have you met someone that you "instantly" like? If so, what ultimately happened.

    Secondly, If there anyone here on RJ you got an impression of based on posts or profile.... and you later realize they really are different than your initial view. Your perception was not reality.....

    You can address either or both.

    My answer for both is yes.. and I'll elaborate later in the thread.
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    Apr 07, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    When the first words out of someone's mouth is "How OLD are you," with the emphasis on "old," I smile, pull a mental lever and imagine a trap door opening underneath them.

    Another way to make a lousy first impression is to launch a volley of "status seeking" missiles from the get go: "What part of town do you live in?" "What kind of car did you drive down here in?" "You graduated from where?"
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    Apr 07, 2008 6:53 PM GMT
    in real life, my group of friends back in montreal are from meeting each other at a party. i went with one of my friends, we met them there for the first time, one of them found me on ICQ (throwback) and invited me out the next friday. they are now the people i expect to be intouch with for the rest of my life. some of them weren't as welcoming of me, but they learned what's good for them and now we're all awesome with each other.

    i don't let first impressions thru posts affect me here much. i'd much rather learn about them in a one on one setting, as many people are slightly different when speaking in a public setting. in fact, at one point i made a comment in here and got an nasty reply, but since some emails have been sent back and forth and there's also some times we "hang out" in the chat room. so first impressions sometimes need to overlooked and the person needs to be given a chance.
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    Apr 07, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    I remind myself that first impressions are called 'first' impressions and not 'only' impressions for a reason. I've been so wrong so many times in my initial impressions of people that I try not to weigh them too heavily.

    I've also found first impressions are a good opportunity for me to assess my own needs, preconceptions, etc., etc. What I think or feel when I first meet somebody says more about who I am than it does who the other person is, I think.
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    Apr 07, 2008 7:14 PM GMT
    1) When meeting others for the first time, I either form the first impression immediately (if that person supplies enough verbal and nonverbal information) or hold off on making the first impression altogether, until I get to know them better. I usually look for the positive attributes in others, but some people are negative or make me uncomfortable right off the bat and it is those people that ring the "alarm bell." I feel bad for not giving them a chance but my first impressions are usually very good indicators of a person's character and the people I have avoided would later say or do something that reinforced why they rung the bell in the first place.

    2) Not really.
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Apr 07, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    As to the first question: Yes, two persons I can think of off the top of my head: the principal of student affairs at my high school and my head judo sensei in college. Both of them invoked a sense of unease in me and I felt a need to be on the lookout (socially speaking) when interacting with them. The former was nice to me, but he engaged in heavy favoritism, something that leaves me rattled (partly because I feel that I frequently get the better deal of someone's favoritist streak and getting such leaves me worried about a lack of consistency).

    A close friend of mine was part of his actively favorited group and years (yes, years) later experienced the weirdness of being shunned out from it.

    As for people I've instantly liked, there are people I've quickly hit it off with. However, those meetings are usually chance meetings and do not result in further developments.

    As to the second question: I'm not sure of how to answer it; as long as the interactions and impressions are across the 'Net, I am unable to say that a particular guy is different from his online persona(s). I'm going to go with "no" until I have met more RJ'ers in offline life.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 07, 2008 8:38 PM GMT
    Usually I'm a very good read of people when I first meet them
    and my first impressions are usually good ones

    I don't think I've ever been wrong at reading someone who I've pegged as an asshole right awayicon_rolleyes.gif
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    Apr 07, 2008 9:15 PM GMT
    meet A RJ member here, did not meet becuase of RJ, but rather on AOL. He said nothing, and I meet him again to lift, he said he was broken up with his BF. Turns out this guy is HOT his BF is NOT, he is the BAIT. We will call him Arthur, well Bf mind plays Arthur. Arthur loses his job. We E mail me tells me HE IS HORNY this is after I ask how job hunt was going. This goes on for months later he and BF move, Says he judges people in first 15 secs. Question if you judge a person in 15 secs and you do not find him or her if you are a switch hitter, should you stop telling about every sexual conquest blow by blow icon_twisted.gif IS THIS GUY A COCK TEASE or WHAT ?


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    Apr 07, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    joeindallas saidmeet A RJ member here, did not meet becuase of RJ, but rather on AOL. He said nothing, and I meet him again to lift, he said he was broken up with his BF. Turns out this guy is HOT his BF is NOT, he is the BAIT. We will call him Arthur, well Bf mind plays Arthur. Arthur loses his job. We E mail me tells me HE IS HORNY this is after I ask how job hunt was going. This goes on for months later he and BF move, Says he judges people in first 15 secs. Question if you judge a person in 15 secs and you do not find him or her if you are a switch hitter, should you stop telling about every sexual conquest blow by blow icon_twisted.gif IS THIS GUY A COCK TEASE or WHAT ?


