somewhat of a mini problem.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 12:09 AM GMT
    EDIT: It is now Friday (it has been 6 days since that one text has been sent)... I have decided I will not even bother to acknowledge anything he sends me later on. So if he sends me a reply to that right now, or tomorrow or next week.. he can forget it. I am seeing someone else.


    What would YOU do in this situation ... not what I am SUPPOSED to do... those are two different questions... so stick to the former please.

    Here's the deal:

    I met a wonderful 21 yr. old this past Saturday and we considered it our first date.
    Now, we both click in terms of personality. Both of us asked each other what our roles are and we are both going to flipflop in bed if we ever do have sex - so sex would not be an issue in the future (at least that is what him and I both believe).

    He is more outgoing than I am but that's fine... I like outgoing guys.
    He is my height and less athletic than I am (but that has nothing to do with anything - I love him for who he is and he is a GREAT individual - I mean, he has great marks at university and is in one of the best business programs in Canada).

    So, we met at his place and fooled around for a while... We didn't have sex, just passionate kissing and so forth. Then I asked him if he wanted to go out for a walk with me and we did... we ended up going to Starbucks. He had a late night dinner he had to go to and I had to be back home by that time as well... so our date lasted for about 3 hours.

    Before I took the train back home (which is 30 mins), we hugged and I could feel it was a sincere hug.

    Fast forward 5 hours later. I text him saying "I had a great night out! I hope the feeling is mutual icon_smile.gif" and he promptly replied with "It sure is icon_smile.gif"

    He told me he didn't want a guy that would just love him for one night and leave him - which is good because I value the same thing. I texted him saying "should I change my RJ headline to say Dating you? and he quickly said: "No lol... don't do that... just put Dating"... so I did. I texted him back saying "it is because you are not open yet on realjock are you? and since you are in the business industry it could ruin your future right?" to which he said "yes"...

    Now, he is going to Texas this week (leaving THURSDAY MAY 12th,) and he said he will be back after a week... so I was proud of him for pursuing his goals and so forth. icon_smile.gif He told me that he will text me when he gets back.

    However, it is tuesday... and I had texted him asking "How was your late night dinner on Saturday? I hope you have a great trip!!" and I have not received one single reply from him.

    -----------------------


    so.. sunday, monday and tuesday have passed and I have not even received something saying "It was great! and thanks!" or anything along the lines of that.

    I am NOT overthinking it... I am NOT emotionally attached (I know I am not)... I just don't want to see other men if there is something between us developing.

    Otherwise, I will have to stop seeing him if I don't get ANY form of response until thursday...

    surely you can text me at least once every three days before you leave to the trip?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 12:34 AM GMT
    What would I do: absolutely nothing.

    If he texts or calls great. If he doesn't great. If he gives you a call a year from now that's great too.

    It's a little too strong to say that one date leads to 'dating', and there's nothing wrong with going on a date with another man. Humans are complicated emotionally and things change from one moment to the next.
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    May 11, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ saidI love him for who he is and he is a GREAT individual


    You don't mean you are IN love with him do you?

    One date would be a little much for someone to ask me if we were dating IMO. If he is on business, he is probably busy. In my experience though, if he doesn't respond for a while it means he's not really infatuated with you, it might take a while to get to that point.

    Or of course there might be someone else.
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    May 11, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    deltalimen saidWhat would I do: absolutely nothing.

    If he texts or calls great. If he doesn't great. If he gives you a call a year from now that's great too.

    It's a little too strong to say that one date leads to 'dating', and there's nothing wrong with going on a date with another man. Humans are complicated emotionally and things change from one moment to the next.


    That's exactly what I was going to do. Do nothing and just go on other dates.
    If he wants to keep something between him and I then he should follow-up.. I did my part and tried to show him that I DO in fact want this to be more than a one timer (Which is what he told me he wants too)... so honestly, the rest is up to him.

    great advice delta.
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    May 11, 2011 12:44 AM GMT
    hazardous said
    _Mohammed_ saidI love him for who he is and he is a GREAT individual


    You don't mean you are IN love with him do you?

    One date would be a little much for someone to ask me if we were dating IMO. If he is on business, he is probably busy. In my experience though, if he doesn't respond for a while it means he's not really infatuated with you, it might take a while to get to that point.

    Or of course there might be someone else.


    I am not really IN LOVE with him... but we both were definitely intimate...(a romantic date would be a better way to describe it).

