I feel that most people see 'Straight-acting' as meaning 'does not appear to be gay'.
I feel that, like the term 'g0y' mentioned in another forum, the term it is a way for some gay people to be negative about other gay people; ie. I only like straight-acting men.
I personally don't like the phrase and think someone should say they are 'non-camp'.
Also on that subject. Being camp or effeminate is not a crime (as a worryingly large number of people on this site seem to believe it is). It is just the way someone is. We can't all be the same and should celebrate are differences, not look for yet more labels to divide us.
Bravo Laurence! My preference for a life partner is another straight-acting guy, but I have camp friends & don't see what the fuss is about. They're not my type in that way, but then again, neither are women - or completely "non-gay-acting" types with hangups/attitudes......vive la difference/live & let live....it's hypocritical not to, in our situation!
Why not just use terms like "masculine" & "feminine"? Why does the gay community have a secret avoidance of these words? I think the objection to the term "straight-acting" is that (a) there is a specific way that straight men act in comparison to gay men, and (b) that it is somehow superior to "gay acting". Truth is, like gay men, straight men's behaviour covers a whole range of types, and that the only thing straight men definitely have in common is that they have sex with women ONLY.
Right. It's an anachronism. It's a term that evolved when many closeted men thought that to be a gay man is to be "effeminate." To distinguish themselves from that stereotype the term "straight acting" was coined.
Of course, there is a spectrum, and who knows how many gay men have either what society perceives as masculine (old term, "straight-acting") or feminine (old term "effeminate". I suspect that there is a pretty even distribution, though I don't know, of course.
I think we need to be all-inclusive. That doesn't mean you have to be attracted sexually to a person that has a certain characteristic you find unattractive. But it does mean we treat all with respect.
In terms of day to day "getting alongness" :-) I find drama, overstatement, bitchiness, passive-aggressive behavior intolerable, and that is independent of how masculine or feminine a person is.
Great thread. I agree with mostly everyone, especially dfrourke. I think "straight acting" can mean that the guy has "Internalized homophobia", but more often than not I believe it is more complicated than that. Years ago when I was first coming out (8 years ago now) I used the term to describe myself and someone I wished to meet. At that time I was still rejecting my preconceptions of the gay community being exclusively "gay acting". I now have friends that are not particularly masculine while I retain my own masculinity--because that's just who I am. Unfamiliarity with the gay community (whether you continue to have internalized homophobia years after realizing that you're gay or are just in the process of coming out to yourself) I think is the main culprit of the term "straight acting". The more people discuss it and the more accepting society is of all aspects of gay culture, the easier it will be for people to both come out and lose their preconceptions of what it means to be gay. But hey, that's just my opinion!
I guess str8 acting is kinda derogatory. I hope masc / fem is ok terminolgy for communication purposes. I'm into muscle so that generally means a masc. guy but i've met up with a totall ripped masc.looking guy that had a kinda fem, gentle personality ..he was way hot BTW.
Fascinating! One of the "str8acting" realjock men initiated a chat with my partner (aeois) just last week, and my partner typed something that was a real icebreaker:
"I hope you're not so str8acting that you don't suck cock."
Prefer str8looking than str8acting as the latter implies trying to act like you are str8... I have to share though that being str8looking is proving to be a real problem for me recently...I work in an industry that widely accepts people being gay and most of us are(guess which one it is?!?)and the problem is I am so str8looking that nobody even thinks of chatting me up..:( Guess I have to queen it up a little..Any ideas how?
here here! the mentality of some guys thinking that str8 acting makes them more acceptable to main stream society is the same in a sense to certain sections within the black community where they think the more light skinned one is the more attractive they are. Both want to desperately fit in with the a popular belief system. Thats my 5cents
I prefer the word Straight Appearing than acting. The Acting sounds like one is being someone they are not. I know in the Gay community men tend to find myself intimidated. I always had a problem by being profiled sice i was 25. Once someone hears myself talking or gets to know myself they relise i'm just a regular Joe type...
