downside of not being on some dating sites

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 10, 2011 5:04 PM GMT
    after several years, i deleted all of my accounts on dating sites i felt weren't really the right market for me. i'd met different guys online, had a couple of boyfriends for a few months. but after a while, i'd met all the local guys i could meet.

    i don't hookup right away, so i was really out of my market being on sites where people were only optionally looking to get to know someone to actually date. i could get someone to have sex with me in 10 minutes, but no one to go to dinner with me regardless of what i offered.

    and so i realized i was just wasting my time, and removed myself. granted, i could have just not signed on, but i'm compulsive. i would have gone on by default and wasted time. i'd rather waste time in a forum with dialogue.

    anyway...what is this downside?

    well, i have a good visual memory. i can match photos like a game of concentration from years apart. i've done it many times.

    the problem is that if i'm online and i see someone who wants to talk to me via other friends, i kinda miss being able to know that "oh, he's putting on his "date" face, but if you were on xyz site last night, he was partying and looking for a train".....

    yes, i could create new accounts....but i know myself, i'd log in and leave them logged in and it would waste my time.

    but now i have no way to do any checks

    granted, i could asked my friends

    granted, people get online for lots of reasons other than sex

    the end result of this "not wasting so much free time online" is that i'm in the gym alot more. so the straight guys there have become the humans i see in person the most, but they're just gym buddies. i don't really hang out with them. and they're straight. it's not like a friendship there could lead to anything...

    why am i posting this?

    i had someone friend request me on facebook and i know i know the face....but i cannot place it...and this made me think about it....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    I've gotten some upsides from this post:

    1. More time in the gym. And yeah, you are getting tighter.

    2. Forcing you to be more social. FB, Myspace, Twitter, hell, even Real Jock in some instances, are the death dealers of social graces.

    3. Causing you to think about where and how you meet guys and for what reasons.

    4. You are inside your head at the moment, but this will pass and you will see that a guy you meet online or offline, say at one of the fights you go see from time to time, you know what to look for.

    5. When you go back to them (yea, they are not all bad, people determine the attitudes of the sites just like they do clubs), you will not be the same person as you were before. And yeah, that is an upside.

    I may have missed the main point of your post, but now that you have gone through the downsides, time to look at and incorporate the upsides that work for you, what you want and what you need for where you are now. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 2:00 AM GMT
    i don't think you missed it, you just reframed it for me, which i appreciate

  • aaronkei

    Posts: 211

    May 11, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    Well if you are looking for the right person why don't you look somewhere else besides the internet. Don't get me wrong there are some good guys on the internet but I would try other options. I would think the best way to find a guy would be go to a gay church...I know church AHHHH! But there will be good people there. I am a good person of course in the bible belt there aren't many gay churches or anything like that so I seem to be stuck. Your a really attractive guy and seem really sweet so I'm sure you'll have no problem finding another guy like you icon_smile.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    May 11, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    aaronkei said I would think the best way to find a guy would be go to a gay church...

    I seem to find mine in the straight churches......yeah, ya gotta look out for them pianists...icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 2:25 AM GMT
    Is it because you are not meeting people or was it to check if their motives were genuine...the multiple sites? I agree with the previous post you seem like a good guy shouldnt be too long.
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    May 11, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    it's not that i'm actively looking. so much as i'm open to possibilities. going online was easy because i was online already for other things (art hobbies). but i realized it wasn't working out. i may revisit with a new approach. i've been being more social. finally accepting invitations that have been offered up for a long time.

    the initial post was about losing access to a sort of social background check, but given my current approach of "let this plant sit on the porch for a few months to make sure it's non toxic before i bring it inside with that cat". it may be redundant