    Now, he is not on a business trip yet hazardous... he leaves for texas this thursday.He is still at his place until then. I would never expecthim to text me while he is on his business trip. That would be a nuisance to him.

    My question is how come he hasn't acknowledged my ONE text that I sent him between Saturday night until now?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    May 11, 2011 12:48 AM GMT
    Sounds like you care just a little more for him than you should at this point. The two of you do have separate lives....go on with yours and see what happens when he returns. icon_wink.gif
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    I know after three days of no texts you must be thinking about it constantly, and my advice would be wait even longer. It might wrack your brain, but if he wants the same as you, let him come to you for it.

    What's more, if he's in some kind of big business & he's not out to some people, he may not want to rush anything, and/or may be really busy with work.

    I'm pretty sure he'll get in touch, just fight the temptation to text him again :-)
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    May 11, 2011 12:58 AM GMT
    cheekiboi24 saidI know after three days of no texts you must be thinking about it constantly, and my advice would be wait even longer. It might wrack your brain, but if he wants the same as you, let him come to you for it.

    What's more, if he's in some kind of big business & he's not out to some people, he may not want to rush anything, and/or may be really busy with work.

    I'm pretty sure he'll get in touch, just fight the temptation to text him again :-)


    So it's decided then... do nothing else further with him, go on other dates... and if he responds back to that text then I will keep it alive.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    if you think there's something there, then I wouldn't go on dates with other people. I'd play the waiting game & give him a reasonable amount of time to reply to you, because you'll feel even worse if you do choose to date other people & then he gets in touch.....
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    May 11, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    Ummm. You only texted the guy ONCE? I'd say go a little "crazy" and text the guy one more time - something casual. Sure, maybe he's not that into you yet but if its a response you want from him that he's still in communication with you, text him "goodmorning! All ready for your awesome trip soon? rooting for you! icon_smile.gif " or something along those lines.

    Truth is, I forget to answer texts sometimes too. Its not crazy to text the guy twice. Just make sure you dont go overboard and text him 30 times in a row expecting a response and saying "are you still alive!!???" lol

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    cheekiboi24 saidif you think there's something there, then I wouldn't go on dates with other people. I'd play the waiting game & give him a reasonable amount of time to reply to you, because you'll feel even worse if you do choose to date other people & then he gets in touch.....


    I know exactly what you mean... Thing is... there is this one man named Jason who has been texting back and forth with me and I feel that if I went on a date with him, we would click MORE than the current man I went on a date with.

    I mean, Jason would be more responsive (for lack of a better word) than this man (who does not want his name revealed).
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    May 11, 2011 1:11 AM GMT
    makarov99 saidUmmm. You only texted the guy ONCE? I'd say go a little "crazy" and text the guy one more time - something casual. Sure, maybe he's not that into you yet but if its a response you want from him that he's still in communication with you, text him "goodmorning! All ready for your awesome trip soon? rooting for you! icon_smile.gif " or something along those lines.

    Truth is, I forget to answer texts sometimes too. Its not crazy to text the guy twice. Just make sure you dont go overboard and text him 30 times in a row expecting a response and saying "are you still alive!!???" lol



    we texted back and forth Saturday night but that's it.

    and from what I got from his replies FROM the texts.. he explicitly said he enjoyed it as well and would like to continue it.

    So then why hasn't he even said ANYTHING for three fucking days.
    not even a hi or bye or sup or thanks or good morning...

    I already initiated it so I am not going to RE-initiate it again.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    right move - let him come to you for it

    if he doesn't within a certain amount of time, arrange something with Jason. Like I said, he might just be really busy, in which case, the balls still in his court
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    This is why you should start out as friends. Not only you get additional time to know the person better, it also sends a message that your dating life is still open. If he wants to step in, then he better show it. It's as simple as that and always works. Sometimes you'd find out their true colors, then you don't have to go through all the emotional drama... because you were just friends and he failed to take it a step further.

    But this isn't to discourage you or anything... now that you have gotten a bit intimate, I suggest you wait for him to return. If he gets back in touch (which he probably will), then just ask why he couldn't text. It's definitely easier than calling because he can delete those gay messages, so he should have a reasonable excuse for this.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    I like that reply ^^^^

    spoke volumes to me too lol
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    May 11, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    nycam86 saidThis is why you should start out as friends. Not only you get additional time to know the person better, it also sends a message that your dating life is still open. If he wants to step in, then he better show it. It's as simple as that and always works. Sometimes you'd find out their true colors, then you don't have to go through all the emotional drama... because you were just friends and he failed to take it a step further.