I'm 51, a senior in college (graduate in May), married, very closeted, and (for lack of a better term) gay-virgin. I really hate labels. Back when I was in school the first time (30 years ago), I made a promise to myself that I would go out on EVERY blind date I was asked on, and would at least make a friend. I tried to not pre-conceive what I wanted in a wife (self denial -- gimme a break, eh?) beyond character traits. That's how I found my wife, and we've been together for 26 years (I guess I'm still in self-denial, who knows). My point is that we don't want to be tagged as "gay men" per-se, but rather, we just want to be men with a sexual preference for other men. My thought is that if we need to type men we might think about saying something like "masculine gender preference" or "feminine gender preference." I just don't like being called something. I'm just a guy. Each of you is just a guy. I think that using Masculine and Feminine are really better. I like being around masculine guys, but not so masculine that they're obnoxious. I like a touch of refinement -- gentlemen in public, and rogues in private.
As you can imagine, I'm a pretty lonely guy, being closeted and married. The counselors have told me that I need to divorce my wife, let her get on with her life, and I get on with mine. However I know that if I did that, it would humiliate and hurt my wife, and I can't do that.
By the way, each of you have incredible bodies. Very hot. I wish I looked as good as you and had come out when I was a teenager. I wouldn't be lonely now.
Please feel free to email me anytime, as I like having friends who are male with a male sexual preference. (Ha Ha -does sound funny, doesn't it?) Anyway, it makes me feel like I'm a part of it all.
Wow... Interesting discussion. I never knew that "straight-acting" or similar terms are derogatory. I am not so "out" -- but I really appreciate the knowledge gained from your opinions. Very insightful! Thank you!
Straight acting IS a term denying who we are. It is a shame so many of us carry into gay life our personal demons and prejudices.
While I am masculine in demeanor myself, I find guys who call themselves "straight acting" are generally unable to be loving and sensual and have difficulty showing sensitivety and affection especially if there are others around... NOT for me! I like my partner to be able to show his emotion and not be afraid. IE; hold hands and lean on eachother in the darkened movies, walking on the beach at night or driving,
Most of the "straight acting" guys are so paronoid they hold back, As for you closeted types and the married ones that are afraid to move on.... I feel very sorry for you. You need MAJOR therapy and your living the lie hurts yourself and all those close to you.
I think some guys just like themselves and their partners to be or in another word "act" like men. I have friends whom are queens and others that even make my straight guy friend blush. I guess it just depends as to who or how you feel yourself to be. I have to be honest though I have my own limits and sometimes a little too queen crosses the line for me. I mean if I wanted to be with or around a woman I would.
Give a shout next time you "want to be with a woman" and I'll introduce you to Lu, a trainer at my gym. She can benchpress more than you or me, drink us both under the table and then carry us home. A very impressive lady!
Hey those that are arguing to use "straight appearing" and "straight acting"....
That makes no sense at all, IMHO. You're adhering to a stereotype that is inaccurate and plays in to the homophobia of straight males.
There are as many masculine gay men as feminine gay men...and that's always been true.
It makes it appear that your apologizing for half of your brethern who have characteristics that you find unattractive.
In essence, your aligning yourself with straight men based upon "masculinity" as opposed to aligning yourself with men whom you'd like to have sex with.
No one's arguing that anyone should be attracted to something that doesn't attract you.
But I agree with dfrourke (David), Tallgwmvballer, Brix, and PHMuscle and others...by using this term, you're perpetuating an inaccurate stereotype, and you're betraying, possibly, a bit of internal homophobia.
When i see the words straight acting it generally turns me off of a profile (unless they are really hot, lets not kid ourselves fellas, we're all a bunch of horndogs other wise we wouldn't be HERE)
along with that, most of the words that the men on this website use to define themselves turn me off. i will decide how and if i want to define them if and when i meet them. actions and behaviours are what turn me on, not self-imposed definintions.
"Str8-acting" sounds very old fashioned.... Civilisation has been changing, and the gay community feels better than in past. People had to hide and had to tell they were not into guys "str8-acting" not to be rejected by their str8 fellows...
For me, str8-acting is a manly attitude and behavio(u)r. You think that because you're a top, you str8-act... Imagine that str8 couples want to have more fun and the husband, doggy style bent on the bed is being plugged by her wife with a dildo ! That's not str8-acting except if it's fashioned ! And we could consider it like a "str8-action"... Straight-acting is called in french "agir ou se comporter comme un hétéro..."
Str8-acting is nonsense and dudes behave like human beings, that's all.
I guess I never considered the term str8 acting to be derogatory in any way. I use it because IMO it goes further to illustrate the kind of guy I am and would like to meet. It's great to me masculine or feminine, but being masculine doesn't necessarily mean you like sports, cars, and other things that are normally associated with a 'st8 guy'.
