How do you handle your homophobic friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 9:06 AM GMT
    I'm not the type that could do the coming out very easily and smoothly, and even tho' i wrote a script everytime i decided to tell somebody my secret, it just all messed up.

    However, i managed to tell that to most of my close girls, and only one straight boy. The other boys however are very homophobic, but we are very close to me and i love 'em much, i just don't get it why they have a very distorted aspect about gays, i guess it's in the culture.

    Some of my girls say i shouldn't tell them, but i really don't enjoy hiding anymore.

    Not to mention i still have a long list of other significant homophobes that i want to tell the secret.

    Have you ever tried coming out to any close friends, or relatives, or someone you consider important but way too homophobic?

    Have you got good or bad results?


    UPDATE (Jun 16th - 2011)
    I have just made it to come out to one of the guys and he accepted me with no arguments at all (well there was a little argument about if being gay is a mental disorder or not but i showed him the wikipedia link and he was fine with what was written there). I was so surprised and extremely happy at the same time!

    There are still more guys that i need to talk to but i have some beliefs and motivations now, thank you all of you guys for tips and encouragements, you guys are the best! Many thanks again.

    UPDATE (Jan 14th - 2012)
    Totally out to all of my close friends, turns out they're not homophobic that much at all. They just didn't understand what being gay is like, and people just laugh at things they find weird. At least i can have much more sympathy now, some of the guys even talked to me about who i'm dating and wanted me to take him to the parties. Too bad i wasn't meeting anyone.

    I made it, it was not as hard as i thought. Loving my life more and more everyday, thanks everyone for being wonderful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 11:05 AM GMT
    I only told my close friends about my bisexuality.... With family I chose not to because things would get ugly really quickly.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    I have straight friends, who do not wholeheartedly embraced the gay agenda; but not a one of em is a homophobes; I allow my friends freedon of thought.
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    May 10, 2011 11:40 AM GMT
    Well it differs from person to person. In my experiences I've found coming out to homophobic people only leads to bad results. I've been "beaten up" by some guys I thought were my friends all because they thought I wanted to get in their pants when I told them because we were drunk. (And no I didn't want to). Came out to my grandparents who after I told them, read straight from the bible, told me I'm going to hell and basically disowned me. I could go on with stories like that. However, they can surprise you sometimes.. 2 of the last people I told who I was worried about most were the ones who were most cool about it. Like I said, it differs from person to person and you won't know until you find out. Make sure you are ready, though, because with those friends you keep, they will be ones who leave. But remember, those really weren't your friends to begin with if they act like that.
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    May 10, 2011 11:40 AM GMT
    None of my friends would care nor would my siblings, my parents would not understand, but would not love me any less, they will just try and find the best psychiatrist there is to help me cure, because it doesn't exist in their frame of reference. But I choose not to tell anyone, not even my closest friends. It's none of anyone's business.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 11:46 AM GMT
    If they care that I'm gay and don't accept it they aren't my friend.
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    May 10, 2011 12:05 PM GMT
    I was having this discussion the other day with a colleague. He told me he didn't know how to take me when he first met me; now after 10 months he realizes that I'm just a guy like every other guy, and I'm not out looking for sex or hookups. I guess this was his predisposition of gay men. It's comical now because I make references to him like, "I had fun on our date" and "I hope we can continue to keep this a secret from your wife."

    Homophobia is ignorance. The more you can be just normal around people the more comfortable people will become with it.
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    May 10, 2011 12:17 PM GMT
    tyklong saidHow do you handle your homophobic friends
    I manhandle them, because homophobia is just the fear of their own homosexuality. icon_wink.gif
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    May 10, 2011 12:19 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    tyklong saidHow do you handle your homophobic friends
    I manhandle them, because homophobia is just the fear of their own homosexuality. icon_wink.gif
    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    May 10, 2011 12:20 PM GMT
    I don't.

    People who are homophobic, racist and sexist are not my friends.

    However, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I just allow them to do it in their own little closed minded world.
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    May 10, 2011 12:28 PM GMT
    I told my only one small-minded homophobic republican (not to mention a bit racist hence being republican) friend about my 80/20 bisexuality and he didn't want to believe it. Every single time I told him, he thought I was joking about it until he finally decided to confront it by arguing with me that there was no way I could like more than one choice.

    He kept saying "impossible, jocks like you bang only chicks, not dudes" So every single time we went out to dinner we would go to Tilted Kilt, Hooters or Winghouse to see the ladies with their asses and breast hanging out. And he would say "Well, would any of these turn you back 100% to the straight side?" On which I would reply NO, because they were all damn ugly to begin with.

    He is the only one who has trouble with my sexuality. I have had to tell him that in no shape or form I'm interested in him sexually. (Because that bit of conversation has come up several times.) When I met his skinhead friends (no joke) they were all very welcoming but as soon as they started making homophonic and/or racial jokes he would go into panic.

    He's living in denial and still cannot accept it even though he said he already did I know he hasn't. He accepts me and love me as a brother but cannot process that part of me. So, how did I handle that? Well, simple, I told him that Is his problem if he wants to accept it or not. He like chicks., I like both. End of the story.

    Don't worry about it, if you friends have trouble accepting you, their is something wrong with them and you might want to evaluate if your friendship with them is worth keeping.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 12:39 PM GMT
    I don't have any homophobes as friends are you kidding!
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    May 10, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidI only told my close friends about my bisexuality.... With family I chose not to because things would get ugly really quickly.