    Err, is there a translator in the house???
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    Apr 07, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    zdrew78 saidI remind myself that first impressions are called 'first' impressions and not 'only' impressions for a reason. I've been so wrong so many times in my initial impressions of people that I try not to weigh them too heavily.


    What Zdrew is saying here is that he has finally gotten over the fact that my first communication with him was to send him a picture of the zits on my butt.
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    Apr 07, 2008 10:57 PM GMT
    I'm blessed and cursed with a really heightened ability to read people really quickly. It's a curse because I often tend to "take on" someone else's stuff in a way that makes me feel unnecessarily threatened, and I tend to be very shy in social situations, and the art of casual friendship is a little bit lost on me. However, it's also a huge blessing because I've never had unnecessary drama in my life, have never had someone go crazy on me and never had to deal with someone becoming excessively difficult. I'm pretty much never wrong in my initial impressions. However, my initial impressions have steered me wrong in the sense that I have had a tendency of placing too much importance on the "hidden" stuff beneath the surface. I've had to work hard to ease up on people and accept them more at face value. It's something I'm still working on. People tend to tell me that I am hard to read, and I have to admit that it is a huge turn-on when a guy can turn the tables on me and see right through me.
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    Apr 07, 2008 10:57 PM GMT
    GQjock saidI don't think I've ever been wrong at reading someone who I've pegged as an asshole right away.


    Oh crap, I am in trouble.
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    Apr 07, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    When I physically meet people I let my instincts help me out in my decision. Everyone has them but not alot of people use them. If I catch a bad vib, aura or get that uneasy feeling in my stomach or my skin gets the shivers then I'm gonna listen to it because it speaks volumes and so far I've done pretty good. I have, however, been wrong about a few people but I can admit that (seems a few people here can't) but even when wrong I still don't feel the need to correct it's not necessary and my world isn't thrown into turmoil. Why sweat the small things. Not only that but people send off signals that definately helps in deciding if one takes the time to notice them and listen. It's all about the presentation and chemistry.

    I would definately say yes to the first part.

    As for meeting people online, like this site for instance, I take them at face value. If something catches my eye and I like it then I'll make an effort to get to know them better before coming to a conclusion. I openly admit that a few posts that I've read sorta kept me away from wanting to chat with a few people because they seem consistent and I'm not diggin their train of thought. No big deal...it happens I guess. With that being said I'm sure a few people feel the same way about my posts which is why I don't recieve emails (that and maybe my profile scares them).

    I would say no to the second part of this post. I can't get a feeling from a computer since it's emotionless and has no personality attached to it. It's just hard to take a person completely serious online so that's why I take them at face value.

    I don't think anyone on here has ever been 100% percent right about a person either online of off it all the time because a few people have made other posts that would clearly contradict their answer to this post. Plus, there are too many factors to consider when judging someone like looks. I would definately say looks are a big factor when judging someone on here or in real life.
    I feel a few people on here would easily let a few things slide based off of looks if they knew there was something in it for them. That's just my opinion so anyone who reads this shouldn't take it personally. It's just an observation.
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    Apr 08, 2008 6:21 AM GMT
    jprichva said[quote][cite]GQjock said[/cite]I don't think I've ever been wrong at reading someone who I've pegged as an asshole right away.


    Oh crap, I am in trouble.[/quote]

    Me too. I wonder if he'll see through an erm... asshole in disguise... icon_cool.gif

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    To the question, in real life, yes. Has something to do with the eyes. I'm a bit empathic though, I dunno if it's a subconscious appraisal of another person's body language, but I can tell quite easily what the other person is feeling (and reflect it on my own emotions).

    I've been wrong rarely though, as some people are just naturally suspicious/shy when meeting someone for the first time. So I try to give leeway for that.

    In RJ, nah. You can't judge someone from a few posts. icon_razz.gif So I'm reserving judgment until I meet them in person. Hell, I would probably have liked chucky in person. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 08, 2008 6:35 AM GMT
    A FIRST IMPRESSION IS AN EVERLASTING ONE. you could never turn back the hands of time.
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    Apr 08, 2008 7:10 AM GMT
    When I make friends, it is usually for life but there are highs and lows. Sometimes I may distance myself from people when I don't like the things they are doing, but I know there is more to a person than any one action or impression.

    I have alarms go off and will avoid people to a point, but always find that people can and do change.

    As far as people here on real jock, even when if someone makes a post that I don't like here, I try to remember that it is just a small part of that person I am seeing. I think if you can see someone's compassion are goodness showing that can help. but not everyone here post things that are revealing about themselves.

    Finally, I would say that no matter what I read or see, my fundamental belief that everyone is essentially the same is so deeply ingrained in me that I can get past just about anything about another person. As the old saying goes "mercy triumphs over judgment"