I understand that I'm stereotyping to a certain degree, but when your online with a bunch of strangers and you're looking for a certain type of person, stereotypes can be useful as long as they aren't meant in a hurtful way.
As for the actual term str8 acting... well, I guess acting is suggesting that you are pretending to be something your not, but its the only way to get the point across. You can't say your straight, cause your not... but at the same time your not really acting.
I've used this phrase before to describe myself which I think is really accurate:
"I'm a straight guy who is attracted to and fools around with other men"
I'm not in the gay scene, do not really care for or relate to gay culture (tho I respect it). I like sports, cars, workin out and havin fun with my buds (who are 95% straight).
I kinda wish everyone could just be what they are and ask for what they want without someone being so worried about it. That is true equality.
Aight guys, its simple... str8 acting describes someone who doesnt have feminine qualities... Someone who prefers not to live a life waving a rainbow flag in the air. Most people use the term to make it clear that they are happy living a private life and want to keep it that way. I've noticed that most people who have negative feedback on the term are usually the ones that are NOT masculine and are very open with their lives. It's true that you can be masculine and not str8 acting, however its not possible to be str8 acting and feminine. The term itself has its own meaning outside of masculine or feminine, and use of it is a personal preference. So this draws me to my conclusion... Str8 acting is a way of saying, "my life is as private as I make it."
hi its really stupid the term st8 acting- i know a lot of straight guys who are very feminine. My point is not all straight guys act masculine. So I think using the term masculine or feminine makes more sense and is not derogatory in any way.
People wory too much about semantics. Just be who you want to be and i dont think most people mean to offend when they say "straight acting". Perhaps its not the best choice of words but for most, I don't think it fundamentally portrays a negative image of gay life or gay culture. Either way, it seems to have a different meaning for everyone so it would be wise not to jump to a conclusion that one is self hating. For me, it means that when in a group most people can't point me out as gay because I am not effeminate. However, if I see a hot guy on TV for example, I have no problem pointing him out in front of whomever. It also means that I don't actively seek out the company of gay people over any other group. As far as the "queening out" comment that some people purposefully try not to do so, I think that is a more important issue and is different all together from the topic because one can be "straight acting" and not "queen out" or not care if they do as opposed to people who purposefully try not to.
I see the point that the phrase "straight acting" sometimes implies the quality of being emotionally reserved and being private about one's sexuality. I see this as a kind of old-fashioned masculinity, which I personally identify with. Nowadays many straight men are very open about their sexual affections or other emotions, what would be called "womanizing" in the past, so straight men are no longer the epitome of masculinity. I feel that this trend is linked with the increasing insecurity of the male gender these days; effeminate behavior allows a guy to be passive-aggressive and to relieve the emotional pressure bottled up inside.
Hey I agree with you guys who say that straight acting can be a means of making their sexuality private. I have not thought of myself as straight acting before but I may very well be just that. I do not wave rainbow flags around or openly say that I am gay but that is because I view my sexuality as personal and private.
My view is that a guy does not have to wear his sexuality upon his shoulders for all to see and behold to be gay or straight. That is the way I am and I like to make people guess whether I am gay or straight. I also find it HOT when a guy is doing the same thing. I love to guess, while in a large crowd, who may be gay or not even if they do not look it; adds to the excitement of the moment for me.
Now I also see the flip side of the argument that the term 'straight acting' can be denial of who that person is inside. If that person is acting straight for any other reason than making their sexuality private, then they are denying themselves and may very well be damaging their life and the lives of others around them.
I have seen this while living in a mormon community. Guys who are too afraid to come forward with their sexuality to family, friends and community. All they do is hurt themselves and cause serious problems for others around them as they ride their emotional roller-coaster. They try out things descreetly with guys who are openly gay then feel guilty about what they did; taking out their frustrations upon the same guy who they, just a week ago, were in bed with. This is a good example of how straight acting becomes derogatory, demeaning and destructive.
'Masculine' and 'feminine' may very well be better terms because it doesn't have that connotation of self denial that "straight acting" does.
It is all so sad that we label people. What you would call a "straight-acting, straight-like" is a term used mainly by gay men. It is used cause many gay men don't want to be seen with a "fem" like man. So it is a way of sorting the boys from the "girls" in the gay community. "Feminine-like" men are not all gay, I have worked with some who are married, and yes, they may be just surpressing it. Who knows?