    Truly, i told my parents and my sister, and how i wish i didn't tell them that, it's even more uncomfortable to have to lie to them again!
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    May 10, 2011 2:08 PM GMT
    lilZ saidWell it differs from person to person. In my experiences I've found coming out to homophobic people only leads to bad results. I've been "beaten up" by some guys I thought were my friends all because they thought I wanted to get in their pants when I told them because we were drunk. (And no I didn't want to). Came out to my grandparents who after I told them, read straight from the bible, told me I'm going to hell and basically disowned me. I could go on with stories like that. However, they can surprise you sometimes.. 2 of the last people I told who I was worried about most were the ones who were most cool about it. Like I said, it differs from person to person and you won't know until you find out. Make sure you are ready, though, because with those friends you keep, they will be ones who leave. But remember, those really weren't your friends to begin with if they act like that.


    Thank you lilZ. It seems like there could be lots of surprises to prepare for, many of which could be pain.

    deltalimen
    I was having this discussion the other day with a colleague. He told me he didn't know how to take me when he first met me; now after 10 months he realizes that I'm just a guy like every other guy, and I'm not out looking for sex or hookups. I guess this was his predisposition of gay men. It's comical now because I make references to him like, "I had fun on our date" and "I hope we can continue to keep this a secret from your wife."

    Homophobia is ignorance. The more you can be just normal around people the more comfortable people will become with it.


    I think most of the homophobes in my country are affected by the fact that most of the local gays here they always look for sex, they do perverting in locker rooms or swimming pool, they kill their lovers after making love or make each others' lives a living hell if one of them is not out of the closet, such things are on the news so weekly. I can't blame the culture here to hate gays, but the gay scene here doesn't seem to help.
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    May 10, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    ESCESV said
    He's living in denial and still cannot accept it even though he said he already did I know he hasn't. He accepts me and love me as a brother but cannot process that part of me. So, how did I handle that? Well, simple, I told him that Is his problem if he wants to accept it or not. He like chicks., I like both. End of the story.

    Don't worry about it, if you friends have trouble accepting you, their is something wrong with them and you might want to evaluate if your friendship with them is worth keeping.


    You guys seem to have the same problem with me that your homophobic friends are mostly male eh? The guy that i told and accepted me is not homophobic but i think he tries to forget what i told him, because he keeps asking me "have you got a new chick yet?" and when i say not yet, he doesn't ask "how about a new guy?" lol.


    Anduru
    If they care that I'm gay and don't accept it they aren't my friend.


    Ah yep, it's just hard to imagine that happening, we're all close like brothers. Btw, your new profile pic is very handsome Anduru.


    paulflexes
    I manhandle them, because homophobia is just the fear of their own homosexuality.


    you recall me of the song "You're so gay that you don't even like boys" icon_razz.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    May 10, 2011 2:23 PM GMT
    I don't have any homophobic friends, or even acquaintances that I know of.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    May 10, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    How do I handle my homophobic friends? With a flamethrower.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    May 10, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    gsh1964 saidI don't.

    People who are homophobic, racist and sexist are not my friends.

    However, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I just allow them to do it in their own little closed minded world.


    ^THIS.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 10, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    i sleep with them and then blackmail them into being nice to gays or i'll tell the whole world they had sex with a dude... it's how i met my last three boyfriends
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    May 10, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Anduru saidIf they care that I'm gay and don't accept it they aren't my friend.

    I don't like these kinds of responses. They're not helpful in the least bit.

    I have some friends I still haven't told yet because they're ungodly homophobic. Problem is, I've been friends with some of them since before elementary school. If they don't accept you, you can't just say fuck that and walk away from a 20 year friendship, even if your friend did. It's not that simple and that doesn't mean it won't hurt any less.

    Tyklong, I don't really have any advice for you, but I wish you luck. People can surprise you and I hope your friends do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    You’d have a bunch of company here in the United States. I knew a bunch of gay Vietnamese in the OC. Many of them had a problem with parents and many others weren’t out at all to family.

    I started this process 41 years ago and really don’t have much to report. Now true, I’m very conservative in just about every other way so I guess they take me as the total package. I really used to throw it in their faces, but there’s not much excitement to report. We still went to the firing range, still drag raced, road raced, gun shows and car shows. I’ve had a few Southern Baptists recite verse by verse out of Leviticus, but nothing like unadulterated hate I get around here.
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    May 10, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    deltalimen saidI was having this discussion the other day with a colleague. He told me he didn't know how to take me when he first met me; now after 10 months he realizes that I'm just a guy like every other guy, and I'm not out looking for sex or hookups. I guess this was his predisposition of gay men. It's comical now because I make references to him like, "I had fun on our date" and "I hope we can continue to keep this a secret from your wife."

    Homophobia is ignorance. The more you can be just normal around people the more comfortable people will become with it.


    +1

    Dive in deep. I did a very long time ago with the most conservative of conservatives. They get used to it and many end up being a big supporter. Effect change from within.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 3:04 PM GMT
    You tell them you're gay and if they don't like it you get new friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    You have told a few people. Believe me, it will get around to everyone in no time...
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    May 10, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidI don't have any homophobic friends, or even acquaintances that I know of.


    +1

    I will say that I've had some big problems with Muslims since I've been back here.