Awesome relationship, lotso' problems

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    May 11, 2011 7:27 PM GMT
    I have a previous post to forums about the same guy, different time.

    We've known eachother for almost 3 years now dated for nearly 2 of those years, off and on. Had a spontaneous question thrown at me because from what I understood was that we wouldn't date till I got re-employed. That question was "will you go out with me" on his part- something I've been asking and been rejected for about a month now.

    It's now 4 months into our re-relationship and barely getting employed and now at this point in our relationship he wants to only see eachother once a week, our whole time knowing eachother- 3 years nearly always seen eachother, but now that it's once a week he just hangs out at home let me remind you with his mom, we had plenty of talks about him moving out about 8 or 9 months ago but he ended up nearly going into debt bc of a gardening OCD.

    I love this guy to death and always have, since day 1 and I mean read the other post it gets into depth lol, but clearly losing most of his friends due to not seeing them because of us hanging out-he could have gotten back to them if he wanted ya kno? But blames it on me, but now its his time.. His time w his mom, supplement dog who took over his love and xbox/garden.

    I state clearly over and over that our relationship is on the rocks to him but never gets through, I'm at his friends point of being to where I'm more pissed off then hurt at the fact he won't hang out.

    I don't mean for this to be long or boring.. Just really love the guy and always have gotten great advice on hereicon_smile.gif

    I appreciate it all, DearlyDarren
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    May 11, 2011 7:31 PM GMT
    I think you two need to have a nice chat and seriously ask each other what you want from this relationship.
    To me, he seems to value you (as he is okay with losing his friends it seems for you) but then he seems to want to distant himself from you for that same reason. Maybe he is ashamed or embarrassed from something... Need more detail... I will go read the other post that you are talking about.

    Most likely, he probably just wants some time alone which is the reason for the decrease in seeing you that often. Give him a little bit of space but not too much.

    It seems as though you both love each other in the end though and hell, if you do, one of you being unemployed should not end it - but it may have some repercussions.
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    May 11, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    He won't sit down and talk, I listen to him all the time, if things need to change I'll change it if it's something understandable not like a makeover lol just over bearing or other little things. I ask to talk about it so we can fix it, he is an extremely understanding and loyal guy but sometimes hard to get through to- were both geminis.
    He needs to realize he is going to be 22 this month and move out and stop depending on his mom& grandmother. I hate the way that sound but it's life, he can't have a relationship w anyone if he acts the way he is acting now but can't break it to him bc he is a die hard mommas boy
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    May 11, 2011 7:47 PM GMT
    dearlydarren saidHe won't sit down and talk, I listen to him all the time, if things need to change I'll change it if it's something understandable not like a makeover lol just over bearing or other little things. I ask to talk about it so we can fix it, he is an extremely understanding and loyal guy but sometimes hard to get through to- were both geminis.
    He needs to realize he is going to be 22 this month and move out and stop depending on his mom& grandmother. I hate the way that sound but it's life, he can't have a relationship w anyone if he acts the way he is acting now but can't break it to him bc he is a die hard mommas boy


    Seems to me you know exactly what you want to happen. Take control then - some people need guidance or someone else to help them with their struggles. You seem to know what it is...

    help him find a job... he will become EVEN MORE loyal to you if you do help him with that.

    Talk to his mother about it. Tell her that you both see a future together and he needs to get a job to make that work.

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    May 11, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    Sorry for the confusion? I am the jobless one, and I can't sit down w his mother, she tells him things and has makes him think differently, it's one of those mother things..
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    May 11, 2011 8:09 PM GMT
    dearlydarren saidSorry for the confusion? I am the jobless one, and I can't sit down w his mother, she tells him things and has makes him think differently, it's one of those mother things..


    ok thanks for the clarity... in that case, find yourself a job first so at least you don't feel you have to be dependent on anyone... and try to talk to your man over the phone if you can about interdependence.

    I was reading in a book called the 7 habits of highly effective people about something called interdependence... which is essentially both of you depend on one another to keep the relationship going (not dependence which is just one person dependent one the other and also not independence - where one person is completely out of the picture).

    Interdependence is basically like a man who brings in the money and the woman who cooks the food (just an example nothing more).

    So, in this case, find yourself a job, get a place... convince him to move in with you and then it will be a success!

    You will get the emotional craving you need from him and he will have someone other than his mother to rely on...
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    May 11, 2011 8:33 PM GMT
    I appreciate your thoughts, the last time I had a job I had planned to move out but that week right when I needed my last check some dumb stuff happened at work and I got released without that weekss pay so I wasn't able to successfully move into my own place, during that time we were broken up and he didn't even want to get back together with me, we were still friends and had sexuals w eachother but at this time in our lives he is almost 22 and I'm going to be 20 next month, I'm dieing to work and move out and have him live with me because I've had other relationships and know love when it hits me.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 9:44 PM GMT
    yeah, you two really do need to talk about where this is going. If he only wants to see you once a week, why should you hang around for him? It;s obvious to me that you can't possibly love that about him, and before long, it's going to turn to hate & then you won't see him for squat
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    May 11, 2011 9:58 PM GMT
    cheekiboi24 saidyeah, you two really do need to talk about where this is going. If he only wants to see you once a week, why should you hang around for him? It;s obvious to me that you can't possibly love that about him, and before long, it's going to turn to hate & then you won't see him for squat



    Your right dude. It's for him to see that part of me, the one that's going to end up hatin him but it happens to everyone, I just really don't want that to happen ya kno bc I love him so much and everyone I've ever been w either cheated or got bored, or I got bored.
  • cheekiboi24

    Posts: 16

    May 11, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    bite the bullet - ask him what the hell's going on. Make it clear you love him & are not prepared to give him up. Your heart must ache, but until you discuss it, that ache won't be tended to :-)
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    May 11, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    Your right, but forcing him to talk doesn't work and sometimes thats not the best approach, I already know I'm not going to lose him just he says "once a week bc we bicker too much so get a job & it will get better" so I'm doing so & he won't even budge. He's done something to let me know he loves me still but won't even admit to it he just says "bc I don't" so in the end yes I'm aching and even tell him so and in a nice way to let him think and come together with out feeling preassured or rushed and still he doesn't want to talk, only on his terms..

    I'm nearly close to ending it bc of all this bs but love him a lot so all I want o do is try to fix whatever it is that needs fixin. There aren't many gay men where I live. But for him and I we connect far better then previous relationships and he pulled the wanting a husband out of me so it would be bad just to end it 3 years down the line:/