It is all a matter of attraction. Some of us like brown eyes, dark hair, dark skin and the masculin type and for others it may be different. But I agree the word acting should not be there!
With respect to straight acting, I have always been really attracted to the "All American" Jock type, hence joining this Real Jock web site. I like guys that are very athletic and actually play sports (body building is nice, but just being muscle bound from steriods is not hot to me). Gymnastics, Water Polo, Swimming, Sking, Skating, Dancing and the bodies that go with those sports are a big turn on for me.
I am a very good snow skier and have found it hard to find good gay skiers for example. I have met very hot athletic guys that might "act" a bit fem, like ballet dancers, dancers, actors but their strength, tight bodies, flexibility, and ability to use their in shape bodies I find very hot, if they don't act like "Joe 6 pack" and "act" or have some fem or "flair for the drama" mannerisms, it does not bother me at all.
It seems to me, that guys that get really focused on finding someone "straight acting" are more hung up on being gay themselves, that somehow if you "act totally straight" in public but love to suck dick and get fucked by a guy in private the "straight act" somehow makes up for it.
Be yourself, and have fun, don't act, just have hot fun and enjoy life is my attitude.
I think you have the choice being a thermometer or a thermostat. Either you set the tone for your own life or you are reacting to the way others expect. Straight-Acting may mean the opposite of Swishy in many folks estimation. You can decide to be either one. I think that because most gay men did not have the luxury of a role model during the years of development they have to go through a variety of stages before finding oone that fits. To write off someone who may be testing a different aspect of personality is foolish. No one is diminished in their masculinity by associating with feminine types.Remember it drag queens who started the resistance at Stonewall. The garden is beautiful because there is a variety of flowers. As one goes through life I believe that you can change into as many forms as you want. Those who resist change end up being hardened and dead from the inside out.Why not recall role models who may have mentored your development in some way. They may be many. Then accept the contribution each one made. Discern the various parts of your own personality. Be happy if the personality matches your character. You control your own situation or you don't.
Unlike sxyaemodel, I find that men who advertise themselves as "straight-acting" almost never are. They are usually going out of their way to overcompensate and end up coming across way-gay to me.
A story. A few years ago a guy kept hitting on me online. His profile was drenched in testosterone. You know: He wasn't into the scene, he liked to drink beer while watching a game with his buds, liked to shoot small animals for sport, blah blah blah.
Honestly, I was intimidated by his caricature of masculinity. I finally agreed to meet him in a nearby park. He drives up in a big black shiny pickup truck He rolls down the window. He's smoking a cigar, he's got a flat top and he's got on a flannel shirt overflowing with chest hair. He grunts in that way the "straight acting" do to disguise gay patois.
Then, all of a sudden, I hear this high-pitched barking. A little white fluffy dog with ribbons in its hair jumps into his lap and he starts kissing its head and saying, "Hush, now hush up fer daddy."
I almost fell down laughing. I asked him if I could hold his cigar while he painted the dog's toenails.
This has been my typical experience. I have rarely met a gay man who doesn't have some aspect of himself that is gender-variant.
Finally: We don't call straight men gay-acting. We call them metrosexuals. It's obvious that use of the term "straight-acting" priveleges a stereotype of masculinity that even straight men don't typify any more.
This is an amazing discussion and I think there have been some insightful points made.
The one thing I would like to add is the question of why gay men feel the need to use the term "Str8 acting" in the first place?
In my opinion some men feel that the term "Gay" implies the stereotypical effeminate picture of a gay man. In order to differentiate themselves from this stereotype some men claim to be "Str8 acting". I have two problems with this. The first is a narrow definition of what it means to be "Gay". The second is the inclination to hold onto the “Straight” label.
Gay men come in all shapes, sizes, colors, personalities, interests and mannerisms (That’s why we have the rainbow flag lol). It seems that we as gay men should do more to communicate the diversity of our community with others and amongst ourselves. As masculine gay men I feel we should stand up and be proud to claim our gay identity. If more people knew about masculine gay men, there would be less men who feel the need to clarify that they are “Str8 acting”.
