Relationship Advice Needed

  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    Hi everyone, I'm in need of help if anybody would care to reply

    I split up with my boyfriend of 3+ years in November & found it very difficult to move on (as you do!). Come March time, I started meeting new people through an app on my i-phone, which turned out to be one of the best things I think I could have done. It proved through the interest in me that there was life after my ex.

    Anyway, I started talking to this guy who shall remain nameless. We met after a week of chatting & just had a pub dinner & an afternoons chat, however, as we parted, I told him to kiss me & he did. Totally innocent, to book end the meet. We met again the following week & he took me to see a house he'd just bought, paid for me a KFC (who said romance was dead lol), and then took me back to his to eat & for another little chat. As I left, he gave me a hug, and then I told him to kiss me again, which he did.

    The following week, we met again for another pub dinner & chat & when he dropped me off home, he put the handbrake on & we said our goodbyes. I leant over to give him another kiss. He seemed to want more & when I asked him, he leaned in for more. Then everything went wrong......

    My friends, knowing I'd met someone new, looked through my phone & requested his friendship on facebook. Then, another friend of mine told people we were in a relationship, which of course was untrue. He said at our first meeting that he was happy being single & had plenty of stuff going on in his life - too much to fit a relationship in aswell. He then told me he thought I wanted something more, which started to make me think I wouldn't see him again.

    What he said wasn't entirely false. I was instantly attracted to him, but never thought about starting a relationship with him. It took a lot for me to meet him in person. Fast forward to our latest meeting. Because he was paying for everything when we met, I told him i'd take him to the pictures. I paid for petrol, the film, the food, the works. The film was Scream 4, and I saw a new side to him. He hid his face behind his hands a lot, he was scared & his arm kept touching mine, which I refused to respond to. Then, when he dropped me off, he applied the handbrake again, seemingly expecting another kiss, but I refused again to scare him off & touched his arm, saying I'd text him towards the end of the week.

    Later that night, he text me thanking me for the night & said he really enjoyed the film. I'm now even more attracted to him & I'm starting to think something could develop in the future. He's on my mind a lot of the time now & I would like this to progress a little more. What do I do next? Can somebody please help because my brain hurts.

    P.S. Sorry for rambling. At least you have the full story :-D
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    I would definitely take him out to on another date sometime next week! icon_smile.gif

    it seems you both have chemistry and it's cute.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 12:51 AM GMT
    that's what I need help with, what do I do? where do I take him? do I get the wheels turning between us, so to speak, or do I leave it to him?

    I'm so out of the loop when it comes to dating, i'm terrified he'll run in the other direction.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    May 11, 2011 12:53 AM GMT
    Just be careful to not develop any strong feelings for him too soon and you should be fine....otherwise you're heading for a heartache. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    cheekiboi24 saidthat's what I need help with, what do I do? where do I take him? do I get the wheels turning between us, so to speak, or do I leave it to him?

    I'm so out of the loop when it comes to dating, i'm terrified he'll run in the other direction.


    take him to the arcade or go bowling.. find something you are good at and take him there...or if you already know what he likes, then take him to somehting he enjoys doing.

    Call him up and ask him: "hey *insert his name*, Dave and busters is not busy this coming thursday, want to come?"

    etc...
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 1:01 AM GMT
    the strong feelings aren't an issue, it's gonna take me a while to be comfortable with the thought of entering another relationship, I just want him to be around when I'm ready basically

    Mohammad, you just gave me a brilliant idea - thank you!!! :-D
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    cheekiboi24 saidthe strong feelings aren't an issue, it's gonna take me a while to be comfortable with the thought of entering another relationship, I just want him to be around when I'm ready basically

    Mohammad, you just gave me a brilliant idea - thank you!!! :-D


    yw icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    Maybe find a mutual activity you both enjoy for a next date ? For example, frisbee golf, hiking, tennis, racketball, or jogging. You could clean up afterwards ( separate or tegether icon_eek.gif ) and head out for dinner to wind down the evening. Just a thought.

    Sounds like you both have some mutual likey likey. Just take your time and ENJOY the moment.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 1:07 AM GMT
    I like that last part. I'm really enjoying this part of the friendship, I just fear that I'm going to somehow unknowingly overstep the mark
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    May 11, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    Think about it first. Would you want the friends of someone you like trying to get to know someone you're dating? (you've been out on scheduled occasions that are ment to be... Fun/romantic)

    Ask him what he thinks you two are and mention what you see you two to be right now. Other than that, if one of my friends was suddenly hanging out with another person a lot, I'd probably want to meet this person and possibly be their friend too. Especially if I can't hang out with my friend because they're busy with the new person.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    ^^^ you've hit the nail on the head right there

    we had that conversation last night, and cleared up why he thought I wanted something more straight away. We settled on 'friends are nosey fuckers' lol

    my friends want to be his friend so we can all spend time together, but his time is limited because of his work. He struggles to fit me in :-D
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 11, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    i say proceed with cautious buddy. i know you like him but he has already stated that he is not looking for a relationship and he is happy being single. i say just take it as it comes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 11, 2011 2:07 AM GMT
    That was a good read and I also read all the thoughtful responses. This is my personal opinion, and one I can relate due to very personal experience.

    On the first date, he told you hat he was happy being single & had plenty of stuff going on in his life - too much to fit a relationship in as well"

    Right there, he was laying down the law about what he was willing to give you. By all means, continue to hang out, have sex, enjoy each other.

    I suspect he has had a bad (maybe more than one) experience and has closed himself off.

    My last "relationship" was just that. I went with it, we became very close, but it was never a "true" relationship. When I asked him for more he bailed.

    In the end, it wasn't worth it. Then again, that's just me.. lesson learned.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 9:41 PM GMT
    thats great advice ^^^ but were not even having sex, nowhere near that. We both want to take everything slow - he even said when he asked if I smoked (no being the answer) that it would stop us going any further - the only thing we've done at this point is a mere kiss on the lips, and I'm only just comfrotable with that

    I dread to think what he thinks now lol