    But this isn't to discourage you or anything... now that you have gotten a bit intimate, I suggest you wait for him to return. If he gets back in touch (which he probably will), then just ask why he couldn't text. It's definitely easier than calling because he can delete those gay messages, so he should have a reasonable excuse for this.


    ok so you seem to be in agreement with the majority of the replies. That's good because I am in agreement as well.
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    May 11, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    jprichva saidYou're kidding, right? Three DAYS and you're freaking out?
    You're acting clingy.


    freaking out? No... not really. Just dumbfounded on why he can't send a simple text back acknowledging what was in that one text i sent him over a time span of THREE DAYS.

    If you think about it.. ONE TEXT ... THREE DAYS... that means... 2.33 texts per week - 9.33 texts per month.

    Really? Clingy?

    LOL I think you have that definition messed up.

    I already stated I am not clinging to him... I stated that I am surprised why he has not texted back.

    and if he was some random person I understand but I went on a solid date with him... and unless what he said was all a lie, then I think I was actually not giving him enough attention.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 11, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    dude, i hate to bust your bubble but you two are not dating. i say go out on a few dates and see if you find someone else you like.personally, i think you are a little attached. i mean if you two are not dating and have not discussed dating than why would you not be out dating someone. anyhow, its just my two cents
  • laguna07

    Posts: 124

    May 11, 2011 1:52 AM GMT
    You are acting like an immature 18 year old kid, so all of this is normal behavior.
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    May 11, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc saiddude, i hate to bust your bubble but you two are not dating. i say go out on a few dates and see if you find someone else you like.personally, i think you are a little attached. i mean if you two are not dating and have not discussed dating than why would you not be out dating someone. anyhow, its just my two cents


    but we did discuss dating - we made that clear before we even met up.
    I asked him whether he wants a monogamous relationship after our dating period or not and he said yes.

    He also said he was nervous because many guys ditch him after the first meet-up... to which I said I would not.
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    May 11, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    laguna07 saidYou are acting like an immature 18 year old kid, so all of this is normal behavior.


    troll in the neighbourhood fellas...
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    May 11, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    I'd take a deep breath, and put my attention on something else in the short term. There could be a number of reasons, both good and bad that he's not replied. I'd just wait it out for a while. For me it would be different if we had a more established relationship, but in this situation, I think patience would be in order for me.
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    May 11, 2011 2:03 AM GMT
    I would definitely be a little irked at no text back. It bothers me when people are hot one second or cold the next. I guess it shouldn't, but I couldn't stand that in a relationship so I guess I figure if they do it now, they will do it down the road too. I guess it is because to me, when I date someone there is a chance we will eventually be in a relationship. So all the while I am deciding if I want to be in the relationship or not. So it would bug me in that I would be thinking "is this always going to happen?" even though I probably shouldn't.

    What I would try to do is just leave him alone. Nothing is worst than a needy guy so don't be that guy. That's not to say that I wouldn't be tempted to give him another try and text him the day before he leaves or something and see if he responds. But that isn't the thing to do in this situation.

    There ya go, that is what I would do.
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    May 11, 2011 2:04 AM GMT
    _Mohammed_ said
    tuffguyndc saiddude, i hate to bust your bubble but you two are not dating. i say go out on a few dates and see if you find someone else you like.personally, i think you are a little attached. i mean if you two are not dating and have not discussed dating than why would you not be out dating someone. anyhow, its just my two cents


    but we did discuss dating - we made that clear before we even met up.
    I asked him whether he wants a monogamous relationship after our dating period or not and he said yes.

    He also said he was nervous because many guys ditch him after the first meet-up... to which I said I would not.


    Don't you think it's a little soon to be discussing dating when you've had ONE date?

    That seems a little off to me. Just wondering.
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    May 11, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    So you two only went on 1 date although in your opinion it was romantic. You wanted to change your status to dating him but he thought it was too soon or didnt want people to know because of his business venture. He has not returned your single text in 3 days.
    He kind of sounds like someone trying to figure out what he wants. Telling you one thing but weighing his options? If you are thinking Jason would be a better match than I think you have already answered your own question. Three days really isnt that long. If you are still questioning/contemplating him shoot another brief casual text and give it another day or two