As for the men who claim to be “Str8 acting”, I think Brix put it best. "I hope you're not so str8acting that you don't suck cock." If you’re a man who enjoys sex with another man, then that means you’re not straight!! At best you’re Bi… but you’re probably flat out gay lol. The point here is that as a gay man, however you act IS HOW A GAY MAN ACTS. In fact, this whole site shows one aspect of how gay men act. As gay men we define ourselves. Instead of reinforcing the effeminate stereotypes and clinging to a label of being “Str8”, why not expand what it means to be gay?
"str8acting" has always struck me as having the emphasis in "acting". Straight-appearing may be a little more accurate, but still marginalizes the homosexual minority. "Masculine" seems an excellent term, but what's the other end of the scale? "Feminine" doesn't seem to apply, because few women I know behave in the flamboyant manner of many gay men I know. I think owl975 is right. Maybe we're worrying too much about symantics.
And kudos to clawjack: you can be either a thermometer or a thermostat.
P.S. I'm a little surprised after so many posts that no one has yet thrown the term "butch" out there.
I don't say "straight-acting." I say out, confident, fun and witty, masculine, athletic.
Nothing worse than a closeted "discreet" to have to deal with, unless maybe it's a closeted discreet married. Ick.
And, while limp-wristed, anoexeric, closeted guys may appeal to some, they don't to me. I choose not to have to deal with all that additional baggage, just as I'd chose my employer, friends, associates, etc.
I don't like it when someone says I'm "judgmental" because I set a standards for whom I choose to make my friends and business associates. Of course, I'm judgmental. Good judgment keeps us alive, and out of trouble. Having standards are essential to success. I think maybe times, those in Gay America, throw out all sensibility in being all inclusive. That's, in my view, craziness.
Interesting feedback with a spectrum of opinions. I like analogies because (a) it has the word "anal" in it and (b) it makes things more simple to understand. Seriously, let's look at two guys, one straight and one gay.
Straight guy:
Loves the opera and ballet, hates the gym. Doesn't frequent bars and only drinks the best wine, never beer and only bottled water. He's married with kids. Has no gay friends nor gay acquaintences. Not interested in sports at all.
Gay guy:
Hates the opera and ballet, loves the gym, is a top ranked triathlete, in great shape, drinks beer and wine, goes to bars. He's involved in a LTR, no kids, two labs, However, he has straight friends, goes to straight bars. Is a football, hockey and baseball fanatic.
so, the interesting question is this: Who is the straighter of the two in society's eyes?
It's all relative. Personally, I don't see straight men as my role models and hence why in the world would I want to "act" like one.
The real issue is why it is we are uncomfortable with "queens", "flamers", "fems" - many reasons, perhaps we simply just prefer "manly" men as opposed to "girly" men. There is nothing wrong with that - we like what we like and who the hell knows why it is why we like the things we like. However, there are more deep rooted issues which you can ask Dr Phil about instead.
All I know is this, at this stage in my life, I have many "manly" friends and many flaming queens as friends...I love them both and they enrich my life and I am not embarrassed of them in any given situation.
To be honest with you all, that certainly wasn't the case at 27 when I first came out to the gay world, but was still very closeted with straight friends and family, so the moral of this tale is that some of us live and learn and some of us somehow just don't get it.
A great saying from my home country of South Africa:
Fuck acting. Leave it on the stage. Fuck "masculine" fuck "feminine." Leave it to the insecure.
Being able to chop wood doesn't make my friend Annie any more "masculine" than my ability to cook a roast makes me "feminine." They are outdated labels who's only purpose is compartmentalize and maginalize.
I'm me. I do what I like to do how I like to do it. That includes sports and cooking, hiking and gardening. Yeah, I can shoot a bow and arrow (and hit something), but that doesn't make me "masculine." It makes me, me.
Judge each person by who they are, not how they tally up on some imaginary idiot's scoreboard, "Oh I'm sorry you have 4 answers in the 'feminine' category, you're disqualified!"
Most straight married men I know have soft edges, are not fit, and may, in some eyes, appear more "feminine" than most gay men.
Here here DrStorm and DiverScience....it's time we all move on from this, and leave the "straight acting" label to people still with one foot still in the closet.....
I'll welcome them when they realize how silly that is...and as DrStorm said, many of us went through that stage sometime in the Piocene age....
what exactly is "straight-acting"? simple: a gay man acting straight. why is there the need to put on an act? leave that to hollywood. first of all, take a look at the definition of "acting":
act·ing [ ákting ]
noun
Definition:
performing in plays: the art, profession, or performance of an actor.
Straight is the informal use of the term heterosexual.
this would make sense if a gay actor was assigned to play a straight male character in a performance. see, when using the term "straight-acting" to depict a gay man, basically we are saying he is an actor who plays the part of a heterosexual man. stupid. when we look at a straight man who catches our eye, his masculinity plays a large role in our attraction to him. I am attracted to "Masculine" men, gay or straight. we seem to equate "straight-acting" with "masculine", but they are not the same. for the life of me, I don't understand why we just don't use the term "masculine men" over "straight-acting men", as this makes much more sense. I am a masculine guy by nature, not by taking an acting class for gay men on how to look and act like a heterosexual.
I'm pretty masculine overall, most guys say I'm butch. I have been called "blue collar butch" which I got a kick out of. That was mainly because I've had many blue collar jobs, including driving big rigs for years, and my deep voice.
I believe people should be themselves and not act. Be proud of who you are.
When I used to hit the Y here in Hollywood, I would be sure not to wear a pink shirt or some other signifier. Now, all the dudes I see are emo, wearing really tight jeans and Beatle haricuts- who's gay and who's not, I ask? Plus, judging by the amount of guys subtly hitting on me, just about every gym rat is bi. I'm just sayin'
Well... I don't "act" straight. I don't "act" masculine. It's just my demeanor and personality, It's the way I am and It's not an "act"... I hate the terms straight "acting" or gay "acting"... I don't think anyone is intentionaly "acting" in these ways, but it's the way they are as part of their demeanor in life.
um...why are you on here if you jsut want to say something so stupid....you sure youre not still in middle school?
anyway "straight-acting" is a term that implies the guy wants to act like a caricature of a butch guy with no real depth. masculinity implies more..since it involves more abstract qualities like valor and courage. but what is masculinity in another culture is the question...can an all american guy goes to another country...is he still masculine? naturally there are a lot of universal factors that contribute to masculinitry, as well as femininity. its just something wel all have to realize that we're like that.
I do find it amusing that homosexuals who appear straight, and not homosexual, have the tag of acting put on them, as if they are not being themselves, by appearing to be straight, and not acting all gay.
I ponder if it's not the same people who are also up in arms over Bruno, and the fact it's focused on the more stereotypical homosexual. But my life experience has thought me that, the Bruno's are the ones doing all the acting. because I've seen these young men become men, as they have stopped the acting.
Albeit, there is an element of the homosexual community[s], that is over the top with the pseudo masculine thing, the leather and the bears; now we are talking a lot of roll playing.
But I don't feel homosexuals who appear straight are butting on an act.
I prefer to use the terms masculine, feminine, or middle mannered.
I'm somewhat in the middle most of the time.
I feel that a lot of people have a hard time tolerating feminine guys on this site sometimes--or at least in the past.
For most, it seems as though their personality cannot be controlled... so why judge. It's cool to have preferences when it comes to dating... but fem gay guys are wven trashed by their own "brothers."
Masculine/Feminine. Everyone has a little bit of something in them.
I've met straight guys that are "feminine" and gay men that are "masculine".
The "Straight Acting" makes me think of a closeted gay man that acts like he is into women. You're not straight so why are you putting on a production of you liking women?
Or the "Gay Acting" Straight guys trying to be gay to get closer to women.
Musclequest saidI just reported this arse to Realjock. Please let's have as many people report this baffoon as possible!!! We may argue and fight amoungst Ourselves, but this is intolerable! He needs to be reported and dispatched/banned from this site forthwith! -Keith
Yes, I reported him Keith. He's chickenshit. Right, he likes gay porn, but is in full "homosexual panic" at the thought of anal intercourse. What a complete idiot. [I do note that he claims to be only 20 y.o. and lives in Pakistan. God knows how awful it must be to be coming to grips with his own gayness in a part of the world in which he can be executed. I wish him good luck with this. He'll change his tune as he gets older....and if he keeps safe from the zealots]
I want someone who is secure with their self and has confidence in their appearance as well as their mannerisms and doesn let trival things like "straight-acting" define them.
It's quite possible to be gay, open and just normal without having to hide or put lables on yourself to make yourself more appealing/acceptable to others. When I hear people use that phrase I feel like they are cheating and just flat out lying to themselves.
"You're gay but straight-acting? Who are you kidding? Yourself that's who."
